Am I A Sex Addict, or Just Awesome?
Filed under: Eros - September 26, 2008 @ 1:00 pm
Someone sent me a Sex Addict Self Test. A sampling of some of the questions, with my answers:
Does your use of the behavior have a recurrent pattern?
Um yes, I tend to do it until I cum a few times. Is that bad?
Has the behavior gotten “worse” or “stronger”?
I would say it’s quite strong, and only grows. Is that bad?
Did you start out with lesser behaviors and then move to stronger behaviors/materials?
What, like making out with my girl friend in 5th grade and moving on to stripping at age 19? I guess…
Did you start out spending less time involved in these behaviors, and have you moved to spending more time with them and less time involved in “real life” activities?
Well I did decline my friend’s recent invitation to play cards…
Can you stop? Are you able to go, say, 2 or 4 weeks without the suspected behaviors? How about 6 months? Does the thought of going weeks or months without the behaviors scare you?
I guess I can stop, but WHY? And is it wrong to think a life without orgasms is like a life without color? Eek I’m scared.
Have you tried to stop in the past and been unable to?
Um no, should I?
Do you use the behaviors to help yourself feel good?
Well, yes actually, I thought that was the whole point. It’s not like I do it to increase my vocabulary or reduce global warming. Now I feel guilty.
Do you use the behaviors to help yourself get to sleep?
If you’re just lying there, why the hell not? What, are sleeping pills preferable? Excuuuse me for rubbing one out and sleeping like a baby. Sheesh.
February 24th, 2007 at 9:35 pm
Just a question about the book cover here: “Sexual Nympho”?? Is there another sort?
June 16th, 2008 at 7:34 am
Update to the last question: I don’t draw the line anymore. Mile High Club, BITCHES!
September 26th, 2008 at 2:20 pm
I guess I’m a Sex Addict. Oh boo hoo.
We were going to go for the Mile High Club on the recent vacation, but ended up sleeping for the majority of the flights… DOH!
September 26th, 2008 at 2:50 pm
“Excuuuse me for rubbing one out and sleeping like a baby.”
I concur. You’re just awesome.
September 26th, 2008 at 3:09 pm
I think the title of the book is Sexual Exploits of a Nympho…I suppose a nympho can have other types of exploits, but why then mention that she was a nympho?
September 26th, 2008 at 3:12 pm
Oh TBK, you make me giggle
September 26th, 2008 at 5:25 pm
You know, maybe there is some actual sense to what this survey is saying. Maybe you have a problem and are using sex to somehow validate yourself in this…hahaha, I couldn’t hold a straight face, when can I have sex with you and the person next to you??
*and curtain*
September 26th, 2008 at 6:09 pm
The important questions, had those questions appeared on this survey, should address whether one appears to be hurting oneself (and/or hurting others) with the so-called addictive behavior. It’s probably impossible *not* to hurt others no matter our behavior, but the real issue is whether we’re causing needless suffering for ourselves and others.
There might be another issue vis-a-vis “sexual addiction,” as well as our lives in general: Do our experiences need to be more and more extreme in order for us to feel anything?
September 26th, 2008 at 6:52 pm
Kenneth says: “Do our experiences need to be more and more extreme in order for us to feel anything?” - No. We just need to decide how we want to feel, and if “full up of cum” is that choice, so be it! It’s all about how you choose to find your happiness. Once found, strap in and enjoy the ride. I agree that causing pain to self or others is indicative of a problem but in this case I see no evidence of that.
@TBK - afterthought… did your mom send you the link to that survey? HA!
“Mom (laughs nervously): No, not like that, she can help you if…
Me: …I want to have less sex? Um, why?”
(I’m loving the new search function too - thanks! Note to self, though… leave the word “sex” out of any search. It returns the entirety of the blog, from day one. LOL)
September 26th, 2008 at 8:30 pm
This is exaclty why I love TBK’s blog. Obviously the author of this questionairre is a sexually repressed sex-phobe that has a lot boiling under the surface that will most likely manifest itself in either a postal shooting of massive porportions or officials finding a stash of kiddie porn on his home computer.
Apparently the author also thinks that everyone comes from some cookie-cutter existence where everyone has to fall into the category of “good” or “bad” in terms of sexuality.
TBK- loved the answers. I’m right there with ya. Your wit shines through again, reinforcing my love of this blog.
September 27th, 2008 at 3:49 am
Well, I wouldn’t say that the author of this was a sexually repressed sex-phobe, ect. ect… If you read the questions they are questions that aren’t really related to sex. They are standard questions for any addiction in general (in fact, it says so in the link TBK gave us to the quiz, “In the Faithful & True workbook, Dr. Mark Laaser lists five common aspects of addictions. According to Dr. Laaser, addictions are:
1. Repetitive - there is a pattern of repetitive use for at least 2 years
2. Degenerative - the addict moves to increasingly intense behaviors
3. Unmanageable - the addict does things s/he doesn’t want to do
4. Medicative - the addict uses the behaviors/substances to change his/her feelings
5. Destructive - any question on this one?” ).
Some of the questions are a bit poorly worded for testing to see if you have a problem. For example the question of if you do the action to feel good should probably be worded, “Do you feel you need to do the action in order to feel good.” And the question about putting off “real life” activities could probably be worded something like “do you find yourself spending less and less time with friends and family in order to do this activity”.
While I will admit that being addicted to sex is one of the least harmful addictions I can think of, it can still be pretty dangerous if you can’t manage it, (think of the person who fucks a co-worker on the clock and risks his job, and therefore his lively hood, over a quick fuck…) That is dangerous, and downright irresponsible if you have children or some other person to support. Plus, and this is especially true with women, sex is an act of trust. When you are getting with a 300 lbs. behemoth of a man, you are trusting he knows the limit and won’t seriously hurt you. However there is always that danger when you are a bit on the promiscuous side that the guy, or girl, that you are hooking up with might not know when to stop.
My point is that I wouldn’t just laugh off sexual addiction if I were you. Enjoying sex is one thing, but don’t let it rule your life.
P.S. Nothing against you guys, just trying to raise a point.
September 27th, 2008 at 10:09 am
@ztakeo:
Good points, indeed. And while yes, sexual addiction can rise to serious levels (David Duchovney, sadly), the thing is that one can’t take these questions and broadly paint someone as a sex addict, just like you can’t paint everyone else with a broad brush in terms of addiction based on what one or two people may think.
Someone recently tried to tell me that I was an alcoholic because of something she heard at AlAnon, yet I’m nowhere near being an alcoholic. Addiction is something that needs to be determined on an individual basis, not just by applying several over-broad questions from some text book.
But like I said, you do have some valid points, but I still think the questionnaire (at least what we’ve seen of it) is flawed.
September 27th, 2008 at 10:25 am
ztakeo: Good, thought-provoking comments. And I think, too, of porn-addiction and how it can impair a person’s ability to connect with others and form healthy intimate relationships.
Those five points–Repetitive, Degenerative, Unmanageable,
Medicative, Destructive–are good ones, it seems to me, in determining if the addiction is negative. We might forget, too, that the consciousness we reach during sex blots out everything else: we can become addicted to losing ourselves and can use sex as a way to avoid confronting problems.
Sunday: Just to make myself clear, I was neither addressing TBK nor implying she has a problem. But my question, “Do our experiences need to be more and more extreme in order for us to feel anything?” might fall under the subject of the degenerative. If we can no longer find pleasure, say, from holding hands on a park bench, then it’s possible we’ve lost something of ourselves. But it’s the same in our culture of “extreme sports” and a tendency toward Epicurean excess; there’s no guarantee that the pursuit of pleasure, in the long run, makes us happy (or content) anyway.
September 27th, 2008 at 11:26 am
I was just having a conversation with a good friend of mine about what Kenneth was talking about in regards to need more escalation to even feel anything. We were talking about our favorite experiences with women. I was really surprised when I thought about it. It all boiled down to that first hand hold.
I remember the first time I got the courage in a movie theater to inch my hand over. Even grazing my pinky finger over hers. You could always claim it was accidental if she wasn’t interested but when her pinky slowly rested on top of mine it was like electricity. Eventually it was two fingers on two. It took probably a good half hour to get a fully entwined pair of hands together but it was worth every second. I love the fact that you can get so excited and even aroused by a simple hand-hold. Still, I strive to appreciate the little things. Sex is fun and hot but it is by no means the end all be all of affection.
September 27th, 2008 at 4:56 pm
Well said Westley. And I think that even the most jaded of us (myself included) still get that spark of electricity when something as simple as the successful hand-hold goes right. When we don’t is when we need to start questioning ourselves. I still don’t think that you can generalize in diagnosing an addiction, but little things like this certainly help pave the way to that diagnosis.
September 27th, 2008 at 7:56 pm
Thanks for the clarification, Kenneth. I was (too succinctly) trying to make a larger point regarding the judgments many people tend to make about the way others choose to follow their bliss. Once the labels start flying things can get emotionally dangerous for those being labeled.
Further, there are *good* addictions. In my own case, my love affair with music falls well in line with numbers 1, 2 and 4 on that list but brings only joy since 3 and 5 are missing from this relationship.
And as far as the hand holding and the simplicity of attraction and excitement are concerned, go back and read the first couple lines of the entry under “What do you fantasize about?” on my YATBK entry. I’m there.
September 27th, 2008 at 9:06 pm
Isn’t the whole “sex addict” concept idiotic?
September 27th, 2008 at 10:08 pm
Oh Sunday, reading over your YATBK fantasy section seriously gave me butterflies, in the good way of course.
Very awesome!
September 29th, 2008 at 3:55 pm
Westley, ~the hand-holding~ that’s what foreplay’s all about, intense anticipation…..lucky you,and whomever you’re with, that you appreciate it…..