Sex Toy Box: The Miracle Massager
Filed under: Sex Toy Box - August 18, 2008 @ 6:00 amConfession: I cheated on my beloved Hitachi Magic Wand. (sidenote: I also christened two of my friends new Magic Wands; I’m such a toy slut goddess.)
I took up with its evil twin - the Miracle Massager.
The Miracle Massager is lighter, better designed, more flexible, and looks less like a piece of medical equipment. It sounds fine, too - a nice normal buzz. They both have two speeds, and they both plug into the wall. For some reason, I favor the Wand - maybe because I’ve had such a long and illustrious relationship with it. I’ve used it for over two years now, two or three times a day, and it’s still going strong and steady. GOD I love it so much…
But back to Miracle Massager. What can I say? I turned it on and mashed its yielding, rubbery red head against my pussy. The low speed is intense enough that I used it through my clothes. It served its purpose - made me cum hard and tingling while fantasizing about devilish things like forced blow jobs and wimpering redheads.
Once that was taken care of, I set out to see what else I could do with it. I used it to massage various parts of my body - its curved shape worked well with reaching my back. Then I used it on my cat - not sexually, GEEZ. I’m not that perverted. I just gave him a little back and shoulder massage with it. He liked it fine, he purred right along with it.
Incidentally, I hate how all these toys come with a disclaimer. This one said:
This product is intended for use as a novelty product only. Any product use for medical purpose or for a use that has an adverse effect on any function of the body is prohibited.
What the fuck is that supposed to mean? Definition of the word novelty: an article of trade whose value is chiefly decorative, comic, or the like and whose appeal is often transitory. Um, I don’t see anything funny or fleeting about this toy. Legal dorks. And isn’t “prohibited” a strong word to use here? Wouldn’t “ill-advised” suffice? At least it didn’t say using it on felines is prohibited, or I’d be in big trouble.
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August 18th, 2008 at 11:22 am
So, this review was rather short and non-descript, compared to others. Not complaining at all, just noting it. Did you NOT really care for this vibe compared to some others? Just curious….and please, don’t misunderstand me. Reading about your adventures with these toys is one of my daily/weekly highlights! If i ever wished I was a woman it’s when you’re talking about vibrators and toys!
August 18th, 2008 at 11:46 am
~Pictures Paul and JSD animatedly discussing the pros and cons of the latest review over a cup of coffee~
August 18th, 2008 at 11:53 am
@Sunday- lol. Yeah, i do sound oh so clinical and pretentious, don’t I!?
August 18th, 2008 at 11:57 am
Paul, I wouldn’t have chosen either of those words. I actually think it’s quite charming you boys push as hard as you do for more detail.
August 18th, 2008 at 11:57 am
I know, I know, that’s what I meant when I said, “What can I say?” I try and be creative with them - once I start involving other people in these little experiments, they will get more exciting. I just got in a new box of toys, and I can’t get over how weird they are. One looks like a little octopus, and three go up the ass. One is a man toy….the Aneros!!! I posted about this earlier, am very excited to shove one up a man’s ass in real life
http://www.thebeautifulkind.com/2008/04/15/ask-the-slut-what-happens-if-i-pet-my-prostate/
Now WHO will the lucky fellow be??? WHO is worthy???
August 18th, 2008 at 12:30 pm
Ha. A very lovely gentleman and I were just discussing the aneros last night… OH, how he wants me to peg him with it…
August 18th, 2008 at 1:01 pm
The one thing I cannot wrap my mind around despite trying: pegging.
August 18th, 2008 at 1:11 pm
EVERY MAN should experience something the size of a cock thrusting in and out of his ass… every man deserves to be penetrated…
August 18th, 2008 at 1:29 pm
TBK… You bring up an interesting point… now, you just have to figure out what size! Long and skinny? Short and skinny? Long and Thick? Regular sized? Don’t you think they should receive the gamut of cock like we do?
BTW… have you ever seen a cock you didn’t like?
August 18th, 2008 at 1:32 pm
Sign me up!
Sunday, i’m glad you think it’s charming! I guess the reason i chose ‘clinical’ and ‘pretentious’ to describe myself is because i really was interested in the difference between the posts. Trust me, i have a….ummmm, voyeuristic side of me that is VERY interested in just getting more details so i can visualize all the fun TBK is having!
August 18th, 2008 at 1:40 pm
MsKitty,
I sure have seen a cock I didn’t like:
http://www.thebeautifulkind.com/2008/06/23/micropenis-shock/
and opposite end of spectrum:
http://www.thebeautifulkind.com/2008/06/22/the-big-penis-book/
And let’s face it - there are stubby, comical looking cocks, and there are beautiful cocks.
August 18th, 2008 at 2:09 pm
I’ve been pretty lucky in getting some fucking incredible cocks. I should have been taking pictures and collected them. They really were works of art. In fact, “the boy” has one that I absolutely LOVE! I would worship that thing if he let me! LONG story! lol
One of the weirdest one I saw was really long and super super skinny!
August 26th, 2008 at 10:12 am
TBK, you are so right, EVERY man deserves to be penetrated, in one way or another. By the way, that Hitachi is my best friend. It’s the only thing that can make squirt, as of now.