My client typed this into ChatGPT about me: “Compose a poem about a great 50-year-old woman who sees clients in her own home.”

ChatGPT 3.5:

Happy Spring!

A woman of fifty, wise and bold,
With stories to tell and hearts to hold,
She welcomes all into her home,
Where comfort and kindness are freely shown.

Her clients come with weary hearts,
Seeking solace from life’s many parts,
And there she sits with gentle grace,
Listening with a warm embrace.

Her words are wise, her touch is kind,
A healing balm for troubled minds,
And when they leave, they feel renewed,
Their spirits lifted, their hearts imbued.

For many years she’s lived this way,
Serving others day by day,
And though the years have come and gone,
Her spirit shines, a radiant dawn.

So here’s to this great woman we praise,
Whose kindness touches many in countless ways,
May her home always be a haven of peace,
Where hearts are healed and troubles cease.

My daughter when she was 5

I have SPRING FEVER!

So, I’m reposting my daughter’s super sweet list of date ideas, from 6 years ago.

Aren’t they so charming?
Mayhaps, swoonworthy?

…..

When my daughter was 7 years old, a boy kissed her hand on a dare. She confided to me, “It was the most enjoyable moment of my life.”

Now she is 17, and identifies as asexual. She doesn’t feel sexually attracted to other people, but she yearns for romance. She wants to hold hands, cuddle, and be intimate with someone special.

I’m thrilled to tell you she went on her first date the other night! They held hands!

I asked how their date went, and she gushed to me, “It was AMAZING. Not only were the events we attended awesome, but he was super sweet. He put his arm around me during the movie, and we held hands twice and he is so very kind all the time. Gosh, I adore him, he made it so amazing.”

He’s like a young George RR Martin, they’re so cute and nerdy together.

I’m SO happy with this new development. She tends to brim over with teenage angst and melancholy, so it’s wonderful picking her up from school and she’s smiling so hard, her face hurts. The rush of happy hormones and feeling connected to someone special to her is better than any pill she could take!

I asked if he is her boyfriend, and she said she didn’t know, but she would ask him. She has ups and downs, and frets over being too direct with him.

King and Queen of Love!

I reminded her that she is probably advanced in the realm of communication, and needs to be patient with others and teach them how to be open and honest. I also let her know that the wonder is part of the fun of the early stages of a relationship – infatuation is a trip, and you should let it last as long as you can! After that, you get into attachment, feeling the person is a safe haven, then anxious when they are not around, then finally, secure (if the relationship is healthy.)

That’s where I’ve been with my partner Matthew for the past six years or so. We can’t go back to the infatuated stage with each other, but since we are polyamorous, we can feel secure while flirting with other people and enjoying novel experiences.

Anyway, my daughter shared her list of curated date ideas with me and gave me permission to share them with you. I think they’re so cute! She made most of them up, and collected some from the internet. I want to do a lot of them, how about you?

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SMILE!

Three is my magic number.

I was born 3-23-73.

I’m really good at threesomes. 🙂

I have sacred feminine triangles all over my body – my hairy underarms and pubic hair represents one; my breasts and belly represent another.

I find that my life is best balanced when I’m nurturing these three things:

Professional career – represented by my site Be Open and Honest

Personal life – represented by this blog!

Philanthropic endeavors – represented by Sex Positive St. Louis, my all-volunteer community organization

Sometimes, things get out of whack, and my personal life suffers, or my volunteer efforts lag, but I’ve found that the best way to keep things balanced is to ENFORCE MY BOUNDARIES.

I know my boundaries, but they’re forever being pushed by other people and forces, and it’s exhausting! They don’t mean to do it, but that’s life as a sex worker whose motto is: NEVER BORED.

Here are some examples of my boundaries:

• I won’t commit to sharing intimate space with people sight unseen.
• I always use condoms with intercourse. I don’t let random men rub their penis on my vulva.
• I don’t allow cum in my mouth. I don’t swallow.
• I don’t receive anal. It’s not an erogenous zone for me. But I’ll gladly give it! 😉
• I do things on my own terms. If someone contacts me and wants to work with me but doesn’t want to follow my guidelines, then I don’t work with them. I have my protocols in place for a reason – mainly, to keep me safe.

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THIS ARTICLE really inspired me. A therapist shared about how men try to be close with their partner through sex, and how being rejected, or even having to always initiate sex, can be so discouraging and disheartening.

Basking in the glow of male energy

Here’s the thing – someone up in the sky is playing a big joke on us, and they’re using our social construct and hormones as trickery!

Most men of all ages experience spontaneous desire – they wake up feeling horny and activated, and walk around all day seeing sexy things and feeling inspired. This is due to their higher testosterone level, and the fact that society paves the way for men to go after what they want.

Women, on the other hand, have responsive desire. They are trained to hold back, be demure, and once they are introduced to an erotic situation, then they start to feel aroused. Women also need to feel safe and comfortable in order to relax into full arousal.

Of course, these are gross generalizations and a very binary approach, but for the sake of concision, I’m not going to spend a lot of time qualifying language, but you get the gist.

Men are pretty much ready to rock much of the time, and women are more reticent. They need more stars to align for them to be open to sexy time.

So, what do we do about this? We make concerted efforts to shake things up!

First of all, we need to recognize that HORMONES ARE REAL. They influence our moods and health in ways we don’t realize.

Second, we need to change the social construct. It’s impossible to overhaul the entire system, but we as individuals can make a difference on a local level.

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Arousal: The Secret Logic of Sexual Fantasies, by Dr. Michael J. Bader

I’ve had the book Arousal: The Secret Logic of Sexual Fantasies on my shelf for a long time. It tempted me with its mysterious title and sexy cover (I LOVE oysters, and I LOVE my pearl, if you know what I mean).

Well, I finally dusted it off and read it, and it blew my mind, and I’ve been recommending it to people left and right ever since.

Here’s an intro concept from it that should provoke your thoughts:

“There’s a joke that says that when two people have sex, there are six people in bed: the two lovers and the parents of each of them.”

Is that creepy, true, or both? I hope you’re imagining group sex with your parents right now.

A sampling of the MANY interesting points brought up in this book:

– “Sexual excitement requires that we momentarily become selfish. There needs to be a tension between selfishness and caring, between using and pleasing your partner.”

Do you know what this means? Sometimes, when it comes to sex, you need to be ruthless. You need to let go and stop worrying so much about every little move and just focus on the pleasure. YOUR pleasure.

– The difference between guilt and shame: “Guilt involves beliefs that we are hurting others, while shame involves beliefs that we’re exposed and unworthy in the eyes of others.”

– “When people are aggressive or cruel in their sexual daydreams or practices, it is not because they are primarily sadistic but because they are trying to solve a problem.”

– Have you ever known a woman who is really bitchy toward her male partner? He’s such a nice guy, he tries so hard to cater to her wants and needs, yet she treats him like an annoying puppy? This book explains the reason behind that lopsided dynamic.

– Survivor guilt and unconscious parental jealousy is behind a lot of the issues we face with our parents. Have you ever wondered why someone would start drinking heavily when they became successful in their field? Or why some parents sabotage their kids and excessively criticize instead of support them in their endeavors? This book goes into the details behind those perplexing behaviors, and much more.

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Enter my sacred temple

I’ve FINALLY figured out what makes female breasts/nipples so awed and feared!

You know I’ve been struggling with this Topless Inequality quandary for years – remember the Obscene Nipple Game?

A married man told me that seeing his wife’s breasts is always exciting – it never gets old. “Every time I see them, it’s like it’s the first time. It’s refreshing and invigorating.”

I notice with amusement how predictable my clients are – as soon as my bra comes off, they lean down and suck on each nipple, like an automatic, erotic handshake. They simply HAVE to touch and fondle them.

But then get this – the other day I had a date with my girlfriend, and when she took off her shirt, I was compelled to do the exact same thing! I just wanted to grab them! But I didn’t – I was a respectful lady. And that reaction is even with me having breasts myself!

Breasts are like warm, glowing light bulbs, and we are mere moths. Supposedly, moths are drawn to light because of some ancient connection to the moon, which is a feminine symbol.

Alunapull…

Sooo here’s the deal – the reason female breasts and nipples are so awed and feared is because

THEY ARE MAGIC.

That’s it. They are a source of creation and life-giving. They symbolize Mother Earth – they are the opposite of destruction. And while most people revere and respect life force and see it as a positive thing, some people find it overwhelming and confusing, which can be scary. The more we can be in touch with our feelings, the healthier we can process the mysterious world around us.

I breastfed my daughter for a year, and am so proud how I provided her only food source for months, and how she thrived and grew – it’s so magical and empowering!

In honor of this realization, I’m hosting a Topless Tarot event later this week, for women only. We’ll sit around in my warm and cozy fairy cottage and connect and bond over candlelight, cards, gems, and runes. We’ll be surrounded by breasts and loving female energy! Our cups runneth over!

I went back into my blog archives and pulled random breast photos – I just love them so much, and am happy to have them. I’m glad to share them with you, on my own terms. Thank you for your respectful worship and appreciation!

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Four years ago, I thought asexuality was a myth, an excuse, a weird misunderstanding between a person and their genitals. Then I met my asexual friend Shelley, who patiently taught me the facts. This week (Oct 23-39) is Asexual Awareness Week. Asexual means a person who does not experience sexual attraction. Let’s learn more from Shelley in this interview, and be sure and catch some other asexual interviews happening over at Sex Positive St. Louis blog.

How old are you?

29 now, four years after our original interview. Old enough to know that I’m not just a late bloomer.

What’s the difference between celibate, abstinent, and asexual?

Celibacy and abstinence are choices. Asexuality is innate, not a choice, but a part of someone’s life that they cannot choose. It is the same as gays not being able to choose who they are attracted to.

Does being asexual mean you are not physically attracted to male or females? For example, I identify as bi-sexual. Do you have a sexual identity? Are you straight?

Though asexuals only make up 1% of the population, asexuality is NOT a narrow definition. Like sexual people, most asexuals do experience attraction in a wide spectrum. When I say attraction, I do not mean sexual attraction, but rather the appreciation of someone who looks good, or has a great personality. I am attracted to men, that is to say, some men are cute to me. The difference between sexual people and asexual people is that asexual people simply do not want anything to do with the Sex part of a relationship, although other areas of a relationship may be okay – it is different for every person as to their comfort levels. Does that mean some want a relationship with another person? Yes. We all have connections in our lives. Friends, family. People who are sexual wish to have a connection of friendship Plus sexual chemistry with a person generally. Asexuals would like that Friendship, Plus nothing. But it is still more than friendship, Asexuals can have an emotional, deep connection with another person, but do not need sex as part of that as well.

Is being asexual a big part of your identity?

Yes. There are a few “I AMs” in my life, things that I am sure I am, and while they may waver, they never disappear. Asexuality is one of them.

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You know how they talk about baggage, being in the closet, etc.?

Everyone has baggage – daddy issues, mommy issues, family pain, abandonment issues, trust issues, inexperienced issues, break up trauma, secrets, shame, guilt, neglect, abuse, loss, betrayal, injury, fear, rejection…

I like to pretend our head is an attic, and our brain is an old fashioned trunk, crammed full of stuff we’ve collected from our travels.

What’s in your trunk?

Space is really tight, and the stuff is jammed in there.

So, I propose this exercise to my clients.

Find the key that opens the trunk.

A skeleton key, for the skeletons in your closet

Open that trunk up.

Now, take ALL the stuff out of it – toss it around the room.

Examine each article – is it a piece of clothing? Is it a toy? Is it wrinkled? Is it moldy? Does it still fit? Do you want to keep it?

Address and assess each item. Acknowledge why it’s in your trunk, and decide if it’s something you want to hang on to.

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