Barbara Carrellas’ Ecstasy is Necessary

By Kendra Holliday | February 8, 2018

Book cover art

Barbara Carrellas has written a book called Ecstasy is Necessary: A Practical Guide.

This topic matches my life philosophy perfectly, which is:

As long as you take care of your duties and obligations and are not hurting anyone, you can have as much fun and pleasure as you want.

Simple enough, right?

Barbara’s book is about sex, but it’s so much MORE than sex – like I always say, our sexuality is connected with everything else in our lives. If we can address our sexuality without fear or shame, it frees us up to enjoy other aspects of our lives more fully.

Barbara Carrellas is a little woo woo,
and I’m OK with that

Barbara shares so many of the messages I spout, but she does so in such a loving, compassionate, patient manner. She does an excellent job explaining concepts that might be unfamiliar to the reader.

Therefore, it would greatly behoove you to read this book, as it will clarify and reinforce many truths about sex in a way that will make you feel safe and empowered.

For instance, she teaches the Something More Factor. No matter where you are when it comes to your own orgasms, whether you’ve never had one or have more than one a day – you can enjoy Something More, if you desire. You can have more orgasms, longer orgasms, deeper orgasms – and orgasms are one ticket to ecstasy and bliss. Having an orgasm creates similar brain waves as meditation.

From the book:

The Something More Factor is what drives us all in erotic – and spiritual – exploration. The longing for Something More impels some people to dive into the deep end of the pool of sexual excess, and stops others from even dipping their toes into the water. The search for Something More requires permission – from oneself or from some higher authority. Even if your family, society, spiritual community, or school encourages you to find Something More, you still need to be able and willing to give yourself permission to go find it.

This is not a traditional sex how-to book. It is not filled with sex tips or techniques. There are many excellent books, blogs, podcasts, and DVDs available today that provide accurate and inspiring information for more creative sex. This book is not meant to replace any of these things. Instead, this book will help you get the most out of them.

I love the descriptions of ecstasy people share with her. One of my favorites is, “Ecstasy feels like God and Goddess are making love with each other inside of my body.”

What is YOUR description of ecstasy?

Mine would be: “Feeling alive and delicious.” OK, that’s a start. And a little cheesy. But you get the idea.

Barbara says that ecstasy is not a goal, and that “ecstatic experiences may be found everywhere along countless paths to self-love and personal growth.” She also point out that:

There is no difference between going-to-work energy, eating-dinner energy, taking-out-the-trash energy, and sexual energy. It’s ALL life-force energy. Because the same life-force energy that flows through us also flows through every living thing on the planet, we are in an ongoing erotic relationship with all of life all the time. How much of it we see, feel, or appreciate is dependent upon how much of this energy we have learned to recognize, accept, and allow.

Seriously, people – Ecstasy is Necessary. Buy this book and get to work on fulfilling your deepest emotional and physical needs.

You deserve it.

Photo by Connie LaFlam


Kendra 2012-03-07 06:21:35

PS: The publisher gave me a pdf to review, but it was so good I had to buy a hard copy version. Hope to donate it to Shameless Grounds when I’m done with it, but I may never be done with it.


babyboo 2012-03-07 11:16:28

“There is no difference between…taking out the trash energy and sexual energy.” I suppose if you are talking kinetic energy. But no amount of Tantra is going to make taking out the trash as ecstatic as making the god with two backs.


Le Pleurant 2018-03-02 11:26:35

Long time voyeur of your site, LOVE the content, and have an opinion I’d like to share (this may not be the post to add this comment to) but I’d like to get your feedback. Maybe even some link back to a post where you discussed something similar…whatever; here goes:

Truth About Porn Consumption
Attention Significant Others!!:
If you are threatened, offended, grossed out, afraid, or (insert adverb/adjective here) by your partner’s Porn Consumption….perhaps you should consider why they seek it out, and adapt your approach to sexual relations with them to take account of their needs/wants/fantasies.

You (significant other) are their chosen partner….they aren’t judging you against the actors/subjects and wishing that you were they. Perhaps they would just like to do what is portrayed in the porn with YOU!

I don’t want an excited, exuberant, deep throat, choking blow job from A diamond studded butt plug wearing Sasha Grey!!!!!
I want all that from the person I love.
You never know, it just might be fun for you too!!!

Just my opinion, I could be wrong.
That is all.

Thanks K! For ALL YOU DO in the interest of Modern sexuality.
Le Pleurant


    Kendra Holliday 2018-03-03 07:47:08

    This is a beautiful testament! Thank you for this! I am happy to be carving out a powerful path in the modern sexuality movement!

    I don’t think I have covered this topic before, but Savage Lovecast offers some great insight on the issue, the most recent podcast comes to mind. Around the 35 min mark

    Porn taps into the stuff that people think about the 10 seconds before they orgasm, which is not always what is going on in the bedroom with their partner. And that’s ok! Our brains are amazing and we can work it to our advantage! Creative sex for the win!


      Le Pleurant 2018-03-03 09:25:05

      Thanks TBK!!!!
      Thanks for the work you do!
      Thanks for providing a sensible, down to earth venue for sorting out feelings and issues like this!
      I may never realize the fantasy of being a sole Y chromosome in the middle of a girl pile….but in all honesty what I’d really like is to be in a pile of identical clones of my beautiful wife, likewise I wish there were 3 or 4 of me to to attend to her all at ONCE! (She says if there were five of me, as attentive as the original that she would melt into oblivion…..mission accomplished!)

      This is the stuff fantasies are made of!!!! Thanks for you part in helping to turn those fantasies into reality!


        Kendra Holliday 2018-03-03 09:28:41

        What you describe sounds like tantra! Infinite possibilities within the sacred union of two beings…. I love it!


Leave a Comment

Please see the Community Policy for comment guidelines and rules.

YouTube RSS




Brilliant! Proof that Randy is a VERY stable genius.


My front porch held space for a life changing event this morning. How cool is that??


"Hitting first has always been the mark of evil. I don't think any spiritual thinker has ever said otherwise." - Anne Lamott