Size Matters – In Your Head
By Kendra Holliday | December 19, 2020
Note: This article was originally published here.
I don’t know about you, but I love surprises.
You never can tell what a man’s penis is going to be like just by looking at him. I’ve hooked up with a 6’4” guy with huge hands and feet, only to discover he has an average size penis. I’ve been shocked to find out the 5’7” Asian man with delicate features is a show-er, not a grow-er.
The other day I met with a new client, an attractive, fit 34-year-old. Usually, I get a clue what’s on a client’s mind prior to meeting him, but in this case I had no idea what his issue was. This appealed to me. I was going to get a surprise.
The Long and the Short of It
We met at a coffee shop, and took a walk in the park. Settling down on a bench, he took a deep breath and nervously admitted that he felt his penis was too small. When I asked him why, he cited two main reasons:
1. A girlfriend in high school drunkenly mocked him, telling him he had a little dick.
2. His current girlfriend cheated on him with another man.
When he asked her if the other man had a bigger penis, she’d told him yes. As horrifying as this was for him to hear, he confessed that ever since then, he has enjoyed fucking her with a large dildo and imagining he is watching a well-endowed man pleasure her as he feels he cannot.
He told me he avoids being around other men in the locker room obsessively, and that he was finding himself getting more and more into a fetish called SPH, or small penis humiliation.
Naturally I asked him how big his dick was. He told me he wasn’t sure, and wondered if I would give him an honest opinion.
“Fine,” I said. “Let’s make another appointment for a more private session so I can assess your equipment.”
The following week, we met at my home office (that would be my bedroom), and he was even more nervous. We talked for about 20 minutes, until he felt relaxed enough to whip out his unit. I was eager to see what all the fuss was about.
His dick started out semi-hard, and I asked him to stimulate it for me. He obliged me, and it grew erect. I didn’t bother measuring it, that’s stupid, but it was about five-and-a-half inches long.
NOTE: The average penis length is five to seven inches.
“Man, I don’t know what to tell you,” I said. “Your dick is perfectly normal. It’s FINE.”
“Really?” He seemed astonished at my verdict. I wondered if he was hoping I would point and laugh; I mean, since that was turning him on these days.
He happily fondled it like a schoolboy until I firmly told him to put it away. We talked for another 20 minutes or so. I informed him that while I did not have a degree in penisology, I most certainly considered myself an expert on the subject. I have had hundreds of penis playdates. I know my dick. I told him that out of all I’d seen, I only encountered one micropenis, and his was not it, so he should go home and jerk off in celebration.
I shared my micropenis experience with a couple of my girlfriends. Ruefully, I admitted that I was only 20 at the time, and wish I’d handled it better. After sleeping with its owner once, I was so mortified that my pinkie finger was larger than his dick that I avoided him.
Both my girlfriends exclaimed that they had encountered micropenises at a young age as well. One said she was drunk and teased the poor guy; the other asked her date if he was inside her yet, and when he said yes, she laughed with surprise. We all hung our heads with shame and offered up a moment of silence to the three men we likely scarred for life.
“Speaking of scarred, did you ever see that western movie Unforgiven with Clint Eastwood? Remember how that cowboy cut up a prostitute for giggling over the size of his little pecker? We’re lucky that didn’t happen to us,” I pointed out solemnly.
If there are any young men or women reading this article, please learn from our mistake: DO NOT TEASE A MAN ABOUT HIS PENIS. His ego is too fragile. You may forget about it a week later, but he will thrash fretfully in his nursing home bed over it in 60 years. Drastic proof: see my interview with a man who calls himself Mike Rowedick. It reads like a Greek tragedy.
Try this approach instead: When a naughty girlfriend of mine was asked what she thought of teeny weenies, she replied, “I had a boyfriend who had a three-inch cock. At first I was surprised, but he was a nice guy, so I started giving him regular blowjobs. I really enjoyed him, as well as other guys I met later that weren’t ‘well endowed.’ They’re like pacifiers. I could lie there and suck on them for hours.”
Such a refreshing change from the size queen on Twitter I follow who constantly bellyaches about “Mr. >7” and how “it’s a shame such a big beautiful cock fails to satisfy.”
So besides mean drunk chicks, do you know who else is to blame for every man in this country worrying about his penis size?
Mainstream porn teaches the masses that the average cock is eight inches long, but 10 inches is even better, and that women want nothing more than to be stuffed with phallic objects the size of French baguettes.
That’s the message a male friend of mine took home, anyway. When I asked him how big his dick was, he replied, “Seven-and-a-half long and about a Red Bull can in diameter. Nothing to crow about, but it has served me well enough.”
Let me repeat something here:
The average penis length is five to seven inches.
I got with a black man one time who apologized in advance for his seven-inch show-er cock. I exclaimed, “Why the hell are you apologizing?” I mean, talk about a buzzkill! He said he worried about being a disappointment in the size department, since all black men are supposed to be hung like horses. Now that’s a lot of horseshit!
It’s insane how the degree to which men obsess over their penis size. There’s an entire website called The End of the Penis Size Debate that spans 60 pages, with details like: How to measure a woman’s pupil dilation in order to truly gauge her feelings upon sighting a penis.
Check out this seriously twisted advice given to men with small penises:
You don’t have to worry about not giving her maximum vaginal pleasure, because you won’t. Problem is solved. You are left to enjoy the party by yourself. Look at your penis and say how much fun he is going to give you. Not her, you. Don’t listen to other’s advice that you should concentrate on good technique and other ways to satisfy your girl. That will only confirm in your head that you are not good enough. Don’t ruin your pleasure by trying to pleasure her.
OK, so I think we have somehow wandered into the magically humiliating realm of cuckolding…
There’s also a website called The Visualiser that allows men to create a virtual version of their dong so they can masochistically compare it to porn stars and the like. It’s kind of funny looking at a penis lineup, as if they snatched an old lady’s purse or something.
Oh, and one more point I should make about penis size: THERE’S NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT. No pill, pump, cream, or exercise will enlarge your penis.
But there is something you can do about your mindset: You need to quit letting the outside environment interfere with what is going on right now in your bedroom.
That’s advice from my primary partner. He has an average size dick, but it’s on an above average man. Plus, I can take it in every orifice, which equals unlimited joy.
So pants off to all you men out there who are self-conscious about your penis size. You’re already obsessed with the thing, you might as well love it. Take a tip from Timothy DeLaGhetto in his awesome Asian Guys = Small Penis? video: “If a girl expresses interest in my penis, then I know she wants to play with it. So I’m like hey, it’s not big, but you’re going to like it, it’s gonna taste good. And then nine times out of 10, she’s going to end up sitting on the penis.”
Open, honest, confident? Now that is sexy!
Brad B 2012-11-14 03:40:36
There are many hetero guys that have size trauma from high school that we will never get over. Thanks for the stats and your words of comfort.
WildOrchid 2012-11-14 10:15:27
Size doesn’t matter? Tell that to a girl who spent last few days yearning to be fucked up the ass by her girlfriend and couldn’t get her wish cause the dildo they have is just a bit too wide to be taken comfortably. They had the harness. The other party was just as willing as the bottom.
But I agree with everything said here regarding genital size. You’ve got what you’ve got – learn how to get the most of it instead of wallowing. Life’s too short. Not the dick 😉
Kelly 2012-11-14 10:43:54
I’ve learned that it isn’t the size, but the technique the man has behind the size. Great post!!
SexyLittleIdeas 2012-11-14 19:06:22
There was a Belgian study that demonstrated something about the connection between cervical buffeting and feelings of happiness and general well-being. A penis has to be around 5 to 6 inches in order for cervical buffeting to take place (depending on the vagina). So as long as you’re about average-sized, it’s on.
Here’s a link to some more info on the study: http://sexylittleideas.com/the-telltale-walk/
rarry 2012-11-15 05:43:09
There’s an easy way you could get an estimate on what women’s average penis-size preference is: see what size dildos sell the best. In fact, you could also see what variance among women is, and you’ll probably find a lot.
This will tell you what women prefer if they are choosing a “sexual partner” on the basis of NOTHING BUT PENIS SIZE. Unless a guy IS a dildo, it never happens like that in the real world.
Such a study, though, should be outlawed by international treaty, as it will break a lot of male spirits.
A lot of things about sex are hidden in our unconscious. So, I tend to think there is an unconscious size preference a woman has. However, women orgasm less than men in sexual encounters. If more women anticipating more sexual pleasure from greater penis size, a good guess is that men generally aren’t making much effort to bring women to climax. If the penis is doing all the work in the encounter, and only during standard, one-position intercourse, more women will probably want more size.
In porn, the sexual pleasure has to be communicated to the audience visually, and perhaps with sound. But real sexual encounters involve all the other senses. As pornographers are limited to propagating sexual pleasure through to one or two senses, then they have to exaggerate and emphasis. Hence the demand for larger penises. Then males unfortunately infer the huge size is normal.
It’s the same, however, with all other beauty standards in society. Somebody getting to know our culture only from our TV shows and movies would get a completely wrong idea of how the average person looks. That’s likely what causes a lot of eating disorders.
Jem 2012-11-15 13:36:12
An interesting article.
Confidence is sexy, and that goes for men and women. And who said sex is just about cocks? My ex was, um, huge. What I miss, though, is he knew what do with his finger. Tongues and fingers and toys aren’t substitutes for cocks, or consolation prizes.
The role of porn? Yeah, I guess it sets up unreasonable expectation, not to mention teaching bad techniques. The worst thing, I think, is that it’s not about people, it’s about bodies. ‘I like big breasts’, ‘I like giant cocks’, ‘I like shaved pussies’, ‘he’s got to have a six pack’ … it’s stupid. Every couple is different. I’ve liked things with one guy I hated with another. Not because one guy was ‘bad at it’ and the other was great … just because you work these things out *during*, not before or after.
I wonder if we obsess about the things we can’t (easily) change – cock size, body type, height, breast size – because we’re not prepared to work on the things we *can* change.
And I’d counter that old line about dildo sizes with this: ‘that guy’s a big dick’ is not something people say when they’re trying to be nice.
Frank Honest 2012-11-16 22:41:10
Having had a lot of mmf threesomes over the years I can also tell you with out a doubt, that guys who aren’t as well hung get better, longer blowjobs. To quote my wife “It’s because it doesn’t hurt my jaw to go down on him.” Not that I’m huge but I’m above the averages you’ve noted.
Rock 2012-11-23 16:35:41
While I tend to believe most of what you wrote about size only mattering in our (men’s) heads, I do find it strange that all of your real life experiences where you describe the men you’ve been with, you almost always say things like, “he pulled out his big, beautiful cock.”
If size is truly unimportant, why always describe the men as big? If some small or avg guys have rocked it, why not say it in the descriptions?
Not trying to antagonize, I’m just curious. As a guy who is average to slightly above but still struggled with some of the negative feelings about size, I’d love to hear your answer.
Kendra Holliday 2012-11-23 17:26:42
Really? I almost always say things like “big, beautiful cock”? I just did a search on this blog for “big, beautiful cock” and found the one blog post you are talking about. I also found 2 more entries where I described someone’s cock as “big.” So that’s 3 total out of…a lot. I also found tons of descriptions of “big men,” “big hairy man,” “big bottle of whiskey,” etc.
I’m no size queen, but I am pondering the use of “small” and “average” as cock descriptors in future posts. Interesting… For sure I’ve had tons of small/average guys who have rocked it. My favorite dick in the world is average size, and I can’t get enough of it! I like a cock that’s versatile and a pleasure to play with. I’ll take average over big most days. Sure a big dick is fun to play with every now and then, just like big tits or pierced or younger or black or… yep, I like variety!
Dom 2012-11-23 20:25:54
I have a friend that has a large penis. I have only seen it limp and I would say its about 6-7 inches without an erection. He says if you lay 10 quarters out in a row he can cover all of them. A quarter is slightly bigger than an inch so I am guessing he is about 12 inches.
He was telling me some of the problems he encounters by being well endowed. Erections in jeans not only show quite a bit but can be painful. He also has to “adjust” himself often due to limited space. Sex can be frustrating for him and he often goes for bigger girls because they can handle more. He says he often cannot go all the way in without hurting them to the point of making them cry. And some positions he can only get about 1/2 in. He told me that having a big dick is great to show off to your friends but its frustrating when it comes to actually using it.
On the other hand, I am in the lower average range. I have never had a problem pleasing women. Really it all comes down to knowing what you are doing and caring about pleasing your partner.
Jem 2012-11-24 07:33:24
My ex was in the range you’re talking about, Dom, and when he hit puberty he used to pass out when he got an erection because so much blood was needed down there (he learned to cope). And, um, yes anyone’s who not had a bruised cervix isn’t missing out on anything. Oral was not fun.
I’m not going to lie, the first time I saw it, I had ‘wow, gimme’ thoughts. And we had some *very* fun times. I admit, just thinking about it now is having a pleasant effect on me.
But I’ve had fun times with just about every penis I’ve encountered, and it’s always down to who they were attached to. Size has nothing to do with it. Cleanliness … well, that’s a different thing, and something you can do something about.
Kendra Holliday 2013-08-06 11:02:50
MORE HELPFUL LINKS for those struggling with penis size/confidence issues:
no1special 2013-10-11 16:28:07
Yeah,thats typical of women like you always dialing it down to a guy’s size…completely leaving out the other half of the equation which is the women’s body,her vagina,her size etc.All you see these days are women running about the internet slamming guys on something they can’t change.Sexism? Misandry? Hell yes thats what it is.Women are nothing but two-faced hypocrites.The idea that men are obsessed about their size? Please,WOMEN are the ones obsessed with schlong size.Ive read posts from women on forums that were some of the most stereotypical,racist,head scratching trash posts regarding size you can imagine.Id say that it is women who are obsessed with size.Then again when all alot of you do is cruise porn tube sites gawking at guys with abnormal schlongs no wonder so many women treat not only small(er) guys horrible but even these days an average guy is eviscerated and told he’s small.Furthermore i absolutely love when a chick will use the fact that a very small percentile of men prefer large boobs,have a weight preference or preference for looks we get villified and all YOUR insecurities get laid at our feet.A guy has a preference and he’s accused of objectification of women,yet women will berate,slam or claim guy’s with big equipment are better and you get to hide behind the P-card (prefernce) to justify poor behavior on your part.Sorry the fact of the matter is that women treat men like refuse for their height,their d!ck size,income and voila-women get a pass men judge women and he’s the biggest pos in the worl that “doesn’t deserve a woman”.As per usual d!ck size is the gypical ace card that your gender uses to get back or slam the boys.Good luck with that ladies its getting old.
Kendra Holliday 2013-10-12 07:55:26
If women are the enemy, does that mean you never want to be intimate with one again? Bitter ain’t sexy. Also, this.
ONCE AND FOR ALL: IS BIGGER BETTER?
PLAYBOY: You have compiled data bearing on the belief that the size of a man’s penis can influence a woman’s sexual responsiveness. Would you tell us about it?
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