Earthworm Sex!

By Kendra Holliday | May 17, 2020

Guess what! My monogamy stint is officially OVER!

As mentioned in my COVID statement post, I’ve been monogamous with my partner of 12 years since mid-March. This is a big deal, because normally, I’m intimate with several people a month.

Earthworm sex!

Eventually, I’ll need to carefully venture back into the world of sharing physical space with others, and the best place to start is with my other partner, someone I’ve trusted for years. He’s been sheltering at his house, and hadn’t touched anyone for weeks. He even had an antibody test, which came back negative.

We decided on turning our reconnection into a fun experiment. We started by sitting across the room from each other wearing face masks, and having a detailed conversation on how our sexy time would go. We both confirmed our lack of symptoms and all the safety measures we’ve taken.

Next, we undressed, but kept our face masks on. Then, we thoroughly washed our hands and went to the bedroom.

I had a sheet down and some lube on hand.

Pretty

We laid down on the bed next to each other, but opposite. In other words, his head was down by my feet, and my head was by his feet. And we pressed our flesh together and touched each other all over.

We had earthworm sex! šŸ™‚

Since he hadn’t touched anyone in weeks, it was especially delicious and electric for him – he got HIGH off my good energy, and I basked in his, as well!

We played with each other and shared orgasms, but really it was all the fun touching I liked best. Skinship! Gratitude!

Did we want to kiss and have our usual sexy time routine? Of course. But it was FUN to do something different, and it felt safer, which made us more comfortable and relaxed. And it was definitely an upgrade from phone and video chats. Improvise, adapt, and overcome!

And this was good practice for me, as I open up my intimacy channels next month. I recognize that my actions affect my partners. I’ll be selective and limiting the amount of people I share space with, which means I’ll need to adjust my rates and schedule. I’ll be setting up each session with different rituals and protocols – a conversation about what we’ve been up to, what would feel safe for us, and what we’d like to get out of the session. We must also agree to disclose any symptoms we experience in the days following our encounter.

I know you can’t trust everyone, but you can do your best to lay the groundwork for open and honest communication, and lead by example. If we don’t take some calculated risks, we’ll always be shutting ourselves off from others.

Creative sex for the win!

“Help Me Get Laid!”

By Kendra Holliday | May 6, 2020

Hello! Do I know you?

The other day, I asked my friends for advice on how to deal with all the men who contact me looking for sex. I told them:

Since I’m so out there as a sex-positive activist and everyone knows I’m in touch with my sexuality, I get a lot of man contacting me requesting female energy/sex. I tell them that is a service I offer. With some of them, they are agreeable to my way of doing things, but others can’t or don’t want to pay for intimacy services, which is totally cool. It means we want different things, and they can go look somewhere else.

But here’s where it gets tricky. Some move on, but some dig in and ask me for a bunch of free dating advice (I offer consults as a service as well), or, even worse, they plead with me to help them find women to have sex with for free. This baffles me – are they asking me how to date? Do they think I have a closet full of sexy women to go to and pull one out and give to them?

Men: How do you find women who want to have sex with you?

Women: Where are you? Why are you hiding? They can’t find you. Are you wanting to have sex with men? Are you picky, or will you get with almost anyone who asks?

I give them a couple quick suggestions and resources, and then usually I just have to stop replying to their messages.

To be clear, some of the men are entitled and lazy, but others have additional challenges such as anxiety, autism, disability, or social awkwardness.

Below, I’m going to share with you my suggestions, as well as advice from my friends. One female friend even wrote a guest post about it – you can read it here.

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An Open Letter to Men Looking to Date Women

By Kendra Holliday | May 6, 2020

A guest post from my friend Gigi Spanks:

The goddess Demeter

To the Men Looking to Date Women,

As a woman in my late 30’s, I have encountered my fair share of thirsty men looking to get laid. I have spent countless hours with my female friends, lamenting over the horrible dates and bad sexual encounters we have endured. These experiences, which unfortunately are too many to count, have resulted in many of us pulling back from the dating world. We are still here, looking for sex partners and hungry for cock, but we are harder to find, more guarded, hiding in the shadows.

So, if you are one of the many men who are complaining that they can’t find women to date / fuck, please read on as I amĀ here to share 5 things to help you be more successful in finding the relationship you want…

1.Ā Ā YOU ARE THE COMMON DENOMINATOR…Ā  If you find yourself in a situation where no one will date or have sex with you, it is important to recognize that YOU are the common denominator. You need to stop blaming other people (women) or the circumstances for your lack of partners. Ask yourself questions, such as, why aren’t people attracted to me? what behaviors do I exhibit that drive people away? What do I want? Knowing yourself is an important step in being successful at dating. In addition, you should identify what you want from a relationship before you put yourself out there (i.e. casual sex, kinky sex, long term partnership). In some cases, paying for the services of a counselor, life coach or relationship consultant can help you and save you lots of time and frustration down the road.

2.Ā YOU ARE NOT ENTITLED TO PARTNERED SEX… Partnered sex is not just about YOU and getting your dick wet. Partnered sex is about you AND another person that is turned on by and enthusiastically consents to fucking you.Ā  In short, no one is obligated to have sex with you. If you are looking only to please yourself and not do the work of finding / pleasing a compatible partner, solo sex or paying a sex worker for their time / skills may be for you (you read that right, I said PAY for sex.Ā  You have to either put in the time to develop a connection or pay a sex worker, no one gets sex for free…)

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Sex-Positive Etiquette for Men: Discussion Recap

By Kendra Holliday | May 5, 2020

On January 27, 2019, my not-for-profit local community organizationĀ Sex Postive St. Louis held a Sex-Positive Etiquette for Men discussion at Shameless Grounds.

Here’s the event description:

This event is free and open to all SEX+STL members.

Men – do you wish we had more female members? (Note: as of right now we have more than 4300 members on our Meetup group. I’m guessing it’s ~ 60% men, 40% women.)

Do you wish women were as fired up to get some action as you are?

When you attend our clothing optional events, is it important to you that there’s a decent number of women there?

Do you want to touch and be intimate with women?

Do you ever wonder how to best approach women? Are you successful in your dating endeavors?

Join us as we discuss sex-positive etiquette for men. We’ll give some examples of how NOT to interact with women online, and constructive suggestions on what works better. If you have questions, we have answers!

Please come if you would like to be more successful dating and hooking up with women. Come if you are a woman and want to share your experiences and preferences. Come if you are a man who is successful dating women and have some insight to share. Let’s all learn together and create a truly sex-positive space for everyone!

The reason why we hosted this event is because our female members informed us that they were being contacted by male members with inappropriate messages.

We have a member harassment policy in place. In addition, I made this quick video reminding men that our group is not intended as a dating or hookup site.

Here are examples of approaches that can be perceived as inappropriate:

  • Sending members you don’t know a message that you’re looking for sex.
  • Attending a happy hour and asking the women there if they will kiss any random man on the street.
  • Posting on the discussion board that we should host a penis size contest and make sure there are sexy ladies on hand to judge it.

When women get bombarded with strong questions and messages like that, it turns them off and drives them away.

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Flirting Tips for Men

By Matthew | May 4, 2020

Dear Kendra,

I love to flirt, and women seem to enjoy flirting back. The casual fun flirting is a blast, and I enjoy it. But I never know if they want to move from fun flirting to something more serious.

I’ve tried a few times to make the change to serious flirting, and found out I was wrong, and screwed up friendships. So for the past few years, I just automatically default to “it’s just for fun” and don’t even try to “make a move.”

So I guess what I’m asking is – is there any good indication that a woman is interested in moving the flirting from “just for fun” to something with more intent? What Are Best Practices for Men Flirting With Women?

My reply:

I’m going to turn this one over to Matthew! Now, this is a man who is not into tricking or manipulating other people.

He takes “master pickup artists” and picks them up and tosses them in the dumpster.

He practices open and honest communication.

He doesn’t have a GQ model body, but he has the confidence of Zeus.

He realizes that not every woman wants to be with him, and HE’S OK WITH THAT. He’s only interested in being with women who are genuinely into him. Somehow, he manages to play the situation so that he KNOWS the woman is desperate to get to his cock. At least, that’s how he played me. For months. The bastard! Sigh, I’m hooked.

Take it away, Matthew….

Matthew says:

This is a great question and I am going to address it on a number of levels. Specifically to your question, first and foremost what comes to mind is an encounter I had with a woman some time ago.

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Can Creepy Men Be Cured?

By Kendra Holliday | May 3, 2020

Dear Kendra, I don’t know about you, but I know a lot of creepy men. What makes a man creepy? Can creepy men be cured? Or, once a creep, always a creep? Have you ever met a creepy woman?

Kendra replies:

All right, readers, I want feedback from YOU – tell me about an encounter you had with a creepy guy. What made it creepy? What are the qualities of a creep? Can creeps be cured?

Photo by Tim Rulo

Photo by Tim Rulo

Here is what I have to say on the subject – I hope reader input will help shape my understanding of this unfortunate issue.

Being in the sex industry, I’ve met A LOT of creeps. Here is an example:

A fewĀ years ago, a man contacted me through this website. He wrote me a couple emails, then met me at an event I advertised – I was part of a sex fair that was open to the public. He seemed nice enough, and asked to meet me for coffee.

I said sure, so we met for coffee. At coffee, he asked me tons of questions and got this weird look in his eyes. He got excited from all the things I was sharing with him. He walked me to my car and asked if he could get in with me so he could ask me a question.

A huge red flag went up, but I said sure, BECAUSE I’M AN IDIOT. (Since then, I have tightened my security and have read The Gift of Fear, and consider it required reading for every woman.)

We sat in the car and he turned to me. “Can I kiss you?”

Disgusted and horrified, I sputtered no. I had NO interest in this guy. He was creepy. What made him think I wanted to make out with him? (Answer: I gave him the time of day. Other things that lead men to think you are interested in them: Eye contact. Smiling. Laughing at their jokes. Being polite. Being female.) At least he didn’t lunge at me.

He whined a bit, then took his leave. I’m very lucky nothing bad happened. I appreciate that he asked and respected my reaction. NEVER put yourself in a closed space with someone you’re unsure of.

Later, he showed up for one of my TBK get togethers. He circled the party, stared, and kept to himself. His behavior made me uncomfortable.

After that, he emailed me two or three times asking when I was going to have another get together.

I’ll tell you when: NEVER. Or if I do, it will be invite only.

It wasn’t just him that put a damper on the party for me – there were two other creepy guys there who drank too much and crossed some lines.

OK, so what made this particular guy creepy?

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My Personal COVID-19 Statement

By Kendra Holliday | May 2, 2020

Please no cock shots

(I know, I know, I should have posted this weeks ago! You’ll see why I didn’t below…)

I sure can’t tell what’s going on out there in the world, what with all the opinions and rumors clouding the facts, but I know we’re dealing with a pandemic, and that I live in St. Louis, MO, United States.

So because I can’t really trust government officials to have the intellect and priorities necessary to keep us safe, I have to rely on my inner compass and core team of trusted advisors.

With that said, I’ve decided not to engage in intimacy sessions the month of May 2020. I hope to resume intimacy sessions in June on a limited basis, but I need to see how the next few weeks play out first.

In the meantime, I’m available for online talking consults and sessions.

Why am I taking this stance?

Because even though meeting with people one-on-one is relatively low risk, the nature of what I do is extremely high risk. I’m very good at safer sex (I get tested quarterly and have never had an STI), but this is a whole different level of STI we’re dealing with – a Socially Transmitted Infection can easily be transmitted during sexy time.

I’ve been sexually monogamous with my partner of 12 years since around March 17. I haven’t been on this level of lockdown since I was married in my 20’s – HA!

I have another partner of six years I haven’t been intimate with for weeks. I’d like to get back with him at some point, and he takes priority over clients and random strangers.

Creepy bird lady

I take my partners health seriously. I know men are at higher risk of dying from COVID-19, but I don’t know what other factors make them more vulnerable – weight, heart conditions, blood pressure, lifestyle habits, blood type, age…

My mission is to help people improve their health and happiness, and my specialty is sex, intimacy, and relationships. I take that seriously. Out of respect for you and myself, I must err on the side of caution in this time of crisis. I KNOW this sounds silly, coming from a person who has had gang bangs and hosted orgies and engaged in crazy fetish work, but what can I say? I’m an ethical slut.

In March, I was blindsided like everyone and found myself paralyzed by fear and grief.

In April, I sat around for weeks, and decided that even though I’m not making money right now (thank goodness for savings and supporters of my mission!), I still needed to do SOMETHING, so I started donating my time here and there, helping others out.

This month, I’m going to shift into a more productive gear and work on some writing projects, creating content, and hosting online events for Sex Positive St. Louis. I’m going to figure out my business model going forward – rates, services, etc.

I’m extremely fortunate that I don’t know anyone personally who has tested positive for COVID-19, including my healthcare professional friends. But many of my friends have had loved ones affected.

How about you? How have you been coping during this unprecedented (at least in the last century) time? I mean, if this goes down like the pandemic of 1918, do you suppose an even bigger spike will hit us this fall/winter? We better be prepared! Hurry up with that testing and vaccine development!

No Shave May!

By Kendra Holliday | May 1, 2020

I did this video announcing my new project: No Shave May!

I already have a head start with it, see? My pubes are trying to bust their way out of my lace panties!

My pubic hair

I can’t get any of my lace panties to hold up these days. I’ve taken to hand washing and trying not to be too sexy for them.

I find the difference between guys who are into shaved heads and the guys who are into natural women fascinating. As a group, the shaved head guys came off as more entitled and disconnected, as if they owned every bald female head. Even though they claimed a woman with a shaved head was a sign of powerful confidence, they seemed to secretly get off on the humiliation factor.

The hairy armpit guys are more respectful and kind. I guess they are hippies after my own heart! These guys see hairy underarms as a badge of sensuality and supreme confidence.

I wonder how big my bush will get. I can’t remember the last time it was fully grown out. I’ll keep you posted on how my hair growth progresses!

Why I’m Scarier Than a Porn Star

By Kendra Holliday | April 26, 2020

This Chihuahua is scared of me

Ed Note: I wrote this back in 2011. Do you think things have improved since then?

I was talking with a friend about my constant struggle to be understood. He mused:

“You are caught between society’s fascination with sex and its horror of it. In a weird way, you’re more dangerous and threatening than a porn star. Porn stars, we believe, are actually motivated by a love of money and fame, which motivates the rest of us, and thus is socially acceptable. But you’re different.

You post pictures of yourselves being fisted because you like being fisted, and you want the rest of us to know about it. And that’s threatening, because – we are all haunted by sexual desire, by appetites that we are all constantly trying to control, and you pride yourself on someone who doesn’t limit her appetite at all… who completely indulges.

Your message is, to quote you, ‘You can have it all…’ you can indulge all your secret desires, completely, to excess, and suffer no consequences. People interpret that, emotionally, like someone saying, You can drink all you want, gallons of vodka a day, and still be fine! Somebody like that would be laughed at. But you’re scary, you’re emotionally dangerous,

Because most people don’t want to drink a bottle of vodka a day. But many people DO desire to have a lot more sex. And you’re indulging that desire, regularly, publicly, and it seems… threatening. Crazy. We’re supposed to have limits! We’re supposed to be responsible!

Let’s face it, you are not superficial, where most people prefer to keep things. You are very real.”

Hmm. And this is very interesting.

Letā€™s Play the Obscene Nipple Game!

By Kendra Holliday | April 7, 2020

Can you guess which nipples are allowed to be seen in public, posted on facebook, and are socially acceptable? Which nipples are to be feared and reviled? Which nipples should be jailed and punished by law? You be the judge! (All photos are from Wikimedia Commons unless otherwise noted).

Tip: Here is the definition of the word “obscene”:

1.offensive to morality or decency; indecent; depraved.
2.causing uncontrolled sexual desire.
3.abominable; disgusting; repulsive.

Here we go! First, let’s warm up with some very SFW (Safe For Work) pics of human mammals:

This is a woman from Afghanistan. Is this obscene?

This is a Victorian woman and man. Is this obscene?

This is a statue. Is this obscene?

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My Top Sex-Positive Recommendations

By Kendra Holliday | March 3, 2020

Kendra Holliday will help you work the kinks out!

I offer sex and relationship consulting, and I’m happy to say thatĀ I’ve been getting more women, LGBT folks, and couples these days. Historically, most of the people who have sought me out for my unique services have been men who crave female energy.

The Top 5 reasons why people contact me are, in this order:

1. He’s a married man in his 50’s or 60’s whose wife is not interested in sex (mismatched libido)

2. He/she/they have some sort of sexual issue they want to work through, such as inexperience, anxiety, or orgasm/penis problems (Erectile Dysfunction is a common complaint – it can get complex when you heap social conditioning and anxiety on top of the natural aging process.)

3. He/she/they are interested in branching out sexually, either because they are in transition, not getting laid, or curious about alternative lifestyle options (non-monogamy, BDSM, sex work, etc.)

4. He has a fetish and is ashamed/seeking an outlet

5. They want to meet me, and possibly rub me for good luck

———

My goal is to offer tools, connections, and non-traditional options so that theĀ people seeking me outĀ can reach their goal of becoming happier and healthier. My approach is unconventional, and I get referrals from licensed sex therapists. I’m pretty well connected and have a strong network. Sex is my specialty, which ties into work, family, personal – everything!

Here is a list of resources I most often recommend to my clients:

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5 Hardcore Relationship Exercises

By Kendra Holliday | February 4, 2020

David Wraith and me

David Wraith and me

Want a better sex life? Then start communicating better! Push past your comfort levels, people, and communicate FOR REAL.

Open, and honest. You gotta be vulnerable.

Here are some bold ideas to get the ball rolling (pick the right time and place to do these! Carve out some quality time, don’t attempt to knock it out on the way somewhere, unless it’s a road trip):

1. Institute relationship check-ins. Do as often as needed – daily, weekly, monthly… My partner and I do it about twice a year, when our schedules are especially stressful and it’s a challenge getting our physical and emotional needs met.

Have you heard of Daily Temperature Readings? It’s a concept that allows you to explore the following key points:

*Appreciation

*New Information

*Puzzles

*Complaints with recommendations

*Wishes, hope and dreams

Covering these points can help you find out if you’re on the same page, or even reading the same book!

2. Tell each other three things you don’t like about each other (or five, if you’ve known each other for more than two years. šŸ™‚

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Preying on Male Insecurity

By Kendra Holliday | January 29, 2020

Have you ever visited a men’s health clinic? You know, the kind you hear advertised on the radio for men who have lost their mojo – low testosterone, erectile dysfunction, infertility, etc.

Nurse Kendra šŸ˜‰

I’ve never been to one, but a lot of my clients have, and it’s crazy what they tell me!

I’m all for having options, but it seems like things can get pretty invasive, pretty quickly, and for a pretty penny! And it’s all pretty silly, in my opinion. They’ll charge a man hundreds of dollars to do “wave therapy” on his penis, which is like putting a fancy medical vibrator on his dick.

I’d say that 80% of the men who come to me with erectile dysfunction are dealing with a psychological issue, not a physical one, but these clinics are quick to prescribe pills and even injections in the penis.

Yes, these things can work, but they are expensive chemicals and you don’t want to become dependent on them. They’ll set a man up with an expensive little cock shot kit he has to carry around with him and keep refrigerated. The kit includes tiny needles and a vial of liquid you inject into the side of the penis. You want to make sure you alternate where you inject, or else you can create scar tissue and damage the penis.

I think it’s better to back up and try more natural, less invasive methods first. Of course, that requires patience and a different kind of vulnerability.

Speaking of pills, there’s a male supplement out there called “Alpha King” – can you get any more buzzword than that? And all these tricks and gimmicks use all these slick science words for marketing purposes – “our product contains significantly more bioavailable sapogenins…”

And what’s with the male clinics that boast of an all-male staff, or female staff (this urology clinic staff lineup reminds me of a Hooters harem!)? Are most of the men coming to these clinics straight, or gay, or a combination? I’m just wondering.

Do they acknowledge andropause and how aging can naturally shift a person’s sexuality, which is not a bad thing? (For more on this, I highly recommend the teachings of my mentor, Joan Price, who specializes in ageless sexuality.)

All this virility fear-mongering can be misguided and exploitative. Toxic masculinity? Why, we have a pill for that…

Anyway, here are some books I use in my sex surrogate practice – replace the fear with love!

I try to teach men how to be mindful instead of “mind-filled,” and to open themselves up to the pleasures associated with experience-based sex (as opposed to goal-based or performance-based sex.)

https://twitter.com/TBK365/status/1222445859159388160?s=20

https://twitter.com/TBK365/status/1222229959885905920?s=20

What do you think? Have you been to any of these clinics? What do you like or don’t like about them?

The SUPERIOR 100 Foods to Eat Before You Die List

By Kendra Holliday | January 18, 2020

I saw this stupid list titled 100 Foods You Should Eat Before You DieĀ  on a food blog, and was NOT impressed. Cocktails? Frito pie? Spam? Really? I’m sorry, but I don’t think you need to eat Spam before you die.

So, my omnivorous partner and IĀ  (me = a sushitarian, which means I’m vegetarian but eat sushi once a month, or more, depending on whether you buy me some or not) came up with a better version of the list, which is below. I’m no foodie, but I’m a hardcore worldly sensualist, so there you have it. I know this post is not sex-related, but it’s going to be linked to another post that is.

How many of these things have you tried? Do tell! And then next time, we’ll dig a little deeper…

Fruit from heaven

1. Chocolate covered strawberries
2. Fried okra
3. Alligator
4. Eggplant parmesan
5. Bagel & Lox
6. Baklava
7. King crab legs
8. BBQ ribs
9. Young coconut
10. Mango
11. Marmite
12. Black Truffle
13. Borscht
14. Conch
15. Guacamole
16. Caviar
17. Cheese Fondue
18. Habanero pepper
19. Vegetable korma
20. Chile relleno
21. Chilled cherry soup
22. Ceviche
23. New England Clam Chowder
24. Pomegranate
25. Calamari
26. Crickets, larvae, locusts, or some other insect
27. Garlic stuffed olives
28. Dandelions (leaves, flowers or roots)
29. Fresh pineapple

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Twelve Days of Dickmas

By Kendra Holliday | December 25, 2019

You know what gives a sex worker a serious case of frosty burnout? An onslaught of timewasters and disrespectful horny men.

It’s winter now, and I’ve been dealing with a bone chilling, relentless dick blizzard.

It’s enough to make my pussy FRIGID.

Baby, it’s cold outside. Don’t be all rapey, virtual, or otherwise.

I feel like I’m doing the heavy lifting. Other women are opting out – they’re had enough and are done with dick – which makes more men cluster up, desperate and eager, their testosterone levels sloshing out and flinging on anyone they can access.

If you want to warm a woman up, make her feel comfortable and respected.

If you want to wear a woman out, be pushy and insensitive.

Believe me, I LOVE sex and men and doing what I do, but when it comes to the creepers, it goes like this:

On the twelfth day of Christmas

my horny fansĀ sent to me:

12 Dicks Drumming

Don't be this boner.

Don’t be this boner.

Eleven PricksĀ Piping

IN YOUR FACE

IN YOUR FACE

Gather around, manchildren!

Ten Dicks a Leaping

Nine Dongs Dancing

Eight Dicks a Milking

Seven Dicks a Swimming

Six Cocks a Laying

Five GoldenĀ DIIIIIIICKS

Four Calling Dicks

Three FrenchĀ Dicks

Two Turtle Dicks

and a Penis in a Pear Tree.

Now repeat twelve times.

See? Exhausted.

Merry Dickmas, Everyone!

Luckily, I get a boner break – I get to choose who I spend time with. So if you want to spend time with me, follow my rules. Otherwise, take that dick and go elsewhere!

Meanwhile, I’m taking care of business, then heading to a tropical resort in January.

And then I will return, refreshed and ready to rendezvous again! See you next year!

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All the books Iā€™m reading donā€™t know the pandemic is looming. Self help books are funny now šŸŽ­

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HE'S ANOINTED BY GOD. (god's 'noints are super gross!) https://t.co/N2JGGEx69O

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Went to dentist. Iā€™m getting another crown! So glad I can dip into my savings for another $1000+ šŸ¦·šŸ’ƒšŸ¼

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Not trying to yuck someone elseā€™s yum, nor gravy shame or out somebody, but my Grey Gardens roommate Bella is quiteā€¦ https://t.co/e5UdLvXeaM