Sex-Positive? Or Sex-Sensitive?

By Kendra Holliday | December 27, 2014



I have to admit, as a feminist and sex-positive activist, sometimes I get tired of hearing people spout off the words “privilege,” “narrative,” and “agency”.

And don’t even get me started with the whole “trigger warning” babying.

If you are on the internet, you will run into triggering things.

If you are living in real life, you will encounter triggering things.

Right now, one of my triggering things is driving in cars. I got in a minor car accident the other day, and it has haunted me a bit.

It left me feeling weak and vulnerable, and I’ve had to make a concerted effort to rebuild my strength.

You can’t let little things chip away at your armor – words like “tranny” and “faggot” and “slut” should not ruin your day.

I get “people first” language, but if you take issue with so many everyday words and slang, you are not cultivating a sex-positive culture. You are fostering a sex-sensitive culture, and that culture is weak and fragmenting.

For instance, the other day I used the word “weird” in conversation, and someone called me on it. I had to circle back and explain that I meant “odd, unusual,” and not “a freak who should be shunned.”

I don’t want to live in a world where we have to walk on eggshells and speak academically. I don’t want to clinically discuss penises and vulvas. I want to talk cock n’ pussy!

My advice: Grow a thicker skin. Be patient with others. Educate respectfully. Don’t take things so personally. Learn how to process quickly and move on.

I’ve been blogging since 2006. At first, when someone posted a mean or critical comment, it would affect me for an entire day. Over time and with practice, I’ve been able to process the negativity quicker. I was able to let it go after four hours, then two hours. Now I can shake it off in less than ten minutes. Yes, it still stings, and the hurt should be acknowledged, but you can’t hang on to stuff.

You have to let it go.

Don’t be a victim. Be a survivor.

A victim is someone who lets the past dictate their current life choices.

A survivor is someone who takes those past traumas and builds strength off of them.

Empower yourself.

Power is the root of everything. The literal definition of “power” is “to take action.”

I’m reading Tony Robbins book, “Unlimited Power.” As a naturally sensitive worrier, I need coaching on how to replace negative thoughts with positive action. I need to learn how to chill.

I’ve watched this ten minute cartoon on chakras several times. It’s a reminder that we need to go with the flow, forgive ourselves, open ourselves up to what the universe has to offer.

So, every time I catch myself dwelling on the car accident, replaying it in my head when I’m lying in bed, I make a conscious effort to let it go. It was an accident, not an on-purpose. Move forward. Think positive and be productive. Get my car fixed. Be grateful for insurance. Get back behind the wheel.

Keep trying to make choices that will lead to success.


C Haines 2014-12-27 22:54:10

We are coming from a pretty callous culture that insults different sexual orientations or ethnicities casually. The callousness should be opposed. However, people get caught up with keeping the words polite. Never mind the most polite societies tend to be the most violent, because then even the smallest slight or breech of etiquette becomes shocking.


Miranda McKennitt 2014-12-28 15:03:36

YES! Let’s stop with that trigger warning nonsense! If you are triggered by for example racism, won’t trigger warning trigger you too?


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