By Kendra Holliday | October 23, 2019
THIS ARTICLE really inspired me. A therapist shared about how men try to be close with their partner through sex, and how being rejected, or even having to always initiate sex, can be so discouraging and disheartening.
Here’s the thing – someone up in the sky is playing a big joke on us, and they’re using our social construct and hormones as trickery!
Most men of all ages experience spontaneous desire – they wake up feeling horny and activated, and walk around all day seeing sexy things and feeling inspired. This is due to their higher testosterone level, and the fact that society paves the way for men to go after what they want.
Women, on the other hand, have responsive desire. They are trained to hold back, be demure, and once they are introduced to an erotic situation, then they start to feel aroused. Women also need to feel safe and comfortable in order to relax into full arousal.
Of course, these are gross generalizations and a very binary approach, but for the sake of concision, I’m not going to spend a lot of time qualifying language, but you get the gist.
Men are pretty much ready to rock much of the time, and women are more reticent. They need more stars to align for them to be open to sexy time.
So, what do we do about this? We make concerted efforts to shake things up!
First of all, we need to recognize that HORMONES ARE REAL. They influence our moods and health in ways we don’t realize.
Second, we need to change the social construct. It’s impossible to overhaul the entire system, but we as individuals can make a difference on a local level.
Men complain about having to initiate sex all the time, but women don’t get a chance! They’re too exhausted to get ahead of the curve.
Men: Think of ways you can help the woman you want to be with feel safe, supported, relaxed. How can you help her?
Women: when men help you, DON’T TAKE IT FOR GRANTED. Take note and be grateful!
(Notice how we often have sex more when we’re on vacation. This is because the woman isn’t having to manage the household and clean constantly. She’s getting a break.)
On a recent vacation with my partner, we were driving along the coast in our rented convertible. I was feeling so happy and grand! I got an idea – I texted my partner, “I’m so horny for your dick!”
The next time he checked his phone, he almost pulled over right there!
But instead, when we got back to our room that night, he was so fired up he fucked me on the balcony overlooking the sleepy beach town. It was soo hot and naughty feeling the delicious breeze on our skin.
Talk about a win-win situation!
The takeaway here is:
MEN: Help and support women more.
WOMEN: Let your men know they are sexy and desired. Figure out what your Love Languages are, and get creative with it!
DO NOT SETTLE into an ordinary life. Don’t get sucked into the grind. A healthy relationship is GIVE and GIVE.
Break out of the vicious cycle of resentment. THINK OUTSIDE THE CAGE.