By Kendra Holliday | December 4, 2020
So many men are sick from toxic masculinity in our society. They have to be very manly, which involves taking care of business, being in charge, hiding feelings, and burying their feminine side.
Yet, they crave a place where they can surrender to a strong, sexually confident woman and be awash in female energy and power exchange. They want to be cared for. They want youthful female energy. They want mature female energy.
So they contact me requesting help with exploring their sexuality, but then proceed to railroad me and call the porn shots and trample all over the sensual process and fuck it up. So frustrating!
Here’s a Dan Savage podcast where a man wants to know how to get his vanilla wife to like domming and pegging him. Go to the 8:35 mark and listen.
Dan points out that for some women, this can feel more like work than fun, so he suggests backing things up. For a woman not used to being sexually dominant, a good place for her to start is to think about what she wants right now and demanding it.
But what if what she wants right now is a cup of tea? Will that disappoint her partner? Will taking small steps like this lead them to a place where they both feel fulfillment?
I get a lot of men who tell me, “I want to please you.”
But then, when I tell them what I want, they steer things back to what THEY have in mind.
If you want me to peg you, piss on you, sit on your face, objectify you, humiliate you, rub your naked body while you talk on the phone, that’s totally fine! You’re hiring me to perform a service, and I am happy to oblige. I have so much fun being creative sexually! I like taking care of you.
But don’t get it twisted. Are you doing this for you, or are you doing this for me?
Prepping for a session takes work, so not only are you paying for the time we are mentally and physically engaged, but you are paying for the hour before and after. I have to dress up in uncomfortable lingerie and heels and get into the right head space. I have to clean up afterward.
If you REALLY want to please me, here are some ideas:
By Kendra Holliday | November 19, 2020
Let’s get this cleared up right off the bat: Do you wanna know what it feels like to be penetrated non-consensually?
LIKE YOUR SOUL IS DYING.
So don’t do that. DON’T penetrate other people non-consensually. I can’t believe I have to state the obvious. COME ON, PEOPLE.
Now, let’s move on to how it feels to be vaginally penetrated when you are into it, turned on, etc.
I posed the question on fb and twitter, and got responses from several curious men, but only one from a woman! My friend, Bianca:
“Being penetrated vaginally feels like a void is being filled. Like the right jigsaw piece is in place. Like warm candy. So good you roll your eyes up with pleasure.”
Let me elaborate.
It’s like tucking into this gooey, decadent, absolutely delicious dessert, all sweet and salty and creamy.
It’s like you have a throbbing headache, and someone slips you morphine. Hot, throbbing morphine, for your hot, aching pussy.
It feels like a drug that will save your life.
It feels completely base and primal, like you want to fuck the earth and fill your womb.
It feels the way a spring crop looks, all those new green shoots pushing up through the moist, fertile black soil.
By Kendra Holliday | November 11, 2020
In the past three weeks, I’ve had three men approach me for a consultation about a problem they’ve been dealing with for longer than I can fathom: their wife is chronically ill, and they haven’t had sex in years. They’ve cared for her, support and love her, would never leave her, but they are frustrated. Drained. They aren’t getting their needs met. They feel guilty. When I ask if they feel resentful, they immediately say no, but…
What should they do?
What would YOU do?
Are you partnered with someone who is ill?
Are you ill and partnered?
Are you getting your physical and emotional needs met?
Is your partner getting their physical and emotional needs met?
Are you monogamous or polyamorous?
How do you cope?
By Matthew | October 20, 2020
A post by my partner, Matthew!
One of the many benefits of having a relationship with a Sex Goddess Slut To Fuck is getting to check out awesome sex toys.
A while back Kendra delivered my now old, worn, well traveled and definitely abused friend, Jesse Jane to me. After all the good times JJ and I had together, (I passed her on to our friends in Colorado to take on their cross country trip, I wonder where she is now?) I was down for another round of male sex toy reviewing.
This time however, Kendra stepped it up a rung or twelve on the high tech sex toy ladder.She sent an email with a picture and a note saying “Look what is coming for you!!” I had just seen a snippet of a show highlighting the top innovations of that last year or so and the Tenga Flip Hole was high on the list.
“Fuck Yeah Slut!!!!” I replied.
|The Tenga flip hole with lotion|
She seemed even more excited than I was when it arrived. “Oh My God, Oh My God I wish I had a dick!!” she shrieked as we opened the sleek looking package. The Tenga website proclaims, “A blanket of bliss awaits within!”
I had heard a lot about other tube style tools for men but never tried one. I was pretty hyped up for my first poke to be with the Tenga.
It comes with three vials of lube, or as they call it, “Hole Lotion”: Mild, Real and Wild.
The inside of this tool looks like an inverted porcupine space age bumpy crater laden landscape made of an extremely inviting soft and pliable silicone. I seriously couldn’t wait to get my dick into this thing.
On my first expedition into this exotic paradise I used the “Real” lube. Both the “Real” and “Mild” lubes are relatively thick which I liked a lot. It was really easy to apply the lube as the Tenga is hinged and folds open like a gun case.
There are three points at which you can apply pressure while sliding it on and off of your cock. Each one of them creates a different sensation. One gives a suction type effect, another makes everything a bit tighter and the third makes focuses sensation a bit more on the head.
The color scheme and design made me feel like I was fucking Eve from Wall-E. Robo fetish bitches!!!
It didn’t take me long to bust my shit!!! This thing felt fucking great. The landscape is really unique and not the least bit over stimulating. I found that the combination of pressure plus the option to rotate the Tenga in a full circle offers differing enough sensations that anyone can find their “spot.”
I couldn’t tell a marked difference between the “Real” and Mild” vilals of lube but I can tell you that the vile “Wild” lube is not for me. It has something in it that gives that sort of mild BenGay/IcyHot effect which I am not into at all.
The clean up is really easy as well due to the folding design. All of the cum stays in the cracks and crevices inside so their is little “evidence” left at the scene. Walk it to the sink and give it a quick rinse, let it dry and that is that.
The instruction manual says the Tenga can be used about fifty times before it starts to wear out. I plan on finding out just how many strokes it takes to get to the center of this Fuck Hole Pop. Three down so far!!!
The Tenga is to the cock as the Hitachi Magic Wand is to the clit.
A must have for any person with a cock who masturbates.
By Kendra Holliday | October 3, 2020
I’m 47 years old. Here is my life trajectory so far:
1973: I’m born in North Dakota. Brrrr!
1974: My family moves to Dallas, Texas.
1975: Who the hell knows.
1976: My brother is born.
1977: Um, Elvis dies?
1978: My sister is born. My brother throws up. I remember my first dream; I’m kidnapped by Captain Hook and held hostage with Raggedy Ann and Andy. He cuts off my foot and it looks like SpaghettiOs.
1979: My family moves to St. Louis.
1980: My baby brother is born, and dies two days later. My mom tries to kill herself several times, and when that fails, she burns his name into the back of her hand with a soldering iron. She is never the same again. A very dark time.
1981: Life still sucks. My mom is a complete wreck.
1982: My brother is born. My grandmother dies.
1983: I get molested by an older, adopted brother. It SUCKS. I get sent to therapy, and I don’t know why. I think I’m being punished. I am a victim.
1984: I have my first lesbian encounter. It’s hot and naughty. I’m 11.
1985: My baby sister is born. I drop her on her head, but don’t kill her. Skeptical about god’s involvement, I become an atheist.
1986: I hit puberty and middle school, and lose all my artistic talent and confidence. My family is poor white trash, and I am branded a zitty nerd. It sucks.
1987: My mom keeps getting crazier and crazier. It makes me crazy, and I attempt suicide. I spend time in three different mental hospitals. I lose my virginity to a 24 year old creep with a mustache because he keeps badgering me and I finally give in. It sucks.
1988: My moms tries to kill herself again. I put pressure on her slashed, gaping arms as my dad calls the ambulance. She gets hospitalized a lot, and OD’s, and gets shock treatment. I fuck around and feel very confused. It sucks.
By Kendra Holliday | September 22, 2020
I’m going to preface this with the following disclaimer: I’m a witchy, woo woo, sex worker goddess, and this brain dump is going to sound crazy. I’m fine with that, as I fully embrace my hormonal mood swings and non-traditional way of thinking. I live in a society with lots of self-imposed cages, and my motto is “Think outside the cage.”
So, hear me out, let it all sink in, and let me know what you think!
Toxic masculinity goes hand in hand with white supremacy, and it’s making me sick. It’s making A LOT of us sick.
I’ve been diving deep into history, addiction, psychology, science, and more, and I’ve connected some dots.
Centuries ago, people from Europe set out and explored the world. They invaded many areas and took them over. They brought disease, death, and disruption to the people already living there.
They set up elaborate exports and imports of toxic trade – sugar, tobacco, alcohol, and slavery. They brought oppressive religions and destructive concepts that were deadly and divisive.
They declared that people, plants, animals, and places were all possessions. They put up fences, walls, and demanded territorialism.
They sought to control everything, and lived with a scarcity mindset. They instilled and lived in fear. They were hungry for power imbalance. They felt they were anointed by God, and thus justified in all their actions.
These things represent male energy: fire, cars, guns, alcohol, nicotine, conquering, destruction.
By Kendra Holliday | September 16, 2020
This is a picture of me from the 3rd grade. Looking at it, it’s hard to believe I was molested – I mean, wouldn’t those ginormous nerd goggles be repellent enough, not to mention the shitty haircut and goofy fashion?
Then again, my opportunistic molester was pretty homely too, and wasn’t very picky. I daresay he had bad taste in children.
But this ugly child grew up to be a gorgeous goddess. Here are some steps I took in my maturity makeover:
Braces – My parents could only afford braces for one of their five kids, so they chose my sister. That means I made it to adulthood with one of my front teeth jutting out. In grade school, kids would come up to me all the time and inform me, “You have a crooked tooth.” LIKE I DIDN’T KNOW. I was self-conscious about smiling, so I scowled a lot.
Finally, when I was married and DINK (double income, no kids), I took the plunge and got Invisalign braces. I’M SO GLAD I DID IT. It was worth every penny (how many pennies are in $4000? oh never mind). Now I wear a retainer at night whenever I feel like it, which is about half the time. I’ve only broken it once. Flossing is so much easier.
Heart zapped – In 2000 I birthed my daughter vaginally – hooray! I didn’t want an epidural or a c-section, but I sure did freak out and request the epidural as soon as my labor pains kicked in for real.
My doctor took it upon herself to give me an episiotomy (a surgical cut in the muscular area between the vagina and the anus), which took a long time to heal. But further north, the pregnancy took other tolls on my body – my heart.
It had trouble keeping up with the extra blood flow and work involved with carrying another person around inside me for months, so it started to misfire. I developed SVT – Supraventricular tachycardia. My heart would sometimes race 300 beats a minute, which was inconvenient and scary. The solution was a procedure where they snake a laser up through your groin to your heart and zap the naughty part and kill it. So my heart has a scar.
The procedure cured my condition, but that zap also signaled the end of my marriage. I woke up from the procedure and everything changed in my life. My heart was fixed and broken, all at once.
By Kendra Holliday | August 28, 2020
Three is my magic number.
I was born 3-23-73.
I’m really good at threesomes. 🙂
I have sacred feminine triangles all over my body – my hairy underarms and pubic hair represents one; my breasts and belly represent another.
I find that my life is best balanced when I’m nurturing these three things:
Professional career – represented by my site Be Open and Honest
Personal life – represented by this blog!
Philanthropic endeavors – represented by Sex Positive St. Louis, my all-volunteer community organization
Sometimes, things get out of whack, and my personal life suffers, or my volunteer efforts lag, but I’ve found that the best way to keep things balanced is to ENFORCE MY BOUNDARIES.
I know my boundaries, but they are always being pushed by other people and forces, and it’s exhausting! They don’t mean to do it, but that’s life as a sex worker whose motto is: NEVER BORED.
Here are some examples of my boundaries:
- I always use condoms with intercourse. I don’t let random men rub their penis on my vulva.
- I don’t receive anal. It’s not an erogenous zone for me. But I’ll gladly give it! 😉
- I do things on my own terms. If someone contacts me and wants to work with me but doesn’t want to follow my guidelines, then I don’t work with them. I have my protocol in place for a reason.
It’s funny, but I find that the more I put out there, the more some people expect. For instance, I post a Panty of the Day pic on Twitter, and I’ll have men send me Direct Messages asking for more free pics.
By Kendra Holliday | August 2, 2020
Since March, I’ve been contacted by countless men seeking intimacy.
In order to keep my loved ones safe, I’ve had to change my entire business model. I’ve met with about four clients a week for online talking consultations, which is all well and good, but that’s not what they really want.
They want SKIN TIME. They want hands on intimacy and practice. They want PLAY TIME. They want in-person SEXY TIME.
If I were to have booked as many sessions as I wanted, I could have scheduled five a week, which amounts to 400 sessions.
Instead, I had to be very careful and screen extra vigilantly, and insist on wearing masks, which a lot of people resisted.
I ended up trying seven masked sessions since March.
Three of those sessions felt safe and good. Four of those sessions did not feel safe and good.
I felt much more comfortable with the men who were as conscientious as I am; the men, who, if I had asked to ditch our masks, would have said, “NO WAY.” Those men were doctors. Those men were scientists. These men had a disabled family member. Those men had cowboy ethics. They cared more about other’s health and well-being than their penis and pleasure.
I felt anxious with the men who were cavalier, who rolled their eyes and chuckled when I asked them to wash their hands. They thought the virus was “no big deal.” If I would have suggested taking off masks (and condoms, for that matter!) they would have gladly done so.
By Kendra Holliday | August 1, 2020
I have two clients who have been wanting to see me for intimacy sessions since March. I told both of them that I would consider doing a masked session with them. Both are very nice, intelligent people.
Client #1 is a 32 yr old tradesman. I met him earlier this year. His response to my proposal is as follows:
I would just like to throw out there that I don’t think not wearing a mask when with someone else necessarily means that someone doesn’t have good ethics.
From all the research I’ve done, I’ve concluded that wearing a mask has less than satisfactory results and that washing hands and keeping up with good hygiene practice has much more impact at keeping Covid at bay. Covid has been elevated to a sort of terrifying virus when it’s actually closer to the regular flu that happens every year with a little more power behind it.
I would have no problem being with someone who I know is practicing good self-care habits to actively prevent getting the flu and is strengthening their immune systems more than I would trust the effectiveness of a mask (which has to be a an N95 mask in order to protect against the virus particles. The Covid virus can easily slip through any other kind of cotton or fabric that’s being used as a mask.)
Just wanted to say that not all men who are choosing not to wear masks are synonymous with having low ethics. I’m trying to be as conscious and aware of the decisions I make and not just blindly follow everything the government tells me to believe about anything, including Covid.
Hopefully that comes across as sharing my perspective, as I’m not attempting to be divisive. ”
Client #2 is a 64 yr old scientist. I’ve been seeing him for years. He has opted for monthly phone sessions with me all this time, as opposed to seeing me in person. I showed him Client #1’s take on masks and Covid. His response is as follows:
By Kendra Holliday | July 7, 2020
Ed Note: This is a guest post by an amazing member of the Sex Positive St. Louis community, Amy Van Slyke.
As a parent of two young children, I have spent hours agonizing over how to talk to them about sex. I mull over questions like, “When should I buy my daughter her first vibrator?” and, “How do I teach my son to be an attentive lover?”
I was not far into Read Me: A Parental Primer for The Talk, by Lanae St. John, DHS, CSC, ACS, “The Mama Sutra”, when I realized I had fallen into the trap that has snared so many parents before me… I was focused on the “how” instead of helping my kids develop a healthy understanding of, and attitude toward, sex.
First, I want to clarify that Read Me is not a step-by-step manual for parents about how or when to have “The Talk” with their kids. It is a guide for those who want to develop a safe, trusting, and open environment for ongoing conversations. Dr. St. John argues that our culture of shame and unwillingness to talk openly about sex condemns children to ignorance, misinformation and makes them vulnerable to abuse, STI, and unwanted pregnancy. She urges parents to take an active interest in helping their children develop a healthy sexuality since they cannot depend on others or institutional sex education to give kids the information they need. Through her use of research-based findings and personal anecdotes, The Mama Sutra, mother of two, provides parents with “The 5 building blocks” that they can use to navigate the awkward conversations about sex, and engage with children in an honest and constructive manner.
Communication, Consent, Respect, Pleasure, and Fantasy
By Kendra Holliday | July 6, 2020
I get about 2-3 inquiries a week asking about play parties – when is my next one, if I know of any coming up, etc.
You all are brave to want to experience orgies in the middle of a country that is being torn asunder by a highly contagious pandemic! Masks off to you, my freaky friends!
Meanwhile, I’m over here sitting in pandemic limbo, trying my best to wait this crisis out. Events are on hold; I don’t even feel comfortable scheduling one-on-one intimacy sessions. ;(
That said, I have friends in St. Louis who are optimistically planning their own play party this October. They want it to be bi-male/trans friendly. They asked me for advice on how to host a successful play party.
First, you should review my party page – it has loads of good info, FAQ, and guidance.
Second, here is a checklist of things to keep in mind:
- Location. Hopefully, you live in house that is conducive for parties. I don’t – I live in a 1000 sq ft fairy cottage that can only host threesomes, foursomes, and the occasional gang bang. You want a classy, clean space that offers several stations for playtime. I’ve rented houses in the past, but that can be risky. My best bet has been a community member offering to host.
- Accessibility. Is your space accessible? I’m sorry to say I haven’t always considered this in the past. Regardless, you should state if it is or not.
- Allergies. State if any pets live at the location.
- Parking. How many people do you want to attend? 12? 50? 100? Make sure you include parking instructions in your party confirmation email.
- Screening. Do you have a sex-positive network? I keep an email party list that has about 600 people on it. Every time I schedule a party, I send out a bcc email to the list and keep track of who responds. I try and curate a good mix of people.
- Budget. Lots of supplies go into a party, so think about how much you want to charge for overhead. $50/person? If everyone pitches in, these nights can be unforgettable!
- Do you want to have it catered? I always check with Shameless Grounds first for catering.
- Drinks. Do you want wine and beer only? BYOB? Have ice and mixers on hand.
- Other drugs. If you don’t specify in your rules, people will take liberties.
- Privacy. Speaking of rules, most people attending play parties like to keep it private, so make sure and acknowledge confidentiality.
- Mood music. Hire a DJ or think about playlists/stereo setup.
- Good lighting. Adjustable, ambient lighting is nice. Most people like it dim. Real candles can be dangerous, so I use safe fake candles, light machines, lamps…
- Safer sex supplies. Be sure and have condoms and lube handy at every station. Other good items to have on hand are towels, sanitizer, mints, small trash cans, well-stocked bathrooms…
- Enough play stations. Do you have several beds? A massage table? A SYBIAN? Do you want to add an air mattress or two? Will this be a kinky party with spanking benches and crosses? Consider putting sheets on couches for easy cleanup.
- Theme? I LOOOVE party themes, but I try and make them reasonable for most people.
- Gender ratio. If you don’t carefully screen, you can easily end up with 40 single men attending. If your party goers love lots of female energy, consider allowing women to attend at a discount, or free if they volunteer to mingle with guests for a certain amount of time.
- Volunteers. Speaking of volunteers, enlist a few friends to help you set up, host, clean up.
- Icebreakers. People often arrive nervous, so think of icebreaker games or a demo to kick things off after people have had a chance to socialize for a couple hours. One time, we did a pussy parade, where every woman who wanted to could line up on a couch and show off their pussies. We had eight beautiful pussies lined up, and the guests slowly walked past to savor the view!
Here’s an example of the email I send out to potential guests, you can borrow language from it:
By Kendra Holliday | June 23, 2020
I know this isn’t a sexy topic, but during this pandemic I’ve been getting lots of inquiries from desperately sad people. Some are suicidal.
I’m not a licensed therapist. My specialty is sex, not suicide. But I truly care about your health and happiness, and I’ve struggled with mental health my entire life, and have been suicidal myself.
Please browse this Links page under counseling for St Louis mental health professionals.
In addition, here are other resources:
National Suicide Prevention Hotline
A free, 24-hour hotline available to anyone in suicidal crisis or emotional distress. Your call will be routed to the nearest crisis center to you. 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
National Hopeline Network
Hopeline provides support with trained counselors through this national hotline to prevent suicide. 1-800-442-HOPE(4673)
Crisis Text Line
Crisis Text Line serves anyone, in any type of crisis, providing access to free, 24/7 support and information via a medium people already use and trust: text. Text, “HOME” to 741741
Trans Lifeline is a grassroots hotline and microgrants 501(c)(3) non-profit organization offering direct emotional and financial support to trans people in crisis – for the trans community, by the trans community. 877-565-8860 https://www.translifeline.org/
Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration
SAMHSA’s National Helpline is a free, confidential, 24/7, 365-day-a-year treatment referral and information service (in English and Spanish) for individuals and families facing mental and/or substance use disorders. 1-800-662-HELP (4357) https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline
By Matthew | June 21, 2020
Ed Note: This is a guest post by my partner, Matthew. He is the father of two children.
A couple of weeks ago, I started hearing the yearly buzz of “Father’s Day” gifts, salutations and tributes. I started thinking a bit more in depth on the subject of Fatherhood and what it means to me.
Being a Father is synonymous to me with being a man. I hear so many people speak of “men” they know or have connections with and then start divulging details about these people.
I know women who demand flowers from their husbands as a way of apologizing for an act of relationship treason.
I know women who are dating “men” right now, but speak of nothing but their shortcomings.
I know of “men” whose wives have gotten up and walked away from them while they were eating her pussy.
I know of “men” who don’t make an effort to spend time with their children.
I know of “men” who can’t separate business from pleasure and vice versa.
I know of “men” who are so weak themselves, that they show their “strength” by preying on the eager and ignorant.
I know women who have settled for a “man”.
I know of “men” who live in their mother’s basement.
I know of “men” who can’t dress themselves.
I am sure you know plenty of “men” like this as well.
If a man has children, they are his number one priority.
By Kendra Holliday | May 27, 2020
I know this is going to sound silly coming from a sex worker, but I’ve finally figured out why I find eager, impatient men to be so off-putting.
I get so many men contacting me who want to go from zero to anal in less than an hour.
My whole mission as a sex surrogate is to teach people how to build intimacy and be a good partner, and guess what?
Building intimacy takes time.
I have an extremely reasonable process in place, but all too often I find myself being pushed along like meat on a conveyer belt, ready to be gobbled up, instead of savored.
A man will contact me, and he’ll get super excited when he finds out that I offer all kinds of sexual exploration experiences. He’ll want to do them ALL RIGHT AWAY.
But I’ve learned that I need time to build a relationship with someone, in order to feel comfortable and for things to be authentic. Otherwise, I feel like I’m forced into a performance, and it leaves me feeling yucky afterward, and a relationship that was initiated with such promise and potential becomes tainted, and I have to cut it off in order to protect myself.
Here are my biggest turns offs:
Here’s what turns me ON:
An attitude of gratitude
A generous spirit
I find that the most rewarding encounters I have are with clients who have allowed me to set the pace for building intimacy. I have amazing relationships with clients I’ve been seeing for years. We’ve made so many fantasies come true together!
Here is how to spoil things quickly:
Complain about my policies
Grumble about my rates
Try to penetrate orifices immediately
Disregard feelings and safety
Here is how to create a lasting relationship with me:
Respect my process
Be generous and value my time
Truly appreciate my openness and female energy
Savor the present moment