The Week After My Hysterectomy

I like this pic because it hides my mullet. Also, it was the last pic taken of me before my heart stopped.

(See “Contemplating a Hysterectomy” and “My Pre-Hysterectomy Exam“)

Let’s get three things out of the way before I get started:

1. I’m a big baby.

2. This post is intended for women contemplating or experiencing hysterectomy.

3. I’m about to brain dump.

I had my hysterectomy on Sept 6. I’ve been so drained ever since, and resting at home.

The night before surgery, Matthew and I had one last romantic date with lots of awesome sex. Then right before we left for the hospital at 5am, we had one last romp, I had my last orgasm-with-uterus, and showered.

We arrived at the hospital at 5:30. They admitted me and prepped me for surgery.

THE GOOD: This involved inserting an IV and outfitting me with an awesome inflatable warming gown.

My surgery was at 7:30.

THE BAD: During surgery, my heart stopped for 10 seconds. They don’t know why. My doctor was not alarmed, since they got it started again quickly with a few chest compressions.

THE GOOD: The surgery went exactly as planned. They were able to successfully remove my uterus, cervix, and fallopian tubes and leave my ovaries, via three small holes in my belly – one in my belly button, and two tiny slits on either side.

THE GOOD: When I came to in recovery, I wondered when they would start the surgery. I was oblivious!

Me with my knit uterus, after surgery. Sexy off shoulder gown!

THE GOOD: That afternoon, I felt great! I called work and let them know all was well. Matthew sat with me. I told him, “You know, I feel so good, you shouldn’t hang out here in the hospital tonight. Why don’t you go out and have fun?”

HA he wasn’t falling for that one. He assured me he’d be sticking around, just in case.

For the record, the man has been right during this whole thing EVERY STEP OF THE WAY. No matter what grossness or anxiety I tossed his way, he calmly absorbed it and steered me in the right direction. He was in true King, Warrior, Magician, Lover form, the embodiment of mature masculine, perfect for a wimpy submissive gal like me!

THE BAD: Around 6pm, I ate a full meal and took a Percocet. BIG MISTAKE. I got sooo sick and miserable! I was wallowing around in the bed, beside myself with pain. This was the worst pain I experienced the past week.

Finally, Matthew had to do something. He leaned over me, saying, “Here, let me adjust your pillow,” and then gently pushed on my stomach. I gasped! He handed me the barf basin, and I filled it up. Then he called the nurse.

“I’m sorry, but I had to do something,” he explained.

The nurse came in and gave me a shot of morphine, which made everything better.

Around 9, I was drifting off to la la land, and he whispered, “When you pass out, I’m going to leave, ok?”

Immediately, my lip stuck out, quivering, and I started crying.

He said, “Ok, ok, I won’t leave without letting you know.”

He took care of me for another hour or so, then I was prepared for him to go home and get some sleep.

I did my best to rest through the night, but you know how that is when you’re in the hospital and you’re uncomfortable and alarms keep going off and lab people come in right as you’re dozing off to take blood.

THE GOOD: I made it to the morning! Matthew came back around 8am. I got to go home by 11am! They sent me home with some Vicodin since I wasn’t sure about the Percocet.

The doctor was extremely pleased with everything. In addition, he gave me a present! “Here, I took a pic of your uterus for you. I don’t normally do that, but I figured you would appreciate it.” (he let us take a pic of my cervix in his office a couple weeks prior). I was so happy!!! (I posted a pic of my uterus at the end of this post, so be aware!)

I rather enjoy playing the Invalid Queen

That night, despite my condition, I donned a sexy slip and gave him a blowjob, and it made me feel normal. Sharing sexual energy was lovely pain medicine.

In the morning, we showered together and jerked him off as we kissed, all steamy and soapy. Another amazing encounter.

Sat night, we tried him worshiping my breasts as I put the Hitachi Magic Wand on my pussy. It felt sooo nice. I didn’t cum, but that wasn’t the goal.

To all of you women who tell your man you’re off limits for six weeks:

Fuck you.

To all of you men who don’t want to be intimate with your woman when she resembles a battlefield:

Fuck you.

Intimacy and touching is SO important in the healing process. Sure, intercourse is off limits for 4-6 weeks, but there are so many other ways you can connect.

Matthew held me, massaged me, rubbed my feet, read to me. I felt like a baby, and he cared for me tenderly and tirelessly.

THE BAD: Remember how I posted about my belly appearance here? Well, right now it’s bloated, tape burned, bruised, with fresh glued scars. Just imagine what it looks like on the inside!

THE BAD: The next morning, I woke at dawn, hallucinating. Must’ve been the Vicodin. Tearfully, I told Matthew about the raccoon in the window, someone was yelling at Gary, and that he was coming at me with scissors (not sure if he was going for my hair or my belly!)

Once again, he calmly deflected my anxiety, assuring me that I was just fine, and it was not real.

I put googly eyes on my knit uterus 🙂

I managed to fall back to sleep, and when I woke up, all was well. Haven’t taken a narcotic since!

THE GOOD: We spent a beautiful morning together, bonding and taking care of things we normally don’t get around to due to lack of time.

We also watched porn together as I jerked and sucked him. It was so hot, we didn’t even get around to using the Fleshlight that was at the ready! Here’s the porn video we watched, by the way. The way they whisper is so sexy, shhh!

THE BAD: My digestive system was still out of whack, so by Sun afternoon, I had to come to terms with the fact that I hadn’t gone poop since Wed. The first couple days I didn’t go, I was glad to have the poo break, because I don’t like it. I told a couple of my girlfriends, “I mean, who DOES like pooping?” and they both exclaimed, “I LOVE pooping, it’s so great! Oh my god, if I get a good poo in before I leave the house, I know it’s going to be a good day!”

On top of being backed up, my belly was swelling alarmingly. Not just the belly, but the pubic area, and then, the pussy lips. It swelled so much I couldn’t pee! I was numb and my lips were big, hard, and red, like I had pumped them.

I called the doctor and they told me to start taking laxatives.

GOD.

I dosed up, iced my crotch and we watched movies. It turns out that when you remove the uterus, you also remove lymph glands, so fluid collects in your belly, not knowing where to go. Finally, it gets rerouted and reabsorbs. That night was not fun.

Finally on Mon morning, I had a breakthrough, the swelling went down, and I did the happy poo dance, (but modified for hysterectomy.)

THE GOOD: My family and friends kept visiting me and bringing me flowers and food! I couldn’t eat much, but I so enjoyed their company and appreciated them taking the time to check in. Every time someone was nice to me, I cried. I’ve cried a lot this past week. Everything is so damn touching!

THE BAD: Tue all day my vision was blurry, no idea why. Glasses and contacts were both useless. So I just had to zone out all day. That night, I got a fever of 101, which freaked me out. Was I getting an infection?? Matthew told me, “It’s your body’s way of telling you it needs to rest.” So I did my best to sleep, and the fever broke after several hours.

THE GOOD: Wed night I had my first orgasm sans uterus! It wasn’t planned, just happened beautifully as we experimented in bed. He was so glad my pussy was back to normal. He loved how it smelled, so he went down on me, careful to focus on the clit and avoid the vagina.

Ah, he had the tongue of Job! Patiently and lovingly, he licked me. It felt so delicious and amazing! After a few minutes, I started to feel the familiar body tingle, even though I wasn’t doing my usual pre-orgasm tensing. And then, it happened – his tongue brought me to a crest of unexpected pleasure! It felt fluttery and sweet, like a butterfly. It was not intense, it did not hurt. I laughed and cried with joy.

He was so hard and proud. We got in a favorite fucking position and simulated intercourse, using my hand instead of my pussy. HE CAME SO MUCH, all over my tender belly. It was glorious

THE BAD: It’s a good thing he got down there when he did. Because last night, I started having a foul-smelling vaginal discharge. I’m all freaked out again.

Either my stitches are dissolving, or I have an infection. I guess I’ll wait a few days and see how it turns out. I whined to Matthew, “I keep trying to be sexy, but gross stuff keeps happening!” He shook his head, laughed, and kissed me.

So here I am, stewing in my own juices in the middle of the night. This recovery process has been a roller coaster, full of unexpected turns. I was hoping things would go flawlessly and that I’d be good as new in a few days, but HELLO, reality! Welcome to major surgery and the world of organ removal. Patience is necessary.

It’s going to take longer than I thought to be myself again, but when I am, I should be better than ever!

Here’s a pic of my uterus! They inflated it for the shot, it’s so shiny and pink! I’m amazed to be able to see it, it looks so healthy. And guess what? It was! The lab results came back and all is benign! I will never have uterine or cervical cancer! And no more periods or fear of pregnancy!   (Next: see my update “Two Weeks After Hysterectomy“)

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The Beautiful Kind of uterus