By Kendra Holliday | January 10, 2021
Category Archives: Random Bullshit
I offer sex and relationship consulting, and I’m happy to say that I’ve been getting more women, LGBT folks, and couples these days. Historically, most of the people who have sought me out for my unique services have been men who crave female energy.
The Top 5 reasons why people contact me are, in this order:
1. He’s a married man in his 50’s or 60’s whose wife is not interested in sex (mismatched libido)
2. He/she/they have some sort of sexual issue they want to work through, such as inexperience, adult virginity, anxiety, or orgasm/penis problems (Erectile Dysfunction is a common complaint – it can get complex when you heap social conditioning and anxiety on top of the natural aging process.)
3. He/she/they are interested in branching out sexually, either because they are in transition, in between relationships, not getting laid, or curious about alternative lifestyle options (non-monogamy, BDSM, sex work, etc.)
4. He has a fetish and is ashamed/seeking an outlet
5. They want to meet me, and possibly rub me for good luck
My goal is to offer tools, connections, and non-traditional options so that the people seeking me out can reach their goal of becoming happier and healthier. My approach is unconventional, and I get referrals from licensed sex therapists. I’m pretty well connected and have a strong network. Sex is my specialty, which ties into work, family, personal – everything!
Here is a list of resources I most often recommend to my clients:
By Kendra Holliday | December 25, 2020
If there is one word that summarizes this year for me, it would be “disrupted.”
As of March 2020, everything broke apart and turned upside down.
I listened to a podcast where they talked about “All That 2020 Has Taken From Us.”
Here’s my list, what’s yours?
Things 2020 Took From Me:
80% of my income (thank goodness for a few good men who have kept safely in touch this year)
My 20 year old cat – he died of a sudden brain tumor in Feb.
Sex Positive St Louis events – our annual clothing optional spring fling, our naked pool party, Fleshtivus, our 10 year anniversary celebration.
My birthday trip.
Our summer vacation.
My 19 year old cat – she died of mouth cancer last month.
My childhood home – I helped my dad move into an assisted living apartment and sell his home. We got rid of almost everything.
Most of my dad’s brain – his dementia has gotten so much worse the past few weeks.
My mental health – I’ve had a few breakdowns and bad days, but I’m feeling okay right now. Going to revisit my Sanity Plan next week!
The most frustrating thing I’ve had to deal with this year is impatient men who push my boundaries. They contact me, I state my protocol, and they immediately start to push my boundaries, whining about masks, trying to get as much of my time, energy and expertise as they can for as cheap as possible.
It’s a constant cycle of eager acolytes who contact me – I try to teach them how to light the candles, and they want to just rush in and burn down the church. It feels so disrespectful and is exhausting.
By Kendra Holliday | October 3, 2020
I’m 47 years old. Here is my life trajectory so far:
1973: I’m born in North Dakota. Brrrr!
1974: My family moves to Dallas, Texas.
1975: Who the hell knows.
1976: My brother is born.
1977: Um, Elvis dies?
1978: My sister is born. My brother throws up. I remember my first dream; I’m kidnapped by Captain Hook and held hostage with Raggedy Ann and Andy. He cuts off my foot and it looks like SpaghettiOs.
1979: My family moves to St. Louis.
1980: My baby brother is born, and dies two days later. My mom tries to kill herself several times, and when that fails, she burns his name into the back of her hand with a soldering iron. She is never the same again. A very dark time.
1981: Life still sucks. My mom is a complete wreck.
1982: My brother is born. My grandmother dies.
1983: I get molested by an older, adopted brother. It SUCKS. I get sent to therapy, and I don’t know why. I think I’m being punished. I am a victim.
1984: I have my first lesbian encounter. It’s hot and naughty. I’m 11.
1985: My baby sister is born. I drop her on her head, but don’t kill her. Skeptical about god’s involvement, I become an atheist.
1986: I hit puberty and middle school, and lose all my artistic talent and confidence. My family is poor white trash, and I am branded a zitty nerd. It sucks.
1987: My mom keeps getting crazier and crazier. It makes me crazy, and I attempt suicide. I spend time in three different mental hospitals. I lose my virginity to a 24 year old creep with a mustache because he keeps badgering me and I finally give in. It sucks.
1988: My moms tries to kill herself again. I put pressure on her slashed, gaping arms as my dad calls the ambulance. She gets hospitalized a lot, and OD’s, and gets shock treatment. I fuck around and feel very confused. It sucks.
By Kendra Holliday | August 28, 2020
Three is my magic number.
I was born 3-23-73.
I’m really good at threesomes. 🙂
I have sacred feminine triangles all over my body – my hairy underarms and pubic hair represents one; my breasts and belly represent another.
I find that my life is best balanced when I’m nurturing these three things:
Professional career – represented by my site Be Open and Honest
Personal life – represented by this blog!
Philanthropic endeavors – represented by Sex Positive St. Louis, my all-volunteer community organization
Sometimes, things get out of whack, and my personal life suffers, or my volunteer efforts lag, but I’ve found that the best way to keep things balanced is to ENFORCE MY BOUNDARIES.
I know my boundaries, but they are always being pushed by other people and forces, and it’s exhausting! They don’t mean to do it, but that’s life as a sex worker whose motto is: NEVER BORED.
Here are some examples of my boundaries:
- I always use condoms with intercourse. I don’t let random men rub their penis on my vulva.
- I don’t receive anal. It’s not an erogenous zone for me. But I’ll gladly give it! 😉
- I do things on my own terms. If someone contacts me and wants to work with me but doesn’t want to follow my guidelines, then I don’t work with them. I have my protocol in place for a reason.
It’s funny, but I find that the more I put out there, the more some people expect. For instance, I post a Panty of the Day pic on Twitter, and I’ll have men send me Direct Messages asking for more free pics.
By Kendra Holliday | May 27, 2020
For about six weeks in 2012, which included the entire month of May, I did not shave anything on my body – legs, underarms, pubic area. (my recap video is here.)
This weekend, we had a shave party!
Let me show you the legs first. In this pic, I have one leg shaved – can you tell which one?
Let’s take a closer look:
I was glad to shave my calves – wearing skirts with hairy legs is fine. I loved feeling the breeze tickle the hair. But wearing pants or tights with hairy legs felt CREEPY and annoying.
Next, my crotch.
By Kendra Holliday | January 18, 2020
I saw this stupid list titled 100 Foods You Should Eat Before You Die on a food blog, and was NOT impressed. Cocktails? Frito pie? Spam? Really? I’m sorry, but I don’t think you need to eat Spam before you die.
So, my omnivorous partner and I (me = a sushitarian, which means I’m vegetarian but eat sushi once a month, or more, depending on whether you buy me some or not) came up with a better version of the list, which is below. I’m no foodie, but I’m a hardcore worldly sensualist, so there you have it. I know this post is not sex-related, but it’s going to be linked to another post that is.
How many of these things have you tried? Do tell! And then next time, we’ll dig a little deeper…
1. Chocolate covered strawberries
2. Fried okra
4. Eggplant parmesan
5. Bagel & Lox
7. King crab legs
8. BBQ ribs
9. Young coconut
12. Black Truffle
17. Cheese Fondue
18. Habanero pepper
19. Vegetable korma
20. Chile relleno
21. Chilled cherry soup
23. New England Clam Chowder
26. Crickets, larvae, locusts, or some other insect
27. Garlic stuffed olives
28. Dandelions (leaves, flowers or roots)
29. Fresh pineapple
By Kendra Holliday | December 25, 2019
You know what gives a sex worker a serious case of frosty burnout? An onslaught of timewasters and disrespectful horny men.
It’s winter now, and I’ve been dealing with a bone chilling, relentless dick blizzard.
It’s enough to make my pussy FRIGID.
Baby, it’s cold outside. Don’t be all rapey, virtual, or otherwise.
I feel like I’m doing the heavy lifting. Other women are opting out – they’re had enough and are done with dick – which makes more men cluster up, desperate and eager, their testosterone levels sloshing out and flinging on anyone they can access.
If you want to warm a woman up, make her feel comfortable and respected.
If you want to wear a woman out, be pushy and insensitive.
Believe me, I LOVE sex and men and doing what I do, but when it comes to the creepers, it goes like this:
On the twelfth day of Christmas
my horny fans sent to me:
12 Dicks Drumming
Eleven Pricks Piping
Ten Dicks a Leaping
Nine Dongs Dancing
Eight Dicks a Milking
Seven Dicks a Swimming
Six Cocks a Laying
Five Golden DIIIIIIICKS
Four Calling Dicks
Three French Dicks
Two Turtle Dicks
and a Penis in a Pear Tree.
Now repeat twelve times.
Merry Dickmas, Everyone!
Luckily, I get a boner break – I get to choose who I spend time with. So if you want to spend time with me, follow my rules. Otherwise, take that dick and go elsewhere!
Meanwhile, I’m taking care of business, then heading to a tropical resort in January.
And then I will return, refreshed and ready to rendezvous again! See you next year!
By Kendra Holliday | September 5, 2019
I’ve been having lots of national speakers (Joan Price! Marty Klein!), friends, and esteemed clients travel to St Louis to see ME or attend conferences, events or fulfill prestigious speaking engagements, and they often ask me what St Louis has going on.
Well, let me tell you – there’s A LOT going on between the legs of The Arch!
From the honorary sex-positive Ambassador and Queen Whore Madame of St Louis, here are my suggestions!
The City Museum downtown is the MUST SEE place in St Louis. TRUST ME AND EVERYONE ELSE AND GO THERE. You can climb around and explore so many levels – from the rooftop to the underground caves! Listen to my friend Max talk about the interactive features of this hardcore unique museum. Kids love this place, and so do adults. (Pssst, there are nooks and crannies for getting injured, or a little nookie with your sweetheart if you’re lucky!) Seriously, I love taking people there. Every time I explain it to them on the way there, they say, “yeah we have something like that in our city”, and then when they get there, they shit their pants and I feel crazyproudsmug. 🙂
Shameless Grounds is a rare gem – we are SO happy to have it! It’s a sex-positive community space and coffee shop. The food is really good! They host so many great events and have a sex library! (Psst – look for the wall of beautiful vulvas backlit above the bookshelves 😉 ) Be sure and check out their calendar while you’re in town, and while you’re at it, check out SEX+STL calendar, too. We cross pollinate all the time, and the entire community benefits!
And while you’re in the neighborhood, go pay your respects to the Anheuser-Busch Clydesdales. Not only are they spectacular beasts, but they offer better hospitality than most people — free beer!
If you have a car (public transportation is NOT the best in St Louis, but now we have Uber and Lyft!), drive around the city and marvel at all the green and red – so many trees and brick buildings. Beautiful architecture. There’s even a documentary on St Louis BRICKS by my friend Bill Streeter!
HOLY SHIT – did you know that most of our attractions in beautiful Forest Park are FREE?! You just have to be aware of $Parking$, incidentals, and Special Exhibits.
If you like art, you better get your ass to our incredible Art Museum. Be sure and say hi to my boyfriend (he may or may not practice Responsible Hedonism…):
When I used to strip on the East side back when I was 19, I would often be driving to “work”, feeling a sense of dread, then I would declare a silent scream FUCK IT, and bust a U-turn and spend the day at the glorious Art Museum instead. One placed sucked my soul, the other place nourished it…
I like taking different people to the museum and pretending it’s a giant Art Mart, and we get to pick one thing out of each gallery. I’ll say in a loud voice, “Where are the price tags on these things?!”
But whatever you do, DON’T TOUCH ANYTHING in the museum, unless maybe a toilet seat. Otherwise, the security guard stationed next to every piece of art will cut you.
The History Museum is nice, if you’re into that kind of thing. They had a fun Prohibition exhibit a while back, as well as one on Lingerie throughout the decades. And Little Black Dresses! And toys! They have a great marble selection in their gift shop! I have a lot of them in my bedroom…
I took this pic at the History Museum!
And if you like history, The Campbell House Museum downtown is splendid.
Our ZOO is one of the best. Every year, they update a section so it is better for the animals, and fun for all us gawkers. One of these days, they will get around to the lions and tigers and bears, oh my!
Get your geek on at the Science Center. They’ve featured some really fun exhibits in the past, like Bodyworlds, Dr Who, and Sherlock Holmes.
Beautiful Tower Grove Park is right next door, and has the most variety of trees in the city.
By Kendra Holliday | August 21, 2019
The past couple years, I’ve struggled with mental health issues.
Here is why:
- Menopause – I have severe symptoms. It’s like going through puberty again, ugh!
- Alcohol addiction – I was stress drinking, which was making things much worse.
- Genetics – my family is prone to mental illness.
- Life stressors – my aging parents, my daughter moved out, sensitivity to my client’s baggage and trauma.
I go through periods where I can’t function, and it SUCKS!
I’m glad to say I’ve been enjoying a few good weeks, phew! I made this video to show myself for when I am down again:
My therapist Dr. Diane Sanford wrote a book called Stress Less Live Better: 5 Simple Steps to Ease Anxiety, Worry, and Self-Criticism. In it, she speaks of the teachings of Buddha: “To end suffering, we must retrain our minds to be aware and allow whatever happens without trying to cling to pleasure or avoid pain.”
Ahhh, that’s interesting. I’m practically allergic to suffering, especially the suffering of others, so how can I cope with it better?
I created a Sanity Plan. My Sanity Plan is a living document I update or refer to whenever necessary. My friend Metta May has a similar setup – she calls it H.E.L.P. – Hoes Enjoyin’ Living Plan! Maybe something like it will help you, too. After all, most of us are dealing with our share of stress, and it can get overwhelming. We need all the balance we can get! Depression, anxiety, and addiction are ravaging our country – shit is WAY out of whack!
Here are the key components of my Sanity Plan:
I list the things that are causing me stress/bumming me out.
Next, I list some good ol’ gratitude. What are the good things in my life?
For instance, if I’m getting frustrated with catty women, I think about all the good women in my life.
Or if I’m annoyed with men who are a pain in the ass, I review all the good men I know.
I think about things to look forward to – I have a couple trips planned this year, to Colorado and Florida, yay!
I remember the causes I support – making a difference and giving back helps me feel better.
Then, I’ll review my list of tools for finding balance and feeling better.
My self-care list includes supplements I’m taking, books, podcasts, types of therapy, exercise, music, massage, LEGOs, my meditation app, and of course, SEX!
The good things in life can be small and simple. Here is an example:
It’s so nice to be feeling good right now! The better I feel, the more I can be of service to others.
What does YOUR Sanity Plan entail? If you’d like help creating one, you can book a consult with me. Or, we can just talk about sex, that’s always fun!
By Kendra Holliday | June 9, 2019
Took this pic spontaneously the other day – just bent over and snapped a turtle’s eye view real quick. You can tell it’s unplanned because my undies don’t match – silly red Christmas theme with Scotties. Christmas in June!
I love this dress.
By Kendra Holliday | May 17, 2019
I got new undies from Victoria’s Secret from a friend, and henna from another friend! Too bad it’s so faded here, it only lasts about two weeks:
Here’s a colorful pair!
Ahhhh they’re radioactive! 😉
By Kendra Holliday | December 28, 2018
Last year, I announced that I’m an alcoholic. But after all the research I’ve done, I’ve decided I don’t care for the word “alcoholic.”
Instead, I’ve accepted the fact that I have alcohol addiction.
From the book, Alcohol Explained, by William Porter:
“What has been learned can never be unlearned. Alcohol addiction is created when the subconscious mind knows that the one cure for the ill effects of alcohol can be remedied by more alcohol.”
In other words, you can turn a cucumber into a pickle, but a pickle can never become a cucumber again.
So, some of us are cucumbers, and some of us are pickles. There are a lot more pickles out there than you think! Sadly, I am a pickle. 🙁
I believe that anyone can become addicted to alcohol. My setup was the perfect storm – I’ve been self-employed for the past three years, so I had a flexible schedule. I hang out with drinkers. I love social drinking, but I also took to stress drinking due to family problems, and if you do that, you get addicted faster. Also, I’m a woman, and female bodies handle alcohol differently. For instance, even though no amount of alcohol is safe to consume, if you’re going to imbibe in moderation, the recommended amount for women is nine drinks a week, versus fourteen drinks for men.
I also learned that adding alcohol on top of my menopause symptoms was like putting gasoline on a fire.
So, here I am. I know I should quit drinking permanently, but I’m still messing around with it. I stop drinking for a set amount of time – say, 30 days or 90 days, and then try moderating, which turns into daily drinking. I can’t moderate. I’ve tried. I can easily down 4-8 drinks A DAY. Yikes!
Well, not this month! I’m celebrating Drycember by sharing a gift every day. I’m also SUPER excited about a new concept happening here in St Louis – there’s a dive bar that is AF (alcohol free) every Sat night! It’s called Pop’s Blue Moon. I’ve been once so far, and can’t wait to go again.
For now, please enjoy my Drycember gifts, I’ve listed them below!
My partner Matthew has been getting me these tea calendars for years. The creator is BlueMoonstone on Etsy. I love traditions! Every morning, I take a pic of the tea and send it to him. Pineapple, Earl Grey, Strawberry Cheesecake, Ginger, Spearmint… mmm!
Drycember first gift: a tea advent calendar! 🎄 pic.twitter.com/e6fhkY1ku0— Kendra Holliday 😻 (@TBK365) December 1, 2018
By Kendra Holliday | September 12, 2018
I LOOOVE podcasts. Do you listen to any? I hear that only 1 in 5 people do. They’re SUCH a wealth of information, community and connection.
Below are podcasts I’ve been featured on – the most recent is at the top.
October 25, 2019: Experience 50: I Apologize with Kendra Holliday
January 14, 2019: About Sex with Angela Skurtu: Sex Positive St Louis with David and Kendra
July 8, 2018: Ethical Society of St. Louis: When You Wish Upon a Star: What We All Truly Desire
August 20, 2017: About Sex with Angela Skurtu: Thorn and her Mother Kendra Holliday – Asexuality, Raising a Child to be Sex Positive – A Teen’s Perspective
August 2, 2017: Family Affairs: Sex-Positive Parenting, featuring Sex Worker Kendra Holliday and her 16 year old daughter!
July 23, 2017: About Sex with Angela Skurtu: Sex Surrogate Kendra Holliday and her partner Matthew discuss Polyamory, Masculinity, and anything Kinky
July 16, 2017: About Sex with Sex Therapist Angela Skurtu: Sex Surrogacy with Kendra Holliday and her partner Matthew
April 25, 2017: 057: BDSM: Shame, Humiliation, & Funnel Cakes
I had so much fun discussing creative sex play and humiliation with host Ben Robbins.
This one followed up an interview we did a month earlier.
March 25, 2017: 054: Escorting, Specialty Fetish and Non-Traditional Sex Therapy
Ah yes, good times!
January 6, 2017: Euphoric Epiphany, Hosted by Victoria
Strangers podcast was by far the most popular one, where I talk about Sex Surrogacy.
April, 2016: Sexistential (this was one of the best interviews and it’s no longer freely available; you have to be a Patreon member.)
Host Lea Thau visited me at my home. It was a nice change having a microphone stuck in my face instead of a penis, LOL!
March 28, 2011: Interview with Sex is Fun, all about my painful coming out process as a sex-positive activist.
October, 2010. Another interview about my coming out, this time with Life on the Swingset, right as it was happening.
October, 2010. This one is all about anal! with Life on the Swingset. I love how Cooper Beckett was celebrating pegging back before it was all the rage!
Those are all the ones I remember. I’ll keep this post updated with any new interviews. I’d love to have my own podcast, but I know how much time and energy it takes.
What are your favorite sex or human interest podcasts? Are there any you’d like to see me featured on?
I like Guys We Fucked, RISK!, Savage Lovecast, The Intimate Lifestyle, HiPPiE WiTCH, and Death, Sex and Money. One I just learned about is The Manwhore Podcast – he recently conducted an interview with an erotic massage sex worker as he received a happy ending! Another one new to me is The Mental Illness Happy Hour – the host often covers sexual shame and secret fantasies. It gets pretty deep. Check out the survey section on his website!
By Kendra Holliday | July 29, 2018
Years ago, I made it a point to post five blog entries a week.
Nowadays, I’m more prone to moving old posts to the top of the home page whenever the topic is requested or relevant. It’s pretty easy to do, since I have over 600 posts – some of them I forgot I even wrote!
But I keep wanting to write about new experiences – sharing is helpful for others, and it’s therapeutic for me. Life keeps zipping along in a blur! I still want to write about the medical-themed play party I hosted in March! It was such a mindfuck.
Here are some other topics on my list:
Wheel of Consent Training – shamans, witches, empaths, consent and power of touch, fruit, symbolism
The Pull of the Moon
Under Attack – SESTA FOSTA
It’s You. It’s Me.
Love, Sweat and Tears menopause documentary review
Recap of Tantra workshop
Reveling in my latest threesomes
Updates on my daughter, parents, struggle with booze
Last month, I gave a talk at The Ethical Society on Desire (they will post a recording of it online soon). The very next day, Huffington Post published an interview with me about the work I do, and it generated a LOT of interest! And then this morning, I presented a workshop on sex and disabilities at the AASECT Summer Institute at Washington University.
In between all of that, I’ve been seeing clients, some local, some from out of state. Every week is different, with its own set of challenges and rewards.
Oh, and one more thing – I’ve been experiencing psychotic episodes.
I’ve touched on this before – the past couple years have been intense with a shift in my hormones. It’s like I’m going through puberty again. I’m very sensitive, and when I get too stressed or overwhelmed, I have a breakdown. I lose touch with reality.
This has happened about six times in the past 18 months. I go from cranky and irritable to a full-blown maelstrom of emotions – all I can do is hang on and ride it out. It’s better to lean into it than to fight it.
By Kendra Holliday | July 2, 2018
Since you asked… here is a list of some of my favorite things:
Cash, of course!
Wouldn’t it be awesome if the gas, water and electric companies offered gift certificates? What would be more loving than gifting someone with a hot bath, a home cooked meal, or cooling down/heating up?
Amazon gc – send gift certificates to email@example.com – I looooove books so much! And they sell pretty much everything else.
GiftRocket online gift card – versatile and easy!
Whole Foods gc – or Trader Joe’s, Global Foods, Dierberg’s, Schnucks local grocery stores. I don’t eat factory farm mammals or birds, but I do eat seafood, veggies, fruit….I love ethnic food like sushi, Indian, Vietnamese, Ethiopian
A donation to
Planned Parenthood – because I believe in accessible health care.
Worldwide Fistula Fund – The Worldwide Fistula Fund is an incubator, funder, and promoter of innovative solutions to improve global women’s reproductive health.
Etsy gc – support artists!
Target gc – I’m a sucker
Flowers – I like when flowers last more like a week as opposed to three days, so the hardier ones are better, though I do like roses and fleeting exotic flowers like orchids. My favorite color rose is the peachy one with blush tones. I don’t like pink as much and I can’t stand the smell of cloying lilies, too funeral home. I keep my flowers in my dining room, which has green walls and lots of colorful jewel tones. Daisies, carnations, sunflowers are great. Did I mention I like colorful?
Soft Surroundings gc – I looove soft clothes and blankets!
Earthbound gc – hippie fashion!
Shoes – size 7, no sandals
Mystic Valley gc – for my witchy things!
Cheryl’s Herbs gc – more healing magical opportunities! I got a scent there called Goddess…
Shameless Grounds gc – one of my favorite places in St Louis!
Godiva milk chocolate and truffle assortments
DeBrand is even finer, but is based in Fort Wayne IN and worth a goddamn road trip!
Merb’s milk chocolate covered strawberries is local and scrumptious
Soaprocks – these are so cool!
Demeter – they sell so many fun scents, some of my favs are New Leaf, Firefly, Grapefruit Tea, Sushi, Silvery Pekoe, New Zealand, Pipe Tobacco, Leather…
Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab – just look at this website!! I have a scent called Bewitched…
Massage – my baby sis is my massage therapist, she is excellent! You can sponsor a massage for me, or book one for yourself! She’s located in South City. If I know you in real life, I’m happy to refer you.
Victoria’s Secret – I tend to wear L, depending on the style and brand, 36B. My body is average (5′ 4″, 140 lbs) but my mind is extraordinary! I don’t like thongs or g-strings. I prefer timeless and vintage looks over trendy – black, bright colors, jewel tones
Liquor – No thank you! I’ve had MORE than my share these past 30 years!
I like coffee, tea, and Kombucha.
How about you? What are some of your favorite things?