A Time to Heal: Sex After Birth

By Kendra Holliday | November 20, 2013

You really did a number
on my vagina, baby

A guest post by SW, a 29-year-old mother…

For some strange reason, I didn’t think about the horror of what would happen to my crotch from having a baby. I guess I figured people had more than one kid so it must not be a big deal. Plus, with all the fisting, double dick fucking, etc. out there, I figured the thing’s made to stretch. So I was really blindsided by the horror my poor nanny experienced.

I had my son nine months ago. I gave birth at home naturally with two midwives attending. Moments after he was born, as we lay in bed staring at our golden accomplishment, I wanted badly to have sex with my husband. It struck me as a strange thought but I really wanted to.  I felt closer to him and more grateful to him than ever before (or since really) in our marriage. There are no words for that moment.

But there was a lot of tearing for me. I had a “button” hole in my labia, which sounds all cute and sweet but in my case amounted to something a dick could accidentally find its way through. I’m sure there’s someone with a fetish out there for that, but it isn’t me. While I was prepared for childbirth with no drugs, sewing my girl parts with no drugs is another fucking story. The pain of a needle going into your labia to numb the area is excruciating.

So I was less than thrilled when six weeks later, all the sewing had to be repeated in the midwife’s office. When, at 15 weeks postpartum, I needed my labia sewn a third time, I sucked it up and paid the OB for the drugs and the “comfort.”

The third time’s a charm, so it finally healed. By now it had been well over four months since I’d had my son and my husband and I had yet to have sex. We were ready to try. But that natural desire I’d felt so keenly in the moments after birth was no where to be found.  In its place was a fear that had been festering and growing with each injection and procedure.

The first time we tried having sex, I was so nervous I was shaking.

I was uncomfortable with my body all around due to the baby weight and subsequent stretch marks. Plus, I’ve always required nipple play to climax, but with breastfeeding I was afraid I’d shoot my husband in the face and I wasn’t ready for that addition to our sex lives.

Digitally I was unable to deal with penetration so we stopped. We tried again after a couple more weeks and it was better, but still hurt. This time we tried actual penetration and part of the tip made it but it didn’t work out.  Each time we tried we got further but it didn’t feel good. It felt like there was one spot that was stiff and painful in a way that meant “stop.” Everyone had represented to me that 6 weeks after having a baby you’re fine.  But that was certainly not the case for me.  And the longer it went on, the more afraid I was.

My husband was very patient and encouraging. He pointed out that it got easier each time and reassured me that it would be ok in time.

He turned out to be quite right. It was six months after my son was born before we successfully had sex. It still hurt at that point, but was better to the point where in the right position, with enough additional lubrication, and foreplay, we could have sex. Over the next couple of months it got better.

Now, sex feels better than it did before I was pregnant with my son.

My vagina is larger than it was. I remember in high school and such hearing about “loose” pussy and how cavernous and awful it was.  So there’s that stigma in your mind to get over.

But before having a baby, I’d always been too tight to enjoy the part of sex just before a man cums. Psychologically, I’ve always liked it but physically its always made his penis swell too large to comfortably fit (I have big dick radar which is part of it, too.) Which means, when you’d like to say “YES!  FUCK ME HARDER!” I’ve thought it but not been able to say it for fear a penis might thrust right through my forehead. And I have zero desire to wear a dick like a unicorn on my forehead.

So I’ve been pleasantly surprised by how easily my husband’s dick fits inside me now. How I can just grind right down to the last moment and press him all the way into me.  How I can pull his hips down and down and how I can just get NAILED by him. Today I rode him at the kitchen table during nap time. I could put my weight all the way down on him in the chair below me and LOVED every inch of it.

Now, when we’re fucking or I’m masturbating, I think about how nice it is to be slut and have the room to let a man just slip right in.

The downside to having had a baby is that I have stretch marks from the near 80 pounds I gained (I’m a pretty fit type so this was a shocker.) I’m disappointed by how I feel about the way my body now looks with the skin that hangs loose after losing all that weight. And part of me would really like to go back and refuck all my past big-dicked conquests to fully and properly enjoy those big cocks.

But I’m happy to be enjoying the experience with just my husband, whose loving eyes see my body for what it can do and who I am.  I’m happy I don’t have to go through the self-consciousness I would certainly feel with a stranger. I’m happy to be with a man I love, exploring the newness of sex after childbirth.


Stephen 2011-06-15 12:51:19

6 weeks post-baby is the average modern norm for those who deliver in a modern setting.

You didn’t. So your average is better calculated using much older rubric’s. So was your life expectancy during the delivery. I’m glad you got to ‘have it your way’ without too much damage (you might argue that, having been sewn up so many times), and I’m glad your sex life is better for you now.

But I am curious why you avoided the doctor so much that you didn’t get advice on how much to gain with your pregnancy (80 pounds makes me think ‘gestational diabetes’ or depression-eating or something else medically off), didn’t choose modern medicine for the delivery, and didn’t choose modern medicine advantages with the healing process of your unfortunate tearing.

Midwives are great, but aren’t doctors or surgeons. I’m very happy you weren’t hurt more than you were.


    anonymous 2011-06-15 22:41:44

    You made a lot of assumptions there. I worked with an OB as well. I the OB until about 28 weeks and then primarily saw the midwife for care after that. You can’t have a home birth if you have a complicated pregnancy and I did not. There was no high risk involved. There were no concerns of diabetes, but I do have concerns that I may have food allergies that under normal circumstances don’t cause that extensive of problems but with the addition of a baby do. I’ll find out when I stop nursing and do an elimination diet. I do not have mental health problems. I wanted to have a home birth and people who aren’t informed often think that means some sort of danger.


      WD 2013-11-23 14:31:36

      If you don’t know about happy circumstances of home birth from someone first hand it could appear that this was just a capricious decision. My neighbor delivered all three of her healthy and brilliant sons using non-hospital, at home, methods and mid-wives. She certainly had plenty of doctor visits before the due dates and thankfully–no complications. Kinda old school to the max! Congratulations all you who do this. My sons were all hospital babies and I’m grateful for those miracles, as well. Peace.


The Nerd 2011-06-15 20:15:33

An average is just that: an average. For everyone having sex after 3 weeks (me) there are people not having sex after 6 months. Still, it is disappointing to fall outside the averages, of feeling like some sort of physical failure.

I also love the part of after-birth where it’s all bigger and roomier! Best upgrade I ever got down below.


Kendra 2011-06-15 21:29:16

I know some women who could female ejaculate after giving birth. Now THAT is a nice upgrade. 😉

I gained 60 lbs. being pregnant. I wasn’t depressed; I was using my “FREE” card to eat as much chocolate ice cream topped with peanut butter as I wanted.

I admire my anonymous friend for opting for midwife assisted homebirth, because I bailed with a hospital epidural with a quickness that can’t be denied.


oceanmama 2013-03-07 09:29:50

My son is nearly 8 months now. After a amazing natural home water birth, with no rips, tears or concerns, we nearly skipped a beat in our sexual relationship. I remeber at our post labour -6 week midwife appointment she brought up , “sex after labour and delivery”… and started giving us the low down about waiting, then pain, the concerns behind it etc etc. We laughed and said we begun having sex again 4 days after he was born, as we just couldnt take it anymore! I remeber feeling the same sexual energy you did right after birth, possibly due to all the endorphins and such from the process, but none the less, we spent 3 days making out and dry humping like young teenagers, until we finally just couldnt take it anymore. 4 days after I had given birth, and it was honestly one of the best orgasams I had ever had. PS. I LOVE your Blogs, and am so excited when I get a time out from life to read them 🙂 You are an INSPIRATION!


    Kendra Holliday 2013-03-08 13:03:41

    This comment is beautiful, thank you so much for sharing! Everyone has such a different experience.
    PS: The woman who wrote this guest post just gave birth to her second child!


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