How to Approach a Woman – Even if She is a Whore

By Kendra Holliday | May 27, 2020

Embrace your erotic side

I know this is going to sound silly coming from a sex worker, but I’ve finally figured out why I find eager, impatient men to be so off-putting.

I get so many men contacting me who want to go from zero to anal in less than an hour.

My whole mission as a sex surrogate is to teach people how to build intimacy and be a good partner, and guess what?

Building intimacy takes time.

I have an extremely reasonable process in place, but all too often I find myself being pushed along like meat on a conveyer belt, ready to be gobbled up, instead of savored.

A man will contact me, and he’ll get super excited when he finds out that I offer all kinds of sexual exploration experiences. He’ll want to do them ALL RIGHT AWAY.

But I’ve learned that I need time to build a relationship with someone, in order to feel comfortable and for things to be authentic. Otherwise, I feel like I’m forced into a performance, and it leaves me feeling yucky afterward, and a relationship that was initiated with such promise and potential becomes tainted, and I have to cut it off in order to protect myself.

Kendra Holliday portraying vanilla. Photo by Stan Strembicki

Here are my biggest turns offs:
Pushiness/eagerness
Impatience
Stinginess
Immaturity
Entitlement

Here’s what turns me ON:
Patience
Maturity
An attitude of gratitude
A generous spirit

I find that the most rewarding encounters I have are with clients who have allowed me to set the pace for building intimacy. I have amazing relationships with clients I’ve been seeing for years. We’ve made so many fantasies come true together!

Here is how to spoil things quickly:
Contact me
Complain about my policies
Grumble about my rates
Try to penetrate orifices immediately
Push boundaries
Disregard feelings and safety

Here is how to create a lasting relationship with me:
Contact me
Be respectful
Respect my process
Be generous and value my time
Truly appreciate my openness and female energy
Savor the present moment

I don’t like the hobbyists, the sport fuckers, the men using me like a horny bandaid for a quick thrill, the ones who contact me on short notice and act like I have nothing better to do than to cater to their horny penis whims.

Dan Savage calls men like these “testosterone soaked dick monsters.”

Tame that pushy little monster!

If you want it badly, you get it badly.

You have to go slow to go fast. In other words, “Don’t spook the mare.” If you do, she’ll kick you and bolt, and you’ll be left standing there confused, not sure what you did wrong, holding empty reins, and without a ride.

Sometimes men come in at me so hot and greedy, I feel like a tease. I get it – I put out the signal that I am sexually available, and they charge for it. But I’m not a prude! I’m a super freak! I love digging into the taboo fantasy toy box with a play partner and making a big ol’ mess!

But I need to do it on my terms, which again, are not unreasonable.

I like getting to know someone before jumping in bed with them. For most people that takes weeks or months, but I accelerate the process by insisting on a minimum one hour talking consult.

And then, I like to ease into an intro intimacy session. I like to build mental rapport, and a physical foundation. I like to experience vanilla sex with someone before delving into kinky stuff. I like to establish trust. I like to feel safe. How about you?

Here is what I’m passionate about:

A Non-medical, Therapeutic approach

Sexual Functioning/Dysfunction/Creative Adaptation

Goal Directed Sessions

Sexual Instruction

Lifestyle Choices/Lifestyle Frameworks

Skinship

I’m glad to be a part of your journey, your passion midwife, a stepping stone on your erotic path. I want you to get your wings, and then go do good things!

Another thing you need to realize is that penetrating another person is a sacred act. This is why so many of my tantra, pro-domme, and vanilla sisters don’t allow it. You shouldn’t go around all willy-nilly just sticking things in people. If I penetrate someone, I take it seriously. I recognize that it is an honor to be trusted like that.

Building intimacy is a process. Just think of the difference between popping a tin can of food, ordering at a drive-through, calling for food delivery, or investing in gathering the ingredients and preparing a gourmet meal. They’re all ways of feeding your hunger, but some are more satisfying than others. And if there’s one thing I know, it’s that MEN CRAVE FEMALE ENERGY LIKE FOOD.

And I am happy to invite them to sip from my cup of feminine energy, but they need to be respectful about it.

When entering the temple of a sacred prostitute, don’t come in with guns blazing, ready to shoot a porn.

You don’t have to prove to me what a stud you are, or what a great lover you are, or how important you are. Put your ego aside. This is not a performance, or a competition – it’s an experience. It’s an opportunity to connect with someone very unlike you, but with a common universal desire. Allow for yourself to be seen. Be a primal witness. Forgo expectations, and instead embrace an intention of pleasure and sensation. Be touched.

Treat women with reverence

And just think – this was written by a 47-year-old women, a crone-in-training. I’m on the brink of becoming invisible in our society. Just imagine how all the girls and young women feel when you come on strong (hint: they feel violated and traumatized), or the mothers who are trying to care for and protect their children, or the women my age who have spent decades dealing with having their bodies disrespected. In a TED talk given by Gail Dines titled, “Growing Up in a Pornified Culture“, she points out that girls are raised to choose between fuckability and invisibility.

Yes, it’s nice to be desired, but it doesn’t have to come at such a soul-crushing cost.

Don’t fear The Divine Feminine.

Replace the fear with LOVE.

Comments

Don Necessary 2020-05-27 14:03:10

Eloquent article Kendra!

Reply

Marco 2020-06-08 18:04:51

The way you write is so amazing… I really love the way you describe relationship. And it applies to any relationship, really.

Reply

Kitz 2020-06-13 09:47:39

thank you. I was watching some commentary videos on the 90 day fiancee, and some of the men were coming on so fast and hard. First meeting, first date gift? Victoria’s Secret. Sure, and you wonder why you haven’t met anyone even though you are handsome (for your age) and financially successful. Seem like. nice guy…but no one will have a chance to learn that if you lead with lingerie.

Reply

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