The Beautiful Kind

I liked squatting to go to the bathroom. It felt so raunchy. It definitely makes more sense than sitting down to go to the bathroom. It’s just like how we do baby birthing in America - we lie the woman on her back instead of letting her squat.

I had to bring my own toilet paper everywhere, so I’m not sure if that’s what everyone does, or if the locals don’t use it. I never got around to asking.

In old Beijing, most of the homes don’t have their own toilet, so they use public toilets, which have no stalls with doors, just half walls between the toilets. I got down with the old Chinese ladies once and squatted with them, but man was that a gross scene.

I also wanted to know more about the fact that Chinese babies don’t wear diapers. They have split pants instead, so you get to see lots of cute baby ass. Does that mean parents get pissed on a lot? How soon do the kids get potty trained? I saw one leave a poo in the street and his mom cleaned it up with a newspaper.

Dudes, what happened to all of the posts from May 23? I think I had a glitch. Anyway…

You’ll never believe what I found surfing www.bmezine.com the other day. I’ve found someone who is more sexed up than Beautiful.

I know what you’re saying. You saying, “Yeah right Belle. It’s not even freakin’ April Fools. You are so full of it.”

I might be full of it but not about this fantastic lady:

Here is an excerpt from her interview with BMEzine…

“I will betray anyone, at any time, to have sex with men or women. When I tried to fight my addiction and not have sex with people, I got myself jailed three times for domestic assaults”

Michelle is a 27 year old adult actress who can’t get enough. She decided one day in a fit of mental anguish to get whatever she was thinking tattooed on her. More tats followed as a way to cope with her sex addiction. Here are a few:

And if you think these tattoes can only bring on insults and disgusted looks, think again. She once had a nurse in a mental hospital go down on her after asking questions about her tattoos.

You can read the whole interview and see more pics of her brilliantly inked body here:

http://www.bmezine.com/news/pubring/20061028.html

-Belle

It’s marvelous to have sock monkeys dancing in the bed - gives you fun dreams…

1975: The Pet Rock

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1983: Cabbage Patch Kids

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1996: Tickle Me Elmo

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2008: Obama

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I am addicted to Threadless. I tell people I have at least 20 of their shirts, but last night I actually went and counted. I’m pushing 40.

40 fucking clever/artsy t-shirts. One for every day of the month and then some. Of course my daughter has quite a few, too.

Here are some of them, laid out in a nice Threadless quilt fashion:

Here is my favorite one yet:

Thank goodness they have $10 sales from time to time.

I am very thankful for Jimmy and his sock monkey booties.

Scottie reading spooky sock monkey ghost stories…

Here is Jacky the Halloween sock monkey! So cute I want to eat him like candy corn.

This week I’ll be scattering little Halloween postcards throughout my posts. Here’s the first one.

I like wearing costumes and dressing up all year round. I wore the stripey socks my friend in Japan got me for the first time the other night. We met through this blog, and a while back she sent me this package of delightful Japanese things - socks, candy, crackers, TOTORO.

Thank you, m’dear! xoxo

It’s also a full moon tonight…

omg they’re making out dahfioewuiroweuio

Wheeee!

I wonder if I can get my man to wear this costume for a sex fantasy.

Of course it would have to be slightly modified so I could suck his Pez.

God I love purging. To be honest with you, it’s one of the main reasons why I like donating blood. If I had to pick an eating disorder, it’d be bulimia hands down.

I get a thrill when I sit down at my computer and delete files and unused programs. “Are you sure you want to delete these 36 items?” it asks nervously. Fuck yeah!

I love going through a closet, bookshelf, or cabinet and trashing or donating all the crap that accumulates. Give me your garage, basement, or attic.

And omigod my parent’s refrigerator. No matter how often I go in there and clean out that thing, there are multiple jars of condiments that expired three years ago. I like consolidating the three open jars of Miracle Whip into one tangy blob.

Garbage day is like reverse Christmas for me - I never forget to put out the trash because I get off on it so much. I love taking stuff to the curb and knowing that I WILL NEVER SEE IT AGAIN.

I’m reading a book called Garbageland that reveals all the secrets behind the trash industry - it can be as guarded as the meat industry. I’m learning about landfills, recycling (I’m such a recycling slut) and composting (I love worms).

The first thing I did when I moved in with my beau a couple months ago (besides put up my 200+ Pez dispensers and 30 sock monkeys - it’s weird that I’m a purger AND a collector) is sign him up for recycling and start a compost heap out in his backyard. I also threw away most of his shit.

He might be having second thoughts of letting me move in (I also covered his television with a decorative tapestry since the big black box was so unsightly) if it weren’t for all the blow jobs he was getting in exchange.

Here is Nelson, a BABY sock monkey, fashioned from children socks, riding Frog, the sock frog. He is goin’ places!

So can you. Get your own sock monkey and vegan delights this weekend at the Strange Folk Festival in O’Fallon, IL.

Mimi is cute, small, and bent - a pink little macaroni. She’s my only sock monkey with a hint of fingerlings.

Here she is taking the train in Canada:

At the beach:

Cuddling with a teddy bear at a B&B:

Riding sidesaddle:

Um, what the hell is going on here?

Here is Sandoval trying out stool samples in a thrift store in Bangor, Maine:

And here he is playing professor at University of Maine. Like everyone else, he just loooves those Herman Miller Aeron chairs:

The Beautiful Kind wants to know: Is it possible to overload a bookmark category in your internet browser? For instance, my “yummy” category (featuring veg and ethnic restaurants) has about 14 websites stashed.

My “bad animal people” category has three links saved - one for a website promoting fur, one for hunting safaris, and one for live animal auctions.

My “sex” category, on the other hand, has 83.

Is there going to be a point, say, when I try bookmarking my 100th sex site, and my internet browswer is going to cut me off, and a box will pop up that says, “All right, that’s enough you pervert!”

I wonder if I should break them down into more specific categories, such as “gay” and “fetish.” Hopefully you perverts can assure me that you have 200+ sex sites bookmarked and your computer is not about to buckle. And hopefully you will share a good link or two, hint, hint…

http://luriddigs.com/ (Thanks to my friend in Denmark!)
http://nondairycreemer.blogspot.com/ (Thanks to my breast cancer researcher scientist friend! As you can tell, he realllly loves breasts.)

Recent group photo of local Monkeyville.

Check out their friend’s sock monkey blog! Such delightfully naughty creatures…

My friend J asked if I wanted to go see the movie Once with her. I asked her what it was about, and she said it was an Irish, romantic, musical feel good film.

This immediately turned me off, so I looked it up on Rotten Tomatoes. It got a 97%! Because of this and the fact that it was only 95 minutes long, I decided it was worth the risk of paying $6 at the Tivoli to watch.

Sidenote: I get seriously annoyed when movies are over 2 hours long. I find it inconsiderate on the director’s part to take up more of my time than that to get his or her message across.

Spider Man III - 2 hr 20 min.

Pirates of the Caribbean III - 2 hr 45 min.

Give me a fucking break!

I watched the movie, and was successfully cynical at least halfway through, despite the lead guy’s cute scritchable red beard paired with a scarf (I LOVE that combo) and that he worked in a vacuum repair store (I LOVE vacuum repair stores). I sat in the dark theater, arms crossed, thinking, “It’s cute, but it’s no 97%.” Also, I’ll bet some people could have used subtitles. (”Fookin’ bat trees” = “Fucking batteries”)

But then something happened. Maybe it was the great music. Maybe it was the unpredictable nature of the film. Maybe it was the non-American ending. It sure as hell wasn’t the corny playing frisbee on the beach scene. But I got hooked.

As J and I headed to the CD store to get the soundtrack, I turned to her and said worriedly, “I’m not like one of those Rent obsessed idiots, am I?” (Even though I never saw Rent, I know it sucks.)

J assured me, “No, no, the RFT said that Once is SO not Rent.”

Phew.