By Kendra Holliday | September 9, 2013

Shameless, by Pamela Madsen

Shameless, by Pamela Madsen

I heard the premise of the book Shameless: How I Ditched the Diet, Got Naked, Found True Pleasure…and Somehow Got Home in Time to Cook Dinner, by Pamela Madsen, and was skeptical.

It sounded right up my alley, but was her story really going to live up to the title? I had read a few “Let Your Freak Flag Fly” stories and wasn’t terribly impressed (“I’m going to take up pottery!”, “I’m going to stop coloring my hair!”)

I’m glad to report that Pamela did surprise and impress me. In some ways, her story was like looking in the mirror, only based in NYC instead of St. Louis!

Before her journey, she said that Samantha Jones was the most sexually liberated woman she knew, and she isn’t even a real life person!

Like me, she started out a “normal” mom, but made a conscious decision to take ownership of her sexuality. Like me, she lost her job because of her sexuality. Like me, she’s experimented with tantra and BDSM, she attends pussy parties, she leads body-positive events, she offers sex and relationship consulting, she knows what it’s like to have a crazy sex scene and then head to her kid’s school for a meeting, and she writes about REALLY personal things. Things that made me wonder what her husband thought when he read them.

Pamela Madsen

Pamela Madsen

At first, like most people, she started exploring her sexuality in secret, without telling her husband. I couldn’t WAIT to see how that turned out. I was certain she would end up divorced by the end of the book.

She decided to try erotic massage. She wanted to feel the touch of another man, to be surrounded by sexy male energy. After all, men indulge in that sort of thing all the time, so why shouldn’t women have the opportunity? She found out it’s a lot harder for a woman to find a good erotic massage experience, even in New York City!

The first two pro masseurs she tried left her feeling disappointed, but the third one ended up being the charm that opened up the floodgates! Just imagine what her life would be like if she threw in the towel after the first two and didn’t keep trying!

She ended up in a whole new world of sacred sexuality – traveling to retreats, discovering her g-spot, standing naked at the edge of a canyon – yep, her life was transformed after letting go of decades of baggage.

She maintains that she is not polyamorous, but more “monogamish”, even though she enjoys multiple intimate relationships simultaneously, which is how I define polyamory, but hey. One thing for sure – in order to reach the goal of self-actualization, you have to be able to live open and honestly. And that can be damn hard to do in our society. Breaking out of our expected roles takes a lot of courage.

Oh, and I will always think of Pamela whenever I eat raspberries! 😉 That scene was hot and hilarious. I learned quite a lot about sacred sexuality reading her book – how to set the right mood, putting people at ease, pushing comfort zones in a safe setting, etc.. I devoured the book in two days.

You can check out Pamela’s website here, and watch a video of her talk about living life as a turned on woman – she gets into that whole male and female energy thing like I do!

Here are some local women who are Shameless – out and proud about their sexuality, passion, and creativity:

Jade Melisande

Teya King

Charlotte SumTimes

Michelle Mynx

and of course – ME!

Who else can you think of in St. Louis who’s on an unconventional path of self-discovery? Who are your role models?


ST 2013-09-09 20:34:57

I enjoyed this book! I thought it was a unique story that many women – exploring their sexuality later in life – could relate to. I think more stories like this need to be shared to break through boundaries and create healthier more fulfilling relationships.


Jade 2013-09-13 13:45:40

Hey you! Thanks for the shout-out – I am proud to be SHAMELESS and to be included on a list with all those lovely, fierce, wonderful women (including you, dear.) 🙂

And so glad I read your review. A friend of mine recommended I read it, seeing similarities to my own story as well, but like you I was a bit skeptical. Now I will have to check it out.




Dan 2013-09-14 08:52:56

Erotic massage for women. I’ve given one, years ago. To a friend. Was very spiritual; I was teaching/learning, as we had just finished watching a Tantra tape on same. Was all about God energy for us. She squirted for the first time in her life as she came; this as a mid-fifties woman trying to figure out if she was going to risk it all for love (not w/ me as we were friends) one last time.
After watching Bliss (for the fifth time) and learning of Balthazar’s/Terence Stamp calling–name is Phoenician for “God or Lord protect the king”; also spelled Baltazar–I often wondered why more guys don’t make a good living as healers in this way.
Pamala Madson, Shameless? Now, gotta read her book!


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