By Kendra Holliday | December 19, 2020
Category Archives: Body Talk
Note: This article was originally published here.
I don’t know about you, but I love surprises.
You never can tell what a man’s penis is going to be like just by looking at him. I’ve hooked up with a 6’4” guy with huge hands and feet, only to discover he has an average size penis. I’ve been shocked to find out the 5’7” Asian man with delicate features is a show-er, not a grow-er.
The other day I met with a new client, an attractive, fit 34-year-old. Usually, I get a clue what’s on a client’s mind prior to meeting him, but in this case I had no idea what his issue was. This appealed to me. I was going to get a surprise.
The Long and the Short of It
We met at a coffee shop, and took a walk in the park. Settling down on a bench, he took a deep breath and nervously admitted that he felt his penis was too small. When I asked him why, he cited two main reasons:
1. A girlfriend in high school drunkenly mocked him, telling him he had a little dick.
2. His current girlfriend cheated on him with another man.
When he asked her if the other man had a bigger penis, she’d told him yes. As horrifying as this was for him to hear, he confessed that ever since then, he has enjoyed fucking her with a large dildo and imagining he is watching a well-endowed man pleasure her as he feels he cannot.
He told me he avoids being around other men in the locker room obsessively, and that he was finding himself getting more and more into a fetish called SPH, or small penis humiliation.
By Kendra Holliday | November 19, 2020
Let’s get this cleared up right off the bat: Do you wanna know what it feels like to be penetrated non-consensually?
LIKE YOUR SOUL IS DYING.
So don’t do that. DON’T penetrate other people non-consensually. I can’t believe I have to state the obvious. COME ON, PEOPLE.
Now, let’s move on to how it feels to be vaginally penetrated when you are into it, turned on, etc.
I posed the question on fb and twitter, and got responses from several curious men, but only one from a woman! My friend, Bianca:
“Being penetrated vaginally feels like a void is being filled. Like the right jigsaw piece is in place. Like warm candy. So good you roll your eyes up with pleasure.”
Let me elaborate.
It’s like tucking into this gooey, decadent, absolutely delicious dessert, all sweet and salty and creamy.
It’s like you have a throbbing headache, and someone slips you morphine. Hot, throbbing morphine, for your hot, aching pussy.
It feels like a drug that will save your life.
It feels completely base and primal, like you want to fuck the earth and fill your womb.
It feels the way a spring crop looks, all those new green shoots pushing up through the moist, fertile black soil.
By Kendra Holliday | September 16, 2020
This is a picture of me from the 3rd grade. Looking at it, it’s hard to believe I was molested – I mean, wouldn’t those ginormous nerd goggles be repellent enough, not to mention the shitty haircut and goofy fashion?
Then again, my opportunistic molester was pretty homely too, and wasn’t very picky. I daresay he had bad taste in children.
But this ugly child grew up to be a gorgeous goddess. Here are some steps I took in my maturity makeover:
Braces – My parents could only afford braces for one of their five kids, so they chose my sister. That means I made it to adulthood with one of my front teeth jutting out. In grade school, kids would come up to me all the time and inform me, “You have a crooked tooth.” LIKE I DIDN’T KNOW. I was self-conscious about smiling, so I scowled a lot.
Finally, when I was married and DINK (double income, no kids), I took the plunge and got Invisalign braces. I’M SO GLAD I DID IT. It was worth every penny (how many pennies are in $4000? oh never mind). Now I wear a retainer at night whenever I feel like it, which is about half the time. I’ve only broken it once. Flossing is so much easier.
Heart zapped – In 2000 I birthed my daughter vaginally – hooray! I didn’t want an epidural or a c-section, but I sure did freak out and request the epidural as soon as my labor pains kicked in for real.
My doctor took it upon herself to give me an episiotomy (a surgical cut in the muscular area between the vagina and the anus), which took a long time to heal. But further north, the pregnancy took other tolls on my body – my heart.
It had trouble keeping up with the extra blood flow and work involved with carrying another person around inside me for months, so it started to misfire. I developed SVT – Supraventricular tachycardia. My heart would sometimes race 300 beats a minute, which was inconvenient and scary. The solution was a procedure where they snake a laser up through your groin to your heart and zap the naughty part and kill it. So my heart has a scar.
The procedure cured my condition, but that zap also signaled the end of my marriage. I woke up from the procedure and everything changed in my life. My heart was fixed and broken, all at once.
By Kendra Holliday | May 27, 2020
For about six weeks in 2012, which included the entire month of May, I did not shave anything on my body – legs, underarms, pubic area. (my recap video is here.)
This weekend, we had a shave party!
Let me show you the legs first. In this pic, I have one leg shaved – can you tell which one?
Let’s take a closer look:
I was glad to shave my calves – wearing skirts with hairy legs is fine. I loved feeling the breeze tickle the hair. But wearing pants or tights with hairy legs felt CREEPY and annoying.
Next, my crotch.
By Kendra Holliday | May 1, 2020
I did this video announcing my new project: No Shave May!
I already have a head start with it, see? My pubes are trying to bust their way out of my lace panties!
I can’t get any of my lace panties to hold up these days. I’ve taken to hand washing and trying not to be too sexy for them.
I find the difference between guys who are into shaved heads and the guys who are into natural women fascinating. As a group, the shaved head guys came off as more entitled and disconnected, as if they owned every bald female head. Even though they claimed a woman with a shaved head was a sign of powerful confidence, they seemed to secretly get off on the humiliation factor.
The hairy armpit guys are more respectful and kind. I guess they are hippies after my own heart! These guys see hairy underarms as a badge of sensuality and supreme confidence.
I wonder how big my bush will get. I can’t remember the last time it was fully grown out. I’ll keep you posted on how my hair growth progresses!
By Kendra Holliday | April 7, 2020
Can you guess which nipples are allowed to be seen in public, posted on facebook, and are socially acceptable? Which nipples are to be feared and reviled? Which nipples should be jailed and punished by law? You be the judge! (All photos are from Wikimedia Commons unless otherwise noted).
Tip: Here is the definition of the word “obscene”:
1.offensive to morality or decency; indecent; depraved.
2.causing uncontrolled sexual desire.
3.abominable; disgusting; repulsive.
Here we go! First, let’s warm up with some very SFW (Safe For Work) pics of human mammals:
This is a woman from Afghanistan. Is this obscene?
This is a Victorian woman and man. Is this obscene?
This is a statue. Is this obscene?
By Kendra Holliday | September 26, 2019
Stop and think – how many things have been up your butt?
I have to admit, I’m just not that into the anal. It doesn’t occur to me on a regular basis. I’m much more oral and vagina-centric. So the things that have been up my butt have been few and far between. And the experiences have been good, bad, and ugly.
Here’s a quick-n-dirty list:
– Poo. EVERYONE has had poo in their butt. I hate poo. Poo is gross. Poo stinks. I don’t like smelling it, and I sure as hell don’t want other people smelling it. I’ve been using Poo-Pourri, and it works pretty well. Not that I spray it up my butt. You’re supposed to spray it in the toilet before you have a seat.
– Pink vibrating beads. I had an AmaZing experience with these. You can read about it here.
– Flexi Felix anal beads. You can read about that cute toy here.
– Bendybeads. I wouldn’t recommend these for beginners, but they are nice and sturdy, made of safe, smooth silicone. It’s fun to slowly pull them out as you’re having an orgassssmmm….
By Kendra Holliday | September 26, 2019
I thought this would be a good topic to follow the vaginal penetration post.
A few years ago, the Riverfront Times published an article titled Top Ten Things That Have Been in The Beautiful Kind’s Vagina: NSFW. I was SO honored. I’m pretty sure no other woman has that distinction. The article is by now out of date, so I’m going to offer my own, more accurate version. GOD my vagina has been good to me! Holy shit I’ve had a lot of people and things in my vagina! (For context, click here to see what my pussy looks like – the glorious gateway to my vagina!)
10. Tapio, my wooden dildo. One of my favorite sex toys. My lovely super smooth dildo glows like a tiger’s eye and smells like cedar. Very warm and inviting. He is the most living inanimate object I’ve ever fucked.
9. An abortionist. I seriously can’t imagine what life would be like right now if I hadn’t gotten an abortion in 2007. It was a sucky situation and a difficult decision to make, but I am infinitely grateful I had the legal option to exercise my right to choose.
8. Big black cock. I’m sorry, but even if the cock isn’t technically “big” (and lord knows I’m not a size queen!), it still sounds better to say it that way. I’ve had the pleasure of fucking several handsome black men. Here is one of them.
7. Hitachi Magic Wand Attachment. OMG I LOVE THIS THING! I use the Hitachi Magic Wand every day, but every once in a while, I add the attachment. It fits over the head and inserts perfectly snug. I lube it up and it’s like a benevolent alien tentacle bathing me in white light, inside and out. It’s gripping and intense and when I cum, it hurts so good! My vagina grabs on tight and doesn’t want to let go. I yelp when I pull it out after my rockin’ session, phew!
By Kendra Holliday | September 25, 2019
You know what’s awesome? It was much easier writing the list of Top 10 Things That Have Been in My Vagina. My positive sexual experiences far outweigh my negative, and shine warmly in my head, eclipsing the dark, gross shitty stuff.
That’s because I have not let the negative things define me. I have overcome them, and defined my sexuality on my own terms. Each of the things below sucked bad, but they all made me a stronger person as a result.
Look, I’m not much into trigger warnings – I kinda figure if you’re alive and on the internet, you’re going to run into some raw dog shit. But I’ll go ahead and let you know that the list gets progressively worse. A yeast infection is a walk in the park compared to some of the hell that follows.
10. Yeast. I’m glad to say I have a hardy vagina – some women I know have to deal with chronic yeast or bladder infections. For the most part, mine can endure all kinds of crazy activity and then go on about its business. I have had a few yeast infections though, and itchy, pissed off vaginas are no fun! They’re actually pretty gross. It’s cool modern medicine has evolved such that you just need to pop one pill orally and be done with it, as opposed to seven days of injecting applications of messy creams up there.
9. Bad bacteria. I’ve had two nasty, disgusting bacterial vag infections in my life, and they both developed from the same hot tub. It was a nice, clean swinger hot tub in West County, and I’ve been in all kinds of hot tubs and lakes with no problem, and no one else who was in the tub had an issue, so it must’ve been a bad reaction with my personal chemistry. I smelled like rotting fish down there. Had to go to the doctor for medicine, good grief! Needless to say, I stopped hot tubbing with that couple, even though they were nice. I had gross associations with them, like when you eat a can of sauerkraut and then throw up afterward.
8. A really big dick. I’ve been with all sizes of dicks. I prefer average size – 5-7 inches when erect. I dated one guy for a while with an 8-inch-dick. It wasn’t ideal for me. Then one day, I slept with a man who had a 9-inch-dick – talk about a world of hurt! IT SUCKED. I wasn’t into it AT ALL. I grimaced my way through it and avoided him after that, which made me feel gross.
By Kendra Holliday | June 15, 2019
Ed Note: My friend posted this on facebook the other day:
“So anyone who is close to me knows that I have some very strong opinions about the way modern society portrays the female genitals. One aspect of that topic is ‘cleanliness’, or the idea that the female anatomy is somehow naturally ‘dirty’ or ‘smelly’ and therefore women need products to help ‘correct’ the problem.
I found this Summer’s Eve ad in a magazine today and I almost screamed.
Don’t forget your ‘V’ this valentines day’???
Fuck you, Summer’s Eve. Fuck you for building an industry around making women feel terrible about their bodies and their sexuality, and for pushing ideas and products that are actually counterproductive to vaginal health. And fuck you for implying that I need to go ‘wash my gross vagina’ before I let someone near it this Valentines Day. I invite anyone to share this who is tired of being told they need to douse their genitals in floral perfume to be considered worthy of attraction or physical affection.”
So, I’m sharing it.
By Kendra Holliday | December 22, 2018
“I like your butthole.”
I was lying facedown on my bed, naked, receiving a wonderful massage from a man with strong, capable hands.
I’m pretty sure I’ve never been given THAT compliment before!
I exclaimed, “What?! Really?! I have a funny butthole.” When I gave birth to my daughter 18 years ago, the stretching left a little skin tag on my anus that looks like I’m sticking my tongue out at you. I hated it, and asked for doctors to remove it, but they refuse, saying it’s fine the way it is.
And apparently, my play partner du jour likes it just fine. He told me he browses web cam girls, and has a special thing for feet and buttholes. He said, “A girl can have a pretty face and amazing body, but if she has gnarly feet or a gaping butthole, I can’t stick around.”
In fact, we ended up doing something different that day – he gave me a foot massage while I gave him a prostate massage – how cool is that! It felt very symbiotic.
I’ve posted a lot of up close and personal, aka graphic, photos on this blog – pics of my uterus, my cervix, my vulva, my breasts – but I don’t think I will ever post a pic of my asshole. You’ll have to ask nicely if you’d like to see it in person. 🙂
I’ve had many a man eat my ass. I like when they ask in advance, so I can prepare accordingly. Of COURSE I wash carefully before each encounter, but if you know someone is going to be inhaling your butt, you give it a little extra attention, right??
The last man who rimmed me did not ask – he just kept quickly licking at it like he was swiping frosting off a cake – I think he wasn’t sure if I would be okay with him doing it, so he was being sneaky with his licks, which was kind of amusing and hot.
I like it licked, but I don’t penetrate it very often. The last time I put something in my butt was a nozzle at a colon hydrotherapy appointment – not the most comfortable sensation.
I’m generous with my body and share it with many people. I allow people to touch me all over, fondle and squeeze and suck my breasts, and put things in my mouth and pussy.
But there’s only one man I allow backdoor access – my partner, and neither of us are that into anal. We’ve been through a few anal phases, where I did anal training. I’ve mopped his kitchen floor whilst naked and wearing a butt plug, and he’s fucked my ass many times, but it’s been a few years! We’ve achieved goals where he’s cum in my ass (I think he’s done it about three times ever, since his dick often gets too numb), and I’ve experienced powerful orgasms via anal sex (OK, now that I’m thinking about it, why don’t we do that more often?!)
By Kendra Holliday | November 8, 2018
I’ve had a lot of people contact me about their sexual issues, but this is the most baffling one I’ve come across to date. Can you help me help my friend?
He can’t feel his orgasms.
He’s lacked all sensation for about ten years. Before that, he was able to feel them on and off, until the feeling finally faded away altogether.
He didn’t feel the very first time he had intercourse with a woman, but he remembers a time when he was getting a blowjob in a car that felt good. That was about the last time.
He’s in his late 40’s, shy, single, physically fit.
I asked him if he had any emotional or physical trauma around the time he started lacking sensation. He told me no.
He’s been to two urologists and one neurologist. His next step is to get an MRI.
He’s had all his blood levels checked. He’s had a history of low testosterone levels and depression, but is currently not on any medications.
He masturbates a few times a week, always hoping to feel something, and when he doesn’t, he’s left empty, sad, dissatisfied and frustrated.
I asked him if I could see what he’s talking about for myself. He was open to this, so one night I had him over. I wanted him to feel as relaxed as possible, so I lit candles, put on soft music, and wore a robe over some lingerie.
When he arrived, we sat on talked on the couch for a while holding hands. Then I led him back to my bedroom where I slowly undressed him. As we shed his button down shirt and jeans, I kissed and caressed him. I removed my robe and had him lie down on the bed face down. I explored his body, touched it all over, asked him questions here and there about how he was feeling, if he was ticklish. I softly massaged him with warm oil.
Then I had him turn over. His circumcised penis was erect. I kissed his neck, stroked his chest, ran my hair over his body, slowly working my way down to his cock. When I finally got there, I took my time. I grasped it in my hand. It continued to swell. I slowly started jerking him off. He closed his eyes.
His legs tensed and his thigh muscles flexed. His cock head grew large and purple. Finally he ejaculated normally, but get this – his breathing didn’t change and he didn’t feel the release.
His body appeared to respond to the stimulation from the waist down, but from the waist up, he was unaffected. I asked him if this time with me was similar to the outcome when he was solo, and he said yes.
How do you cure Anhedonia (lack of pleasure)? He also reported he doesn’t really taste food!
Readers, any suggestions? Have you ever experienced anything like this? Do you think his issue is mental or physical? Autism spectrum? Sensory Processing Disorder? What kind of doctor should he see? What kind of medications or supplements might he suggest to the doctor? Do you think he needs a different, less traditional form of stimulation? Does anyone know of a clinic that could run tests on him?
By Kendra Holliday | June 27, 2018
|Who’s Afraid of the Big, Bad Breast?
(ok, not really big, and not really bad!)
“Boobies are not Nazis!” my daughter exclaimed, when I told her about the woman in New Jersey who crusaded for the right to sunbathe topless and lost her bid after an appeals panel ruled breasts as violating “the public’s moral sensibilities.”
If female breasts threaten society’s morals, does that mean the people they are attached to are a threat as well?
When I posted this story on facebook, a woman sadly commented: “Laws are made for the people, not by the people. This truth is an unfortunate circumstance. Because women tend to have more fat cells and the presence of mammary glands in their breasts, we cannot enjoy the same freedoms as men.”
Meanwhile, my friend posted this status on facebook the other day:
“pet peeve: when parents force their toddler daughters to wear a bikini top at the beach. It’s the last time she’s not breaking any laws. Let her be.”
One of MY big pet peeves is the fact that men are allowed to go topless in most of the United States, but women are subject to arrest.
Why is this?
A possible theory on why women aren’t allowed to go topless: because erect female nipples are a symbol of sexual arousal and readiness, which freaks men out. Even wearing no bra can be an issue.
A guy friend of mine asserts that it’s the female areola that is the problem, not the nipple itself.
By Kendra Holliday | February 11, 2018
When I was 19, I was a stripper.
My job was to get really close to men and arouse them. Their job was not to touch my breasts or genital area.
I did my job well, but they often tried sneaking a feel of the forbidden areas.
Sometimes they touched and I was badly surprised, and other times I could see them creeping toward the breasts, and I would tense up and cringe and try and deflect their fingers.
For nine months, I had hundreds of men grab my breasts and tweak/pinch my nipples without my consent.
When I finally quit there, my breasts were so traumatized that they couldn’t be touched for three years. If they were, it felt like an electrical shock.
Over time, I got a little better, but my breasts were still very sensitive and had to be handled with utmost care.
Then, when I was 27, I gave birth and breastfed for a year. I was SOO dreading breastfeeding, but was determined to do it for a year. My breasts swelled from A’s to D’s – they were swollen and engorged, with blue veins like highways.
The first six weeks were hell – it hurt so bad. My nipples were raw, red, chafed. Then I started getting used to all the latching, and tugging and pressure, but then I got a series of breast infections – mastitis, thrush, then mastitis again. Red, plugged ducts, feverish, itching, sharp, needle-like pain…
My breasts got brutalized!
By Kendra Holliday | November 22, 2017
We all get one body as the vessel that carries us through life.
We can take care of our bodies, or we can abuse our bodies.
I take care of my body by walking daily. On the days my schedule allows, I take a dawn walk, a day walk, and a dusk walk. Sometimes, I take a dark walk, which always feels risky.
I abuse my body by putting poison in it – sugar, processed food… don’t you wish we could hook ourselves up to a machine every night and remove all the bad stuff we put into our bodies that day? ha!
Our one body goes through so many phases!
This is my baby body (are the photos small for you? Click on them to enlarge)
This is my pregnant body
This is my body in 2010
This is me in 2017
I didn’t mean to take the photos for comparison, otherwise I would have used the same lighting. I just noticed the similar pose, and the striking contrast.
One of the exercises I do in my surrogate sessions is Body Show And Tell. From head to toe, we take turns giving a body tour. We talk about our hair, our freckles, scars, tattoos, what parts of our bodies we like and don’t like.
It’s odd and liberating! It’s fun taking inventory our what we have. Take a moment to be thankful for your body, and do something nice for it this week!