By Kendra Holliday | January 29, 2020
Category Archives: Health
Have you ever visited a men’s health clinic? You know, the kind you hear advertised on the radio for men who have lost their mojo – low testosterone, erectile dysfunction, infertility, etc.
I’ve never been to one, but a lot of my clients have, and it’s crazy what they tell me!
I’m all for having options, but it seems like things can get pretty invasive, pretty quickly, and for a pretty penny! And it’s all pretty silly, in my opinion. They’ll charge a man hundreds of dollars to do “wave therapy” on his penis, which is like putting a fancy medical vibrator on his dick.
I’d say that 80% of the men who come to me with erectile dysfunction are dealing with a psychological issue, not a physical one, but these clinics are quick to prescribe pills and even injections in the penis.
Yes, these things can work, but they are expensive chemicals and you don’t want to become dependent on them. They’ll set a man up with an expensive little cock shot kit he has to carry around with him and keep refrigerated. The kit includes tiny needles and a vial of liquid you inject into the side of the penis. You want to make sure you alternate where you inject, or else you can create scar tissue and damage the penis.
I think it’s better to back up and try more natural, less invasive methods first. Of course, that requires patience and a different kind of vulnerability.
Speaking of pills, there’s a male supplement out there called “Alpha King” – can you get any more buzzword than that? And all these tricks and gimmicks use all these slick science words for marketing purposes – “our product contains significantly more bioavailable sapogenins…”
And what’s with the male clinics that boast of an all-male staff, or female staff (this urology clinic staff lineup reminds me of a Hooters harem!)? Are most of the men coming to these clinics straight, or gay, or a combination? I’m just wondering.
Do they acknowledge andropause and how aging can naturally shift a person’s sexuality, which is not a bad thing? (For more on this, I highly recommend the teachings of my mentor, Joan Price, who specializes in ageless sexuality.)
All this virility fear-mongering can be misguided and exploitative. Toxic masculinity? Why, we have a pill for that…
Anyway, here are some books I use in my sex surrogate practice – replace the fear with love!
I try to teach men how to be mindful instead of “mind-filled,” and to open themselves up to the pleasures associated with experience-based sex (as opposed to goal-based or performance-based sex.)
What do you think? Have you been to any of these clinics? What do you like or don’t like about them?
By Kendra Holliday | November 2, 2019
In the past three weeks, I’ve had three men approach me for a consultation about a problem they’ve been dealing with for longer than I can fathom: their wife is chronically ill, and they haven’t had sex in years. They’ve cared for her, support and love her, would never leave her, but they are frustrated. Drained. They aren’t getting their needs met. They feel guilty. When I ask if they feel resentful, they immediately say no, but…
What should they do?
What would YOU do?
Are you partnered with someone who is ill?
Are you ill and partnered?
Are you getting your physical and emotional needs met?
Is your partner getting their physical and emotional needs met?
Are you monogamous or polyamorous?
How do you cope?
By Kendra Holliday | September 26, 2019
Stop and think – how many things have been up your butt?
I have to admit, I’m just not that into the anal. It doesn’t occur to me on a regular basis. I’m much more oral and vagina-centric. So the things that have been up my butt have been few and far between. And the experiences have been good, bad, and ugly.
Here’s a quick-n-dirty list:
– Poo. EVERYONE has had poo in their butt. I hate poo. Poo is gross. Poo stinks. I don’t like smelling it, and I sure as hell don’t want other people smelling it. I’ve been using Poo-Pourri, and it works pretty well. Not that I spray it up my butt. You’re supposed to spray it in the toilet before you have a seat.
– Pink vibrating beads. I had an AmaZing experience with these. You can read about it here.
– Flexi Felix anal beads. You can read about that cute toy here.
– Bendybeads. I wouldn’t recommend these for beginners, but they are nice and sturdy, made of safe, smooth silicone. It’s fun to slowly pull them out as you’re having an orgassssmmm….
By Kendra Holliday | September 26, 2019
I thought this would be a good topic to follow the vaginal penetration post.
A few years ago, the Riverfront Times published an article titled Top Ten Things That Have Been in The Beautiful Kind’s Vagina: NSFW. I was SO honored. I’m pretty sure no other woman has that distinction. The article is by now out of date, so I’m going to offer my own, more accurate version. GOD my vagina has been good to me! Holy shit I’ve had a lot of people and things in my vagina! (For context, click here to see what my pussy looks like – the glorious gateway to my vagina!)
10. Tapio, my wooden dildo. One of my favorite sex toys. My lovely super smooth dildo glows like a tiger’s eye and smells like cedar. Very warm and inviting. He is the most living inanimate object I’ve ever fucked.
9. An abortionist. I seriously can’t imagine what life would be like right now if I hadn’t gotten an abortion in 2007. It was a sucky situation and a difficult decision to make, but I am infinitely grateful I had the legal option to exercise my right to choose.
8. Big black cock. I’m sorry, but even if the cock isn’t technically “big” (and lord knows I’m not a size queen!), it still sounds better to say it that way. I’ve had the pleasure of fucking several handsome black men. Here is one of them.
7. Hitachi Magic Wand Attachment. OMG I LOVE THIS THING! I use the Hitachi Magic Wand every day, but every once in a while, I add the attachment. It fits over the head and inserts perfectly snug. I lube it up and it’s like a benevolent alien tentacle bathing me in white light, inside and out. It’s gripping and intense and when I cum, it hurts so good! My vagina grabs on tight and doesn’t want to let go. I yelp when I pull it out after my rockin’ session, phew!
By Kendra Holliday | September 25, 2019
You know what’s awesome? It was much easier writing the list of Top 10 Things That Have Been in My Vagina. My positive sexual experiences far outweigh my negative, and shine warmly in my head, eclipsing the dark, gross shitty stuff.
That’s because I have not let the negative things define me. I have overcome them, and defined my sexuality on my own terms. Each of the things below sucked bad, but they all made me a stronger person as a result.
Look, I’m not much into trigger warnings – I kinda figure if you’re alive and on the internet, you’re going to run into some raw dog shit. But I’ll go ahead and let you know that the list gets progressively worse. A yeast infection is a walk in the park compared to some of the hell that follows.
10. Yeast. I’m glad to say I have a hardy vagina – some women I know have to deal with chronic yeast or bladder infections. For the most part, mine can endure all kinds of crazy activity and then go on about its business. I have had a few yeast infections though, and itchy, pissed off vaginas are no fun! They’re actually pretty gross. It’s cool modern medicine has evolved such that you just need to pop one pill orally and be done with it, as opposed to seven days of injecting applications of messy creams up there.
9. Bad bacteria. I’ve had two nasty, disgusting bacterial vag infections in my life, and they both developed from the same hot tub. It was a nice, clean swinger hot tub in West County, and I’ve been in all kinds of hot tubs and lakes with no problem, and no one else who was in the tub had an issue, so it must’ve been a bad reaction with my personal chemistry. I smelled like rotting fish down there. Had to go to the doctor for medicine, good grief! Needless to say, I stopped hot tubbing with that couple, even though they were nice. I had gross associations with them, like when you eat a can of sauerkraut and then throw up afterward.
8. A really big dick. I’ve been with all sizes of dicks. I prefer average size – 5-7 inches when erect. I dated one guy for a while with an 8-inch-dick. It wasn’t ideal for me. Then one day, I slept with a man who had a 9-inch-dick – talk about a world of hurt! IT SUCKED. I wasn’t into it AT ALL. I grimaced my way through it and avoided him after that, which made me feel gross.
By Kendra Holliday | August 21, 2019
The past couple years, I’ve struggled with mental health issues.
Here is why:
- Menopause – I have severe symptoms. It’s like going through puberty again, ugh!
- Alcohol addiction – I was stress drinking, which was making things much worse.
- Genetics – my family is prone to mental illness.
- Life stressors – my aging parents, my daughter moved out, sensitivity to my client’s baggage and trauma.
I go through periods where I can’t function, and it SUCKS!
I’m glad to say I’ve been enjoying a few good weeks, phew! I made this video to show myself for when I am down again:
My therapist Dr. Diane Sanford wrote a book called Stress Less Live Better: 5 Simple Steps to Ease Anxiety, Worry, and Self-Criticism. In it, she speaks of the teachings of Buddha: “To end suffering, we must retrain our minds to be aware and allow whatever happens without trying to cling to pleasure or avoid pain.”
Ahhh, that’s interesting. I’m practically allergic to suffering, especially the suffering of others, so how can I cope with it better?
I created a Sanity Plan. My Sanity Plan is a living document I update or refer to whenever necessary. My friend Metta May has a similar setup – she calls it H.E.L.P. – Hoes Enjoyin’ Living Plan! Maybe something like it will help you, too. After all, most of us are dealing with our share of stress, and it can get overwhelming. We need all the balance we can get! Depression, anxiety, and addiction are ravaging our country – shit is WAY out of whack!
Here are the key components of my Sanity Plan:
I list the things that are causing me stress/bumming me out.
Next, I list some good ol’ gratitude. What are the good things in my life?
For instance, if I’m getting frustrated with catty women, I think about all the good women in my life.
Or if I’m annoyed with men who are a pain in the ass, I review all the good men I know.
I think about things to look forward to – I have a couple trips planned this year, to Colorado and Florida, yay!
I remember the causes I support – making a difference and giving back helps me feel better.
Then, I’ll review my list of tools for finding balance and feeling better.
My self-care list includes supplements I’m taking, books, podcasts, types of therapy, exercise, music, massage, LEGOs, my meditation app, and of course, SEX!
The good things in life can be small and simple. Here is an example:
It’s so nice to be feeling good right now! The better I feel, the more I can be of service to others.
What does YOUR Sanity Plan entail? If you’d like help creating one, you can book a consult with me. Or, we can just talk about sex, that’s always fun!
By Kendra Holliday | August 16, 2019
I’m going to preface this with the following disclaimer: I’m a witchy, woo woo, sex worker goddess, and this brain dump is going to sound crazy. I’m fine with that, as I fully embrace my hormonal mood swings and non-traditional way of thinking. I live in a society with lots of self-imposed cages, and my motto is “Think outside the cage.”
So, hear me out, let it all sink in, and let me know what you think!
Toxic masculinity goes hand in hand with white supremacy, and it’s making me sick. It’s making A LOT of us sick.
I’ve been diving deep into history, addiction, psychology, science, and more, and I’ve connected some dots.
Centuries ago, people from Europe set out and explored the world. They invaded many areas and took them over. They brought disease, death, and disruption to the people already living there.
They set up elaborate exports and imports of toxic trade – sugar, tobacco, alcohol, and slavery. They brought oppressive religions and destructive concepts that were deadly and divisive.
They declared that people, plants, animals, and places were all possessions. They put up fences, walls, and demanded territorialism.
They sought to control everything, and lived with a scarcity mindset. They instilled and lived in fear. They were hungry for power imbalance. They felt they were anointed by God, and thus justified in all their actions.
These things represent male energy: fire, cars, guns, alcohol, nicotine, conquering, destruction.
By Kendra Holliday | June 15, 2019
Ed Note: My friend posted this on facebook the other day:
“So anyone who is close to me knows that I have some very strong opinions about the way modern society portrays the female genitals. One aspect of that topic is ‘cleanliness’, or the idea that the female anatomy is somehow naturally ‘dirty’ or ‘smelly’ and therefore women need products to help ‘correct’ the problem.
I found this Summer’s Eve ad in a magazine today and I almost screamed.
Don’t forget your ‘V’ this valentines day’???
Fuck you, Summer’s Eve. Fuck you for building an industry around making women feel terrible about their bodies and their sexuality, and for pushing ideas and products that are actually counterproductive to vaginal health. And fuck you for implying that I need to go ‘wash my gross vagina’ before I let someone near it this Valentines Day. I invite anyone to share this who is tired of being told they need to douse their genitals in floral perfume to be considered worthy of attraction or physical affection.”
So, I’m sharing it.
By Kendra Holliday | April 19, 2019
Sometimes we should ask ourselves, “Is the choice I’m about to make going to make my situation better, or worse?” 🧐
The other day, I heard in a lecture I attended that 25% of the US population has drug addiction issues.
Does that surprise you, or not?
If what humans need is movement, freedom, connection with others and sharing resources in order to thrive, then no wonder so many of us are suffering. We’re stuck, isolated, and taught to be territorial/fearful.
As someone who has alcohol addiction, I am part of that 25%. My mom, who is a prescription drug addict, is as well.
Think about the people you know. How many of them use drugs? How many of them abuse drugs? Everything you ingest is a chemical, and can affect your brain and body.
Here is a list of ways I get high, now that I can’t drink alcohol anymore. (I do not think I have a personality that is prone to addiction, as alcohol is the only drug I’ve ever abused.)
Almost all of the ways I get high are legal where I live!
By Kendra Holliday | March 27, 2019
Do you want to know if you have bad breath?
Ask someone. Ask me!
Or, try this:
1. Grab some floss. If you don’t have easy access to any, you have bad breath FOR SURE.
2. Floss a few of your teeth.
3. Sniff the floss. This is what your breath smells like.
Any food that is caught between your teeth and left there simply rots, right in your face. That’s why it’s important to floss daily – you don’t want a graveyard in your mouth. Rotty, fetid bacteria is bad news.
The reason why I’m posting this is because I run a sex worker group, and one of the most common complaints I hear from the women (besides clients being cheap or disrespectful) are clients with bad breath. It’s really hard to give the Girlfriend Experience when your partner has stinky breath. 🙁
Conversely, I was at a Whore Happy Hour and one of the men complimented me on my teeth, saying the women he knew were sweet, but many had meth mouth and smoked. So I guess my nice grill is a good selling point, if you will.
SO, if you want others to enjoy kissing you, here are some easy tips on keeping your breath fresh n’ clean:
1. Brush your teeth twice a day. This is also good for your gums.
2. Floss daily. As they say, you only have to floss the teeth you want to keep! Glide is a good brand if you have crowded teeth and normal floss shreds.
3. Go to the dentist for routine cleaning twice a year. I don’t have dental insurance, but I still make this happen. A cleaning costs me about $150. Consider it skull maintenance. If you’re scared of dentists, ask around for recommendations. There are lots of nice dentists out there!
4. Avoid coffee or smoking, but if you do indulge, rinse with water or brush your teeth afterward.
5. HYDRATE. Drink lots of water.
6. Eat more fruits and veggies, less meat. High protein diets are the worst for creating bad bacteria fumes as it decomposes.
7. Chew on parsley and mint! Eat your garnish at dinner, grow mint in your backyard and rejoice in the natural freshening powers of chlorophyll! Just watch out afterward for green stuff stuck in your teeth!
8. Listerine may actually do more harm than good because it contains alcohol and dries the mouth, which the bacteria tend to like. I use SmartMouth, it’s great! It shorts out the bacteria’s ability to breakdown and produce sulphides in your mouth.
9. Keep the mouth moist (god I hate that word) with sugar-free gum or mints. I sometimes chew a piece of gum ten minutes before a date.
10. Tongue scraping is good. You can buy a scraper, but I just use a spoon every couple days or so. It’s crazy what can accumulate on the back of your tongue, it gets all thick and white, eww!
Do you have any fresh breath tips or bad breath horror stories to share? If you had bad breath, would you want someone to tell you?
By Kendra Holliday | February 17, 2019
I’m like a kid in a condom store!
I have to tell you something.
Unless you’re fluid bonded with a trusted partner, you really need to use condoms. I hear so much complaining about condoms (they choke! they slow me down! they make me go limp! they dull sensation!) and I’m hearing even more about poly/swinger people not practicing safer sex! Don’t forget that you’re sleeping with everyone they’ve slept with and you are putting many people at risk when you throw caution to the wind and think, “It won’t happen to me!”
THINK BEYOND YOUR DICK.
So if you’re going to stick your penis in another person’s moist and sensitive orifice, take it from this promiscuous STI-free slut and WRAP IT UP! Here are some good options for you to try:
1. TheyFit Condoms – Offering 95 sizes, the company has tried to eradicate male sensitivity over measurements by giving each girth a random code. Men can use the “FitKit” chart to determine their perfect penile pouch.
2. Condoms you can put on drunk in the dark: Sensis. Watch this video that was appropriately filmed in bars. Sensis has little easy pull tabs, so no more fumbling around in the dark with lubed hands trying to tear a seamless wrapper.
Snowman condom! Ho, ho, ho!
4. Are you artistic and like an interactive condom company? Try One, a cool company that offers several cool ways to win/earn free condoms and condom-related merchandise (very helpful for us poor folks!) You can submit designs for their condom wrappers and if you win, you get cash AND a year’s supply of condoms!
5. Custom art condoms: Get your photo or logo on the wrapper OR the condom by ordering YOU condoms. I could totally see Gene Simmons being into this concept…
6. For those who don’t care for the stinging, burning sensation of spermicide as it eats away at your sensitive tissue, try the condom sampler pack from Condom Depot. A variety of 100 condoms makes a great vagina – I mean, stocking – stuffer!
7. Internal Condoms. In my opinion, they’re like shoving a sandwich bag up your vagina, which isn’t very sexy, but if your man has issues with choking and sensation, these are a good option. I’ve used them with men who have trouble achieving orgasm with regular condoms, as they provide a different sensation. ALSO good for people who have a latex allergy, or for MFF threesomes so you don’t have to keep changing condoms in between partners.
Still wondering what’s out there? Go to Undercover Condom and browse their categories – they’ve got latex free, vibrating, studded, glow-in-the dark, and much more.
Have fun wrapping your favorite present that keeps on giving!
What are YOUR favorite condoms? Have you tried any of the suggestions above? Share your tips below!
By Kendra Holliday | December 11, 2018
My friend offered to conduct an orgasm experiment with me!
He came over wearing a lab coat, carrying a clipboard and some measuring equipment.
We wanted to see how long it would take me to orgasm while he measured my heart rate and blood pressure every minute. We also audio recorded it.
He got me hooked up to the portable blood pressure monitor and sat by my bed, dutifully holding the clipboard and taking notes.
I stripped down and grabbed my new wireless Magic Wand.
“What are you going to fantasize about?” he asked.
“I think I’ll go with recalling some erotica I read earlier today about a virgin who gets impregnated on an island by a caveman, that was pretty hot.”
He nodded, then offered, “Here’s what I think you’d be into – imagine Matthew calls you up and is with another woman and is giving her an orgasm and wants you to listen.”
“OH that sounds good, too, I like it! And no doubt he’ll get off, too!”
With that, I was ready to rock. RIGHT as I was about to hit record, my next door neighbor fired up his motorcycle right outside my bedroom window! Arrghh!
My Doctor said, “We can wait a minute, he’ll leave soon.”
By Kendra Holliday | September 1, 2018
Would you like to know your asshole better? How about someone you love’s asshole? Do you wish you could stick things in it in a way that feels intensely amazing, but are not sure how?
Anal is one of the sex acts I get asked about the most, mainly from women who fear it, and men who want to explore it. To that, anal expert Tristan Taormino chirps, “What’s up, chickenbutt?” OK, not really. Instead, she makes videos.
For the newbie set, I recommend Tristan’s initial video on the subject, Expert Guide to Anal Sex.
For those who want to take it to the next level, there is the newly released Expert Guide to Advanced Anal Sex.
Tristan Taormino’s Expert Guide to Advanced Anal Sex stars Nina Hartley, Bobbi Starr, Kylie Ireland, Adrianna Nicole, Mr. Marcus, James Deen, Danny Wylde, Christian, with special appearance by Sinnamon Love and Tyler Knight.
Note: Bobbi Starr was so charming and special, I had to go look her up. She reminded me of a friend of mine, proof that she nailed the “girl next door” schtick. Bobbi talks about how she only does anal for work because she can prep properly; apparently, sex at home is more spontaneous. It’s so cute hearing a porn star admit she’s self-conscious about making a mess!
First things first: This video is SO respectful.
AND educational. Which might make you think it’s not sexy or worth jerking off to. But it totally is! Tristan manages to include so much information into this video that you can easily flip between learning about how to give an enema to sitting back and getting erotically lost in an intense scene for three hours.
|This is a picture of my butt,
which I felt was appropriate
for this review
I hope I watched it all – it went on and on, it’s packed with scenes and info. I dunno, there might be some hidden butt plugs I missed.
Watching this video reinforced my respect for porn stars. They are such good, giving, game athletes. So refreshing to see people explore their sexuality in a shame-free zone. So many people are so secretive about their sex life and act like it’s a private activity that should be conducted behind closed doors, like going to the bathroom, so it felt very open-hearted for these performers to keep the door open for us on their backdoor activity.
These are professionals who want you to try this at home.
I love the conversations with the stars before they commence to fucking. There is more eye contact and kissing than you would expect for anal. Watching them kiss is what is personally hottest for me.
The actors have real chemistry and connection, they smile, appear relaxed, I get the impression they are friends in real life.
By Kendra Holliday | March 25, 2018
I asked readers to suggest sex acts that everyone should try at least once. Now, this list may not be as kinky as you might expect. That’s because I chose to focus on sensualism and intimacy over fear factor stuff.
So, you’ll find a lot of creative vanilla acts, but things like genital torture? Not so much. I was also able to consolidate a lot of things into one entry, such as anal play for rimming, receiving, pegging, etc. This gives you more flexibility when planning out your sex menu.
Thank you to everyone who contributed to this list. Please comment on how many of these things you have done, and what stands out as something you’d like to try soon!
2. mutual masturbation
3. sexual encounter with person of a different gender
4. same sex encounter
5. male-female-male threesome
6. male-female-female threesome
8. using a condom during sex
9. using another form of birth control
10. getting/giving spanking
11. phone sex
13. writing/drawing on your partner
14. combine food and sex in some way
15. sex while being restrained in some way
16. one night stand
18. orgasm three times in one night
19. morning sex
21. afternoon sex
22. middle of the night sex
23. have sex while wearing a costume
24. cross dress
25. give oral sex
26. receive oral sex
27. have sex with a friend
28. wait a long time to have sex with someone you’ve been crushing on
29. get a full body massage (more…)
By Kendra Holliday | February 11, 2018
My friend Joan Price is an ageless sexuality educator, and she has a free webinar on safer sex for seniors. Here it is – I queued it up to my favorite part. Please watch it for 20 seconds, then feel free to watch all of it. 🙂