My Abortion

By Kendra Holliday | April 18, 2022

My name is Kendra Holliday,
and I had an abortion.

I woke up on the morning of my scheduled abortion in 2007 and my beau at the time joked, “Today is your big day!”

Honestly, I was looking forward to it. For the past month I had been feeling like shit, barely able to function from the nausea and loss of energy. I was eager to get it over with. The clinic actually made me wait a couple weeks longer to get it done, so the egg sac would be big enough to locate. I was going in eight weeks pregnant.

My man dropped me off and then went to play a few rounds of golf. Just kidding. We passed through security (no protesters again!) and they searched our bags. We sat in the waiting room. He graded papers. I knitted. There were more men there with their partners this time, but at least three of the dudes were sleeping. I heard several different languages being spoken.

I got called in to pay for the procedure ($240), then got sent out to wait again. It wasn’t long before they called me back in along with five other women. They were all in their early 20’s; four were African-American, one was Eastern European. Like a herd, we followed the nurse to a locker room where we all changed into hospital gowns and these awful paper bag slippers. Those slippers were the worst part of the experience.

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alunapull

By Kendra Holliday | April 18, 2022

The moon represents female energy.

Full moon

The other night, I was lying in bed, and I noticed how beautiful the light was, so I took these pics of my body.

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Bound: A Daughter, a Domme, and an End-of-Life Story

By Kendra Holliday | April 13, 2022

Bound, by Elizabeth Anne Wood, Ph.D.

A few years ago, I attended Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit in the Washington, D.C. area. Several authors were featured, including Elizabeth Anne Wood, Ph.D. She read an excerpt from her book, Bound: A Daughter, a Domme, and an End-of-Life Story.

I was instantly intrigued, as I’m a bit obsessed with  sex and death – I’m both horny AND morbid. I had never heard of a story like this – a daughter being supportive of her mom’s kinky sex life?! Come again?

I’d like to say I couldn’t wait to read it, but it turns out I DID wait to read it – when I got home, I put it on my shelf of sex books and there it sat, for months. So many books, so little time.

But I finally had more time to catch up on my reading, thanks to a serious mental breakdown I had in February. I took time off from seeing clients (I’m a sex worker who does Pro Domme, fetish and surrogate work), and was able to tend to myself.

I’m glad I read it when I did – it was published just a few weeks before my own mom died in 2019, which allowed me to relate to what the author shared so much more.

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My Top Sex-Positive Recommendations

By Kendra Holliday | April 9, 2022

Kendra Holliday will help you work the kinks out!

I offer sex and relationship consulting, and I’m happy to say that I’ve been getting more women, LGBT folks, and couples these days. Historically, most of the people who have sought me out for my unique services have been men who crave female energy.

The Top 5 reasons why people contact me are, in this order:

1. He’s a married man in his 50’s or 60’s whose wife is not interested in sex (mismatched libido)

2. He/she/they have some sort of sexual issue they want to work through, such as inexperience, adult virginity, anxiety, trauma, disabilities, or orgasm/genital problems (Erectile Dysfunction is a common complaint – it can get complex when you heap social conditioning and anxiety on top of the natural aging process.)

3. He/she/they are interested in branching out sexually, either because they are in transition, in between relationships, single/divorced/widowed, not getting laid, or curious about alternative lifestyle options (non-monogamy, kink/BDSM, sex work, etc.)

4. He has a fetish and is ashamed/seeking understanding and validation (“Am I normal?!”) or an outlet

5. They want to meet me, and possibly rub me for good luck

———

My goal is to offer tools, connections, and non-traditional options so that the people seeking me out can reach their goal of becoming happier and healthier. My approach is unconventional, and I get referrals from licensed sex therapists. I’m pretty well connected and have a strong network. Sex is my specialty, which ties into work, family, personal – everything!

Here is a list of resources I most often recommend to my clients:

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Feeling Better

By Kendra Holliday | March 24, 2022

Just a quick update letting you know I’m feeling better. I’ll see clients in April, but I’ll be taking it slow and limiting interactions to talking or online appointments only, for now.

My new therapist told me she received these messages while meditating before our first session:

“Only spend time with those who hold you in the highest esteem.”

and

“Respect is KEY.”

Amen to that!

Spring

 

Checking Myself into Rehab

By Kendra Holliday | February 13, 2022

“Rehabilitation is care that can help you get back, keep, or improve abilities that you need for daily life. These abilities may be physical, mental, and/or cognitive (thinking and learning). You may have lost these abilities because of a disease or injury…” – MedlinePlus

Perfect image of my mental state

I believe in being open and honest. I’m not in the business of lying to people. I’ve been telling everyone that I’ve been dealing with a family emergency, which is true – but this time, that family member is mostly ME.

I am not well. I am not fit for public consumption.

I can’t afford to check myself into a health spa in a beautiful location, but I can create my own care plan and rehabilitate at my beautiful little fairy cottage.

Kendra Holliday portraying vanilla. Photo by Stan Strembicki

I wish I had the foresight to plan ahead and take the entire month of March or April off, but instead, I had an emergency happen, and now I have to be reactive, instead of proactive.

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A Polyamorous Formula That Works

By Kendra Holliday | January 5, 2022

I love to explore.

I love to explore.

(For some background on polyamory, please read my article Love Like An Ocean: Diving Deep Into Polyamory.)

My partner and I have been together for thirteen years.

We first met July 2007, at a friend’s wedding. We are in a long-term, committed open relationship. We started our relationship open. We don’t live together – we keep our families, homes, and finances separate. We see each other about 2 or 3 times a week. We are open to countless possibilities when it comes to sharing intimacy with other people. We deeply enjoy and appreciate our non-traditional relationship.

But it certainly isn’t a reckless free-for-all. In order to keep it healthy and drama-free, we constantly communicate with each other to ensure ways we can exercise our freedom while operating on mutual respect.

Outlined below is an arrangement that works for us.

It can be difficult balancing everything, but this is how we prioritize:

1. Kids/family

2. Careers

3. Our relationship

4. The people we are dating/close relationships

5. Social/volunteer/misc.

Sometimes we will date a person or couple once or twice, or just for a weekend when they come visit. Sometimes we will date a person or couple for a few months or longer. Usually lives change and shift so much that we ebb and flow into things naturally. It feels very fluid. We can date other people solo, or together.

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Orgasm Count 2021

By Kendra Holliday | January 2, 2022

Let us all pray for a healthy sex life

Here are some of the silly “projects” I’ve done in the past:

Fetish of the Day

Panty of the Week

No Shave May

Shaving My Head

Collecting and Reviewing Sex Toys

Graphing My Orgasm

Nun Striptease (when you click on the link, select “Latest” tab for best results)

Hosting TBK play parties and other specialty events such as Topless Tarot, Crossdresser Tea Party, gang bangs, CFNM, pegging/blow job/fisting/squirting demos…

Sometimes, I look back at my archives and can’t believe I’ve done some of this stuff! Some of it makes me cringe, but most of it makes me feel extremely proud.

In 2021, I counted my orgasms. It wasn’t a contest or a challenge, I was just curious. I’m usually satisfied with one or two orgasms per encounter, whether that’s with others involved, or solo.

Here is the tally:

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No Room at the Inn

By Kendra Holliday | December 16, 2021

A very happy and shiny Kendra Holliday

Confession: My email inbox stocking is stuffed full of inquiries.

Right now, I have about 65 people waiting to hear from me, dating back two months. 🙁 I reply to as many as sweet souls as I can every day, in between sessions and other duties and obligations. (BTW: If you’re waiting for an email from me, check your spam folder. My domain name is blacklisted due to my web host allowing adult content.)

Ideally, I’d like to get back to people within 48 hours, but I’m just one person, and I often get sucked into my menopause mood swings and my dad’s illness – he has mid-stage dementia and I’m his primary care partner. I’ve learned that it is extremely draining to be someone’s quality-of-life support, someone’s seeing eye brain, someone’s backup human being. Even though he lives in assisted living, he depends on me for just about everything.

(As an aside, I’m astonished that I used to have FIVE creatures dependent on me – both my sick parents, my two old cats, and a daughter. All that is left is my dad. I swore to my mother on her death bed that I would take care of him, and I’ve assured him that I will be there for him, for as long as he needs me.)

So all this is to say, I try my best to help others in between my mental health issues and family duties. I’m eager to help people who understand and respect my process. 🙂

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A Few of My Favorite Things

By Kendra Holliday | November 30, 2021

Nuru Mermaid

Nuru Mermaid

Since you asked… here is a list of some of my favorite things:

Cash, of course!

Wouldn’t it be great if the gas, water and electric companies offered gift certificates? What would be more loving than gifting someone with a hot bath, a home cooked meal, or cooling down/heating up?

Amazon gc – send gift certificates to kendra@thebeautifulkind.com – I looooove books so much! And they sell pretty much everything else.

Whole Foods gc – or Trader Joe’s, Global Foods, Dierberg’s, Schnucks local grocery stores. I don’t eat factory farm mammals or birds, but I do eat veggies, fruit, local, seafood….I love ethnic food like sushi, Indian, Vietnamese, Ethiopian

A donation to

Planned Parenthood – because I believe in accessible health care.

or

Worldwide Fistula Fund – The Worldwide Fistula Fund is an incubator, funder, and promoter of innovative solutions to improve global women’s reproductive health.

Etsy gc – support artists!

Target gc – I’m a sucker

Flowers – I like when flowers last more like a week as opposed to three days, so the hardier ones are better, though I do like roses and fleeting exotic flowers like orchids. My favorite color rose is the peachy one with blush tones. I don’t like pink as much and I can’t stand the smell of cloying lilies, too funeral home. I keep my flowers in my dining room, which has green walls and lots of colorful jewel tones. Daisies, carnations, sunflowers are great. Did I mention I like colorful?

Soft blankets, soft tummy

Soft blankets, soft tummy

– I looove soft clothes and blankets!

Shameless Grounds gc – one of my favorite places in St Louis!

Godiva milk chocolate and truffle assortments

DeBrand is even finer, but is based in Fort Wayne IN and worth a goddamn road trip!

Fruit from heaven

Fruit from heaven

Merb’s milk chocolate covered strawberries is local and scrumptious

Soaprocks – these are so cool!

Demeter – they sell so many fun scents, some of my favs are New Leaf, Firefly, Grapefruit Tea, Sushi, Silvery Pekoe, New Zealand, Pipe Tobacco, Leather…

Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab – just look at this website!! I have a scent called Bewitched…

Massage – my baby sis is my massage therapist, she is excellent! You can sponsor a massage for me, or book one for yourself! She’s located in South City. If I know you in real life, I’m happy to refer you.

Victoria’s Secret – I tend to wear L, depending on the style and brand, 36B. My body is average (5′ 4″, 140 lbs) but my mind is extraordinary! I don’t like thongs or g-strings. I prefer timeless and vintage looks over trendy – black, bright colors, jewel tones

I like coffee, tea, and Kombucha.

I’m into oddities, whimsies, cute things, little things, toys…

How about you? What are some of your favorite things?

The Casting Couch

By Kendra Holliday | November 13, 2021

Queen Bee, by Hot Octopuss

I have many wonderful clients. One of my favorites is an older gentleman. We’ve been exploring together since 2013!

He’s sweet, considerate, brilliant, generous, respectful, easy going…I love him!

He greatly admires strong, intelligent women – for REAL, he’s not just saying that like so many other men do. His actions match his words.

We usually meet twice a month, alternating between talk and touch sessions. He’s the person I did the Orgasm Experiment with, and he’s a big fan of creative sex.

Usually, our sessions involve me taking on the role of a bossy, demanding woman, such as a stepmother or teacher or nurse. But every once in a while, he tries to get outside his comfort zone and he assumes the power position, such as creepy boss “Mr. Jones.”

Recently, he suggested this roleplay to me:

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Toxic Masculinity from a Sex Worker Perspective

By Kendra Holliday | November 3, 2021

Trust me, I’m a wise witch!

I’m going to preface this with the following disclaimer: I’m a witchy, woo woo, sex worker goddess, and this brain dump is going to sound crazy. I’m fine with that, as I fully embrace my hormonal mood swings and non-traditional way of thinking. I live in a society with lots of self-imposed cages, and my motto is “Think outside the cage.”

So, hear me out, let it all sink in, and let me know what you think!

Toxic masculinity goes hand in hand with white supremacy, and it’s making me sick. It’s making A LOT of us sick.

I’ve been diving deep into history, addiction, psychology, science, and more, and I’ve connected some dots.

Centuries ago, people from Europe set out and explored the world. They invaded many areas and took them over. They brought disease, death, and disruption to the people already living there.

They set up elaborate exports and imports of toxic trade – sugar, tobacco, alcohol, and slavery. They brought oppressive religions and destructive concepts that were deadly and divisive.

They declared that people, plants, animals, and places were all possessions. They put up fences, walls, and demanded territorialism.

They sought to control everything, and lived with a scarcity mindset. They instilled and lived in fear. They were hungry for power imbalance. They felt they were anointed by God, and thus justified in all their actions.

These things represent male energy: fire, cars, guns, alcohol, nicotine, conquering, destruction.

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Happy Fisting Day!

By Kendra Holliday | October 21, 2021

I caught this exchange on a sex blog the other day:

“Is fisting painful?”

The sex blogger replied:

Two insidious suppositions haunt any discussion of fisting. First, that it will stretch out the vagina to cavern-like dimensions; and second, that it will hurt. Neither is true…

Remove the fist and the vagina does not hang open like the lips of a mouth-breather. It snaps back. Really. Maybe I should post some before and after photos some day?

In the comments, I volunteered to do an explicit photo series, because that’s what occurs to me when I catch wind of something sexually daring, unlike most people who read about it, nod with curiosity, and then go on about their business.

I enlisted my dear friend Rockabilly Girl to do the fisting, and Matthew to take pics.

Get this: I was featured in Hustler magazine earlier this year, and they asked if they could run this photo series. At first I was shocked at the idea, but then I decided it would be pretty fucking cool to rock the fisting in a national hardcore porn mag!

So they made everyone sign releases and submit photo ID’s, including Rockabilly Girl, whose fist is the only thing you see in the pics (until it goes in my vagina).

Then, after weeks of legal paperwork and emails back and forth, Hustler decided against running the pics after all. Too edgy.

But not for me! I think it’s natural, lovely, and intensely beautiful.

So here you go.

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Prostate Mama

By Kendra Holliday | October 17, 2021

I love giving prostate massages.

Setting the stage for prostate massage

I’ve done it many times, on my massage table, and on my bed.

Sometimes, the client requests it; sometimes, I suggest it.

It’s good for your health. It’s intense. It often elicits a different kind of release/orgasm.

For some, it can feel extremely pleasurable; for others, it can be more like a soul reboot.

The client arrives clean, meaning they have prepped for anal play by having an enema or emptying bowels. I always check on them when they show up, asking how they are feeling physically, and if they’re still in the mood/headspace for anal play. If they aren’t, we switch gears. If they are, we assume the position!

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Whip Smart

By Kendra Holliday | August 23, 2021

Me playing Cruella de Vil

So, last month, I had a breakdown. I got really mentally and physically ill for a few days. I could barely function – my heart raced, my blood pressure was high, I was sobbing and puking, etc…

This wasn’t my first episode like this – I’ve had a few – due to menopause, hormones, overheating, stress, alcohol abuse, grief, family issues (my dad has dementia), burnout…

This time, I think what caused me to crash and burn was scheduling several intense sessions the week after I got back from vacation.

This is nothing against the lovely men I played with, or the scene topics, but I’ve found that some sessions affect me more than others.

My easy sessions involve surrogate work, TLC, sensual, playful topics.

The more challenging sessions for me these days involve more corporal, kinky, dark fantasies and roleplays. They’re a lot of fun, but they can be very draining, and sometimes it takes me a couple days to recover from the emotional hangover. It didn’t use to be that way – I used to move on quicker. That makes me wonder, is it worth it to me to do these types of sessions? Why do I feel more anxious before some sessions than with others?

I often hear from clients about a Dominatrix they were fond of, but the Domme retired “after a few months.” I wonder why that is? And how do some Dommes make it a decades-long career? Does it depend on their personality? (I’m an INFJ – I feel A LOT).

I decided to read Melissa Febos‘ book Whip Smart, her memoir about being a Dominatrix in NYC for three years. I was shocked and validated by what I read. I highly recommend you check it out.

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