By Kendra Holliday | January 17, 2013
Update: St Charles STI testing services got canceled a few years ago. The best place to get tested in my opinion is Planned Parenthood, or mail away kits.
Since I have lots of awesome sex partners, I make it a habit to get tested for STIs quarterly. It’s much easier maintaining good sexual health when you are open and honest about your sexuality!
I love my sex partners, and I love myself. Also, as a parent, I owe it to my daughter to play safe!
There are several options for STI testing (see “sexual health” on Sex Positive St. Louis Links page), but my go-to clinic is St. Charles County Division of Public Health. You can get tested for HIV, hepatitis, gonorrhea, chlamydia, and syphilis – for $10. Not $10 each, but TOTAL PACKAGE. You can’t beat that! (they also test for herpes for an additional cost, but there has to be a visible sore for them to take a culture)
My friend just got tested at Planned Parenthood and it cost her $170! I think they operate on a sliding scale.
Here’s what you can expect from the St. Charles County Clinic:
– It’s small and efficient. You won’t have to wait long – they have a policy that if you’re more than 10 minutes late, you have to reschedule.
– They aren’t open on Fridays.
– The metal chairs in the waiting room are cold and hideous. They also have a television that broadcasts scary public health messages.
– Sometimes you run into interesting characters and you can’t help but wonder if they have cooties. You’re not allowed to bring your kids along.
– The women working there are pretty nice, but they can sometimes come off as judgmental. One time one of them asked me, “How come you come here so often?” I replied, “Because you have a big sign that says “TO REDUCE THE SPREAD OF STD’S, GET TESTED OFTEN.” Duh!
– If you attempt to use your cell phone during your visit, they will kick you out for being rude. They have warning signs posted everywhere.
– They take cash or check only. No credit or debit cards.
I got tested today. They asked me a bunch of questions. When asked when my last menstrual period was, I was so excited to report September of 2012! And that I won’t ever have another period again! Since I no longer have a cervix, they had me pee in a cup instead of swabbing my innards, but they still took a look at my pussy and checked for yeast and bacteria. I was clean as a whistle! I also asked what my vagina looked like without a cervix, and the woman told me it’s like a drawstring purse.
I can dig it!
Thank GOD I was clean and free of blemishes, because I saw this poster hanging on the wall, and learned about an STI that was new to me – have you heard of this one??
GOD I hate pus. Pussy is SO much better without pus! Right?!
They also did a blood draw, which was done expertly.
I was glad to see this sign in the bathroom:
(I took liberties and added the “GOT IT, ASSHOLE?” part myself. They had a blank space for you to customize.)
I go back in two weeks to get my results. They won’t tell you HIV status over the phone.
They have awesome deals on condoms! They sell female condoms 3 for $1, a dozen Magnums for $2, and a dozen Trojans for $1!
I stocked up on as many as they would let me buy.
How about you? Do you have a condom stash? Do you get tested regularly? Do you have any safer sex tips to share?