The Beautiful Kind

Here’s what happens when the sex is just TOO good, written by Lokey:

Of all the women I’ve dated, there was one with whom I will always say I truly discovered my sexual prowess. Her name was Jennifer and we dated for about a year when I was 22-23 and she was 18. She was a great girl and sexy as hell. She was 5′ 10″, curly black hair, amazing curves for someone as thin as she was. She was just adorable as fuck. She could be wearing baggy sweats with her hair pulled back and no make up and could still make me want her with just one look.

Our libidos were perfect matches and we were fucking like rabbits all the time. It was with her that doggy style, reverse cowgirl and 69 became my favorite sexual positions because our bodies seemed like they were just made for one another and every one of those positions produced multiple orgasms for both of us. Until we met I didn’t even know guys could have multiples.

But Jennifer didn’t have a lot of sexual experience so I had to guide her through a lot of things. When she first gave me head, she would scrape her teeth a bit and it hurt like hell. She would get a little upset about not being able to please me in that way so I would explain that she should just pretend she is eating a popsicle (minus the biting).

After that she began to give amazing head and I had no trouble at all getting off each and every time. I would also explain how in certain positions when I went in at certain angles, I could hit certain spots that were sure to feel amazing. Before long she had figured out how she needed to move and at what angles to hit those same spots herself and also to return the favor.

We more or less educated each other and tried just about everything we could think of every wanting to try. Every night we spent hour after hour making love and constantly switching positions…going from slow and steady…to just pounding the hell out each other. She was the one I will never forget and will probably compare every woman to sexually for the rest of my life.

We got home that night and Jennifer was feeling friskier than usual, so she did a strip tease for me beside my huge sleigh bed. After she had removed all her clothes and mine, I bent her over the foot board and fucked her from behind while simultaneously stimulating her clit with my fingers. That double whammy orgasm drove her up the wall.

She pushed me down on the bed and climbed atop me in the reverse cowgirl position and begins riding the shit out of me. Just before I was about to cum, she climbed off and looked at me for a minute and says “Not yet.” I don’t think my dick has been that hard in the years since or ever will be again.

She gave me enough time to recover just a bit, then climbed on top of me and started kissing my chest and neck, rubbing my dick between her labia and letting it slide inside just a tad before sliding it back out…doing all the little things she knew would drive me crazy. I was so fucking hard I could have drove nails with that bastard.

Finally she grabbed hold of the headboard and I slid inside her. She started vehemently thrusting her hips into me and I got really into it so on her downstroke I begin thrusting upward nearly bottoming out and hitting every sensitive spot on the way. She was clawing at my chest and moaning louder than I had ever heard her before and my body was on fire. It felt like the tip of my dick was going to explode, but it felt so…damn…good!

I felt her legs begin to twitch and realized that I too was about to cum. We’d come together before, but the way we had been having sex this time…I wondered if we would both pass out. She orgasmed once and then again and I had to hold on to her as shockwave after shockwave made her whole body jerk. I came and my dick felt like a fucking water hose…how much could possibly come out? I thought my hair was going to literally come out of my scalp because I could feel every little follicle tingling.

Right at that moment I heard a crack. Then another. Then the right side of the mattress began to slide and the whole fucking thing hit the floor. I, with my dick still inside Jennifer, came crashing down on top of it.

Jennifer let out a little yelp and I heard her begin to cry. I couldn’t see what she had hit because there was a pain in my groin that felt like a 5000 pound elephant just stepped on it. After a few minutes I was able to talk and she had stopped crying. Apparently the impact caused my dick to totally bottom out in her and from the way we fell…I had managed to rip her a little. She was bleeding, but other than a burning from the rip, she was okay. I, on the other hand, was having trouble breathing and my dick was throbbing with pain…each throb more painful than the last.

The next day I got up to get ready for work and I couldn’t put on my jeans. My dick hurt so bad that anything that touched it felt like a million needles piercing the flesh. I made a doctors appointment. The doctor said I had some severe bruising and had torn some tissue in the shaft…long story short: I broke my penis.

I was unable to have any type of sexual activity again for a little over two weeks and I thanked god(s) I didn’t bite my tongue off. The worst part was that Valentine’s day was the following week and as hard as I tried, it was too painful to make love to her; just getting an erection hurt like hell.

Eventually it healed and we went right back to the way we were before except for one thing: apparently something about the injury had made certain parts more sensitive than before…ultra, ultra sensitive. I dont know if it was some kind of nerve damage or what, but the underside of my shaft became 10 times more sensitive than it had ever been. It’s still really, really sensitive today and is the one place I ask women to concentrate on whenever they are giving me head. *hint hint ladies*

When he’s pleasuring one of us and we’re squirming and making happy sounds and have our eyes closed in bliss, but he’s not sure why we like it so much, he’ll look at the other one of us and smile and shrug.

She is lying facedown, and he is on top of her.

He is inside her.

I take my head and stick it between the two of them, and feel all the sweat their body heat has generated.

I feel his chest hair tickling on her ultra-smooth back.

The other night Belle and I were in a mischievous mood, so we gave Beau a double whammy - we wanted him to be sub AND roleplay, both things he is not very good at. But he was a good sport, so he let us pick out his costume and tell him what to do.

We decided he would be the plumber and we would be the hot lesbian couple luring him over in order to steal his sperm. We made him wear jeans, a wifebeater, sexxy black boots that would be a hit at any gay pride parade (did you go yesterday? what did you think?) and Belle clipped a tape measure to his belt loop. His arm tattoos and shaved head nicely matched the blue collar look.

We made him go pretend to work in the bathroom, and we scampered up to the bedroom, stripped, and got in bed. When he had finished checking out our plumbing, he called up the stairs, “Ma’am?”

“Upstairs!” Belle called back. “Come on up.”

He ascended the stairs warily, pushed open the door, and his eyes widened at the sight of us in bed.

“Oh, this is my lover,” Belle said, “We’re in the middle of something here, would you mind going over to the dresser and handing me my wallet?”

He did, and when he handed it to Belle, she opened it up and offered him some cash, but as he reached for it she snatched it back, saying, “Look, we’ll give you another $200 if you fuck us both and leave us with your sperm. We’re trying to have a baby and you seem like a nice stud. Now get on this bed, we’re ovulating!”

It pained him to take orders from her, but he did as he was told. He laid between us, and we stroked and kissed on him.

“Did you get this one in prison, honey?” I asked coyly, stroking the tattoo on his bicep.

“Yep, and I have to say it’s nice to be out and with women again. I had to buddy up with my cell mate, which wasn’t too bad. He mostly sucked my cock. He was a big dude, we got pretty tight.”

I said, “Oh really? And what was his name?”

“B-Diddle,” he replied, and I broke out of character and busted out LAUGHING omg wtf?? He SO did that for my benefit! {{~they are leaving on a cross-country road trip together today, now I wonder what kind of male bonding they will do~}}

I pulled myself together and Belle told him to seduce me, kiss me, stroke me, try to arouse me, even though he was just a lowly man and we normally have no use for them.

She straddled him and pinned his hands behind his head and dommed him, and he HATED it. He kept fighting it, sassing her back. Then he told us it was OK to slap his face. Really???

I tentatively patted him hard on the cheek. He laughed at my wimpy attempt, and said, “I know Belle can do better than that.”

Sure enough she hauled off and smacked him good! He took it like a man.

Walking in on them fucking, and everyone smiling real big, and me sidling up next to them, kissing them both.

Then I back off to watch, and they reach for me.

I tell them, “NO, focus on each other for now. I want to get off on your energy.”

I do.

Have you ever broken your cock? How about your pussy? Your favorite sex toy? Your heart? Did it get fixed? We want to hear about it. I’ll be telling y’all about the time I broke my pussy. I broke it good, didn’t think it would ever be in proper working order again.

Send your tales of woe (hopefully with happy endings!) to love [at] thebeautifulkind . com

The best stories will be featured during “It’s Broken” theme week.

From Augusten Burroughs book, Magical Thinking:

I am in bed with Raoul, and it turns out he has a condition known as micropenis. This means his penis is less than three inches long, fully erect.

I am dizzy. I am literally dizzy. I am so shocked to encounter this micropenis. I grip it in my hand, and it’s lost, so I use my thumb and index finger to jerk it.

“Yeah,” he says. “Yeah, man, stroke that long, hard cock. Work it.”

I am now engaged in what I consider volunteer work. I am jerking him off purely out of pity. This is really no different from donating five percent of my paycheck to the United Way every month, and it occurs to me that maybe now I don’t need to give to the United Way and instead can keep the cash for myself for dating, which I am obviously going to have to do quite a bit more of.

This happened to me one time. I was in bed (OK, it was the floor) with an average-looking guy, and discovered he had a micropenis. I felt the same shock and horror Augusten did. It’s so weird to handle a wisp of a cock. I checked my impulse to freak out and call him on it (”WHY didn’t you tell me your dick was miniature ahead of time!”) and went through the motions, avoiding eye contact. He draped a condom over it and prodded at me a couple times and came, which only redoubled my disgust - he was a premature ejaculator, too!

I don’t know how I would handle it these days, but I was very young then and ended up avoiding him after that. How would you handle it? Have you ever avoided someone after an awkward sexual encounter? Details, please.

Now THIS is the kind of coffee table book I like. All about cock. Big cock. That’s right, it’s The Big Penis Book. The photographs are so…yummy.

When it comes to pleasure, size doesn’t matter; as we all know it’s quality, not quantity, that counts. But let’s admit it: a big penis is undeniably compelling. Big shoulders, big lapels, and big hair may come and go, but the big penis never goes out of fashion. With those possessing more than 8 inches (20 cm) making up less than 2% of the world’s population, this rare accessory will always fascinate.

So yeah, let’s talk a little about cock size here. What’s your preference? I like 5-7 inches. I’ve been with a few 7-9 inchers, and I think the bigger it gets, the less you can do with it. In high school one of my boyfriends had an 8-incher, and that was before I knew about lube. And he would fuck for hours.

He was an older, high strung Italian stallion. He’d go out drinking with his guy friends, then come knocking on my bedroom window at 1am. He’d climb into my bed smelling like beer and testosterone, and would pummel me with that meat bat of his until 3 or 4am before he finally took his leave. Then I would have to get up at 5:30, put on a polyester uniform, and work an 8 hour shift at the salad bar of the grocery store up the street. I shuddered every time I walked past the cucumbers.

I admit, I hung on to a Polaroid snapshot of his cock for years. It really was impressive. But that’s where I drew the line. I hooked up with a guy one time with a 9 incher and that was just NOT COOL AT ALL. I struggled through that torture session as best I could (it was worse than having a cavity drilled at the dentist) and then avoided him after that. Oddly enough, I pulled that same move with the one micropenis I encountered. More on that tomorrow.

Check out this awesome photo essay in Mother Jones featuring phone sex operators. Images and text were taken from a new book called Phonesex, due out September 2008. Sooo fascinating to get a behind-the-scene look. An excerpt:

One of my most memorable calls was also one of the grossest.

It was a fetish call. A scat fetish.

I started out by telling him I was a vegan.

I cracked him up. He was laughing so hard, he had to hang up because he couldn’t get back into our fantasy.

I laid on my back and they straddled me and made out.

I had a pussy and a cock in my face.

His cock was so hard, it was shiny.

You know how they have A2M (ass to mouth) porn? It’s not really my thing, but I suppose the allure there is that the person is doing something sooo dirty.

That got me to thinking about other dirty things. I’ve heard that the kitchen sink is one of the filthiest places in a house, way more so than the toilet. So I want to come up with my own porn niche - KS - Kitchen Sink Porn.

Here’s a typical scene: a woman is standing there washing dishes in an ass-flattering dress, or maybe just panties and a bra, and a guy comes up behind her and grabs her roughly. She drops the plate she’s washing and it smashes dramatically. He rubs his crotch lewdly on her, and then he forces her head down and makes her lick the sink counter top. And then all around the metal. It will culminate with him bending her over and fucking her from behind, but she’ll have the kitchen sponge stuffed in her mouth. Ewww! And then he will cum on the counter and make her lick it up.

People will totally get off on that nasty shit.

Remember this?

A couple TBK fans had a fun photo shoot and sent me some of their own bedroom shots. Yay booby bonus!!

I went to that Renaissance Faire last weekend, thinking it would be like a dorky Star Trek convention full of unfuckable geeks, but instead I was charmed.

And I ran into a couple I had a threesome with one time, so that was fun (she was the first woman I ever saw squirt! hit her ankle, nice!)

Anyway, the point of this post is to tell you that I found out I have a thing for armored men on horseback. The helmets are definitely sexy. (And next Sat I’ll be reviewing horse porn.) Of course I pretended I was Queen as I watched them joust.

So how many fetishes are you allowed to have? I think I have exceeded the limit at this point. My fetish checklist is turning into an epic treatise.

Have you ever fucked a girl on the rag? How about TWO girls on the rag? That’s what Beau had to contend with the other night - Belle and my menstrual cycles sync up. We start our periods within a day of each other. I’m glad to say it doesn’t slow us down much. We had a red river threesome, and then…

After he fucked her, he motioned to his cock and said to me, “Why don’t you clean this blood off my cock?”

Of course I knew what he meant. With my tongue.

I wasn’t sure - I like the taste of blood, but…

EH Kink Factor, right? I licked at it, then got braver and started sucking on it. And lo and behold, I was surprised to find that the tangy metallic taste wasn’t bad. It wasn’t bad at all.

I’m not just a good little cumslut - I’m a good little bloodslut, too.

The other day my man was kissing on me as I masturbated, and all of a sudden he growled in my ear:

“Have you ever thought how it would feel to have your throat ripped out?”

and then he bit my neck. Of course I came immediately. As I caught my breath, I exclaimed, “You are one sick fucker!”

He shrugged. “YOU’RE the one who got off on it.”

Whatever.

The last night of our trip, one of our traveling companions came up to us and asked, “Did you take photos with a digital camera?”

“Yes,” we answered with a smile.

“Can I download them on my computer?”

Immediately we thought of the pic of Beau’s cock n’ balls hanging out on the tour bus

and the pics of me showering

and the one of the stretch marks on my ass ripped up from a thorough spanking

and the one of me tied down and blindfolded in the hotel room

and the one of me flashing my tits in a Chinese garden…

and unanimously said, “NO.”

But hey, we shared it all with YOU.

We were flying back home. We had already spent six hours in the airport, and were in the middle of a 13 hour flight in an enormous double-decker airplane.

The lights were dim in the plane, the window shades were down, and most folks were dozing in their seats. That was Beau’s cue to bring up Belle’s Mile High Club request.

For some reason I thought this was a fanciful idea, and not to be taken seriously. Personally, I hate going into those tiny airplane lavatories and avoid it if at all possible. In fact, I tend to avoid most cramped, germy places thousands of feet in the air. So I decided to take a pass.

But Beau would not be deterred. He told me he was going to go stretch, and that I needed to go into one of the bathrooms and not lock the door, and that he would slip in after me. I was definitely nervous someone would see us. “What’s the worse that can happen?” he asked me. “A flight attendant knocks on the door? We get kicked off the plane?”

Fine, I had nothing better to do. I got up and nervously did as he instructed. I stood in the tiny loo and he stepped inside. Wow, we both fit. We locked the door and started making out. Then he pulled up my shirt and sucked on my tits. I sat on the toilet and he yanked down his pants and I sucked his cock, which was already rock hard with excitement. Then he switched places with me and sat down and I lowered myself on his cock, facing away from him. Success!

I rode him for a few minutes like that until my thighs quivered, then we called it quits. Shaky and out of breath (not to mention GIDDY) we pulled up our pants. He took his leave, then I followed suit. We met back at our seats, all grinning and glowing. I’m so glad I did it. Even without orgasms it felt great, and really did break up the long journey, way better than The Bucket List movie. And I guess we can cross that off our list, ey?

I know, I know - you’re getting sick of rape stories. Well, I’m not.

Beau skipped breakfast one morning, but I went down to feed my face. (They had chicken feet on the buffet, but they spelled it “chiken fede” on the accompanying card.)

I came back to the hotel room and was about to tell him what he missed, but before I could, without a word he grabbed me and slammed the door. He immediately blindfolded me with a towel and the strap of my purse. Then he roughly stripped me and proceeded to tie me to the writing desk that he pulled out from the wall and cushioned with pillows. He used the belts from the terry cloth robes they provided.

I was tied down tight, he wasn’t talking, and he started spanking me. If there was ever a time to whip out the safe word, it was now, and I steeled myself up for it. He spanked me until my ass was bright red and I flailed my legs at him to keep him away. I knew he wanted me to cry out, but I refused to. Unless he smacked me a few times in a row. Then I hollered and whined.

I heard him turn on the camera, and take pictures of me all exposed and vulnerable. It wasn’t a very flattering pose. Then he went to fuck me, and I fought him best I could on that. I squirmed my lower half around, moved up and down, until he grabbed me hard by the hips and guided himself into my pussy. Every time his cock head entered and he was about to push his way in, I bore down my vaginal muslces and spit him out.

He tried over and over. Sometimes he would get all the way in, and get a few pumps in before I pushed him out. Whenever it happened he would spank me more, and I would laugh instead of cry, and it turned into some intensely pleasurable feelings. It was a fun game, but frustrating for him, and he started to go soft. I thought about heckling him for not being hard, but decided I didn’t want a lamp up my ass. So instead we both dissolved into laughter and the game was over. He untied me.

Later he told me what a challenge it is to “rape” me and not be able to really hurt me. You know, punch me in the head or choke me until I pass out. That made me think - what if I had suffocated during the session and died? How would he explain that to the Chinese police? What would the tour group think? Would visions of chicken feet flash through my head at the last moment?

I still haven’t had to use my safe word yet. One of these days I will.

We had hiked all day and were settled back in the hotel room for the evening. After we showered together he gave me double prizes (oral twice in a row!!) and frankly, I was exhausted. But I gamely tried returning the favor. I was lying there sucking his cock when…I drifted off and fell asleep.

At first he thought I was just pausing for a moment, so he enjoyed the feeling of his cock in my mouth. But after a minute he finally gave me a nudge and realized what was up. “Hey, what’s going on down there?” he asked.

“Hmmm?” I pulled away and rolled over and went to sleep.

The next morning he “got even” with me. I was lying there dreaming when all of a sudden I heard a gasp from far away and then felt something hot and wet ooze all over my face, hair and pillow. He was about halfway through ejaculating on my face when I opened my sleepy mouth and he shoved his cock in and finished emptying his balls. Take it from me - it is way bizarre to have someone cum on your face while you’re sleeping.

“What a wake up call!” I giggled.

“Do you want a towel?”

I said in my little girl voice, “Aren’t you going to make me eat it?”

He shoveled the rest of it in my mouth with his fingers lovingly, saying, “Here you go, little cumslut.”

Later we discussed how other people might have reacted to such a thing. “What would your wife have done?” I asked him. “She would have been PISSED!” he assured me.

OH and then later that day I gave him a blow job on the tour bus while everyone else shopped for shitty souvenirs.

Speaking of fun, our best hotel on the trip (the only one that had a soft bed - all the others felt like they were made of bamboo and cement) had a shower with a big window to the room, so you could put on a show. I swear that hotel catered to posh gay men - it was so fashionable and had anal bead lamps and vibrating condoms available in the room for purchase. It was called The Golden Tang Hotel. Hee.