The Beautiful Kind

OOH SCARY!!!

Me: Why is Biggie in the bathtub?

Belle: The drain is broken. I needed something heavy to push down on it.

Me: Oh.

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I loved my stay at the bed & breakfast booty… I loved that I could go in and out as much as I liked… I hope you felt as snug and comfortable as I did… xoxo

The pet dildo has a name - he’s The Big Kind, aka Biggie.

Here’s Biggie frolicking in the snow. Watch for more fun outings with our favorite strap on!

You helped name my girlfriend, dear readers- now we need a name for our pet dildo. We want to take him out and about town, get some good photo ops. Here he is with his friend the banana.

Should we name him Jesse in honor of Jesse Jane? Or Connie? Coulter? TBK - The Big Kind? Leave your suggestion as a comment, thanks.

OK so I haven’t actually worn the strap on or been fucked with it yet, but I have been having a different kind of fun with it. This thing is stupid huge. Here, let me show you a few size comparisons.

Dildo next to a princess pez dispenser.

Dildo next to a banana.

Dildo next to a 4 lb. bag of sugar.

Dildo next to a metronome (correct me if I’m wrong, but I think this is the first picture on the internet of a dildo with a metronome.)

Dildo next to beer.

Dildo next to succulent cactus.

I was over at my galpal’s place the other night, and I asked her, “Hey, did you use that strap on you got for your birthday yet?”

She said coyly, “No, I’m waiting to use it with you.”

“Aw that is so sweet! Say, didn’t you already have a strap on?” I asked her.

“Yes, I got it as a gift, but it turned out to be WAY too big - no way was I going to use it!”

Hmm, that sounded intriguing. “Can I see this monster?”

She rummaged in her bedside table drawer and pulled out this giant red jelly swirl dildo with a harness. “It’s the Jesse Jane model,” she explained.

“Wow, you weren’t kidding,” I said when I laid eyes on it. I weighed its heft in my hand. “Why the fuck would Jesse allow such a thing?!” I marveled. “I mean, the length, fine, but the girth? Talk about a ridiculous pussy stretcher! So…if you’re not going to use it, can I have it?”

“Sure!” she agreed happily. “I want it to have a good home.”

“Oh I’ll give it plenty of attention,” I assured her.

I left her apartment with it slung over my shoulder. I can’t wait to play with it!