Category Archives: Society

Local and National Mental Health Support

By Kendra Holliday | May 12, 2022

I know this isn’t a sexy topic, but during this pandemic I’ve been getting lots of inquiries from desperately sad people. Some are suicidal.

I’m not a licensed therapist. My specialty is sex, not suicide. But I truly care about your health and happiness, and I’ve struggled with mental health my entire life, and have been suicidal myself.

Please browse this Links page under counseling for St Louis mental health professionals.

In addition, here are other resources:

National:

National Suicide Prevention Hotline

A free, 24-hour hotline available to anyone in suicidal crisis or emotional distress. Your call will be routed to the nearest crisis center to you. 1-800-273-TALK (8255)

National Hopeline Network 

Hopeline provides support with trained counselors through this national hotline to prevent suicide. 1-800-442-HOPE(4673)

Crisis Text Line

Crisis Text Line serves anyone, in any type of crisis, providing access to free, 24/7 support and information via a medium people already use and trust: text. Text, “HOME” to 741741

Military/Veterans Suicide Hotline

1-800-273-8255, press 1

KUTO (Kids Under Twenty-One)

Available to any youth needing assistance, staffed by youth volunteers

Trans Lifeline

Trans Lifeline is a grassroots hotline and microgrants 501(c)(3) non-profit organization offering direct emotional and financial support to trans people in crisis – for the trans community, by the trans community. 877-565-8860  https://www.translifeline.org/

LGBTQ Youth Suicide Hotline

Serving LGBTQ youth in crisis. 1-866-488-7386

Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration

SAMHSA’s National Helpline is a free, confidential, 24/7, 365-day-a-year treatment referral and information service (in English and Spanish) for individuals and families facing mental and/or substance use disorders. 1-800-662-HELP (4357) https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline

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Amateur Threesomes vs Professional Threesomes

By Kendra Holliday | May 6, 2022

The other day, a friend I’ve known for years texted me out of the blue:

“Hi Kendra! After years of celibacy, I’m finally having sex again! He’s amazing. We want to experience many things together, can you give me advice on hiring a sex worker for a threesome?”

Pay attention.

I was so excited for my friend! I let her know about these sites they could explore together, as well as searching twitter using keywords, such as #STL #GFE #datestl, (be sure and click on “latest” tab at the top):

Eros.com  

https://www.eroticmonkey.ch/ 

https://skipthegames.com/ 

https://www.escortdirectory.com/

https://privatedelights.ch/

https://www.theeroticreview.com/

https://tryst.link/us/escorts 

I told her that if a couple is looking to hire a sex worker, it’s better for the woman to initiate contact, as that shows the worker she’s involved in the process and not being “dragged along.” I advised her to read the website instructions, and expect to be screened and pay a deposit.

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Checking Myself into Rehab

By Kendra Holliday | February 13, 2022

“Rehabilitation is care that can help you get back, keep, or improve abilities that you need for daily life. These abilities may be physical, mental, and/or cognitive (thinking and learning). You may have lost these abilities because of a disease or injury…” – MedlinePlus

Perfect image of my mental state

I believe in being open and honest. I’m not in the business of lying to people. I’ve been telling everyone that I’ve been dealing with a family emergency, which is true – but this time, that family member is mostly ME.

I am not well. I am not fit for public consumption.

I can’t afford to check myself into a health spa in a beautiful location, but I can create my own care plan and rehabilitate at my beautiful little fairy cottage.

Kendra Holliday portraying vanilla. Photo by Stan Strembicki

I wish I had the foresight to plan ahead and take the entire month of March or April off, but instead, I had an emergency happen, and now I have to be reactive, instead of proactive.

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No Room at the Inn

By Kendra Holliday | December 16, 2021

A very happy and shiny Kendra Holliday

Confession: My email inbox stocking is stuffed full of inquiries.

Right now, I have about 65 people waiting to hear from me, dating back two months. 🙁 I reply to as many as sweet souls as I can every day, in between sessions and other duties and obligations. (BTW: If you’re waiting for an email from me, check your spam folder. My domain name is blacklisted due to my web host allowing adult content.)

Ideally, I’d like to get back to people within 48 hours, but I’m just one person, and I often get sucked into my menopause mood swings and my dad’s illness – he has mid-stage dementia and I’m his primary care partner. I’ve learned that it is extremely draining to be someone’s quality-of-life support, someone’s seeing eye brain, someone’s backup human being. Even though he lives in assisted living, he depends on me for just about everything.

(As an aside, I’m astonished that I used to have FIVE creatures dependent on me – both my sick parents, my two old cats, and a daughter. All that is left is my dad. I swore to my mother on her death bed that I would take care of him, and I’ve assured him that I will be there for him, for as long as he needs me.)

So all this is to say, I try my best to help others in between my mental health issues and family duties. I’m eager to help people who understand and respect my process. 🙂

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Cowboy Ethics

By Kendra Holliday | December 11, 2021

Do y’all know about Cowboy Ethics?

I keep the book by my bed, right next to the condoms, candles, and lube. It’s like my bible.

Do you follow The Code of the West?

Do you follow The Code of the West?

It’s also like porn to me – totally sexy. People who possess Cowboy Ethics TURN ME ON.

So, what are these good qualities that make me drool and take notice?

I’m not talking about rodeos and eating steak and slinging guns and chewing tobacco. I do like country music, however – it’s so sentimental! And I LOVE country living – give me a cabin in the woods any day!

Do the right thing.

Do the right thing.

Here’s what I’m talking about.

People with Cowboy Ethics are rugged. They are patient. They are passionate. They don’t quit. They have a heightened sense of justice. They do the right thing.

Some people come by their Cowboy Ethics honestly – it’s effortless for them. Others need training, like me! I strive to live by the Code of the West.

Here are the ten tenets – how many of these ring true to you? Which ones do you need to work on?

1. Live each day with courage.

Be brave. Be strong. Conquer your fears. Courage means “to have heart.” Having courage means doing what is right, even when it scares the living daylights out of you. Be true to yourself.

Talking openly and honestly about my intensely personal and kinky sex life, and posting photos of myself naked – right down to my hairy armpits and shaved pussy – being intimate with the world, sharing myself with strangers – that takes courage.

Don’t be a coward. Face your fears. Replace the fear with LOVE.

This here cowgirl is tough!

This here cowgirl is tough!

2. Take pride in your work.

My top three priorities are my daughter, my life’s passion (sex and relationships), and work (making money). Luckily, some of these things overlap. I’m a single mom, so I have to bust a move if I want to take my daughter on a nice trip or splurge on renting a fancy house for a play party.

I take my passion seriously and have pride in my work. I give talks at universities and for medical professionals. I work with licensed sex therapists. I mentor women interested in sex work. I host amazing events. I run a stellar volunteer organization. I absolutely LOVE my work as a counselor and sex surrogate. That is where my true talent lies, and where I make a real difference in people’s lives.

You should always try to leave people, places, and things better than you found them.

It’s good to have more than one way to make money. Be diverse in your skills, but also be an expert in something. Be passionate! What are your top three priorities? What are you passionate about?

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The Casting Couch

By Kendra Holliday | November 13, 2021

Queen Bee, by Hot Octopuss

I have many wonderful clients. One of my favorites is an older gentleman. We’ve been exploring together since 2013!

He’s sweet, considerate, brilliant, generous, respectful, easy going…I love him!

He greatly admires strong, intelligent women – for REAL, he’s not just saying that like so many other men do. His actions match his words.

We usually meet twice a month, alternating between talk and touch sessions. He’s the person I did the Orgasm Experiment with, and he’s a big fan of creative sex.

Usually, our sessions involve me taking on the role of a bossy, demanding woman, such as a stepmother or teacher or nurse. But every once in a while, he tries to get outside his comfort zone and he assumes the power position, such as creepy boss “Mr. Jones.”

Recently, he suggested this roleplay to me:

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Toxic Masculinity from a Sex Worker Perspective

By Kendra Holliday | November 3, 2021

Trust me, I’m a wise witch!

I’m going to preface this with the following disclaimer: I’m a witchy, woo woo, sex worker goddess, and this brain dump is going to sound crazy. I’m fine with that, as I fully embrace my hormonal mood swings and non-traditional way of thinking. I live in a society with lots of self-imposed cages, and my motto is “Think outside the cage.”

So, hear me out, let it all sink in, and let me know what you think!

Toxic masculinity goes hand in hand with white supremacy, and it’s making me sick. It’s making A LOT of us sick.

I’ve been diving deep into history, addiction, psychology, science, and more, and I’ve connected some dots.

Centuries ago, people from Europe set out and explored the world. They invaded many areas and took them over. They brought disease, death, and disruption to the people already living there.

They set up elaborate exports and imports of toxic trade – sugar, tobacco, alcohol, and slavery. They brought oppressive religions and destructive concepts that were deadly and divisive.

They declared that people, plants, animals, and places were all possessions. They put up fences, walls, and demanded territorialism.

They sought to control everything, and lived with a scarcity mindset. They instilled and lived in fear. They were hungry for power imbalance. They felt they were anointed by God, and thus justified in all their actions.

These things represent male energy: fire, cars, guns, alcohol, nicotine, conquering, destruction.

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Whip Smart

By Kendra Holliday | August 23, 2021

Me playing Cruella de Vil

So, last month, I had a breakdown. I got really mentally and physically ill for a few days. I could barely function – my heart raced, my blood pressure was high, I was sobbing and puking, etc…

This wasn’t my first episode like this – I’ve had a few – due to menopause, hormones, overheating, stress, alcohol abuse, grief, family issues (my dad has dementia), burnout…

This time, I think what caused me to crash and burn was scheduling several intense sessions the week after I got back from vacation.

This is nothing against the lovely men I played with, or the scene topics, but I’ve found that some sessions affect me more than others.

My easy sessions involve surrogate work, TLC, sensual, playful topics.

The more challenging sessions for me these days involve more corporal, kinky, dark fantasies and roleplays. They’re a lot of fun, but they can be very draining, and sometimes it takes me a couple days to recover from the emotional hangover. It didn’t use to be that way – I used to move on quicker. That makes me wonder, is it worth it to me to do these types of sessions? Why do I feel more anxious before some sessions than with others?

I often hear from clients about a Dominatrix they were fond of, but the Domme retired “after a few months.” I wonder why that is? And how do some Dommes make it a decades-long career? Does it depend on their personality? (I’m an INFJ – I feel A LOT).

I decided to read Melissa Febos‘ book Whip Smart, her memoir about being a Dominatrix in NYC for three years. I was shocked and validated by what I read. I highly recommend you check it out.

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How to Approach a Woman – Even if She is a Whore

By Kendra Holliday | August 19, 2021

Embrace your erotic side

I know this is going to sound silly coming from a sex worker, but I’ve finally figured out why I find eager, impatient men to be so off-putting.

I get so many men contacting me who want to go from zero to anal in less than an hour.

My whole mission as a sex surrogate is to teach people how to build intimacy and be a good partner, and guess what?

Building intimacy takes time.

I have an extremely reasonable process in place, but all too often I find myself being pushed along like meat on a conveyer belt, ready to be gobbled up, instead of savored.

A man will contact me, and he’ll get super excited when he finds out that I offer all kinds of sexual exploration experiences. He’ll want to do them ALL RIGHT AWAY.

But I’ve learned that I need time to build a relationship with someone, in order to feel comfortable and for things to be authentic. Otherwise, I feel like I’m forced into a performance, and it leaves me feeling yucky afterward, and a relationship that was initiated with such promise and potential becomes tainted, and I have to cut it off in order to protect myself.

Kendra Holliday portraying vanilla. Photo by Stan Strembicki

Here are my biggest turns offs:
Pushiness/eagerness
Impatience
Stinginess
Immaturity
Entitlement

Here’s what turns me ON:
Patience
Maturity
An attitude of gratitude
A generous spirit

I find that the most rewarding encounters I have are with clients who have allowed me to set the pace for building intimacy. I have amazing relationships with clients I’ve been seeing for years. We’ve made so many fantasies come true together!

Here is how to spoil things quickly:
Contact me
Complain about my policies
Grumble about my rates
Try to penetrate orifices immediately
Push boundaries
Disregard feelings and safety

Here is how to create a lasting relationship with me:
Contact me
Be respectful
Respect my process
Be generous and value my time
Truly appreciate my openness and female energy
Savor the present moment

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How I REALLY Feel About Unsolicited Cock Shots

By Kendra Holliday | June 19, 2021

Here we go again. I thought all my friends, lovers and clients knew, but since I just got ANOTHER ONE… 😫

I do NOT like receiving unsolicited cock shots.

I don’t care if I’m a sex worker.

I don’t care if you got carried away.

I don’t care if I’ve played with your cock.

I don’t care if I’ve had it in my mouth.

I don’t care if you are someone I’ve been fucking with for years, or are brand new and exciting.

I don’t care if you are Barack Obama. (Note: My point is, he would NEVER do that. Anthony Weiner, however, WOULD.)

If you send me a cock shot, it’s like a slap in the face, an instant turn off, and an online assault, and I will fine you $50 and demand an apology if you ever want to interact with me again.

It’s all about comfort and context, people.

Wait, no…MEN.

I challenge you to comment if you’ve never sent a cock shot, or wish to publicly apologize for sending a cock shot. Or feel completely justified in sending a cock shot.

So, without further ado…

Wanna know the quickest way NOT to get under my skirt?

Think dealbreaker, hard limit, red flag, turn OFF.

OK, besides wearing ugly footwear or torturing small mammals.

Send me an unsolicited cock shot.

Is this what men imagine their cock shot looks like?

My dick is a GOD!

or this?

My dick is seriously BAD ASS.

or this?

My penis is all-powerful!

Guys. Here is what it really looks like:

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A Woman for Sale

By Kendra Holliday | May 20, 2021

This is a guest post by my friend, mentor, and fellow sex worker, Erika Jones. It was originally published in her delightfully refreshing newsletter. You can visit her website to sign up for that, and more!

Erika Jones, of Ebony Body Works TV

“What made you do this kind of work”?

If I had a round of ammo for how many times I have heard this over the past 25 years, I could overthrow a small country with an army of stiletto wearing hookers.

I once felt like I had to respond with some tired cliché’ like: “It’s empowering” or “I like pleasing men”.

Then a few weeks ago, I was asked that dreaded question once again, and I had what some would call a moment of shear clarity and responded “Because I can“….It was so refreshing to say those words.

Contrary to popular belief, and what the media spews to the public, sex workers are no different than your average woman. They have children, a man, a home, bills, and sometimes a “regular” 9-5. They just so happen to be hookers on the side. And with the American population so quick to judge them, it’s imperative that Americans understand that a person isn’t defined by what they do for a living.

If a woman were a garbage lady, would that make her garbage? If she worked for the sewer company, does that make her shit? In the end, we all prostitute ourselves in some sort of way. Whether you model or dance the ballet, you are still using your body to make a profit. Back in pre-historic times, the men would show off their strengths and abilities to find wives and mates.

The women would come along and accept these men’s sexual requests in exchange for food, protection, companionship, and shelter. And this is where the idea of prostitution began… And they don’t call it the world’s oldest profession for nothing…

I think that most females get wrapped up in the whole label thing, and being called a hooker is the worst thing you can call her. But if you take all the sugar babies, kept women, and trophy wives and put them in one big room next to your top paid hookers, they all start to look the same…

Because they are!

Post Pandemic Playtime

By Kendra Holliday | March 26, 2021

Kendra Holliday, 2021

If you are reading this, CONGRATULATIONS!

You survived the pandemic!

2,757,473 around the world have not, 546,825 being in the United States. I don’t have to be accurate typing out those numbers, as they will continue to go up. We’re not quite out of the woods yet.

But what a time to be alive! We all have spring fever and, after being disrupted and on hold for a year, we’re ready to reconnect, and make things happen.

I’m fortunate to be one of the 12% of Missouri residents fully vaccinated right now, which means I can start seeing select clients in-person again next month.

I’ll start off seeing only one or two people in-person a week, as I ease back into things. I will give priority to the following:

  1. Those who read my Cowboy Ethics post.
  2. Those who read my How to Approach a Woman – Even if She is a Whore post.
  3. Those who follow my protocol. I have a screening system in place because it works.
  4. Those who have already established a relationship history with me.
  5. Those who are fully vaccinated.
  6. Those who pay ahead. When I say “deposits make me horny,” I mean that deposits offer a sense of security, which allows me to relax and better prepare for our time together.

If you contact me and mention the word “dollhouse,” I’ll know that you have read this post. 🙂

I try and help as many people as I can, but that isn’t always possible, due to finances, logistics, safety, rude behavior…make no mistake, I operate on mutual respect. Please don’t come at me sideways and expect good results. Not everyone is a good fit.

Oh, and one more thing – I’m not sure when Sex Positive St Louis will be up and running again – we’ve been pretty dormant. 2020 was our Ten Year Anniversary! And I don’t know when I’ll be hosting the next TBK Play Party, but if you have any venue suggestions, let me know! The first post-pandemic play party should be EPIC!

Let’s party!!!

Why Creative Sex is Better Than Straight Sex

By Kendra Holliday | February 18, 2021

Let me school you on creative sex…

Years ago, I went to a swinger party with an ex. There were six women at the party, and we all had lots of fun. But, to my surprise, when we were driving home, my ex lamented, “I only got to be with four of the women there.”

Huh??

That’s right – he was dissatisfied with only getting to stick his penis in four of the women’s vaginas that night. He was keeping score!

I’ve noticed other times where I’ve played with a man, and we’ve gotten naked, shared pleasure, had oral, but he left disappointed because he didn’t get to do ALL THE THINGS, i.e., stick his penis in my vagina and have intercourse.

I have clients who spend time with me, and instead of basking in female energy and pleasure, they get bummed if they don’t have an encounter that involves them having an 8 inch penis that remains hard for 45 minutes and drilling me bareback in four different positions.

In other words, they feel let down that they aren’t having sex like they see in mainstream porn.

Meanwhile, I’m having amazing, abundant sex with my partner of 12 years that is leaving us both extremely happy and fulfilled.

The Key to Good Sex!

You want to know why?

Because we are having CREATIVE SEX. We aren’t having straight sex!

Straight sex is what you see in mainstream porn. It is male centered. It’s penis focused. It’s vigorous and aggressive. It’s filmed for camera angles, and based around the male orgasm. It’s objectifying. It’s GOAL ORIENTED, which can set the stage for unrealistic expectations and A LOT of anxiety. And anxiety is terrible for arousal!

The women in straight porn are often uncomfortable – from the fake eyelashes and bleached hair and garter belts and heels, to the pussy pounding and loud vocalization and money shot in the eye.

Creative sex, on the other hand, is more about pleasure, skinship, being in the moment. It is about savoring the experience.

Straight men crave intimacy and connection, but they seek it out in a rigid way that can set them up for disappointment and failure. Moreover, it can be off putting or dissatisfying to their partners.

Creative sex is more egalitarian, and allows for more pleasure and orgasms for all parties involved.

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I Met Larry Flynt!

By Kendra Holliday | February 10, 2021

Larry Flynt and me! photo by Mike Estes

Ed Note: This was originally published June 29, 2012. Larry Flynt died today, Feb 10, 2021. What a legend. 🙁

Earlier this year, I was featured in Hustler magazine.

Hustler Hollywood store threw a party to celebrate, which was a lot of fun.

But that was NOTHING compared to what happened this week! Larry Flynt visited St. Louis and I got to meet him!

I asked one of my girlfriends to go with me. “You want to be seen with a hot chick, don’t you?” she commented drily. Well, yeah!!!

With her white power suit and mirror shades, she looked like my bodyguard – a super sexy Charlie’s Angels type bodyguard.

We walked up to the store and were greeted by a bearded man handing out postcards. Upon first glance, the slick marketing material looked like it was made by Hustler, but upon closer inspection, it proved to be anti-porn literature!

Every year millions of men and women become addicted to porn. Millions let their lust control them. ‘Lust’ is having sexual or pornographic thoughts about another person.

In the book of Matthew, Jesus says if you LOOK at a woman with LUST you’ve already committed Adultery in your heart.

In the book of James, the Bible says that if you break only one commandment, you’re guilty of ALL of them. Breaking God’s law is called sin. Sin leads to death…

So clever of them to try and make people feel guilty for coming to an adult toy store.

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Can Women Get Ruined From Too Much Sex?

By Kendra Holliday | January 17, 2021

Dear Kendra,

A recent tweet of yours got me thinking. Someone asked about the number of sex partners and someone answered, “Why does it matter?”

Well, the average guy like myself, ignorant to the female body, thinks men can have sex with a thousand females and have no physical change to the penis, but if a woman has sex with a bunch of partners, her vagina becomes stretched out or damaged in some way.

As I get older and wiser, this seems like a really stupid believe. Can women have sex with many partners without physical change? Could you explain how the female body really works and educate us cavemen?

My reply:

Sexy hipsters

Sexy hipsters

Every body is different, so some women have very tight vaginas to begin with that slowly become looser over time, kids or no kids, sex partners or not.

How many kids you have makes a difference. So can how much you use your vagina. OR it makes no difference! What if she has c-sections, for instance?

What if she fucks guys with HUGE dicks?

What if she’s a porn star? I’ve heard of porn stars doing anal scenes for five years who sustain damage. Then there is Belladonna who takes really good care of her body and exercises muscles most of us aren’t even aware of!

A woman can do Kegel exercises and tighten PC muscles and make things better.

I’ve asked several guys how different pussies compare – guys who have been with total sluts, women who have had NO kids or four kids, and they say it all feels the same. I think that is their honest answer.

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