Checking Myself into Rehab

By Kendra Holliday | February 13, 2022

“Rehabilitation is care that can help you get back, keep, or improve abilities that you need for daily life. These abilities may be physical, mental, and/or cognitive (thinking and learning). You may have lost these abilities because of a disease or injury…” – MedlinePlus

Perfect image of my mental state

I believe in being open and honest. I’m not in the business of lying to people. I’ve been telling everyone that I’ve been dealing with a family emergency, which is true – but this time, that family member is mostly ME.

I am not well. I am not fit for public consumption.

I can’t afford to check myself into a health spa in a beautiful location, but I can create my own care plan and rehabilitate at my beautiful little fairy cottage.

Kendra Holliday portraying vanilla. Photo by Stan Strembicki

I wish I had the foresight to plan ahead and take the entire month of March or April off, but instead, I had an emergency happen, and now I have to be reactive, instead of proactive.

Oh, the shame! 🙂

To my great dismay, I’ve found that my burnout and breakdowns have been happening more frequently, and more intensely. I’ve learned that I try to patch myself back together and get back on the horse again too soon, and this pattern is not sustainable. If I keep doing what I’ve been doing, I will end up permanently disabled – or dead.

So, I need more time.

I need more time to heal, sort things out, and figure out next steps.

 

Fallen Angel

I’m not ashamed of being extra-sensitive and caring – that’s why I love what I do so much, and why I’m so good at it. I feel other’s suffering deeply. I take it to heart. I strive to be fully present when I am sharing intimacy with others. I take my Trauma Stewardship seriously.

I have Compassion Fatigue.

I truly apologize to those who are inconvenienced by my convalescence. I’m in various stages of working with many people, and I hate to interrupt the process. However, taking time to restructure my personal, professional, and philanthropic endeavors is a necessity.

Thank you for allowing me the space and time to heal.

I’ve tried and tried to get professional help over the past couple years, but the system is too overloaded, so I’m going to rely on my partner, family, and close friends.

My heart goes out to all the souls out there suffering, who are seeking help and healing. I’m proud to have helped thousands of people find health and happiness the past 15 years, and I’m sorry to anyone I’ve let down. I’ve been doing the best I can, as just one unconventional, sex-positive woman in the Midwest.

Thank you so much for your patience and understanding. You can check back here for updates, or my Twitter account.

Wishing us all love, compassion, and empathy.

We are The Beautiful Kind.

Home.

 

 

Comments

David 2022-02-13 15:14:20

Yours is a beautiful, transcendent soul.

Reply

    Kendra Holliday 2022-02-15 07:12:26

    Thank you, David.

    Reply

John K Mefford 2022-02-13 15:21:43

I think about you often. I worry about you. And I care about you. So many times I have wanted to tap into you energy but haven’t because I don’t want to take anything from you. Wish I could do more, but I don’t know what to do.
John

Reply

    Kendra Holliday 2022-02-15 07:12:11

    Thank you, John. I know we’ve both seen each other go through a lot of life’s trials and tribulations. Glad we’re both still here to appreciate the lovely things as well.

    Reply

Mike j 2022-02-13 16:25:50

We are all here for you Kendra. You have spent your time helping and caring for us, it’s time you take care of yourself. Thank you for the update and you have our best wishes for a full recovery when the time allows. Deep stress can take a toll on the body and since you have been there for many of us, we need to be there for you. There are a lot of us that deeply care about you and will be there for you when you are ready, no matter how long that takes.

You are the best Kendra. If there is anything any of us can do for you, you only need to ask.

Reply

    Kendra Holliday 2022-02-15 07:11:08

    Thank you, Mike.

    Reply

Lisa 2022-02-13 16:48:13

I don’t know how you’ve given as much have for so long. What you do is taxing. People love to take, take, take and sometimes you’ve gotta shut that gate for a longer period of time if not for good. My wish for you during this period of convalescence is that you take as long as you need to deeply care for yourself. Sending you strength and love.

Reply

    Kendra Holliday 2022-02-15 07:09:54

    Thank you, Lisa. I’m glad to know you.

    Reply

D.B. 2022-02-13 23:52:12

You once helped me a lot, just by talking to me and being so compassionate. Thank you. May you be healthy and happy, and may you live with ease.

Reply

    Kendra Holliday 2022-02-15 07:08:50

    Thank you so much, D.B.

    Reply

Hector 2022-02-14 08:59:55

I hate to be the one to break this to you, but your photos conceal the text of your post.

Reply

    Kendra Holliday 2022-02-15 05:51:33

    I don’t see the issue using Chrome or Safari on my HP laptop or iPhone. What internet browsers and devices are you using?

    Reply

      Hector 2022-02-15 07:59:22

      Google, but whatever, no need to read all the text.

      Myself, whenever I felt like you, I placed my hopes on God. Until, this May, I watched a channel on youtube, and its videos convinced me that there is no God. Now that I know that there is no God or afterlife, that we all are doomed to eternal oblivion, I don’t know where to go from here. What does it matter if I ever find out what I want from women? I will still be doomed to eternal oblivion. I wish I had something consoling to say to you, but I don’t.

      Reply

Erika 2022-02-15 06:28:10

I came to the same conclusion back in 2012 and that’s why I did sex work part time! I literally felt my soul dying at certain points and that frightened me! I was gonna either get addicted to pain pills or worse!

Reply

Angie 2022-02-16 13:36:11

We don’t know each other, but I appreciate your ability to say what you’re going through. You are going to heal beautifully. Thank you for being so brave.

Reply

W.D. 2022-02-17 00:26:56

Hope this is of some help… healing begins with identifying where the impact, the wound, the failing is. Then realizing nothing important is instantly achieved. And the realization that accepting the help and understanding of others close to us is part of the process. I’ve followed you for years and know you have immense power and compassion for others. Find that compassion for YOU. You are so worth it! Blessings and healing to you, sweet goddess. WD

Reply

Joan Price 2022-02-17 17:50:22

Thank you for your truth and for taking care of yourself. You give so much to others. Of course you have to pull back sometimes and give that beautiful emotional energy to yourself. “Compassion Fatigue” is a perfect term. Much love to you.

Reply

Glenn Klostermann 2022-03-03 14:12:11

Kendra please take care of yourself
1st and foremost take time to allow yourself the space you need.
You have so many friends to rely on. They will listen and comfort you.
Until we meet again.

Reply

Gary 2022-03-05 00:51:31

Take all the time you need. Your health is the most important thing. And thank you for being you.

Reply

Rick 2022-03-09 08:11:20

Kendra,

Thank you for sharing your story with us all. Love how open and transparent you are. Wish more people could be when they are hurting! You give so much of yourself! Been worried about you–Let me know if there is anyway I can help! Always happy to talk. –Rick

Reply

Don 2022-03-09 15:27:10

Hoping you find help soon. You are an inspiration and we need you happy, healthy and wise.

Reply

Chris Boehm 2022-03-14 12:32:52

Please take your time. You are such an inspiration to us all. Now is the time to heal. God bless you.

Reply

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