“No, I Won’t Sleep With You. Or Anyone Else. Ever.”

By Kendra Holliday | October 23, 2022

Four years ago, I thought asexuality was a myth, an excuse, a weird misunderstanding between a person and their genitals. Then I met my asexual friend Shelley, who patiently taught me the facts. This week (Oct 23-39) is Asexual Awareness Week. Asexual means a person who does not experience sexual attraction. Let’s learn more from Shelley in this interview, and be sure and catch some other asexual interviews happening over at Sex Positive St. Louis blog.

How old are you?

29 now, four years after our original interview. Old enough to know that I’m not just a late bloomer.

What’s the difference between celibate, abstinent, and asexual?

Celibacy and abstinence are choices. Asexuality is innate, not a choice, but a part of someone’s life that they cannot choose. It is the same as gays not being able to choose who they are attracted to.

Does being asexual mean you are not physically attracted to male or females? For example, I identify as bi-sexual. Do you have a sexual identity? Are you straight?

Though asexuals only make up 1% of the population, asexuality is NOT a narrow definition. Like sexual people, most asexuals do experience attraction in a wide spectrum. When I say attraction, I do not mean sexual attraction, but rather the appreciation of someone who looks good, or has a great personality. I am attracted to men, that is to say, some men are cute to me. The difference between sexual people and asexual people is that asexual people simply do not want anything to do with the Sex part of a relationship, although other areas of a relationship may be okay – it is different for every person as to their comfort levels. Does that mean some want a relationship with another person? Yes. We all have connections in our lives. Friends, family. People who are sexual wish to have a connection of friendship Plus sexual chemistry with a person generally. Asexuals would like that Friendship, Plus nothing. But it is still more than friendship, Asexuals can have an emotional, deep connection with another person, but do not need sex as part of that as well.

Is being asexual a big part of your identity?

Yes. There are a few “I AMs” in my life, things that I am sure I am, and while they may waver, they never disappear. Asexuality is one of them.

Have you always been asexual, or were you ever interested in sex in your past?

I have always been asexual. Nothing happened to me (that I remember) that would cause me to become asexual. If there was, I would not be asexual, I would be celibate. All throughout high school I shied away from any sexual conversation. It has caused some tension between my friends and I in the past, before I discovered that there was a term for what I felt, and that I was not alone.

Do you think you will be asexual for the rest of your life?

Yes. Currently, I am beyond happy with who I am. I tried a relationship for two years with a wonderful man. He was very cute (meaning those who think “You just haven’t found the right person” should be bitch-slapped – that statement is untrue and a lack of understanding, but way too often mentioned to asexuals) and we had the same thoughts on a lot of stuff. He waited patiently as I tried to open up to new experiences. But the pressure of a relationship and what he would expect in the future, continued to make me extremely uncomfortable. After two years, I could no longer take it and I broke off the relationship. Four years later, I did try an asexual relationship but it did not last, I broke it off too. Something with me and relationships just don’t seem to work out well, at least for the two I have tried. I am still open to having a relationship with an asexual.

Have you ever had sex?

No. I couldn’t get past heavy petting and kissing. Even those are too much for me, although I was at first uncomfortable just holding hands. Of course, quite a few of us asexuals have tried it, and found themselves worse off emotionally for the experience. Some tried it, but simply are indifferent – it was not any different or special to them as going to the store would be. There are a few types of asexuals – Indifferent, repulsed, Grey-A as a few more common examples. I used to be repulsed, although this has changed slightly towards more of a Grey-A variety. I am currently of the belief that sexuality changes over time, and it is no different with asexuality.

Are you on any medications?

Yes, as of more recently, and yes it does affect the small amount of sexuality I have suddenly gained in the past year. It is funny that by taking the medication, I am closer to being my normal “repulsed” self, and when I am not, I am slightly more Grey-A. So I take medication to be my normal self, not to become like a normal person, and also the medication takes away other symptoms not related that would cause a health problem if I did not take it.

What are your interests/passions?

I grew up with cockatiels and a dog as pets, so I love animals, especially birds. I have 2 cockatiels. I love color and design, which is why I run my own interior house painting company. I enjoy playing World of Warcraft for fun, and I love weird instruments – I play Piano, and the Hammered Dulcimer and Ocarina (badly).

Were you abused as a child, sexually or physically?

Not that I remember. My family was great to me, and I have no inclination that anyone in my family may have abused me.

Are there any animal species you know of that are asexual?

Yes. Mice are one rather large animal species that have been through some general testing and the results are that a large population of mice are asexual. Other species are being looked at as well. Four years later, asexuality has been noted in Pandas and Rams along with other animal species.

Are there any online resources for asexuality?

www.asexuality.org is the biggest website with the most information. There is a book almost out, and also a documentary that was recently released. People from the website have been on TV – The View, Montel Williams, and multiple news stories. I have done three lectures to two of the largest colleges in our area to increase awareness in the GLBT groups at those colleges.

What do you think about nudity?

Appropriate in the shower. ::laugh:: In general, I would say it’s natural to be nude, however I am uncomfortable with being nude any other place than in the shower. I don’t believe nudity should be shown in public only because I don’t want to see it. I’m not a fan of artistic paintings, so I don’t want to see it there either. But that’s just me and I know that’s placing way too many specifications on a society in which *I* am the weird one.

Do you have a romantic partner/boyfriend/girlfriend? Do you want one? If so would you want them to be asexual too?

No. Yes, and yes, he would have to be asexual. As I mentioned, I did try a asexual partnership for a while but it just didn’t click with me well.

Would you ever get married?

Yes. I wouldn’t mind that particularly, although I don’t have much in the way of dreams about a perfect wedding. Still to this day, after being a Maid of Honor and attending many friends and family weddings, I still cannot even fathom me being the bride in a wedding.

Do you ever want to have children? Do you like kids?

I hate babies, they annoy me. I would never want to have my own. However, I would love to be a foster parent to older children like teenagers.

Do you ever think about sex involuntarily?

I usually only think about sex when something around me reminds me of it, like accidentally turning to a “women’s movie” in the wrong place, or seeing one of those damn Viagra commercials.

Do you ever have dreams about sex?

Unfortunately. Thankfully they are rare. My dreams tend to send me lessons, so any dreams about sex are not necessarily a “hidden desire,” but a lesson I must figure out.

What do you think about sex? Does it make you uncomfortable? What aspects of sex do you find distasteful?

The physicality of it. I’m sure the emotional part is great, but the physical part makes me extremely uncomfortable and rather sick. Some of us however are indifferent, they simply don’t care about it.

Do you get annoyed by all the sex in media, ads, movies, music?

Yes, but I have learned to block a lot of it out. I don’t watch or listen to sexuality-driven songs/videos. Sexual-specific commercials (viagra, personal lube types) annoy the hell out of me.

What do you think of porn?

I always remember one quote I heard: “No man has ever died from a semen buildup”. That quote did cause me to think that it isn’t necessary to have porn. I think it’s a society thing more than a human necessity to need things like porn to “get rid of the tension.” I can’t even offer a woman’s perspective in this case really.

Do you appreciate the human touch?

Yes, touch is great! Massages are great (although non-sexual for me, more of a medical necessity as my back tends to freeze up) Cuddling is wonderful. That’s as far as I go though. I must mention though, not every asexual is the same. Some are very touch-aversive, some are okay with just about anything but the sex part. It is definitely a spectrum that differs with each person.

Do you wish more people were asexual?

It sure would be easier to find an asexual guy. I have a feeling that if we didn’t have so much sexuality in our culture and it was not almost a requirement for living in our society, more would be.

My Pleasure Tool Cabinet

By Kendra Holliday | October 7, 2022

It’s fun comparing my current sex toy collection with my inventory in 2013 – you can see pics here.

I’ve taken to calling “sex toys” pleasure tools, as it’s more fitting. The term “sex toys” remind me of the words “boyfriend” and “girlfriend” – outdated.

Pleasure tool etymology = prepare to please.

I’ve woefully neglected my collection – the cabinet was all dusty, and all the devices were dead.

So, one morning, I gave it a deep clean and tidied things up. It was a wonderful way to mindfully reacquaint myself with so many blasts from my past.

First, I culled the collection, discarding all the decrepit items – old, hard plastic, goofy shapes, the kind of material that attracts lint, gag gifts…

Eew! Bye, bye, yuck yuck. 🙂

Taking out the trash

Next, I emptied the cabinet and dusted it. I cleaned all the high quality tools, and spent a long time pairing them with their charging cords and plugging them in. You should have seen it – my house had colorful devices dangling and blinking from every outlet, like a kinky little disco.

Here’s the end result. TA DA! Behold the glory!

Pleasure tools, 2022

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Junk in Your Trunk

By Kendra Holliday | October 6, 2022

You know how they talk about baggage, being in the closet, etc.?

Everyone has baggage – daddy issues, mommy issues, family pain, abandonment issues, trust issues, inexperienced issues, break up trauma, secrets, shame, guilt, neglect, abuse, loss, betrayal, injury, fear, rejection…

I like to pretend our head is an attic, and our brain is an old fashioned trunk, crammed full of stuff we’ve collected from our travels.

What's in your trunk?

What’s in your trunk?

Space is really tight, and the stuff is jammed in there.

So, I propose this exercise to my clients.

Find the key that opens the trunk.

A skeleton key, for the skeletons in your closet

A skeleton key, for the skeletons in your closet

Open that trunk up.

Now, take ALL the stuff out of it – toss it around the room.

Examine each article – is it a piece of clothing? Is it a toy? Is it wrinkled? Is it moldy? Does it still fit? Do you want to keep it?

Address and assess each item. Acknowledge why it’s in your trunk, and decide if it’s something you want to hang on to.

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Moongasm on Monks Mound

By Kendra Holliday | September 8, 2022

Ed Note: This was originally published Sept 23, 2012.

Last Saturday was the night of the Super Moon, the one time of year when the full moon would be closest to Earth.

Full moon

We had spent the day hopping from friend to party to friend to parade, drinking and being merry – it was a full day. It was a LOT of day!

It was a great day.

After the craziness of a busy festival in Soulard, we chilled at our friend Shine’s house. It was a stark contrast to the packed street party that was jammed with people, bright lights, and HEAT – Shine’s house was cool, dim, and surrounded by resting plants. It was just the four of us.

Monks Mound – the largest human-made mound in the United States

She mentioned that the night before, she had been to Monks Mound to celebrate the moon. Monks Mound is in Cahokia Mounds, across the river in Collinsville, IL. Monks Mound is the largest human-made mound in the country. She spoke of how powerful it was to be so close to the moon, fog in the valleys, the energy of all the people who had once been there…. 20,000 people lived there, making it larger than London in 1250 AD.

After a raucous family dinner, we made our way over to Illinois. The surrounding area was a little eerie – rundown homes, race track, landfill, liquor stores, ghost towns – a lot of buried dreams.

It was dark. We parked near the mound. Technically the place was closed, but it felt like a free country and we meant no harm, so we ventured out into the moon-drenched surrounding meadowscape.

I was barefoot, wearing a soft, flowing moon dress. We held hands and walked toward the looming mound. No one was around.

Up the first level we went, then the second. Finally, we were at the top. (more…)

Paradise – Why Not?

By Kendra Holliday | August 22, 2022

One of my favorite days of the year is our Sex Positive St Louis annual naked pool party. We’ve been having these for over ten years. It’s the crown jewel of the sunny season, the best way to enjoy a hot summer day.

It’s a private, screened event – we need to know the people attending, meaning they need to be established SEX+STL members, and by that I mean you need to be a part of the community, not just attend one or two events. This ensures a safer environment for those who attend. My C0-Leader David Wraith states the safety rules well: “No sexual activity. No touching without consent! No body-shaming! No slut-shaming! No sexism! No racism! No homophobia! No transphobia! No ableism! No hateration! No holleration!”

We actually refer to it as a “clothing optional” pool party, because we want guests to attend on their own terms. My sister attended our most recent one, and she told me, “I was invited to some other naked pool party, and their rule was: Nudity Required. That bugged me, like my body was meant to be on display for others, so I didn’t go. But when the rules are ‘clothing optional,’ it’s nicer, there’s less pressure, I have agency, which makes me feel fine about getting naked!”

Every year, I invite new people to attend. They act extremely intrigued, but most of them back out at the last minute, telling me they can’t do it. I’d love to know their reasons – are they self-conscious? Are they worried they’ll see someone they know? It’s too bad, because out of all the people who manage to overcome their fears and attend, not ONE person regretted it. EVERY person found it to be an overwhelmingly positive experience – for some, even life transforming.

It usually ends up being about 120 people, from all different backgrounds. (It can be a challenge for folks who have disabilities, because the pool is a 1/2 mile hike, a secret haven deep in the woods.)

Imagine 120 people of different genders, orientations, ages, body types, and ethnicities frolicking in this giant, spring-fed basin:

Welcome to Eden

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Kendra Holliday Podcast Interviews

By Kendra Holliday | August 17, 2022

I LOOOVE podcasts. Do you listen to any? I hear that only 1 in 5 people do. They’re SUCH a wealth of information, community and connection.

Below are podcasts I’ve been featured on – the most recent is at the top.

Aug 16, 2022: Luvbites by Dr Tara: #47 The Truth About Sex Surrogate with Kendra Holliday

May 26, 2021: DriveThru HR: Exploring Intimacy, Sex and Work with Kendra Holliday

October 25, 2019: Experience 50: I Apologize with Kendra Holliday

January 14, 2019: About Sex with Angela Skurtu: Sex Positive St Louis with David and Kendra

July 8, 2018: Ethical Society of St. Louis: When You Wish Upon a Star: What We All Truly Desire

August 20, 2017: About Sex with Angela Skurtu: Thorn and her Mother Kendra Holliday – Asexuality, Raising a Child to be Sex Positive – A Teen’s Perspective

August 2, 2017: Family Affairs: Sex-Positive Parenting, featuring Sex Worker Kendra Holliday and her 16 year old daughter!

July 23, 2017: About Sex with Angela Skurtu: Sex Surrogate Kendra Holliday and her partner Matthew discuss Polyamory, Masculinity, and anything Kinky

July 16, 2017: About Sex with Sex Therapist Angela Skurtu: Sex Surrogacy with Kendra Holliday and her partner Matthew

April 25, 2017: 057: BDSM: Shame, Humiliation, & Funnel Cakes

I had so much fun discussing creative sex play and humiliation with host Ben Robbins.

This one followed up an interview we did a month earlier.

March 25, 2017: 054: Escorting, Specialty Fetish and Non-Traditional Sex Therapy

Ah yes, good times!

January 6, 2017: Euphoric Epiphany, Hosted by Victoria

Strangers podcast was by far the most popular one, where I talk about Sex Surrogacy.

April, 2016: Sexistential (this was one of the best interviews and it’s no longer freely available; you have to be a Patreon member.)

Host Lea Thau visited me at my home. It was a nice change having a microphone stuck in my face instead of a penis, LOL!

March 28, 2011: Interview with Sex is Fun, all about my painful coming out process as a sex-positive activist.

October, 2010. Another interview about my coming out, this time with Life on the Swingset, right as it was happening.

October, 2010. This one is all about anal! with Life on the Swingset. I love how Cooper Beckett was celebrating pegging back before it was all the rage!

Those are all the ones I remember. I’ll keep this post updated with any new interviews. I’d love to have my own podcast, but I know how much time and energy it takes.

What are your favorite sex or human interest podcasts? Are there any you’d like to see me featured on?

I like Guys We Fucked, RISK!, Savage Lovecast, The Intimate Lifestyle, HiPPiE WiTCH, and Death, Sex and Money. One I just learned about is The Manwhore Podcast – he recently conducted an interview with an erotic massage sex worker as he received a happy ending! Another one new to me is The Mental Illness Happy Hour – the host often covers sexual shame and secret fantasies. It gets pretty deep. Check out the survey section on his website!

5 Hardcore Relationship Exercises

By Kendra Holliday | August 12, 2022

David Wraith and me

David Wraith and me

Want a better sex life? Then start communicating better! Push past your comfort levels, people, and communicate FOR REAL.

Open, and honest. You gotta be vulnerable.

Here are some bold ideas to get the ball rolling (pick the right time and place to do these! Carve out some quality time, don’t attempt to knock it out on the way somewhere, unless it’s a road trip):

1. Institute relationship check-ins. Do as often as needed – daily, weekly, monthly… My partner and I do it about twice a year, when our schedules are especially stressful and it’s a challenge getting our physical and emotional needs met.

Think about this:

Are you getting your physical needs met?

Are you getting your emotional needs met?

If the answer is no to one or both of those, what would need to be different?

How about your partner? Do you think they’re getting their physical or emotional needs met?

If they were asked, do you suppose they might answer differently?

Hmm!

Have you heard of Daily Temperature Readings? It’s a concept that allows you to explore the following key points:

*Appreciation

*New Information

*Puzzles

*Complaints with recommendations

*Wishes, hope and dreams

Covering these points can help you find out if you’re on the same page, or even reading the same book!

2. Tell each other three things you don’t like about each other (or five, if you’ve known each other for more than two years. 🙂

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How to Get Over Body Image Issues

By Kendra Holliday | August 8, 2022

Here’s how to get over your body image issues:

1. Do a nude photo session

2. Get naked in front of other people

Huh, what??

Let me explain.

It’s been almost a year since my hysterectomy surgery. I’m all better, but I’ve noticed my body shifting and changing. I have scars on my tummy now, and fat has gathered around my middle. Sometimes I sit around and feel gross about it. I feel like my clothes are tight. I try eating better. I try being more active.

Last Saturday, I had two events on my calendar: a nude photoshoot with a girlfriend and photographer friend of mine, and a clothing optional pool party. Ugh, being naked around other people was the LAST thing I wanted to do. I yearned to hide under my covers in a comfy nightie instead, but I’m not one to flake out on people just because I’m not feeling it. I tend to push myself to follow through with things I’ve committed to, because it usually works out for the best.

At the photoshoot, I shared my body image concerns with Bianca and Stan. Bianca looked so beautiful and graceful. Stan assured me that I still looked mighty fine and not that much different from when he first started photographing me five years ago. I started to relax, and walked around the studio naked as if it was the most natural thing in the world, because it WAS.

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What I Did This Summer

By Kendra Holliday | August 3, 2022

Hey, everyone! Do you miss me?

I made a quick video letting you know what I’ve been doing this summer – unfortunately, it hasn’t been YOU. I’ve been getting screwed in a very different way. 🙂

 

The Baking Kind

By Kendra Holliday | August 1, 2022

Remember this RFT article that shocked the local community twelve years ago? Take a moment to skim it, then let’s replace all the sex references with more innocuous FOOD references and see how it reads.

Not as shocking, ey? Why is that?

Special thanks to Ms. Melissa Meinzer and The Riverfront Times for permission to revise the article for conservative consumption.

——–

SFW: The St. Louis mom behind food blog The Baking Kind is outing herself

Kendra Holliday - The Baking Kind

Kendra Holliday – The Baking Kind

Kendra Holliday is a total chef. Go right ahead and say it — she does. She’s not hiding from it anymore.

In some ways, she’s always been honest about it. She’s unflinchingly blogged every detail of her baking life for years — she’s a talented, aproned, joyously partnered divorced mother, living and writing and baking (and yeah, it’s a lot of baking) in St. Louis.

Her blog, www.thebakingkind.com, details all of it. It has made her into a celebrity of sorts. It has cost her a job. She’s called it her second partner.

The blog has become a safe space for food-positive readers in St. Louis and all over the world to come together. It’s created a virtual community, and Holliday and some of her foodie friends want to take that momentum and push the Midwest forward into greater culinary freedom and openness.

And it’s hard to do that when you’re hiding. So Holliday is coming out.

Tea time with The Baking Kind

Tea time with The Baking Kind

Kendra Holliday is 38. She’s got the lithe glow of a long-time vegetarian.

She grew up outside Creve Coeur, in the house her parents still share with a dog and two cats. The house has photos of all five kids on the wall, alongside photos of nurse Mom and sailor Dad from the beginning of their 44 years of marriage.

In a lot of ways, Holliday’s early years were fairly conventional. She was a smart girl and in her school’s gifted program. Her siblings looked up to her then and still do now.

Order, togetherness and success are themes in her family’s history, just as much as the obvious love that its members share.

Holliday’s parents are happy to talk about her childhood, as they positively adore her. They recall entering her into a beauty contest in Texas when she was three and are still genuinely pleased that she won First Prize.

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Cowboy Ethics

By Kendra Holliday | July 27, 2022

Do y’all know about Cowboy Ethics?

I keep the book by my bed, right next to the condoms, candles, and lube. It’s like my bible.

Do you follow The Code of the West?

Do you follow The Code of the West?

It’s also like porn to me – totally sexy. People who possess Cowboy Ethics TURN ME ON.

So, what are these good qualities that make me drool and take notice?

I’m not talking about rodeos and eating steak and slinging guns and chewing tobacco. I do like country music, however – it’s so sentimental! And I LOVE country living – give me a cabin in the woods any day!

Do the right thing.

Do the right thing.

Here’s what I’m talking about.

People with Cowboy Ethics are rugged. They are patient. They are passionate. They don’t quit. They have a heightened sense of justice. They do the right thing.

Some people come by their Cowboy Ethics honestly – it’s effortless for them. Others need training, like me! I strive to live by the Code of the West.

Here are the ten tenets – how many of these ring true to you? Which ones do you need to work on?

1. Live each day with courage.

Be brave. Be strong. Conquer your fears. Courage means “to have heart.” Having courage means doing what is right, even when it scares the living daylights out of you. Be true to yourself.

Talking openly and honestly about my intensely personal and kinky sex life, and posting photos of myself naked – right down to my hairy armpits and shaved pussy – being intimate with the world, sharing myself with strangers – that takes courage.

Don’t be a coward. Face your fears. Replace the fear with LOVE.

This here cowgirl is tough!

This here cowgirl is tough!

2. Take pride in your work.

My top three priorities are my daughter, my life’s passion (sex and relationships), and work (making money). Luckily, some of these things overlap. I’m a single mom, so I have to bust a move if I want to take my daughter on a nice trip or splurge on renting a fancy house for a play party.

I take my passion seriously and have pride in my work. I give talks at universities and for medical professionals. I work with licensed sex therapists. I mentor women interested in sex work. I host amazing events. I run a stellar volunteer organization. I absolutely LOVE my work as a counselor and sex surrogate. That is where my true talent lies, and where I make a real difference in people’s lives.

You should always try to leave people, places, and things better than you found them.

It’s good to have more than one way to make money. Be diverse in your skills, but also be an expert in something. Be passionate! What are your top three priorities? What are you passionate about?

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I’ll Show You Mine

By Kendra Holliday | July 14, 2022

Remember that Pussy Project Matthew announced that was connected to this post he wrote? Unfortunately, he got sidetracked and it never came to light, despite an enthusiastic response from readers around the world.

Great news: I’m pleased to announce that I have found a similar project that has made it to beautiful fruition in the form of this book, I’ll Show You Mine, by Wrenna Robertson, a multiple degreed exotic dancer. “I’ll Show You Mine” is a photo study of female genitalia containing 120 life-size photographs of 60 women, all photographed from the same two positions. Each photo set is accompanied by the woman’s story, which reads more like a pussy poem, taking the reader on a brief, intensely emotional journey leading up to the glorious photograph.

In the book’s introduction, Wrenna states:

For much of human history, western society has perceived women’s genitals as shameful, unattractive and generally unpleasant. Women have been taught the the feminine ideal involves being as inoffensive as possible; polite and pretty, neat and tidy, chaste. While men are believed to have an innate sexual drive that cannot always be controlled, uncontained or inappropriately expressed sexuality in women is condemned.

Many of the women in this book report that they used to be ashamed of their genitals but have since overcome that early negative conditioning by society. One woman said her mother told her if she ran water over her vulva in the bathtub, she would get warts. Another woman’s boyfriend teased her for being too lippy.

Then again, other women have been blessed with very positive experiences that helped shape their body image acceptance, in the form of past appreciative lovers and spiritual healing centers.

One woman in the book, Emily, has only had her pussy for a year and a half – she had it created out of her original male genitals. If you’re ever wondered what reconstructed genitals look like, I think you’ll be impressed.

Some of the women use the term yoni for their pussy. Some folks find this too hippie dippy, but I like it. It describes the whole package, the entire sacred feminine vessel.

I pored over this book with my partner. I joked with him, “Do you wish this book was scratch-and-sniff?” He laughed, “Kindof.”

He dearly loves pussy. He embraces the fact that he came out of one and has spent his entire life revisiting the sacred place.

We played a game where we tried to find the pussy who most resembled mine, which has shaved puffy outside lips and just a little bit of inner lip sticking out like a impudent tongue, and trimmed bush on top. Hmm, maybe Alicia, the woman whose mother called vaginas “flowerpots.”

One woman featured expressed her extreme regret for overshaving for the photoshoot. She thought about backing out of the project, but decided to turn her rash razor stunt into a teaching moment for others, writing, “we are all beautiful just as we are. Don’t let anyone or anything change how you look naturally.”

As I read the book, I yearned to be a part of it. Good news – the book is a stepping stone in a fluid river of stories that can be added to the website.

I like how Tanya harkened our connection to nature with this sweet sentiment:

I think there are as many variations of a female flower in this world as there are actual flowers. There are roses, lilies, orchids, irises, gardenias, plumerias, carnations, daffodils, peonies, tulips…just to name a few. Every flower is exquisite and unique. If a flower’s petals are longer than another flower’s petals, does that make it ugly? No!

This book will last longer and be of more value to your loved one than any bouquet. If you have a pussy, yoni, flower – whatever you call it – do something nice for it to today. Show it some love. Give it some pleasure. Feed it something delicious. Make it feel ALIVE.

——

I donated this book to Shameless Grounds Sexuality Library, so please visit them and take a look for yourself!

Local and National Mental Health Support

By Kendra Holliday | July 12, 2022

I know this isn’t a sexy topic, but during this pandemic I’ve been getting lots of inquiries from desperately sad people. Some are suicidal.

I’m not a licensed therapist. My specialty is sex, not suicide. But I truly care about your health and happiness, and I’ve struggled with mental health my entire life, and have been suicidal myself.

Please browse this Links page under counseling for St Louis mental health professionals.

In addition, here are other resources:

National:

National Suicide Prevention Hotline

Just call 988. This is a brand new option.

Or

A free, 24-hour hotline available to anyone in suicidal crisis or emotional distress. Your call will be routed to the nearest crisis center to you. 1-800-273-TALK (8255)

National Hopeline Network 

Hopeline provides support with trained counselors through this national hotline to prevent suicide. 1-800-442-HOPE(4673)

Crisis Text Line

Crisis Text Line serves anyone, in any type of crisis, providing access to free, 24/7 support and information via a medium people already use and trust: text. Text, “HOME” to 741741

Military/Veterans Suicide Hotline

1-800-273-8255, press 1

KUTO (Kids Under Twenty-One)

Available to any youth needing assistance, staffed by youth volunteers

Trans Lifeline

Trans Lifeline is a grassroots hotline and microgrants 501(c)(3) non-profit organization offering direct emotional and financial support to trans people in crisis – for the trans community, by the trans community. 877-565-8860  https://www.translifeline.org/

LGBTQ Youth Suicide Hotline

Serving LGBTQ youth in crisis. 1-866-488-7386

Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration

SAMHSA’s National Helpline is a free, confidential, 24/7, 365-day-a-year treatment referral and information service (in English and Spanish) for individuals and families facing mental and/or substance use disorders. 1-800-662-HELP (4357) https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline

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Make Love, Not Porn, Revisited

By Kendra Holliday | May 26, 2022

Ten years ago, I joined MakeLoveNotPorn.tv

after watching Cindy Gallop’s provocative TED talk (you can go watch it, it’s 4 min long). I wrote about it in this blog post from 2012.

And then, I wandered off, chasing butterflies, having adventures, making dreams come true, getting into trouble, lots of distractions…

Ten years later, I came across this interview by Sexologist Dr. Martha Tara Lee of Eros Coaching, featuring MakeLoveNotPorn.tv’s Founder, Cindy Gallop…

and I instantly felt ENERGIZED

Here is why:

At the 2:50 mark, Dr. Martha came out of the gate very vulnerable, revealing something personal and emotional. I was immediately hooked.

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Amateur Threesomes vs Professional Threesomes

By Kendra Holliday | May 6, 2022

The other day, a friend I’ve known for years texted me out of the blue:

“Hi Kendra! After years of celibacy, I’m finally having sex again! He’s amazing. We want to experience many things together, can you give me advice on hiring a sex worker for a threesome?”

Pay attention.

I was so excited for my friend! I let her know about these sites they could explore together, as well as searching twitter using keywords, such as #STL #GFE #datestl, (be sure and click on “latest” tab at the top):

Eros.com  

https://www.eroticmonkey.ch/ 

https://skipthegames.com/ 

https://www.escortdirectory.com/

https://privatedelights.ch/

https://www.theeroticreview.com/

https://tryst.link/us/escorts 

I told her that if a couple is looking to hire a sex worker, it’s better for the woman to initiate contact, as that shows the worker she’s involved in the process and not being “dragged along.” I advised her to read the website instructions, and expect to be screened and pay a deposit.

(more…)

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