Cuddling with Crush

By Kendra Holliday | July 10, 2012

Ed Note: I’m in the process of republishing some old posts that have been in hiding, retracing my steps. This was first published in April 2008. At the time I wrote this, I had no way of knowing that this man would eventually become my partner. This cuddle session would lead to many great adventures…

There’s this guy I’ve had a crush on for months, but have never touched. We’re just friends. But one night, we watched a movie together in the cool basement, and I had an opportunity to get closer, and lay my hands on this beast of a man.

He’s a big, strong, solid manly man. He radiates hot energy and his imposing presence is a little intimidating. I was excited! I felt daring, and wondered, “If I touch him, will it burn?”

We started the movie, dimmed the lights, and I tentatively leaned against him. It was strange, but very nice.

The movie was Boondock Saints, which is basically gay porn except they substitute blood for sperm. Talk about homoerotic, sheesh. (I’m really beginning to realize that fighting/violence is the socially acceptable way for men to fuck each other.)

As the movie played, I got more comfortable. I cuddled up in the crook of his arm and felt safe and sweet. His forearms were so strong, thick and hairy. I breathed in the combination of his cologne, manly scent, and whiskey. So warm and inviting.

We held hands. His were big and rough.

He stroked my hair. I noticed how he surreptitiously smelled the top of my head. I wondered what he was thinking. At one point, my head was chest-level, and he took his big paw and gently rested it over my face, cradling it. I sighed and melted into him. What movie?

My hand crept up and I pet above his shirt collar, trying to sneak feels of his chest hair. I kept doing it, and finally he grabbed my hand and shoved it up under his shirt, and my hand rested in his manthicket.


Cuddling with him felt more erotic than many of my swinging adventures. I felt so relaxed and excited at the same time, like being home but on vacation at the same time. We were like teenage cousins in the basement, not even allowed first base, but aching and curious.

Such a delicious feeling.


DeeVee 2012-07-10 14:08:06

There have been many essays written on the sexual analogs of violence in film. Penetration, be it by fang, knife, bullet or body part often has at least some layer of active/passive sexual dynamic in film – whether it be blatant or subtextual.


marie 2012-07-11 22:44:03

This is so beautifully and perfectly described, that reading it makes me feel funny myself.


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