The Beautiful Kind

A guy on okcupid just dropped me a line yesterday asking if I had any fun Labor Day weekend plans. I told him:

Um, yeah, I had a hot and interesting date last night with someone on my Fuck You list (to be blogged later), just got off three times using my new toy (reviewing Tuesday), about to go to an afternoon bar-b-que date, then a wild party tonight starring Rev. Lion , ending at 4:20AM, then fucking The Virgin tomorrow night!!! Monday night dinner plans with Capn Marrrk and his lovely Bianca, dessert at their house…

Those are all the details I know so far. I will make sure and update you all accordingly. And of course if there are any opportunities to take it up a notch, I will do it. Just for you. I am the Angel of Kink, after all… xoxo

Truck stop erotica. Guest post by YATBK Sunday. By the way, this has a soundtrack - Sailor by I Am X - do you know it?

I have always had an affinity for rest areas. I find them to be charming structures that physically represent escapism to me…

Having to pee and happening upon the newest rest area in Nebraska, I pull my car sensuously, gracefully into a spot right in front. I dash in to the fresh waiting area, foyer sparkling and smelling kissed with new paint, and head for the restroom.

There is a man at the vending machine and I nod my hellos and keep going for a short time… until I notice that his gaze has locked where mine once was.

Forced to slow down simply by the steadfastedness of his gaze I give him the once over. He’s not what I would call “my type” but I’ve gone through most of my life not really having a definition for that anyway.  His eyes lock again on mine and I stop for a moment.

The trucker continues to look at me but his look softens just a touch… just enough so I’d know he isn’t out to rape and kill, just thrill and leave. And that’s enough for me. That would be perfect for me.

I want to be thrilled.

I don’t want chains. I don’t want to be seduced and fall in love, I just want to be fucked roughly and left to go on my way. This beefy stranger in Levis knows that, he gets it.

He senses it across the lobby as though my pheromones are radiating a spotlight in the darkness in much the same way a good set of headlights will cast a not-quite-illuminating glow upon the passing hillside just beyond a traveling car.

It’s strangely quiet and empty given the number of cars in the lot but that just adds to the mystery of The Rest Area at large. I relieve my bladder.

I turn to walk out and find an obstacle, a husky, capped, flannel-clad man in front of me as I try to open the brushed steel door. His presence isn’t surprising aside from the fact that he slipped in without making a sound and I hadn’t expected to be following through with him here in a ladies restroom. His general disregard for “rules” trips my trigger a bit more.

He’s not pushy, but he is _very_ present. His very mass stops me, his very presence… He’s soft and giving and not at all threatening but he’s big and strong and solid. There is something in his eyes that echoes my hunger, the very reason I left home to pursue time alone on the road and he is good enough.

He’s present, and he’s good enough.

Not bad looking but not the kind of guy I would normally go out of my way to seduce or garner the attention of and yet here he is, in my face, slowly closing the door behind him and  I don’t stop him. I’ve been fantasizing this whole trip and here he is to take care of me, so how can I say no?  The door closes and I let my inhibitions, the last of them on this trip, slip away with the auto-flush.

My trucker gentleman nods at me in a road language I understand - I am not a trucker but I travel and there is a degree of knowledge one picks up from simply being on the road and getting in tune with it.

The temptation to feel threatened is there but it is just a tickle, just an emotional egging-on that adds to my lust. We locked eyes, if only momentarily, and that was the rule in place here. I made eye contact and acknowledged him, and now he was in my stall.

I let him close the door behind him and slip the flimsy slide lock into place. He comes at me, not aggressively but full of intention. Intention is one of my weak spots. I can forgive a whole lot if the intention is right.

He takes my face in his rough hands and his callouses somehow line up magically with pressure points in my face and I come alive at his touch. Maybe it’s the mystery as much as the rough skin grasping my cheeks, but this degree of sensuality and arousal needn’t be questioned.

His lips roughly meet mine. There’s no fumbling; there is no romance here and by extension no waiting for “right moment to insert tongue”.  Raw animal attraction means the tongues just do.  They fight and wrestle and one eventually announces dominance over the other but who cares?  In a tongue battle there are no losers.

He pulls away briefly, looking to my eyes for admission to the next stage and I grant it to him without meeting his gaze.

Manly hands on my hips, on the zipper of my jeans, on the seam of my sweater, our conjoined breath coming at a much faster rate, faster than anyone walking by should expect and we don’t care. He finds the magic spot in all my clothing and whisks it away in one smooth motion showing surprising deftness from a man of his bulk.

He turns me, pushing me almost violently against the inside of the stall door, pants quickly dropping to his ankles and stiffened cock doing everything his GPS couldn’t. Honed in on my wet pussy, I let it do the driving.

Giving way to the weight of his body, the smell of road-weary sweat, the loneliness and hunger in his eyes I turn my body slightly so I can lean back against that brushed-steel wall and find some degree of comfort knowing the pleasure awaiting me.

There he is, his unfamiliar penis pressing against me now with menace and determination.  I’m not about to stop. Lifting my left leg to rest upon the toilet paper dispenser and my right over the sanitary napkin disposal bin I resolve myself not to be deterred by our confined space. I’m ready and clearly he is, too. I hoist my entire body up two inches by grabbing hold of the door overhead and hefting, grunt and all, and I hang spread-eagled in front of this stranger.

He slows but only for a second. He can sense the degree to which I have utterly exposed myself and he takes it in but only briefly. Planting both his hands on my hips, he finds his center and knowing there is no resistance on my part he thrusts - fully into me against that bathroom door. His lips meet mine again and we melt, momentarily. This isn’t meant to be permanent.

The full parking lot is beginning to show its numbers, evidenced by the hushed murmurs and outspoken wonderings coming from outside this stall. There is a full inch of visibility on either side of the door against which we’re fucking now and eyes are peering in and voices are growing louder. Somehow the idea of being overheard - this aural stimulation - is only adding to our heat and our pace doesn’t slow.

My clit throbs in anticipation of either being caught or getting off and at this point, with my hormones in charge, I couldn’t care less which comes first. He seems oblivious to any external life whatsoever and I’m flattered by that.

The voices ebb. This burly hunk of an anonymous truck driver starts to tremble a little from holding my weight in the air as my own arms begin to shake.  There is a pinched sense of time - suddenly everything slows and subdues and comes back into focus.  He comes with tremendous force - his hips pumping against mine and pumping mine against the door.

And then everything is still.

“i’d eat my load out of your ass…just sayin’….”

- A new suitor, after he told me he wished he could eat his cum out of my pussy and I said, “Too bad I’m not on the pill!”

So. Should I ask to see his “I’m HIV Neg” card and go for it??

“Once I had a black woman 15 years my senior tell me in the heat of the moment, ‘Come inside me, Daddy!’  It was so wrong, but fuck if I didn’t come like a hellhound.  Arf.”

- Skinny white boy friend o’ mine

This post is the follow up to this teaser earlier in the week…

I knew this dead sexy 25 yr old from out and about. I had chatted him up a few times very casually. I could tell he was a sexual person, he radiated vibrant energy like Ra the sun god. He didn’t know about my blog; for all he knew I was just some innocent milf.

Last week I sent him a message on myspace (JESUS that site gets me laid) and dropped the C Bomb on him.

You know, the fact that I’m a cougar. I asked him if that freaked him out.

His response? Eager and instantly plugged in. He knew the game:

I will be like a South American hunter casting his bow aside to commune with the big cats of the jungle…

I wrote him back:

Well I’d hang on to your spear if I was you - I have claws, you know.

We made plans to rendezvous at his place late one night. I told him I didn’t want to talk beforehand, I just wanted to get down to business, and then talk later. He was down with that - he told me he would take me at the door.

I hadn’t seen his face in months, but I was certain he’d be an amazing lover.

I turned on to his street, and the butterflies started flitting in my tummy.

I knocked on his door, and he opened it. I entered. I felt a little shy. I turned away from him and dropped my purse, and he embraced me from behind and started kissing my neck. We had never touched before.

I let out a little moan and turned, and we stood there and made out. He pressed against me and I felt his cock stirring against my thigh. We were virtual strangers, meeting in the cloak of night, turning fantasy into reality.

He led me back to his bedroom, and we slowly shed our clothes between kisses. When I got his shirt off I about screamed “OH MY GOD FUCK YES!” I wanted to clap my hands and squeal, but instead I just giggled and glanced shyly at his torso. He was one of those people who looks better naked than with clothes on. He was like a work of art.

He had the physique of a slightly leaner Michelangelo’s David. Right down to the pelvic V.

He had a deliciously hairy chest, densely furred, beautiful bronze muscles. He was like toasted almonds. He was so hard and burnished, such a contrast to my soft white flesh. His skin was hot to the touch.

He laid me back on his back and crouched before me, licking my pussy just the way I like it - soft, fast, thrumming. He got me all wet and juicy, then stuck a finger inside.

Then he murmured, “Turn around, I want to eat you from behind.”

FUCK

I eagerly complied, and he buried his nose in my ass and licked up and down on my snatch hungrily.

I was SO curious about his cock,  I figured that with his confidence, he had to be well hung.

Mmm, I got myself an uncut one, ladies! His cock was long and silky and hard. I licked and sucked it, and it drooled pre-cum.

After a bit he reached for a condom, and I pulled away so he could put it on. I assumed the position, doggystyle, and he slid right in, deep inside me. He fucked me so good, started off slow and then picked up the pace. He tapped my cervix in a way that if I hadn’t been so turned on, it would have hurt. Instead it felt delicious, like pushing a big ripe button over and over. He pushed my head into his bedclothes, which smelled like man… I came.

I loved the noises he made. Occasionally he would tell me how sexy I am, and it made me shiver. Suddenly he pulled out of me, yanked off the condom, and pulled my head around to suck his cock again.  I obliged, and my mouth went numb with the spermicide. He fucked my face good, then finally came with a deep, guttural extended growl. He dumped his load in my mouth, the first shot went right down my throat, then I was left with a mouthful of boy juice.

I SAY that I only swallow the ones I love, and I certainly didn’t love this handsome near stranger, but

I’m turning into such a little cumslut

that I went ahead and gulped it down, looked up at him and smiled and gasped. He beamed down at me.

We flopped on the bed and calmed down. We talked and cuddled and things were really serene in the afterglow of the animal passion. I grabbed hold of his superb pelvic shelf and marveled at it. I said shyly, “You have a body like Michelangelo’s David.”

He smiled real big and all awshucks and said, “I’ve been told that before!” He looked down at himself with open wonder, then looked back up at me wide eyed and said, “I get this body from sex and from playing music.”

After a while I got up and started picking my clothes up off the floor. I got half dressed with the intention to take my leave when he suddenly came up behind me and started rubbing and grrr’ing on me again.

I purred, “Are you getting all 25 on my ass?”

He nodded and slyly grinned and then turned me around and laid me back on the bed. He ate me some more and sucked on my tits hard.

Then he grabbed another condom and climbed on top of me and speared me again.  I twisted away from him so that I was lying on my side, but he wouldn’t let me get away, he grabbed hold of me by my hip and plunged into me sideways and from behind. The angle and depth felt amazing, and it wasn’t long before he picked up speed and was in hypedrive, plowing into me like a blur. He sent me over the edge with a screaming big cat orgasm before he unleashed with another prolonged, savage growl.

He conquered the cougar.

August 15 is Feast of the Assumption, a Catholic holiday celebrating the Virgin Mary, so I asked (ok, I begged) The Virgin if we could have a date that night. It would be SOO perfect!! Check out this quote from wikipedia:

“When I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am, there you may be also.”

Unfortunately, he is out of town that weekend, but he suggested alternate dates, stay tuned for that.

Anyway, I was bummed to miss out on this holiday, so I went on okcupid to look for another virgin. Cuz I need a new hobby, and breaking in virgins sounds like more fun than rollerblading.

I went on a quick cougar hunt and sniffed out a 22 yr old kid who looks like Harry Potter and listed himself as extremely shy and that he was open to answering any questions. He seemed so sheltered and inexperienced, I KNEW he was a virgin. I’m getting so good at this intuitive shit, I could pass myself off as psychic.

So I dropped him a line:

I saw on your profile that you are super shy and that you are open to answering any question. So I have to ask, are you a virgin? I am guessing that you are, and that is totally fine…

He wrote back this big long message, here is an excerpt:

Hello, yes I am a virgin. Is it that easy to tell? HA. It’s actually even worse than that. I’ve never even been in a relationship before or been on a date. Also there is a really innocent and naive quality about me. Actually I just drank my first beer last year and have only been to one party and two bars. So yes I’m completely inexperienced in everything.

Holy crap, getting with him would be like getting with a 12 yr old, only LEGAL. I wrote back:

Thanks for the thoughtful answer. Say, would you like to give your virginity to me on Aug 15? The only catch is you can’t get attached to me. It’d be a very special experience. I’m a Free Love kinda cougar. I’m disease free.

He wrote back:

I don’t really know what to say. I’ve never been asked this before. I might need to think things over.

I haven’t heard back from him since. Gosh, do you think he’s in a mental hospital now? Should I feel bad? The window of opportunity is lost at this point - will he be kicking himself for years to come? Poor fella.

So yeah, I have to come up with something else blog-worthy for Friday night. Any ideas?

“My cock awaits you at the door.”

- my latest cougar prey

(but did the hot young stud do his Queen Elder right? I’ll post details soon…)

By popular demand, this week I present a three-part series featuring Belle in the midst of decay…

Photo by Dj_Silikon.

I really like Fetlife, the kink lifestyle site I joined a couple weeks ago. There are some great people on there, and I’ve learned a lot.

For instance, I found a name for my “condition.” I want a Daddy Dom.

My friend Vic wrote this essay on Daddy Doms, and wow did it hit home. I’ve been thinking about it ever since I read it:

I have been asked several times what a Daddy Dom is. First, I want everyone to know it has NOTHING to do with incest, and it isn’t ageplay or any fetish to do with children. I can only say what it means to me; others may have a different impression.

In my view, a Daddy Dom is the most tender of all Dominants. He loves His little one with an undying passion. He always has his submissive’s best interest in mind, even when it conflicts with his personal desires. That doesn’t mean that he gives into her every whim. There can be a huge difference in her desires and her real needs. He has to be able to make that sacrifice for her if need be. And yes, at times he does punish her. This usually hurts him just as much if not more than her, but he will always do what’s best for her.

He helps her set and reach her goals in life, not just in the lifestyle. He will help her improve herself to be the best she can be, not for HIM but for her ! He’s not just looking to make her a better submissive, but a better person in general.

He becomes many things in her life, a mentor, a teacher, a protector, a guide, AND… a lover! He offers her what she needs most of all, unconditional love and acceptance. He is consistent in his actions so that she knows what to expect from him. She knows she can depend on him!

He wants nothing more than to pull her close and protect her from the cruel world. But knowing all along that he can’t! SO … it is up to him to prepare her for whatever life may throw her way and be there to comfort her when things go wrong. Knowing she will run to him when she becomes overwhelmed or frightened. The Daddy Dom will listens to all her fears and concerns, knowing no matter how silly they may sound, to her they are real and he will help her confront them. He slays her dragons; he is her “Knight in Shining Armor”.

The Daddy Dom hears all her dreams, desires and all the dirty little secrets, and smiles because she is bold enough and loves him enough to open herself up so totally to him. He kisses her face and holds her close letting her know she is loved no matter what. She is His little one, and he loves her unconditionally.

There is nothing more satisfying to him than to see her succeed, to watch as she grows as a person. He revels in her daily accomplishments almost as much as she does herself.

He will cuddle her and show her the tenderness she craves when she needs it., when she feels unsure of herself he will whisper encouraging words for her. When she feels ugly he will reassure her how beautiful she is to him … when she is scared he will be her safety net. She is his pride and joy … his main comfort in life … his reason for living. His pride in her shows in the tender loving way he cares for her. Even though she is all woman, she is his little one and he is her Daddy! Just remember, he may be a Daddy, but he is still a Dom!

From The Unbearable Lightness of Being:

The heaviest of burdens crushes us, we sink beneath it, it pins us to the ground.

But in the love poetry of every age, the woman longs to be weighed down by the man’s body.

The heaviest of burdens is therefore simultaneously an image of life’s most intense fulfillment.

The heavier the burdens, the closer our lives come to the earth, the more real and truthful they become.

I’ve been thinking about BDSM a lot lately, having joined that fun kinky lifestyle site recently, and that brought up this amazing memory…

A few years ago, I was at a swinger bar in Kansas City and it was fetish night. I was all green and wide-eyed, and in walked a couple that captivated me…

OK, HE walked in, she crawled…

They were both decked out in full black leather. He was super sexy and strong, bearded and the ultimate in dom and cool confidence. She was on her hands and knees at his side, on a leash, wearing a skin tight catsuit. She looked just like this pic (only not standing).

I gaped as they wound their way through the bar. She was SO slinky and sexy, so cat-like. I was in awe. They sat and had drinks and dinner, and I can’t remember for the life of me if she fed him his dinner, or if he fed her her dinner. (Let me ask you, in that scenario, which do you think would be more appropriate? She might feed him as in being a servant to him, or he might feed her since she is his helpless pet.)

Anyway, after they ate dinner he ordered her to go around the bar and give women lap dances. I’ll never forget her slithering up to me and asking me in the sweetest, sexiest voice, her smoky eyes downcast, “My master would like to see me pleasure you, may I please?”

Dumbfounded, I nodded yes.

Did last night mark my final intimate encounter with Beau? If so, we went out with a bang.

He surprised me with a new red vegan flogger. He stripped me naked and ran it over my curves, all tickly and shivery, and then swatted my pussy with it, harsh and swift.

He wrapped it around my neck and choked me with it. Trust co-mingled with fear. I couldn’t breathe; I stared wordlessly into his eyes.

He took the People Cutter and raked my flesh, over and over.

He pried my mouth open and fucked my face.

He made me call him Sir, and every time I failed to do so, he slapped my face. {His cock gets soo hard when he roughs me up…}

He pounded me doggy style and made me cum that way, after eating me to orgasm.

We finished our kink session with a glass dildo up his ass as I blew him. I gagged on his cum, it was so thick in my throat.

As we lay there dirty, winded, and fluid bonded, he held me in his arms and said quietly, “I want you to be my wife. Please move back in. We can swing and grow old together.”

My heart ached and tears welled in my eyes. “Honey, you are monogamous, and I am polyamorous. I don’t think swinging is a good compromise for either one of us.”

“I’m not sure what I am anymore,” he exclaimed bitterly. “I’ve had so many new concepts and discoveries about myself the past few months…if you can be patient with me, I’m sure we can find other couples to explore. I think I would enjoy it.”

I stroked the hair on his chest. “There is someone better for you out there than me,” I finally said. I believe this.

“And what about you?” he asked passionately in the dark. “Are you going to be a 60-year-old slut? Are you going to be a slave to your sex drive? Aren’t you worried about ending up alone? You won’t be able to find someone who cares for you the way I do and be OK with you fucking other guys.”

“I’m sorry. I’m really sorry,” I told him. I felt wretched. I knew I couldn’t live up to his expectations. Once again I found myself wondering if what I had to offer a lover was a gift or a curse.

It was so late. As I drifted fitfully off to sleep, he whispered, as he did every night, “Good night, Beautiful.”

When I woke in the morning, he was gone.

Beau and I went out last night to see B-Diddle’s band play at a bar (it’s official - the vibraphone makes me wet.)

During a break B-Diddle was hanging out with me and we were grooving on each other. He grabbed me by my hair (another thing that makes me wet) and then I don’t know whose idea it was, his or mine, or maybe he just read my mind, but I wanted to see what that hot move looked like, so he said, “Watch this,” and strode over to the bar and seized his beautiful blond friend by the hair.

BAM you should have seen it - the way her jawline looked, her neck exposed, how her eyes flashed. It was so primal. It kinda looked like this pic. The hot thing is I’m used to that kind of thing, but I think it completely took her by surprise. I wonder if it ever occurred to her before that she might like being manhandled at a bar by a big sexy dom…

So yeah, that really made me wet. I’ll bet it made her wet, too. Naturally I asked her if she would be a future YATBK and she said yes. Guess who’s going to take her pic for it? I’ll give you a hint: starts with a B, ends with a Diddle…

I’ve linked to the site Babe With Books for a long time, but I feel the need to point out Hardley Surton’s complete list of Beauty Addict photoblogs.

Because not only does he have a blog featuring readers or tea drinkers, but he even has blogs featuring women with their arms raised or posed like kitty cats! Now that’s quirky.

WARNING: The Cleavage Blog will bring a tear to your eye.

Now I’m going to go have some tea and do the dishes.

Here’s what happens when the sex is just TOO good, written by Lokey:

Of all the women I’ve dated, there was one with whom I will always say I truly discovered my sexual prowess. Her name was Jennifer and we dated for about a year when I was 22-23 and she was 18. She was a great girl and sexy as hell. She was 5′ 10″, curly black hair, amazing curves for someone as thin as she was. She was just adorable as fuck. She could be wearing baggy sweats with her hair pulled back and no make up and could still make me want her with just one look.

Our libidos were perfect matches and we were fucking like rabbits all the time. It was with her that doggy style, reverse cowgirl and 69 became my favorite sexual positions because our bodies seemed like they were just made for one another and every one of those positions produced multiple orgasms for both of us. Until we met I didn’t even know guys could have multiples.

But Jennifer didn’t have a lot of sexual experience so I had to guide her through a lot of things. When she first gave me head, she would scrape her teeth a bit and it hurt like hell. She would get a little upset about not being able to please me in that way so I would explain that she should just pretend she is eating a popsicle (minus the biting).

After that she began to give amazing head and I had no trouble at all getting off each and every time. I would also explain how in certain positions when I went in at certain angles, I could hit certain spots that were sure to feel amazing. Before long she had figured out how she needed to move and at what angles to hit those same spots herself and also to return the favor.

We more or less educated each other and tried just about everything we could think of every wanting to try. Every night we spent hour after hour making love and constantly switching positions…going from slow and steady…to just pounding the hell out each other. She was the one I will never forget and will probably compare every woman to sexually for the rest of my life.

We got home that night and Jennifer was feeling friskier than usual, so she did a strip tease for me beside my huge sleigh bed. After she had removed all her clothes and mine, I bent her over the foot board and fucked her from behind while simultaneously stimulating her clit with my fingers. That double whammy orgasm drove her up the wall.

She pushed me down on the bed and climbed atop me in the reverse cowgirl position and begins riding the shit out of me. Just before I was about to cum, she climbed off and looked at me for a minute and says “Not yet.” I don’t think my dick has been that hard in the years since or ever will be again.

She gave me enough time to recover just a bit, then climbed on top of me and started kissing my chest and neck, rubbing my dick between her labia and letting it slide inside just a tad before sliding it back out…doing all the little things she knew would drive me crazy. I was so fucking hard I could have drove nails with that bastard.

Finally she grabbed hold of the headboard and I slid inside her. She started vehemently thrusting her hips into me and I got really into it so on her downstroke I begin thrusting upward nearly bottoming out and hitting every sensitive spot on the way. She was clawing at my chest and moaning louder than I had ever heard her before and my body was on fire. It felt like the tip of my dick was going to explode, but it felt so…damn…good!

I felt her legs begin to twitch and realized that I too was about to cum. We’d come together before, but the way we had been having sex this time…I wondered if we would both pass out. She orgasmed once and then again and I had to hold on to her as shockwave after shockwave made her whole body jerk. I came and my dick felt like a fucking water hose…how much could possibly come out? I thought my hair was going to literally come out of my scalp because I could feel every little follicle tingling.

Right at that moment I heard a crack. Then another. Then the right side of the mattress began to slide and the whole fucking thing hit the floor. I, with my dick still inside Jennifer, came crashing down on top of it.

Jennifer let out a little yelp and I heard her begin to cry. I couldn’t see what she had hit because there was a pain in my groin that felt like a 5000 pound elephant just stepped on it. After a few minutes I was able to talk and she had stopped crying. Apparently the impact caused my dick to totally bottom out in her and from the way we fell…I had managed to rip her a little. She was bleeding, but other than a burning from the rip, she was okay. I, on the other hand, was having trouble breathing and my dick was throbbing with pain…each throb more painful than the last.

The next day I got up to get ready for work and I couldn’t put on my jeans. My dick hurt so bad that anything that touched it felt like a million needles piercing the flesh. I made a doctors appointment. The doctor said I had some severe bruising and had torn some tissue in the shaft…long story short: I broke my penis.

I was unable to have any type of sexual activity again for a little over two weeks and I thanked god(s) I didn’t bite my tongue off. The worst part was that Valentine’s day was the following week and as hard as I tried, it was too painful to make love to her; just getting an erection hurt like hell.

Eventually it healed and we went right back to the way we were before except for one thing: apparently something about the injury had made certain parts more sensitive than before…ultra, ultra sensitive. I dont know if it was some kind of nerve damage or what, but the underside of my shaft became 10 times more sensitive than it had ever been. It’s still really, really sensitive today and is the one place I ask women to concentrate on whenever they are giving me head. *hint hint ladies*

Have you ever broken your cock? How about your pussy? Your favorite sex toy? Your heart? Did it get fixed? We want to hear about it. I’ll be telling y’all about the time I broke my pussy. I broke it good, didn’t think it would ever be in proper working order again.

Send your tales of woe (hopefully with happy endings!) to love [at] thebeautifulkind . com

The best stories will be featured during “It’s Broken” theme week.

From Augusten Burroughs book, Magical Thinking:

I am in bed with Raoul, and it turns out he has a condition known as micropenis. This means his penis is less than three inches long, fully erect.

I am dizzy. I am literally dizzy. I am so shocked to encounter this micropenis. I grip it in my hand, and it’s lost, so I use my thumb and index finger to jerk it.

“Yeah,” he says. “Yeah, man, stroke that long, hard cock. Work it.”

I am now engaged in what I consider volunteer work. I am jerking him off purely out of pity. This is really no different from donating five percent of my paycheck to the United Way every month, and it occurs to me that maybe now I don’t need to give to the United Way and instead can keep the cash for myself for dating, which I am obviously going to have to do quite a bit more of.

This happened to me one time. I was in bed (OK, it was the floor) with an average-looking guy, and discovered he had a micropenis. I felt the same shock and horror Augusten did. It’s so weird to handle a wisp of a cock. I checked my impulse to freak out and call him on it (”WHY didn’t you tell me your dick was miniature ahead of time!”) and went through the motions, avoiding eye contact. He draped a condom over it and prodded at me a couple times and came, which only redoubled my disgust - he was a premature ejaculator, too!

I don’t know how I would handle it these days, but I was very young then and ended up avoiding him after that. How would you handle it? Have you ever avoided someone after an awkward sexual encounter? Details, please.

Now THIS is the kind of coffee table book I like. All about cock. Big cock. That’s right, it’s The Big Penis Book. The photographs are so…yummy.

When it comes to pleasure, size doesn’t matter; as we all know it’s quality, not quantity, that counts. But let’s admit it: a big penis is undeniably compelling. Big shoulders, big lapels, and big hair may come and go, but the big penis never goes out of fashion. With those possessing more than 8 inches (20 cm) making up less than 2% of the world’s population, this rare accessory will always fascinate.

So yeah, let’s talk a little about cock size here. What’s your preference? I like 5-7 inches. I’ve been with a few 7-9 inchers, and I think the bigger it gets, the less you can do with it. In high school one of my boyfriends had an 8-incher, and that was before I knew about lube. And he would fuck for hours.

He was an older, high strung Italian stallion. He’d go out drinking with his guy friends, then come knocking on my bedroom window at 1am. He’d climb into my bed smelling like beer and testosterone, and would pummel me with that meat bat of his until 3 or 4am before he finally took his leave. Then I would have to get up at 5:30, put on a polyester uniform, and work an 8 hour shift at the salad bar of the grocery store up the street. I shuddered every time I walked past the cucumbers.

I admit, I hung on to a Polaroid snapshot of his cock for years. It really was impressive. But that’s where I drew the line. I hooked up with a guy one time with a 9 incher and that was just NOT COOL AT ALL. I struggled through that torture session as best I could (it was worse than having a cavity drilled at the dentist) and then avoided him after that. Oddly enough, I pulled that same move with the one micropenis I encountered. More on that tomorrow.

Check out this awesome photo essay in Mother Jones featuring phone sex operators. Images and text were taken from a new book called Phonesex, due out September 2008. Sooo fascinating to get a behind-the-scene look. An excerpt:

One of my most memorable calls was also one of the grossest.

It was a fetish call. A scat fetish.

I started out by telling him I was a vegan.

I cracked him up. He was laughing so hard, he had to hang up because he couldn’t get back into our fantasy.

You know how they have A2M (ass to mouth) porn? It’s not really my thing, but I suppose the allure there is that the person is doing something sooo dirty.

That got me to thinking about other dirty things. I’ve heard that the kitchen sink is one of the filthiest places in a house, way more so than the toilet. So I want to come up with my own porn niche - KS - Kitchen Sink Porn.

Here’s a typical scene: a woman is standing there washing dishes in an ass-flattering dress, or maybe just panties and a bra, and a guy comes up behind her and grabs her roughly. She drops the plate she’s washing and it smashes dramatically. He rubs his crotch lewdly on her, and then he forces her head down and makes her lick the sink counter top. And then all around the metal. It will culminate with him bending her over and fucking her from behind, but she’ll have the kitchen sponge stuffed in her mouth. Ewww! And then he will cum on the counter and make her lick it up.

People will totally get off on that nasty shit.