Limerence
Filed under: Obsessions - August 19, 2008 @ 6:00 am
You know how I like words that have the letter “L” in them? Mellow, lullabye, lush, glimmer, holiday…
Well, I learned a great new word the other day while reading Tristan Taormino’s awesome book Opening Up.
The word is limerence.
And boy do I have it BAD. At first I didn’t know what came over me, but once again I’ve found a label for my “condition.” This constant self-discovery is very exciting.
Limerence is like having a crush, only more intense. It can be compared to NRE - New Relationship Energy. From wikipedia:
Limerence is an involuntary cognitive and emotional state in which a person feels an intense romantic desire for another person.
Some of the components:
- Intrusive thinking about the limerent object.
- Acute longing for reciprocation.
- Unsettling shyness in the limerent object’s presence.
- Intensification through adversity.
- Acute sensitivity to any act, thought, or condition, with one’s mood being affected by the limerent object’s actions.
In other words, mutual limerence is fucking amazing, like a drug. It’s ecstasy, euphoria, you’re crazy in love. One-sided limerence, on the other hand, is an unfortunate downer. Basically, you’re either pining or stalking.
Love is a human religion in which another person is believed in.
- Robert Seidenberg
I’ve experienced limerence many times in my life. The first time was in 5th grade when I freakishly obsessed over Michael Jackson. The second time was in 7th grade when I became obsessed with Duran Duran. I thought about Simon Le Bon’s sperm a little too much, let me tell you.
At first my experiences with limerence were one-sided, which really sucked. But as I’ve evolved, I’ve had some pretty amazing mutual connections throughout the years, and for the past few months, I’ve been basking in the golden rays of a particularly intense connection that keeps me feeling exhilarated and alive. Not to mention lovesick. When you’re under the spell of limerence, you are never bored.
It seems like a lot of people I know are grooving on limerence these days.
Are you?
August 19th, 2008 at 6:27 am
Intrusive thinking, is the key component.
August 19th, 2008 at 6:40 am
Yup. Been there. Exains a lot. That’s a fucking hott picture too!
August 19th, 2008 at 8:07 am
yep. i’m there. it’s nice to finally have a word for the feeling.
August 19th, 2008 at 8:20 am
Totally there right now.
August 19th, 2008 at 10:21 am
A little bit…
August 19th, 2008 at 10:36 am
Yes, but when limerence comes does one lose his or her ability to think and act reasonably? (I am beginning to wonder…)
August 19th, 2008 at 10:57 am
Exactly, Gina. I can’t decide whether it’s a healthy thing or not, but it sure does feel good… I think it kindof makes you crazy, like an elephant in musth
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Musth
I wonder if it’s like heroin or PCP…
I also think breakups make you a little crazy, too…
August 19th, 2008 at 11:09 am
What a great find! I ‘fall in love’ REALLY REALLY quickly and intensely and I’ve always wondered if there was a ‘condition’ that I had. (Not that i really think it’s a condition. I hate how everything is a medical condition these days…). It’s such a wonderful rush and the energy you have round the clock is so nice, but after it wears off and you come back to reality…what a bummer. If you could bottle whatever neurotransmitters are involved you’d be a billionaire in no time!
That picture looks like the unfilmed ending of the Bruce Springsteen video with Courtney Cox dancing on stage.
August 19th, 2008 at 11:36 am
It is amazing how that feeling overwhelms you to the point that your body shakes over the simple thoughts of that person touching your body. It kinda reminds me of the feeling you get in your mouth before you put a warhead in, you taste the sour before it is there, your mouth prepares itself and gets wet… Except of course this is a tingling feeling that shoots up your spine as you think of being touched or are touched by that lover. he he, ahhh yes.
August 19th, 2008 at 11:38 am
Human males have testosterone peaks too, I’ve been telling people this for years and they just wont hear it. I noticed at a young age that the late fall, especially November, was a very horny time for me, as is spring. More people are born in August than any other month, over 9% of the population. Male humans testosterone usually peaks around the autumnal and vernal equinox’s Of course this isn’t “supposed” to happen because we have nothing in common with animals and certainly aren’t animals ourselves!
August 19th, 2008 at 11:47 am
Dor… you just said that you did everything you could to keep your knuckles from dragging… lol
August 19th, 2008 at 11:49 am
Dor, I just learned about male menopause - andropause. I had no idea!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Andropause
PS: My daughter was born Aug 1
August 19th, 2008 at 12:29 pm
Miss Kitty, knowing things like that, helps keep them off the ground! Yes, TBK, all of us guys are slowly but surely turning into women and all you galls are slowly but surly turning into men, how depressing.
August 19th, 2008 at 12:34 pm
Dor, yes, but somewhere along the way, we HAVE to meet in the middle…
mmmm mingling hormones…….
August 19th, 2008 at 1:34 pm
TBK says: “you’re either pining or stalking” - I can relate to that a little too well. Yeah, I’m there.
Concupiscence, limerance, callipygean - mmm I love words. “You can tie my hands behind my back and lick your initials in my neck…..foreplay does nothing for me, but commitment makes me wet. I already know you’re having an affair with words….but boo…I’m married to it….my vocabulary leaves most men wary…I need to know….can you get into it?”
August 19th, 2008 at 2:34 pm
Mutual limerance is the best thing ever. I’m there.
August 19th, 2008 at 2:43 pm
Wow Sunday… where did you pull that excerpt from? It’s HOTT!
August 19th, 2008 at 3:31 pm
MsKitty - The album version of Fastlane (feat. Jemeni & Jeleestone) from Wikked Lil Grrrls by Esthero is where those delicious words came from. Esthero is hawt shit.
Here’s a great little fan tribute to this delightful musician set to the song (unfortunately without the additional lyrics). http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dkhn9jh8o1Y Enjoy.
August 19th, 2008 at 4:45 pm
limerence limerick
The pain in my chest means I’m Limerent
the object of my lust is indifferent
she fills my waking schemes
and populates my dreams
Love is not only blind it’s ignorant
August 19th, 2008 at 5:11 pm
Joy says: “It is amazing how that feeling overwhelms you to the point that your body shakes over the simple thoughts of that person touching your body.”
Joy, I completely agree wholeheartly! My heart is racing and have that feeling in my stomach right now just at the very thought!
Intense desire…desire of someone you cannot have, is an amazing rush and the energy out of this world! Like a drug you want more…
August 19th, 2008 at 6:14 pm
I’m always in a state of limerance—who knew it was a problem??
August 19th, 2008 at 9:45 pm
Oh yeah, I like these things, especially dirty ones…”There once was a man from Nantucket….”
August 19th, 2008 at 10:28 pm
It amazes me when that desire comes into play, it is something so strong and potent that overwhelms our sences and brings to life so many new ones. Why is it that through our lives we are so strongly attracted to some that it makes us change who we are…I will never understand my desires, until I do I fear that my love and pain will go hand in hand.
Thanks Selene
August 20th, 2008 at 6:53 am
It’s only when I close my eyes, breathe deeply and let go that limerence starts to creep into my being. The thoughts of the one I desire. The one that makes my head spin. The one that would break me and make me whole all in the same moment. The one…
And then my eyes open and I realize the quickening of my heart must return to normal again as I have yet to even meet *the one*.
August 20th, 2008 at 8:25 am
brm, you will, my dear, you will. And then you will be as insane as the rest of us!
August 20th, 2008 at 11:04 am
@BlueRidge -
Be careful what you ask for!
That ‘letting go’ of which you speak, when there is an actual person that you are desiring that causes your heart to pound, causes your whole world to disappear, causes all thoughts to be of that person, their very presence (or lack thereof, is really what i’m talking about) breaks you…. that can be the most painful experience you can imagine. But with that said, and all apologies to Mr. Shakespeare, it is better to have limeranced and lost than to never have limeranced at all!
August 20th, 2008 at 11:58 am
TBK- You mean I am not already crazy? What the fuck is up with this “special” jacket and these soft padded walls then?
Paul- Warning me away from opening Pandora’s box? But I am like a child. Tell me something is hot, I will have to touch it to see just how hot it is.
And bastardizing ol’ Billy’s words. Strike a chord with me. Deep connection with Mr Shakespeare.
August 20th, 2008 at 12:52 pm
BlueRidge - I’m tempted to tell you I have something hot in my pants!
And yes, The Bard is quite something, isn’t he? I grew up in Southern Oregon and attended many plays at the Oregon Shakespeare Festival….love it!
August 20th, 2008 at 1:52 pm
Paul- I am glad you resisted the temptation. ::cough, cough::
We have a local troupe that presents various Shakespeare works all summer long. This is the last weekend. I should haul my ass out and at least see one performance this summer. I wonder if I would be able to see my favorite Moor.
August 20th, 2008 at 3:03 pm
BRM - I’m the model of restraint. :-/
And you know enough Moors to have a favorite one!?
August 20th, 2008 at 3:23 pm
Paul- Alas, this butterfly has known no Moors. The connection is known to those who know me off the record.
And I am sure you are the model of restraint.
Handcuffs, ankle cuffs, shackles, spreader bars, ropes, tape, or mental bondage? What’s your flavor?
August 20th, 2008 at 5:52 pm
[...] I’m not sure if what I am feeling is this Limerence that I was recently told about by TBK or if it is just another crush… soon to be [...]
August 20th, 2008 at 6:12 pm
What is not to love about this word? so insightful
August 24th, 2008 at 12:18 pm
Pretty much all the time actually. I like the word too, it rolls of the tongue nicely
September 12th, 2008 at 4:58 pm
[...] never knew you could have limerence for [...]