Ask The Slut: How Do You Drop the Pervy Bombshell?
Filed under: Ask The Slut - August 28, 2008 @ 6:00 amDear Slut,
I’m a sociable, proud geek, but available geek women tend to be scarce, much less ones I’m interested in and who’d be interested in me (an ex used to repeatedly refer to me as a bear). Despite being in my early 30s, my previous sex experience is limited to a pre-op m2f trannie, and a lesbian. I have, to put it mildly, lived an odd life, and my only regrets about it have been the times where I was a wuss and held back.
The problem I’m facing now is that the lady I’ve got an eye on is probably the most outwardly normal woman I’ve been attracted to. Yes, I realize that if I hit it off with her, it’s a matter of time before she shows me her fetishes, too, but I’m in the weird spot of having fetishes that are incredibly mild to most of my friends, yet difficult to explain to someone new:
- I’m bisexual;
- Â an exhibitionist;
- am easily attracted to black women;
- and I like reading incest and mind control stories.
I get, too, that odds are, most women would be able to handle all of this, so long as I remain within whatever rules of the relationship that we have. The problem is, however, that three of these are likely to be an active concern: my bisexual exploration has consisted of going down on the trannie gf once, and I’d like to do more.
The woman I’m currently considering is white, and will almost certainly notice before I tell her (it’s been noticed by total strangers that a half-naked white hottie can walk by me and I’d not even glance, but a black woman in a parka on a rainy day gets my head turning); and my deep, dark secret is that when I was going through the early stages of puberty, my sexual experimentation was with my little sister.
While I don’t know this woman very well, we’ve got similar interests outside the bedroom, and she mentioned in passing that she’s looking for a boyfriend, and as I am no longer involved in a relationship, I’d like to ask her out, but I don’t want to scare her off. I don’t want her to get settled in before finding out all the “nasty” stuff that turns me on, and feel misled. As I’m primarily a personality slut (geek girls are the ultimate), it’s exceptionally rare that I’m even interested in someone.
- Feeling Like a Tight Ass on a Tight Rope
Dear Tight Ass Chocolate Lover,
Your sexual history and fetishes are pretty much the reason why I published this letter. Sounds like you and I would get along famously.
I don’t see any way around it - you just need to be open and honest. Ideally you want a girlfriend who will point out a sexy black woman and nod your way with a gleam in her eye. It’s SOOO much more fun when it can be something personal that you share together. Reminds me of the time my Jewish girlfriend discovered her man’s huge Asian porn stash. At first she was troubled, but now she just finds it endearing.
So how do you approach it? I say early on. Ask her out, see if you guys hit it off for three or so dates, then start discussing where you see the relationship going. To broach the pervert business, take baby steps. Start off by joking about it. Or write it in an email. Or both of you can fill out my fetish checklist and then play show and tell. If your romantic interest is smart and geeky, that means she is curious and open to learning new things. Heck, do you think you could show her this blog? I know LOADS of guys who use my blog as a litmus test with potential dates.
OR wouldn’t it be funny if you show her the necro interview from the other day, and say, “TBK interviewed me here, what do you think?” And then after she freaks and locks herself in her room, you can tell her, “Just kidding! I’m not really into severed heads. Actually, I find black women exceptional beautiful and enjoy reading family-style erotica.” She will be SO relieved.
In social psychology, this is called the “Door in the face technique” - a two-step compliance technique in which, after having a large request refused, the influencer counteroffers with a much smaller request.
And yes, the wise social psychology professor who taught me that also once told me: “It’s better to regret the things you have done than the things you haven’t done.” These are great words to live by if you are presented with an opportunity to skinny dip with a hot chick or titty fuck with your friend’s cougar mom, but not so great when it comes to, say, murder.
So hey, I can’t wait to find out what her fetishes are! Do keep us posted.
August 28th, 2008 at 7:48 am
Hey TBK,
I thought this was a classic example of overthinking a problem which I recognize from my own experience. He needs to focus on Step One of the process.
1) Ask her out!
1a) Have a plan.
2) Hope she had a naughty older brother and the two of you will get along with flying colors but if she didn’t just see where things go.
Tom
August 28th, 2008 at 9:27 am
Yeah I totally agree with Tom. Why worry about how she’ll react to his sexual desires when he should be worrying about if she’ll go out with him, if they’ll like each other, if they’ll make it to that first kiss. Once he’s a couple dates in, he might just find her waiting for him in full leathers and a whip in hand… you never know!
August 28th, 2008 at 10:36 am
Yep, keep your priorities in order. my rule is, once a woman is deep in my arms, she would do anything for me. You just gotta wait for the right moment.
Also, our fetishes are almost the same…..your fetish list is quite short, and quite simple. Sounds like you just need a hot-ass black tranny to fuck on the side, haha……
just keep in mind lots of us have a VERY long list of fetishes we may never be able to fulfill.
Your list is very short, so i wouldn’t worry. Once you guys are talking about marriage, THEN you tell her that you wanna fuck every piece of bomb black ass you see walking by. which by the way, i have that problem too. I live in the city in saint louis, and let me tell you…..everyday i drive up and down grand and i can’t help but stare down every single fucking black chick….
their asses are so premium, their bodies are so beautiful and amazing, i get off on the fact that most people DON’T really know how sexy they are, and i wanna open people up and show them how fucking sexy they are. Starting with all the olympic shaped black sexy thangs out there.
Nothing beats a perfect black ass attached to a pair of those ethiopian sexy long legs….pure, so pure, i love it, i need it.
my girlfriend knows i wanna pound my cock in every piece of hole everywhere, she has grown to accept that i am nearly impossible to satisfy. this is why she and i are now in a open relationship, she doesn’t want to lose me, and i don’t wanna lose her. BUT i DO wanna fuck almost 90% of everything that moves…………
August 28th, 2008 at 12:01 pm
TACL: I have no advice to give you other than you rock. Best of luck to you.
Lion: As usual you crack me up. Starting with all the olympic shaped black sexy thangs out there. Sigh.
All hail The Grand (Ave.) Lion!
August 28th, 2008 at 1:34 pm
I agree… do the date first. See what happens. Like TBK says… she could be wearing a strap on and a leather whip at home… you never know!!!
August 28th, 2008 at 3:57 pm
I got a dance (with extras!) from one of those “olympic shaped black sexy thangs” this weekend!
I also agree with Tom to just get the first steps out of the way. Ask her out! The worst she could say is no. The best - you’ve got a date coming up to tell us about! Best of luck to you. I hope you report back with positive news!
August 28th, 2008 at 3:59 pm
If you have to hide your fetishes from the person you’re dating….you don’t need to be dating that person.
I wouldn’t dump the whole load of fetishes on her first or second date, but if it looks like the relationship might go somewhere…ease it into conversation at some point and see how she/he feels about it. Hiding your fetishes will only make you unhappy and eventually kill the relationship anyhow so what have you got to lose.
August 28th, 2008 at 6:35 pm
RevLion says: “just keep in mind lots of us have a VERY long list of fetishes we may never be able to fulfill.” ~high five, baby, high five~
I love all the comments to this post. It’s a great reminder of the intelligence and insight of the readers. At the same time I can appreciate the nature of our friend’s concern because it shows he gives a shit and is taking the time to think it through rather than just being a DOOD who’s out to get laid and move on.
August 28th, 2008 at 7:25 pm
I think the trick is to NOT focus on your fetishes, these are just traits. These things will find their own time to be talked about, you don’t have to burden your conscious mind with worry. If you let go, you will still get where ever you are going, but along the way you will suffer less. Don’t fixate on traits you have that you think are weird, instead embrace yourself, and at least try to poke her before she dumps you for your fetishes.
August 29th, 2008 at 1:33 am
Before going into any fetishes and all, what if this woman isn’t bi? She did say she was looking for a bf. A lot of women are bi curious, enough to kiss a girl, but to have a full relationship takes more than that. Make sure she wants to be in a relationship with a woman, and you first. Then cross the fetish bridge if it comes to that.
August 31st, 2008 at 2:17 am
Hey, folks. Thanks for the thoughts. Just to clear up a couple things:
1. I’m a dude. Yes, my longest-running romantic and sexual relationship has been with a lesbian, and it broke up solely due to outside concerns. It’s odd explaining to people sometimes — particularly when I had to say that no, I wasn’t imposing some sort of rule that said she could only see other chicks (she was more dominant than I) — but she’s still gay, and I’m still a dude. Go fig. It’s like the tranny ex: I didn’t go out of my way to find a tranny gf, and in fact I knew her back before she came out. It just sort of happened with us, which was nice.
2. It’s not so much that I’m overthinking things, IMO, than that it is that I’m just not used to being in this situation. Kinks are already on the table when a guy’s dating a lesbian and a tranny. Less so when I’m dealing with someone who is, at least on the surface, relatively straight.
3. No offense to R-L, but this girl’s had a string of boyfriends who’ve used her for sex. I may be a personality slut, but I’m not going to contribute to that, whether or not I’d like to “poke” her. I’m not opposed to casual sex if she’s interested, but neither am I going to seek it out for its own sake.