By Kendra Holliday | May 12, 2022
I know this isn’t a sexy topic, but during this pandemic I’ve been getting lots of inquiries from desperately sad people. Some are suicidal.
I’m not a licensed therapist. My specialty is sex, not suicide. But I truly care about your health and happiness, and I’ve struggled with mental health my entire life, and have been suicidal myself.
Please browse this Links page under counseling for St Louis mental health professionals.
In addition, here are other resources:
National Suicide Prevention Hotline
A free, 24-hour hotline available to anyone in suicidal crisis or emotional distress. Your call will be routed to the nearest crisis center to you. 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
National Hopeline Network
Hopeline provides support with trained counselors through this national hotline to prevent suicide. 1-800-442-HOPE(4673)
Crisis Text Line
Crisis Text Line serves anyone, in any type of crisis, providing access to free, 24/7 support and information via a medium people already use and trust: text. Text, “HOME” to 741741
Military/Veterans Suicide Hotline
1-800-273-8255, press 1
KUTO (Kids Under Twenty-One)
Available to any youth needing assistance, staffed by youth volunteers
Trans Lifeline is a grassroots hotline and microgrants 501(c)(3) non-profit organization offering direct emotional and financial support to trans people in crisis – for the trans community, by the trans community. 877-565-8860 https://www.translifeline.org/
LGBTQ Youth Suicide Hotline
Serving LGBTQ youth in crisis. 1-866-488-7386
Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration
SAMHSA’s National Helpline is a free, confidential, 24/7, 365-day-a-year treatment referral and information service (in English and Spanish) for individuals and families facing mental and/or substance use disorders. 1-800-662-HELP (4357) https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline
By Kendra Holliday | May 6, 2022
The other day, a friend I’ve known for years texted me out of the blue:
“Hi Kendra! After years of celibacy, I’m finally having sex again! He’s amazing. We want to experience many things together, can you give me advice on hiring a sex worker for a threesome?”
I was so excited for my friend! I let her know about these sites they could explore together, as well as searching twitter using keywords, such as #STL #GFE #datestl, (be sure and click on “latest” tab at the top):
I told her that if a couple is looking to hire a sex worker, it’s better for the woman to initiate contact, as that shows the worker she’s involved in the process and not being “dragged along.” I advised her to read the website instructions, and expect to be screened and pay a deposit.
By Kendra Holliday | April 18, 2022
The moon represents female energy.
The other night, I was lying in bed, and I noticed how beautiful the light was, so I took these pics of my body.
By Kendra Holliday | April 13, 2022
A few years ago, I attended Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit in the Washington, D.C. area. Several authors were featured, including Elizabeth Anne Wood, Ph.D. She read an excerpt from her book, Bound: A Daughter, a Domme, and an End-of-Life Story.
I was instantly intrigued, as I’m a bit obsessed with sex and death – I’m both horny AND morbid. I had never heard of a story like this – a daughter being supportive of her mom’s kinky sex life?! Come again?
I’d like to say I couldn’t wait to read it, but it turns out I DID wait to read it – when I got home, I put it on my shelf of sex books and there it sat, for months. So many books, so little time.
But I finally had more time to catch up on my reading, thanks to a serious mental breakdown I had in February. I took time off from seeing clients (I’m a sex worker who does Pro Domme, fetish and surrogate work), and was able to tend to myself.
I’m glad I read it when I did – it was published just a few weeks before my own mom died in 2019, which allowed me to relate to what the author shared so much more.
By Kendra Holliday | April 9, 2022
I offer sex and relationship consulting, and I’m happy to say that I’ve been getting more women, LGBT folks, and couples these days. Historically, most of the people who have sought me out for my unique services have been men who crave female energy.
The Top 5 reasons why people contact me are, in this order:
1. He’s a married man in his 50’s or 60’s whose wife is not interested in sex (mismatched libido)
2. He/she/they have some sort of sexual issue they want to work through, such as inexperience, adult virginity, anxiety, trauma, disabilities, or orgasm/genital problems (Erectile Dysfunction is a common complaint – it can get complex when you heap social conditioning and anxiety on top of the natural aging process.)
3. He/she/they are interested in branching out sexually, either because they are in transition, in between relationships, single/divorced/widowed, not getting laid, or curious about alternative lifestyle options (non-monogamy, kink/BDSM, sex work, etc.)
4. He has a fetish and is ashamed/seeking understanding and validation (“Am I normal?!”) or an outlet
5. They want to meet me, and possibly rub me for good luck
My goal is to offer tools, connections, and non-traditional options so that the people seeking me out can reach their goal of becoming happier and healthier. My approach is unconventional, and I get referrals from licensed sex therapists. I’m pretty well connected and have a strong network. Sex is my specialty, which ties into work, family, personal – everything!
Here is a list of resources I most often recommend to my clients:
By Kendra Holliday | March 24, 2022
Just a quick update letting you know I’m feeling better. I’ll see clients in April, but I’ll be taking it slow and limiting interactions to talking or online appointments only, for now.
My new therapist told me she received these messages while meditating before our first session:
“Only spend time with those who hold you in the highest esteem.”
“Respect is KEY.”
Amen to that!
By Kendra Holliday | February 13, 2022
“Rehabilitation is care that can help you get back, keep, or improve abilities that you need for daily life. These abilities may be physical, mental, and/or cognitive (thinking and learning). You may have lost these abilities because of a disease or injury…” – MedlinePlus
I believe in being open and honest. I’m not in the business of lying to people. I’ve been telling everyone that I’ve been dealing with a family emergency, which is true – but this time, that family member is mostly ME.
I am not well. I am not fit for public consumption.
I can’t afford to check myself into a health spa in a beautiful location, but I can create my own care plan and rehabilitate at my beautiful little fairy cottage.
I wish I had the foresight to plan ahead and take the entire month of March or April off, but instead, I had an emergency happen, and now I have to be reactive, instead of proactive.
By Kendra Holliday | January 5, 2022
(For some background on polyamory, please read my article Love Like An Ocean: Diving Deep Into Polyamory.)
My partner and I have been together for thirteen years.
We first met July 2007, at a friend’s wedding. We are in a long-term, committed open relationship. We started our relationship open. We don’t live together – we keep our families, homes, and finances separate. We see each other about 2 or 3 times a week. We are open to countless possibilities when it comes to sharing intimacy with other people. We deeply enjoy and appreciate our non-traditional relationship.
But it certainly isn’t a reckless free-for-all. In order to keep it healthy and drama-free, we constantly communicate with each other to ensure ways we can exercise our freedom while operating on mutual respect.
Outlined below is an arrangement that works for us.
It can be difficult balancing everything, but this is how we prioritize:
3. Our relationship
4. The people we are dating/close relationships
Sometimes we will date a person or couple once or twice, or just for a weekend when they come visit. Sometimes we will date a person or couple for a few months or longer. Usually lives change and shift so much that we ebb and flow into things naturally. It feels very fluid. We can date other people solo, or together.
By Kendra Holliday | January 2, 2022
Here are some of the silly “projects” I’ve done in the past:
Nun Striptease (when you click on the link, select “Latest” tab for best results)
Hosting TBK play parties and other specialty events such as Topless Tarot, Crossdresser Tea Party, gang bangs, CFNM, pegging/blow job/fisting/squirting demos…
Sometimes, I look back at my archives and can’t believe I’ve done some of this stuff! Some of it makes me cringe, but most of it makes me feel extremely proud.
In 2021, I counted my orgasms. It wasn’t a contest or a challenge, I was just curious. I’m usually satisfied with one or two orgasms per encounter, whether that’s with others involved, or solo.
Here is the tally:
By Kendra Holliday | December 16, 2021
Confession: My email inbox stocking is stuffed full of inquiries.
Right now, I have about 65 people waiting to hear from me, dating back two months. 🙁 I reply to as many as sweet souls as I can every day, in between sessions and other duties and obligations. (BTW: If you’re waiting for an email from me, check your spam folder. My domain name is blacklisted due to my web host allowing adult content.)
Ideally, I’d like to get back to people within 48 hours, but I’m just one person, and I often get sucked into my menopause mood swings and my dad’s illness – he has mid-stage dementia and I’m his primary care partner. I’ve learned that it is extremely draining to be someone’s quality-of-life support, someone’s seeing eye brain, someone’s backup human being. Even though he lives in assisted living, he depends on me for just about everything.
(As an aside, I’m astonished that I used to have FIVE creatures dependent on me – both my sick parents, my two old cats, and a daughter. All that is left is my dad. I swore to my mother on her death bed that I would take care of him, and I’ve assured him that I will be there for him, for as long as he needs me.)
So all this is to say, I try my best to help others in between my mental health issues and family duties. I’m eager to help people who understand and respect my process. 🙂
By Kendra Holliday | December 11, 2021
Do y’all know about Cowboy Ethics?
I keep the book by my bed, right next to the condoms, candles, and lube. It’s like my bible.
It’s also like porn to me – totally sexy. People who possess Cowboy Ethics TURN ME ON.
So, what are these good qualities that make me drool and take notice?
I’m not talking about rodeos and eating steak and slinging guns and chewing tobacco. I do like country music, however – it’s so sentimental! And I LOVE country living – give me a cabin in the woods any day!
Here’s what I’m talking about.
People with Cowboy Ethics are rugged. They are patient. They are passionate. They don’t quit. They have a heightened sense of justice. They do the right thing.
Some people come by their Cowboy Ethics honestly – it’s effortless for them. Others need training, like me! I strive to live by the Code of the West.
Here are the ten tenets – how many of these ring true to you? Which ones do you need to work on?
1. Live each day with courage.
Be brave. Be strong. Conquer your fears. Courage means “to have heart.” Having courage means doing what is right, even when it scares the living daylights out of you. Be true to yourself.
Talking openly and honestly about my intensely personal and kinky sex life, and posting photos of myself naked – right down to my hairy armpits and shaved pussy – being intimate with the world, sharing myself with strangers – that takes courage.
Don’t be a coward. Face your fears. Replace the fear with LOVE.
2. Take pride in your work.
My top three priorities are my daughter, my life’s passion (sex and relationships), and work (making money). Luckily, some of these things overlap. I’m a single mom, so I have to bust a move if I want to take my daughter on a nice trip or splurge on renting a fancy house for a play party.
I take my passion seriously and have pride in my work. I give talks at universities and for medical professionals. I work with licensed sex therapists. I mentor women interested in sex work. I host amazing events. I run a stellar volunteer organization. I absolutely LOVE my work as a counselor and sex surrogate. That is where my true talent lies, and where I make a real difference in people’s lives.
You should always try to leave people, places, and things better than you found them.
It’s good to have more than one way to make money. Be diverse in your skills, but also be an expert in something. Be passionate! What are your top three priorities? What are you passionate about?
By Kendra Holliday | November 30, 2021
Since you asked… here is a list of some of my favorite things:
Cash, of course!
Wouldn’t it be great if the gas, water and electric companies offered gift certificates? What would be more loving than gifting someone with a hot bath, a home cooked meal, or cooling down/heating up?
Amazon gc – send gift certificates to firstname.lastname@example.org – I looooove books so much! And they sell pretty much everything else.
Whole Foods gc – or Trader Joe’s, Global Foods, Dierberg’s, Schnucks local grocery stores. I don’t eat factory farm mammals or birds, but I do eat veggies, fruit, local, seafood….I love ethnic food like sushi, Indian, Vietnamese, Ethiopian
A donation to
Planned Parenthood – because I believe in accessible health care.
Worldwide Fistula Fund – The Worldwide Fistula Fund is an incubator, funder, and promoter of innovative solutions to improve global women’s reproductive health.
Etsy gc – support artists!
Target gc – I’m a sucker
Flowers – I like when flowers last more like a week as opposed to three days, so the hardier ones are better, though I do like roses and fleeting exotic flowers like orchids. My favorite color rose is the peachy one with blush tones. I don’t like pink as much and I can’t stand the smell of cloying lilies, too funeral home. I keep my flowers in my dining room, which has green walls and lots of colorful jewel tones. Daisies, carnations, sunflowers are great. Did I mention I like colorful?
– I looove soft clothes and blankets!
Shameless Grounds gc – one of my favorite places in St Louis!
Godiva milk chocolate and truffle assortments
DeBrand is even finer, but is based in Fort Wayne IN and worth a goddamn road trip!
Merb’s milk chocolate covered strawberries is local and scrumptious
Soaprocks – these are so cool!
Demeter – they sell so many fun scents, some of my favs are New Leaf, Firefly, Grapefruit Tea, Sushi, Silvery Pekoe, New Zealand, Pipe Tobacco, Leather…
Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab – just look at this website!! I have a scent called Bewitched…
Massage – my baby sis is my massage therapist, she is excellent! You can sponsor a massage for me, or book one for yourself! She’s located in South City. If I know you in real life, I’m happy to refer you.
Victoria’s Secret – I tend to wear L, depending on the style and brand, 36B. My body is average (5′ 4″, 140 lbs) but my mind is extraordinary! I don’t like thongs or g-strings. I prefer timeless and vintage looks over trendy – black, bright colors, jewel tones
I like coffee, tea, and Kombucha.
I’m into oddities, whimsies, cute things, little things, toys…
How about you? What are some of your favorite things?
By Kendra Holliday | November 13, 2021
I have many wonderful clients. One of my favorites is an older gentleman. We’ve been exploring together since 2013!
He’s sweet, considerate, brilliant, generous, respectful, easy going…I love him!
He greatly admires strong, intelligent women – for REAL, he’s not just saying that like so many other men do. His actions match his words.
Usually, our sessions involve me taking on the role of a bossy, demanding woman, such as a stepmother or teacher or nurse. But every once in a while, he tries to get outside his comfort zone and he assumes the power position, such as creepy boss “Mr. Jones.”
Recently, he suggested this roleplay to me:
By Kendra Holliday | November 3, 2021
I’m going to preface this with the following disclaimer: I’m a witchy, woo woo, sex worker goddess, and this brain dump is going to sound crazy. I’m fine with that, as I fully embrace my hormonal mood swings and non-traditional way of thinking. I live in a society with lots of self-imposed cages, and my motto is “Think outside the cage.”
So, hear me out, let it all sink in, and let me know what you think!
Toxic masculinity goes hand in hand with white supremacy, and it’s making me sick. It’s making A LOT of us sick.
I’ve been diving deep into history, addiction, psychology, science, and more, and I’ve connected some dots.
Centuries ago, people from Europe set out and explored the world. They invaded many areas and took them over. They brought disease, death, and disruption to the people already living there.
They set up elaborate exports and imports of toxic trade – sugar, tobacco, alcohol, and slavery. They brought oppressive religions and destructive concepts that were deadly and divisive.
They declared that people, plants, animals, and places were all possessions. They put up fences, walls, and demanded territorialism.
They sought to control everything, and lived with a scarcity mindset. They instilled and lived in fear. They were hungry for power imbalance. They felt they were anointed by God, and thus justified in all their actions.
These things represent male energy: fire, cars, guns, alcohol, nicotine, conquering, destruction.
By Kendra Holliday | October 21, 2021
I caught this exchange on a sex blog the other day:
“Is fisting painful?”
The sex blogger replied:
Two insidious suppositions haunt any discussion of fisting. First, that it will stretch out the vagina to cavern-like dimensions; and second, that it will hurt. Neither is true…
Remove the fist and the vagina does not hang open like the lips of a mouth-breather. It snaps back. Really. Maybe I should post some before and after photos some day?
In the comments, I volunteered to do an explicit photo series, because that’s what occurs to me when I catch wind of something sexually daring, unlike most people who read about it, nod with curiosity, and then go on about their business.
I enlisted my dear friend Rockabilly Girl to do the fisting, and Matthew to take pics.
Get this: I was featured in Hustler magazine earlier this year, and they asked if they could run this photo series. At first I was shocked at the idea, but then I decided it would be pretty fucking cool to rock the fisting in a national hardcore porn mag!
So they made everyone sign releases and submit photo ID’s, including Rockabilly Girl, whose fist is the only thing you see in the pics (until it goes in my vagina).
Then, after weeks of legal paperwork and emails back and forth, Hustler decided against running the pics after all. Too edgy.
But not for me! I think it’s natural, lovely, and intensely beautiful.
So here you go.