Boundaries and Balance

By Kendra Holliday | July 22, 2021

SMILE!

Three is my magic number.

I was born 3-23-73.

I’m really good at threesomes. 🙂

I have sacred feminine triangles all over my body – my hairy underarms and pubic hair represents one; my breasts and belly represent another.

I find that my life is best balanced when I’m nurturing these three things:

Professional career – represented by my site Be Open and Honest

Personal life – represented by this blog!

Philanthropic endeavors – represented by Sex Positive St. Louis, my all-volunteer community organization

Sometimes, things get out of whack, and my personal life suffers, or my volunteer efforts lag, but I’ve found that the best way to keep things balanced is to ENFORCE MY BOUNDARIES.

I know my boundaries, but they are always being pushed by other people and forces, and it’s exhausting! They don’t mean to do it, but that’s life as a sex worker whose motto is: NEVER BORED.

Here are some examples of my boundaries:

  • I always use condoms with intercourse. I don’t let random men rub their penis on my vulva.
  • I don’t receive anal. It’s not an erogenous zone for me. But I’ll gladly give it! 😉
  • I do things on my own terms. If someone contacts me and wants to work with me but doesn’t want to follow my guidelines, then I don’t work with them. I have my protocol in place for a reason.

It’s funny, but I find that the more I put out there, the more some people expect. For instance, I post a Panty of the Day pic on Twitter, and I’ll have men send me Direct Messages asking for more free pics.

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My Year as a Stripper

By Kendra Holliday | July 11, 2021

Disclaimer: I wrote this a long time ago, and it never seemed to fit the vibe of this blog, so I’ve never published it here, or anywhere. It ALMOST made it in BUST magazine, but they chose an essay about male strippers instead.

I was in a very different place 20+ years ago, but since I mentioned it in the post yesterday about Jobs I Have Had, I decided to follow up with this.

Do you know, strippers in 2021 still make the same amount of money I made in 1991?!

Stripping.

I had this gig was when I was 19 (I’m 48 now). I was pretty much trapped in a bad spot – kicked out of my house, no money, no car, dead end job.

I didn’t know what to do. So one day, a girlfriend and I decided to check out the strip clubs on the East Side. I called a place at random, and asked if they hired girls who had no boobs and couldn’t dance. She said sure, gave me directions, and told me to come in for an “interview.”

So I saved up money for a down payment on the cheapest car I could find, and we drove over there.

It was SO frightening entering that place. It was like a haunted house, but it was in the afternoon, and the building sat on a gravel parking lot in Washington Park like an overgrown mobile home. It was called Mainstreet.

Quaking, my friend and I entered. It was really dark, and we had to go up some stairs. There was a bouncer at the door, a 6’6″ black man named Humphrey who directed us to the bartender, who was in charge. She was very tan, busty, and abrupt, and our “interview” consisted of us being taken back to the dressing room, and being told to lift our shirts. I guess she was checking for scars, or a hairy chest or something.

We filled out an application (the whole purpose being to get in writing that you’re 18), and we were hired.

I gave my employer two weeks notice, and soon it was my first day to report to the strip club. I was SOO nervous, because guess what?

Me circa this era, in the great outdoors and not in a gross strip club

Me circa this era, in the great outdoors and not in a gross strip club

I was on my own.

My friend chickened out. (It’s almost unheard of for a woman to just walk into a strip joint out of the blue and get a job there. Women usually wind up there because a friend they party with or relative works there.)

My first day was TERRIFYING. I was paired up with a sweet-n-stupid girl with bleach blond curls and pink lipstick named “Sassy,” who took one look at me and gave me the name “Glamour.” Can you believe that was my stage name?? Isn’t it SO Seven Dwarfs?

She lent me high heels, and for the first time in my life, I got up on a stage and took my clothes off in front of a bunch of strange men 20 years older than me. Can you imagine doing that right now? Can you imagine doing that as a teenager?

We hustled the guys all day, and I went home feeling very dirty and exhausted. And that’s the way I felt for next nine months. I was in my prime and desired by many, but absolutely LOATHED myself.

The strip club I worked at was owned by a nasty man in his 50’s named Tom Venezia, and his 25 yr old son, Milan Venezia. They were SLEAZY all right, and were involved in all kinds of illegal activity, and had loads of money. Milan thought he was hot stuff, so did his dad. They would pick the hardest, bitchiest princess girls and SHARE them, and of course the “chosen ones” thought they were something else, too. They’d run the bar, like the one who hired me.

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How I REALLY Feel About Unsolicited Cock Shots

By Kendra Holliday | June 19, 2021

Here we go again. I thought all my friends, lovers and clients knew, but since I just got ANOTHER ONE… 😫

I do NOT like receiving unsolicited cock shots.

I don’t care if I’m a sex worker.

I don’t care if you got carried away.

I don’t care if I’ve played with your cock.

I don’t care if I’ve had it in my mouth.

I don’t care if you are someone I’ve been fucking with for years, or are brand new and exciting.

I don’t care if you are Barack Obama. (Note: My point is, he would NEVER do that. Anthony Weiner, however, WOULD.)

If you send me a cock shot, it’s like a slap in the face, an instant turn off, and an online assault, and I will fine you $50 and demand an apology if you ever want to interact with me again.

It’s all about comfort and context, people.

Wait, no…MEN.

I challenge you to comment if you’ve never sent a cock shot, or wish to publicly apologize for sending a cock shot. Or feel completely justified in sending a cock shot.

So, without further ado…

Wanna know the quickest way NOT to get under my skirt?

Think dealbreaker, hard limit, red flag, turn OFF.

OK, besides wearing ugly footwear or torturing small mammals.

Send me an unsolicited cock shot.

Is this what men imagine their cock shot looks like?

My dick is a GOD!

or this?

My dick is seriously BAD ASS.

or this?

My penis is all-powerful!

Guys. Here is what it really looks like:

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Kendra Holliday Podcast Interviews

By Kendra Holliday | June 17, 2021

I LOOOVE podcasts. Do you listen to any? I hear that only 1 in 5 people do. They’re SUCH a wealth of information, community and connection.

Below are podcasts I’ve been featured on – the most recent is at the top.

May 26, 2021: DriveThru HR: Exploring Intimacy, Sex and Work with Kendra Holliday

October 25, 2019: Experience 50: I Apologize with Kendra Holliday

January 14, 2019: About Sex with Angela Skurtu: Sex Positive St Louis with David and Kendra

July 8, 2018: Ethical Society of St. Louis: When You Wish Upon a Star: What We All Truly Desire

August 20, 2017: About Sex with Angela Skurtu: Thorn and her Mother Kendra Holliday – Asexuality, Raising a Child to be Sex Positive – A Teen’s Perspective

August 2, 2017: Family Affairs: Sex-Positive Parenting, featuring Sex Worker Kendra Holliday and her 16 year old daughter!

July 23, 2017: About Sex with Angela Skurtu: Sex Surrogate Kendra Holliday and her partner Matthew discuss Polyamory, Masculinity, and anything Kinky

July 16, 2017: About Sex with Sex Therapist Angela Skurtu: Sex Surrogacy with Kendra Holliday and her partner Matthew

April 25, 2017: 057: BDSM: Shame, Humiliation, & Funnel Cakes

I had so much fun discussing creative sex play and humiliation with host Ben Robbins.

This one followed up an interview we did a month earlier.

March 25, 2017: 054: Escorting, Specialty Fetish and Non-Traditional Sex Therapy

Ah yes, good times!

January 6, 2017: Euphoric Epiphany, Hosted by Victoria

Strangers podcast was by far the most popular one, where I talk about Sex Surrogacy.

April, 2016: Sexistential (this was one of the best interviews and it’s no longer freely available; you have to be a Patreon member.)

Host Lea Thau visited me at my home. It was a nice change having a microphone stuck in my face instead of a penis, LOL!

March 28, 2011: Interview with Sex is Fun, all about my painful coming out process as a sex-positive activist.

October, 2010. Another interview about my coming out, this time with Life on the Swingset, right as it was happening.

October, 2010. This one is all about anal! with Life on the Swingset. I love how Cooper Beckett was celebrating pegging back before it was all the rage!

Those are all the ones I remember. I’ll keep this post updated with any new interviews. I’d love to have my own podcast, but I know how much time and energy it takes.

What are your favorite sex or human interest podcasts? Are there any you’d like to see me featured on?

I like Guys We Fucked, RISK!, Savage Lovecast, The Intimate Lifestyle, HiPPiE WiTCH, and Death, Sex and Money. One I just learned about is The Manwhore Podcast – he recently conducted an interview with an erotic massage sex worker as he received a happy ending! Another one new to me is The Mental Illness Happy Hour – the host often covers sexual shame and secret fantasies. It gets pretty deep. Check out the survey section on his website!

Relationship Value Items

By Kendra Holliday | June 15, 2021

Below is a list of relationship value items. Which ones are important to you? Are you getting your emotional and physical needs met? What about your partner(s)?

Ah, the bliss of connection!

Loyalty
Stability
Feeling safe
Unconditional acceptance
Being appreciated
Commitment
Honesty
Respect
Reliability
Sharing resources
Acts of service
Trust
Vulnerability
Companionship
Quality time
Emotional intimacy
Open communication
Feeling heard. Do they listen? If they get distracted, do they follow up with what you were saying?
Authenticity
Privacy
Shared interests
Common values
Accommodating
Willingness to compromise
Flexibility
Appreciation
Independence
Alone time
Partner enjoys spending quality time with your loved ones/chosen family
Maintaining friendships
Supporting each other’s personal growth/mission: reading what you write, listening to your music, your podcasts, supporting your continuing ed

Red, white, and blue! We’re doing it for our country!

Physical intimacy
Being desired
Frequent sex
Experimentation/Adventure
Humor
Playfulness
Versatility within sex life
Sex with different people
Challenge
Stimulation
Change

His Favorite Lingerie

By Kendra Holliday | June 3, 2021

My man likes the sexy dresses, fishnet stockings and all that, but what he loves most is the casual, natural look.

Jeans and a tank top, no bra:

Hanging out at home wearing jeans & tank top

Stripped down just a little bit more:

Live

These boy shorts say: life . energy . intelligence

What attire do you find sexiest?

A Woman for Sale

By Kendra Holliday | May 20, 2021

This is a guest post by my friend, mentor, and fellow sex worker, Erika Jones. It was originally published in her delightfully refreshing newsletter. You can visit her website to sign up for that, and more!

Erika Jones, of Ebony Body Works TV

“What made you do this kind of work”?

If I had a round of ammo for how many times I have heard this over the past 25 years, I could overthrow a small country with an army of stiletto wearing hookers.

I once felt like I had to respond with some tired cliché’ like: “It’s empowering” or “I like pleasing men”.

Then a few weeks ago, I was asked that dreaded question once again, and I had what some would call a moment of shear clarity and responded “Because I can“….It was so refreshing to say those words.

Contrary to popular belief, and what the media spews to the public, sex workers are no different than your average woman. They have children, a man, a home, bills, and sometimes a “regular” 9-5. They just so happen to be hookers on the side. And with the American population so quick to judge them, it’s imperative that Americans understand that a person isn’t defined by what they do for a living.

If a woman were a garbage lady, would that make her garbage? If she worked for the sewer company, does that make her shit? In the end, we all prostitute ourselves in some sort of way. Whether you model or dance the ballet, you are still using your body to make a profit. Back in pre-historic times, the men would show off their strengths and abilities to find wives and mates.

The women would come along and accept these men’s sexual requests in exchange for food, protection, companionship, and shelter. And this is where the idea of prostitution began… And they don’t call it the world’s oldest profession for nothing…

I think that most females get wrapped up in the whole label thing, and being called a hooker is the worst thing you can call her. But if you take all the sugar babies, kept women, and trophy wives and put them in one big room next to your top paid hookers, they all start to look the same…

Because they are!

Tenga Aero Cobalt Ring

By Kendra Holliday | May 2, 2021

Years ago, I used to write sex toy reviews all the time, but after a while, it got old, so I stopped doing it.

But now, I have good, NEW reasons to write reviews – I’m now a Tenga affiliate! Tenga is one of my favorite toy companies – I’ve been singing their praises for years, and they keep coming up with new and exciting designs and promotions.

This was a great month to sign up, as it’s May Masturbation Challenge! #doitinmay

This month-long celebration dovetails nicely into my running project of keeping track of how many orgasms I have this year – as of right now, I’ve had 167 so far in 2021. 🙂

(BTW, I personally prefer using the words “self pleasure” and “pleasure tools” for the words “masturbation” and “sex toys.”)

Tenga almost makes me wish I had a penis! But they also have great toys for clits, too! Like this super silky textured, sushi-inspired design, iroha+ TORI. It reminds me of a vibrating tongue!

Being an affiliate has many perks, including getting to try out brand new designs. One that will be available in the US later this year is called the Tenga Aero Cobalt Ring.

Tenga Aero Cobalt Ring

Doesn’t it resemble an air freshener?! It’s such a high tech, ingenious design. It comes in two versions – Cobalt and Silver. Cobalt offers more suction, Silver is more spiral sensation:

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Fun Nude With New Backdrop!

By Kendra Holliday | April 23, 2021

This week I had one of my yearly photoshoots with one of my favorite people, Stan Strembicki!

Kendra Holliday

We’ve been doing about two shoots a year since 2007 maybe? Sometimes solo, sometimes with friends, sometimes as a group. Mostly in his studio, but sometimes in the woods, in abandoned buildings…

But one thing is for sure – I’m always NAKED.

Many of the photos on this blog are by Stan. He took my Coming Out photos in 2010! This was one of those:

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Post Pandemic Playtime

By Kendra Holliday | March 26, 2021

Kendra Holliday, 2021

If you are reading this, CONGRATULATIONS!

You survived the pandemic!

2,757,473 around the world have not, 546,825 being in the United States. I don’t have to be accurate typing out those numbers, as they will continue to go up. We’re not quite out of the woods yet.

But what a time to be alive! We all have spring fever and, after being disrupted and on hold for a year, we’re ready to reconnect, and make things happen.

I’m fortunate to be one of the 12% of Missouri residents fully vaccinated right now, which means I can start seeing select clients in-person again next month.

I’ll start off seeing only one or two people in-person a week, as I ease back into things. I will give priority to the following:

  1. Those who read my Cowboy Ethics post.
  2. Those who read my How to Approach a Woman – Even if She is a Whore post.
  3. Those who follow my protocol. I have a screening system in place because it works.
  4. Those who have already established a relationship history with me.
  5. Those who are fully vaccinated.
  6. Those who pay ahead. When I say “deposits make me horny,” I mean that deposits offer a sense of security, which allows me to relax and better prepare for our time together.

If you contact me and mention the word “dollhouse,” I’ll know that you have read this post. 🙂

I try and help as many people as I can, but that isn’t always possible, due to finances, logistics, safety, rude behavior…make no mistake, I operate on mutual respect. Please don’t come at me sideways and expect good results. Not everyone is a good fit.

Oh, and one more thing – I’m not sure when Sex Positive St Louis will be up and running again – we’ve been pretty dormant. 2020 was our Ten Year Anniversary! And I don’t know when I’ll be hosting the next TBK Play Party, but if you have any venue suggestions, let me know! The first post-pandemic play party should be EPIC!

Let’s party!!!

My Vulva Cast

By Kendra Holliday | March 13, 2021

Kendra Holliday, 2021

First of all, if it weren’t for the pandemic, this would’ve been a public event! I asked my friend Andy if he’d do a demo in the future, and he said YES!

So stay tuned for that, and in the meantime, read and see LOTS OF PICS showing how one goes about capturing a gorgeous 3D likeness of their genitals!

It all started with me posting on twitter:

Can anyone recommend a good vulva casting kit? Any tips? I don’t want it looking super raggedy and rotty. I can’t believe I’m almost 50 years old and have never had my vulva immortalized in this way, when it has brought me such pleasure and $power$. I’ve been looking up options and think it’s so funny some are called “Adult Vagina Molds” – I definitely DO NOT want a replica of “the muscular tube leading from the external genitals to the cervix of the uterus in women and most female mammals.”

My friend Andy from Shameless Grounds sent me a message:

If you’d like tips/instruction/help with doing a vulva casting, I have a fair bit of practice with casting, and I have the equipment to do a pretty high quality amateur casting (vacuum chamber to remove bubbles from the casting agent, mold release, etc.). I haven’t done a vulva casting before, but I have a pretty good idea of how to go about it to get a nice casting done..

If it comes out nicely, I will bask in the glow of having immortalized a powerful bit of feminine energy.

Isn’t that sweet?! You’ll be interested to know that Andy is quite the crafty, kinky handyman. He builds floggers, human cages, crosses – he even helps friends safely hang their sex swings!

He explained the process to me:

If you’re comfortable, Covid-wise, being in the same room with me for about an hour wearing masks, and being within 6 feet for about 15 minutes, we can do it.

For a single plaster cast, we’ll use dental grade alginate (made of brown algae – anyone who has played with nuru gel knows how great and safe algae products can be!).

You’ll want a relatively smooth and hairless vulva on the casting day. Pubic hair up higher is fine, as long as it’s not in the “casting zone”. Hair doesn’t “cast”; it gets embedded into the casting medium, and would likely get pulled out when the cast is removed. It also messes up the casting impression.

Shave your vulva 2-3 days ahead to give your skin a chance to recover from any shaving irritation before we slather goop on it.

Rub some coconut oil or similar vulva-safe oil on just prior to casting. It will protect your skin and make the casting come off super easy.

And just so you know what to expect for the actual casting, we’ll have you lift your hips and lower back up on a pillow. You’ll be stuck like that for about 10-15 minutes for an alginate casting.

We’ll mix the alginate with some warm water. I just “glop” that mixture on to your vulva, making sure we don’t have any bubbles in it, and making sure we cover everything about 1/2″ thick in the glop. While it’s still gloppy, I’ll pat some loose cotton fiber on top of it, and then put a layer of plaster bandages over the top of that. The cotton fiber binds the delicate alginate to the sturdy plaster – making the whole thing hold together better than just alginate alone. Then everything sets up for about 5 or 6 minutes, and it’s ready to remove. It takes about 15 minutes from mixing to cleanup.

I’ll take the fresh mold home with me, and make a casting from it. The casting can be either plaster or resin, and it needs to dry overnight. The next day we see how it came out, and do any little touchups that might be needed. And that’s it. You’re casting should be complete and ready to give to you a few days from when we met.

I’ll bring everything needed. I just need access to warm tap water, and a comfy place where you can lie back and elevate your hips for a few minutes. We’ll put a plastic trash bag under you to catch any drips or spills, but other than that, it’s not too messy.

Once the alginate gets mixed, it sets up fast, and I need to get it on you within 3 or 4 minutes. Once I start, my hands will be full of glop.

First, he practiced on a plaster vulva that was already on display in the shop (there are several you can see, made by a local artist). Wouldn’t it make a marvelous night light?

Sample vulva made of resin

Then he practiced on a real woman – his wife. Just think – when I first posted about this, Andy had never done a vulva cast – now look at him – he’s on a roll!

The morning of our vulva casting, I took a walk, and noticed how ALIVE my pussy felt – I was all tingling and turned on! Clearly, I was eager to indulge my exhibitionist side with a trusted friend.

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Aneros Vice 2

By Kendra Holliday | March 11, 2021

Lately, I’ve taken to calling sex toys “pleasure tools,” as it seems a more accurate description.

As you probably know, I offer sex-positive consultations, in which I offer feedback and suggestions for a healthier, happier life. Of course all of my oftentimes unconventional advice is take it or leave it, but I always feel pleased when a person actually takes my advice and DOES THE WORK, i.e., reads the books, listens to the podcasts, and procures the pleasure tools I recommend.

One such man is a lumberjack up in New England. We’ve been enjoying monthly online sessions during the pandemic. He’s looked into my mentors Joan Price and Barbara Carrellas, and has even signed up for classes and expanded his pleasure tool collection. Honestly, he’s shared as many resources with me as I have with him. My favorite relationships are the kind where we learn and grow together. (If you aren’t able to book sessions with me, you can always get free ideas from reading this blog or following me on twitter.)

He saw a review of Aneros prostate massagers on here and decided to get one. Not long after that, he upgraded to a vibrating version called Vice 2. He reported such stunning sensations, I asked him to write a guest post review of it. Here it is!

Aneros Vice 2

“I first learned of Aneros from Kendra. I had shared with her during one of our online sessions that I sometimes felt a wonderful tingling sensation around my anus as I felt myself leading up to climax. Not very macho sounding, but true all the same. She suggested I read a blog post that her partner had written about the Aneros. So I did and I followed a link to the Aneros website.

(I want to take a moment to say that if you are not hiring Kendra for some online fun and sexy conversation, you are missing out!)

I didn’t buy one right away, as I didn’t think it was right for me – the only times I’ve ever had something up my ass was during a medical procedure or that one time I got a lingam massage. The Tantrica offered to massage my prostate and I said I was willing to give it a try. I didn’t really enjoy it, through no fault on her part; she was great. The lingam massage overall was amazing, just not that anal penetration part. I figured that sort of thing wasn’t for me.

One thing from the Aneros website that did catch my eye was the therapeutic side of their products and since I’m in my mid-fifties and on Flomax (tamsulosin) for my prostate, I kept thinking about it. One thing about Flomax is that as a side effect it can dry up your semen and that, my friends, SUCKS. Not being able to actually ejaculate while still orgasming is very unsatisfying for me. So I decided to purchase one to see if it would help. I ordered the Helix SYN Trident.

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The Three Times I Screamed

By Kendra Holliday | March 1, 2021

Ed Note: This post details my personal experiences with sexual trauma.

I’ve been with hundreds, if not thousands, of sexual partners. Some have been AMAZING, and most have been good. A few have been BAD, and a few have been ugly.

To be clear, I’m an experienced professional, and based on what my partner is seeking, I try my best to deliver. Some men want an entertaining diversion, a frolicsome romp into the realm of female energy. Some men want to learn how to be good lovers. Some men want validation and healing.

I usually use a soft, sexy voice to instruct and redirect: “Gentle, please. Oh yes, I like that.” Sometimes, I choose to endure irritating groping, or I’ll grimace my way through a dry fingerbanging, the man treating my vagina like a chainsaw he’s priming. Occasionally, I’ll exclaim “ouch!” or a stern “No!” if, for instance, he’s trying to stick it in without a condom, but for the most part, I don’t want to spoil the moment or damage his confidence.

All that said, here are three times I straight up screamed during sexy time:

A little takedown scene. Photo by Mike Estes

1. Years ago, I was on a date with a man. He was going down on me. I was lying there, relaxed and feeling good, when all of a sudden, he bit down hard on my clit!

I screamed! WTF?!

I gasped, “Why did you do that?!”

He replied, “The last woman I was with liked when I did that.”

Are there any women reading this who like having their clit chomped on? I’m sure some do, but most DO NOT. Always err on the side of caution when experimenting with sensation. Ask for preferences. Go slow. Start with less pressure or sensation and watch for body language and feedback.

I never went near this man again. I associated him with distrust and pain.

2. In 2018, I was going through a rough time, so I was distracted and my defenses were down. I agreed to let a young man from Indiana visit me for a session. I had screened him with a phone call, and he had given off some weird vibes. Normally, I never agree to be intimate with someone sight unseen, but like I said, I was in a bad place and grieving a loss, so I gave less fucks.

As the man drove hours to St Louis, I felt mounting dread. I had asked him what he was into, and he replied ominously, “You’ll know when I get there.”

I was so nervous by the time he knocked on my door. I took a deep breath, and opened the door.

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Why Creative Sex is Better Than Straight Sex

By Kendra Holliday | February 18, 2021

Let me school you on creative sex…

Years ago, I went to a swinger party with an ex. There were six women at the party, and we all had lots of fun. But, to my surprise, when we were driving home, my ex lamented, “I only got to be with four of the women there.”

Huh??

That’s right – he was dissatisfied with only getting to stick his penis in four of the women’s vaginas that night. He was keeping score!

I’ve noticed other times where I’ve played with a man, and we’ve gotten naked, shared pleasure, had oral, but he left disappointed because he didn’t get to do ALL THE THINGS, i.e., stick his penis in my vagina and have intercourse.

I have clients who spend time with me, and instead of basking in female energy and pleasure, they get bummed if they don’t have an encounter that involves them having an 8 inch penis that remains hard for 45 minutes and drilling me bareback in four different positions.

In other words, they feel let down that they aren’t having sex like they see in mainstream porn.

Meanwhile, I’m having amazing, abundant sex with my partner of 12 years that is leaving us both extremely happy and fulfilled.

The Key to Good Sex!

You want to know why?

Because we are having CREATIVE SEX. We aren’t having straight sex!

Straight sex is what you see in mainstream porn. It is male centered. It’s penis focused. It’s vigorous and aggressive. It’s filmed for camera angles, and based around the male orgasm. It’s objectifying. It’s GOAL ORIENTED, which can set the stage for unrealistic expectations and A LOT of anxiety. And anxiety is terrible for arousal!

The women in straight porn are often uncomfortable – from the fake eyelashes and bleached hair and garter belts and heels, to the pussy pounding and loud vocalization and money shot in the eye.

Creative sex, on the other hand, is more about pleasure, skinship, being in the moment. It is about savoring the experience.

Straight men crave intimacy and connection, but they seek it out in a rigid way that can set them up for disappointment and failure. Moreover, it can be off putting or dissatisfying to their partners.

Creative sex is more egalitarian, and allows for more pleasure and orgasms for all parties involved.

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My Solo Tantra Awakening Ritual

By Kendra Holliday | February 13, 2021

Sacred stones and yoni eggs

Sacred stones and yoni eggs

Ed Note: I wrote this post a few years ago, but it’s more important than ever!

Since I’ve been back from Tantra Training, I’ve practiced the Tantra Awakening Ritual with several of my friends and clients.

But get this – you can also perform the ritual solo!

To learn how, you can read Barbara Carrellas’s book Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the Twenty-first Century.

It’s actually super easy to do, but it helps to be coached through it your first time. I read Barbara’s book thrice before I went to her workshop, and it was only there that I was able to “get it,” with her walking me through it.

UPDATE: Now you can DOWNLOAD her 30 minute guided meditation here. Best $15 I’ve ever spent!

Tantra is like the City Museum in St Louis or House on the Rock in Wisconsin, or many other exotic and unique places in the world – it’s hard to explain it, you just have to experience it for yourself. And you can experience it WHENEVER YOU WANT, FOR FREE.

Tantra is about weaving and building energy, being present, and opening yourself up to a deeper level of consciousness.

Awakening is rousing, getting in touch with parts of yourself you have buried or ignored. This can be spiritual, mental, or physical. So often we feel disconnected from our bodies, we’re so in our head thinking and worrying so much. REPLACE THE FEAR WITH LOVE.

Rituals are tools that help us focus our attention.

The first time I did the solo ritual, I was in a roomful of people, which might sound like an oxymoron, but we weren’t interacting physically with each other. We all lay supine on the floor separately, and Barbara encouraged us to breathe deeply, go with the flow, and make noise if we wanted to. Having other people’s energy present made it more intense – I heard heavy breathing, crying out, moaning, sobbing… I myself felt great tingling and waves of emotions, and then cried cathartic tears afterward.

Naturally, I wanted to try it at home by myself. Ideally, I’d like to schedule this self-care weekly. You can knock it out in 30 minutes, or you can turn it into a more elaborate ritual.

For my first solo ritual at home, I chose a planets and elements theme.

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