Mauled at Noon

By Kendra Holliday | September 3, 2015

Guess what! Princess Kali is going to release a book on erotic humiliation soon! It’s such a great topic! I’m going to be quoted in it. 🙂 Check out the title: Enough to Make You Blush: An Intro to Erotic Humiliation.

Filling out the survey she put out on Twitter the other day reminded me of this scene I had with my partner a few years ago. It was super intense for me, and taught us about the importance of after care…

It’s noon. I’m at home, just got out of the shower and dressed. Matthew stops by unexpectedly. He walks over to the whiskey, pours himself a drink, and says coolly, “I came for lunch.”

“Oh, you want me to make you something?” I offer.

“NO.” He looks at me. I think, oh shit, here we go.

Touch me.

Touch me.

He walks me back to the bedroom and pushes me onto the bed. He grabs big handfuls of my flesh and I cry out. “Are you finding my handles?” I try to joke. “How many do I have, anyway?”

That’s meant to be a rhetorical question, but he is glad to answer it. “One,” he announces, grabbing my hip. “Two,” grabbing the other hip. He continues to manhandle me, seizes a braid, my throat, my thigh…each body part he molds to fit his grip. He gets to 16…

He has my belly in a death grip and growls, “I want to take this part with me. Leave you here to bleed.”

He picks me up upside down by the seat of my pants, holds me over the bed, and says, “This,” and drops me, “is sub drop.”

He rips my clothes off and devours my pussy from every angle, he keeps flipping me around. He spits whiskey on my frightened pussy and it gets hot and burns.

I absolutely feel like a picnic basket being raided.

I gasp anxiously, “You can’t do this on the very day I posted Kodiak Attack!”



“Why not?” he asks. “It inspired me.”

“YOU inspired yourself?”

“That’s right,” he agrees, “I am my own muse.”

He sheds his shirt, and then presses me into the bed with all his weight and breathes deliberately in my ear, “They say I should be careful with my toys. But I say that if she breaks, it’s not my fault. It means she wasn’t strong enough. And anyway,” he pauses, sighs, and says more to himself, “I can always get another one.”

With that, he clamps a paw over my face and orders, “You’re not allowed to breathe until you cum.” That prompts me to have a prolapsed orgasm, like I shit it right out on the bed.

I orgasm out of fear.

He stands over me and drinks. I peek up. He spits down at me and I close my eyes in time to avoid getting whiskey in them.

I cringe and bury my head in my arms. He leans over me and grabs me by the hair, yanking me around to face him. “LOOK AT ME.” I can hardly manage it, but I do.

The look in his eyes scares me more than all the manhandling and spitting.

“I’ll bet you wished you had clients today,” he hisses, and I squeak in agreement.

He paces. He asks, “What are you supposed to do if a bear attacks you?”

“Play dead?” I guess.

“That’s right. If you stay still long enough, I might lose interest and go away.”

He starts fucking with me, grabbing me, pulling on me, and I do my best not to move, but every once in a while I flinch and cry out. “She must not be dead yet,” he mutters.

Then he fingers me to orgasm again and I give up. He stands and puts his shirt back on, as if to leave.

He’s tricking me, because then he falls down on the bed next to me and undoes his pants, and forces me to suck his cock until he pulls it out of my mouth and spews like a fountain on my face, then feeds it to me, leaving a coating on my chin, cheeks, mouth.

I’m pretty freaked out at this point, and he finally drops back into being more human than beast. He kisses me and whispers, “I am here.”

He babies me a bit, then leaves me to go back to work. He is rejuvenated. He feeds off of my orgasms. Meanwhile, I am shell shocked, drained.

I spend the next three hours in the fetal position.

Yep, sub drop.


AlanK 2015-09-03 15:34:36

Am I allowed to be scared? I’ve got good friends in the BDSM community; I’ve even taken part in scenes with my kinkier friends. But I’ve never experienced anything that intense. Marvelous writing; scary scenario.


    Kendra Holliday 2015-09-03 15:50:48

    Hooray! That means I conveyed it well. I feel proud to have experienced moments like this. Thank you!


Lizzy 2015-09-04 06:57:04

This troubles me.
(To be honest, if I had seen this post anywhere else, I’m not sure if I would have bothered with it at all or just turned away from it, even judgmentally. But as I’ve been following and enjoying your blog for some time, I dug deeper into this topic, my own kinks, anxieties and insecurities.)

When having sex with men I tend to be submissive myself, which does include acting rape scenarios, but not to the intensity you describe.
I don’t understand how you can enjoy this.
To clarify: I don’t want to say “this is wrong and you shouldn’t do/like it”, I simply do not understand, but would very much like to.
It’s not so much the brutality of the rape itself (many of the actions you describe in Kodiak Attack are well beyond my (current?) limits), but the after care, or better: seeming lack thereof.
How can he feel rejuvenated, happy about himself and just go to work, leaving you alone and feeling terrible for a significant amount of time?
As for you, e.g. from >>I gasp anxiously, “You can’t do this on the very day I posted Kodiak Attack!”<< I feel like you weren't too keen on this happening (or was that reaction also part of the play? gosh your writing is so convincingly scary), but even more, does whatever fun you had really make up for three hours in the fetal position? (Again, serious question out of honest curiosity.)

I get that responding to this comment might not be achieved easily in a comment, but would rather need entire blog entries or even books – and I guess, some of those exist. Maybe you could recommend some to me?
I'll be grateful for whatever response you have for me 🙂


    Kendra Holliday 2015-09-04 09:10:32

    I’m SO glad you left this comment! I appreciate the opportunity to explain this post. When we first started exploring BDSM together, we really pushed limits and tried some extreme scenes. This is one of them. For years, we were both domesticated and married, so we relished the chance to explore primal desires and fears. BDSM is fear factor challenge for me, a sport, it’s fun. BDSM is my way of running a marathon or rock climbing or braving a haunted house or roller coaster. I feel proud and accomplished after a scene. Plus, I love the attention! And I love to FEEL, and he gives that to me. I admire how capable he is of being able to flip a switch and play the role of sadistic asshole, when normally he is so respectful and attentive. Not many men can span that spectrum AND know the right time to do it. We both acted in this scene. On the outside, I was begging, but on the inside, I was eager to see what he would do next! Sometimes I come out of a scene feeling happy and exhilarated, but sometimes it leaves me feeling wiped out. This experience taught us a valuable lesson. We want to grow stronger as we explore, not weaker, so we adjust accordingly. Now we allow plenty of time for aftercare.


      Lizzy 2015-09-04 18:07:00

      Nice. 🙂
      I’m really happy for the two of you, it seems great that you can share those things and grow in unforseeable ways.
      And yes, maybe that’s it – not retreating into familiar patterns even if it gets uncomfortable, but gently pushing forwards.

      I don’t know if I seem awfully easy- and quickly convinced, but you’re answer just gave me such a good vibe (not too sound esoteric/high ;-)).
      Thank you!

      And yes you are right, for me the fascination of subbing is also a lot about being the center of attention (by the way, my long time partner, who also is submissive when he has sex with men, says much the same ;-)) and being gifted with surprise and creativity.
      I think I will ask him to try and take a next step with me, whatever that might be, maybe he decides ;-), when we know we have the time for after care.
      I remember going out for pizza the night we had acted the first rape scene, which had come up so…naturally, actually. It had been simply amazing, and two hours later I was still happy, also nervous and insecure – pretty much like being newly in love again after years. And it felt just so good to be emotionally embraced and loved back.

      (Sorry for spamming ;-))


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