The Beautiful Kind

A 30 yr old woman recently introduced to me a fetish called pageism. Pageism is when you want to be the page of an older woman. You want to serve her well…

TBK: What’s your sexual orientation?

Page: Lesbian asexual married to a man, whatever you’d like to call that.

TBK: What type of women are you attracted to?

Page: You know Helen Mirren? That type. 25-35 years older than me, soft-spoken, well-spoken, confident, intelligent, stylish in an understated way, well read, kind.

Basically, my first crush, which was on my English teacher (I’ll call her Mrs Shropshire) when I was fourteen. She’s the type of woman I wanted to be. Some people ask WWJD. I ask, “What would Mrs Shropshire do?”

TBK: Where did you first find the word “pageism,” which helped you put a name to your proclivity?

Page: Psychopathia Sexualis by Richard von Krafft-Ebing is (I believe) the first catalog of sexual deviancy. The first edition was released in 1886 and it was intended for doctors and psychologists and was therefore written in a very academic style. It went into re-print almost immediately and was a best-seller in its day (I don’t think it was only academic types doing the purchasing). In the book, he coins the term ’sadist’, as well as ‘masochist’, which is fitting, as PS has often been compared to Sade’s 120 Days of Sodom, a book that makes Two Girls One Cup look like a Betty Crocker advert.

He was also a proponent of gay rights in that he didn’t think all types of homosexuality were inherently wrong. He felt that some people were simply born gay and that they should be left alone by the law. The book is of interest to anyone curious about the evolution of the way psychology dealt with people who weren’t totally vanilla in their sexual desires. He was very much a product of his time, but also quite progressive.

A good deal of the later editions of the book are case studies, many written by the ’sufferers’ themselves who’d read the clinical descriptions in earlier editions and wanted to shed more light on their particular kink. One of the people who wrote to him called himself a ‘pageist’, which was a man who wished to be in the service of an older woman. The particulars in his case are a little different to mine but it’s close enough a light went on.

TBK: What is your first memory of wanting to serve a woman?

Page: Being fourteen and wanting to be of some use to Mrs Shropshire. I was always a big teacher’s pet, but that year I wanted nothing more than help her out. She became my ideal, though it took about ten years before I realised it. During that ten years I was disturbed by what I figured must be some kind of mother issues. Realising it was teacher issues was a huge relief. That’s when I began telling anyone who’d listen about pageism.

TBK: What sort of fantasies do you have about it? How do you want to “serve”?

Page: Being an amanuensis, which is a secretary. It comes from the Latin for ’slave at hand’. Typing, filing, that sort of thing. Before I was married, I pictured being a sort of live-in, paid companion who handled the paperwork of the house.

TBK: Do you imagine yourself dressed a certain way? Apron? Uniform?

Page: Just office garb. When I had long hair I figured a bun and glasses were de riguer. I was supposed to be the plain one, known to all as the devoted servant of my woman. Sort of meek and quiet, ready to snap to should any typing need done. Long skirts and Edwardian type blouses–long sleeves. The Juno character in the Small Favors porno comic is very much along the lines of what I picture. This is the Amazon link to the first collection.

TBK: Do you want to explore the fetish in real life, or is it something that you’re content to remain in your head?

Page: I think it would only work in real life if the other woman was into it, which I don’t think is highly probable. I doubt role-playing would work–it’d have to be a real-life working situation. All the bits and bobs that would have to line up make my head swim. So… I’m content to let it remain in my mind.

TBK: Tell me more about the women you have wanted to serve.

Page: Besides Mrs Shropshire there haven’t been any in real life. Helen Mirren in the atrocious Teaching Mrs Tingle was as close as I’ve seen in any form other than in my head. I cross that character with the one she played in Losing Chase or the Prime Suspect films and have a pretty good fantasy life.

I’ve only met one woman in real life that physically fit the criteria, which is vital to me, but she wasn’t my boss and I highly doubt she would have been into the whole idea. Not to mention that if she was my boss I wouldn’t want to risk trying to explain to her the deal. It’d have to be an organic thing if it were to happen.

TBK: Is this sexual to you, or does it fulfill something emotional?

Page: Doing what she wants in an outstanding way *is* the sex, which is what most people would find confusing, I think (if I were to try to talk a woman into being my mistress she would probably think I was interested in sleeping with her, for example).

That said, since the relationship is entirely in my head it is sexual at times–usually when she’s stressed out. In real life it just wouldn’t happen, as I’m never interested in sex. There’s a Nina Hartley video on RedTube that I love and I’m not a huge porn connoisseur, but it’s pretty pageist-tastic. When sex does happen in my mind it’s more about the power play between the two women involved. In real life I only want to hug or kiss the woman I like.

An ideal relationship of this type in real life would include very innocuous types of touching. And it would have nothing to do with her sexuality–I wouldn’t care if she was married or what-have-you. That would be better, actually, because then I wouldn’t have to worry about her wanting more from our relationship than I was willing to give. She can have sex with whoever she wants–I just want to do her filing.

TBK: I’m not so interested in this question, but my readers may be - how was your relationship with your mother growing up? Do you have any sisters?

Page: My relationship with my mom was okay–pretty normal, I think. It’s funny because when I notice women they’re usually technically old enough to be my mother, though my mom is close to 40 years older than I am, so my friends tend to kid me about my mother issues. Sorry, friends, it’s Mrs Shropshire Syndrome.

I have two much older sisters that I don’t have any contact with–they were moved out by the time I was a sentient being.

TBK: Do you like thinking of “Mrs. Shropshire” being grateful for your help? Strict? Demanding? Kind?

Page: Definitely grateful and kind. Exacting, but then quite pleased with how detail-oriented I am. I picture her as being known to all and sundry as the Dragon Lady or some such moniker but being quite nice to me. She’d treat me like a well-trained, well-loved pet. Possessive and protective of me (in my head–in reality I’d be running for the door).

TBK: What kind of reinforcement do you crave? Verbal praise? Pat on the head?

Page: Pat on the head! The very idea makes me swoon. Verbal praise is good, too. I have a secretarial type job and there’s one woman who’s physically close to Mrs Shropshire but personality-wise completely off. She thinks I’m great though and her praise means more to me than when it comes from other professors.

TBK: Does the idea of being tied up or used turn you on at all?

Page: Sometimes being spanked over her desk makes me feel warm inside but that’s about it. Needless to say, my DVD of Secretary has been watched a few times…