The Beautiful Kind

This is the We-Vibe:

Have you ever seen a sex toy shaped like this? I haven’t. I was skeptical at first, but after trying it out a couple times, I am smitten. Here is why:

• The box says it’s “for couples or solo play.” Why not for triads? Hmf. Ha ha. I used it solo, would be curious to see what it’s like with someone else there, would it be fun for them? OK I just peeped at a site about it and it said it can be worn while “making love.” Huh? Really? I’ll have to try that out. Now I’m imagining what it would be like to have my clit and g-spot stimulated while getting fucked, and the guy getting a vibrating vagina…
• It has two speeds. I used the higher speed. The switch is tricky for me, really hidden, so it’s good that it came with a little instruction sheet.
• It’s rechargeable, and the plug outlet is invisible, so it’s very weird to stick the plug in to charge it up. It feels like you’re…penetrating it. The charge will last for two hours.
• It’s very space age.
• I stuck one end of it inside me and rested the other on my clit. I had to push up on it to get it where I wanted it, which really pressed against the “roof” of my pussy’s mouth, really giving me g-spot stimulation. I had to resist the urge to squirt (I didn’t prep ahead with a towel). Usually toys that claim g-spot stim don’t carry through for me, so that was pretty cool.
• I LOVE that it is waterproof. Can’t WAIT to take it in the bath with me.
• It’s super discreet, doesn’t look like a sex toy, and comes in an eyeglass case, pretty snazzy. You can walk around with it and people won’t know what it is. You can tell them it hooks over your ear or something. Come to think of it, it would be fun to take it out somewhere and ask people what they think it is and videotape the responses.
• It’s REALLY quiet, sounds subtle and sexy. You could use it and someone in the next room wouldn’t notice.
• It’s carbon neutral!
• I’m thinking there are a lot of possibilities with this thing, pretty exciting.

Here is another pic of it out of the box:

I buzzed through my review of it because Belle also gave it a test run, so we get two takes on it! Here is her in-depth review:

Belle’s Bitch Box Profile
Clit stimulation: Indirect
Internal/G-spot stimulation: sometimes, but not necessary
Preferred toys: fingers, finger sized gentle vibrators
Has successfully used: Hitachi magic wand, Feeldoe, iRabbit
Accessories: glass dildo or butt plug, lube
Squirt: Right before orgasm, about 50% of the time

I like to start with subtle stimulation – gentle rubbing on my thighs and mons. I progress to the faintest hint of a caress on my outer lips, then inner lips, and vaginal opening. I very slowly add more pressure, while moving my toy in a clockwise motion around, but not touching, my clit.

Sometimes I move my toy in a clockwise direction to the right of my clit, so that it stimulates my inner and outer lips and the right side of my clit only. I switch things up and gently prod my vaginal opening or my anus very slowly until my body gives in and allows the toy inside. I return to my clit. The key to getting off is on again, off again stimulation. I will often lift the toy off so that it is not touching, and then press down again, over and over.

As I near orgasm, I like to back the toy off and press down with decreasing pressure until the slightest graze will send me over the edge. Direct clitoral stimulation is too much and will turn me off. G-spot stimulation is good, but again, too much will turn me off. Anal stimulation is nice, especially in a circular motion around the anal opening.

I don’t like to flex my Kegal muscles while masturbating. I prefer to relax. Flexing me Kegals hastens orgasm, but I feel that I don’t get quite as much enjoyment out of it that way – it feels almost like cheating.

The We-vibe is a cute, portable little vibe that even comes in its own attractive case. The case is big enough to hold the toy and its charger. It strikes me as a little odd that the manufacturers of this toy would hide the rather pretty case inside the packaging instead of showing it off. The case was a nice little surprise.

The vibe itself has an outer shell of 100% silicone, which is great for silky smooth play, but not so great if you own anything that gives off lint or fur. Be prepared to rinse this guy off if it touches anything furry or linty.

When I first took the We-Vibe out of its box, I looked at is quizzically. Here’s a charger, but where do you stick the plug? Oh, instructions. To charge the We-Vibe, you shove the plug into this little dimple on the front. A barely-perceptible opening in the silicone parts, and the charger is in. Sexy. To turn it on, you press the “nose” above the charger port: to the right for low, to the left for high, in the middle for off.

I flicked the switch and it turned on right out of the box. Yay! I caressed my outer lips with it and it felt good, so I ran upstairs to try it out.

Alas, it only worked for about 4 minutes. The instructions say to let it charge first (for 24 hours), and I didn’t do that, so whatever test charge it had left in it faded quickly.

24 hours later, I used the low setting as I tend to prefer lower frequency vibrations and pulsing. There is no pulse effect, so the vibe only operates at two frequencies. On an intensity scale of 1-10, with 1 being “cell phone on vibrate” and 10 being “Hitachi Magic Wand on high” I would say that the low setting is probably a 3, and the high setting probably a 5.

Fucking myself: I started with the usual, letting the vibe gently caress my bits, slowly adding more pressure until I was turned on enough to become wet. Then, I slowly let the skinny end enter me, where it remained. I pressed and released the thin curve so that both heads would rub at the same time. This felt good, but I didn’t feel as though it was going anywhere, so I switched up, instead pressing the outer head down on my clit and releasing, then repeating.

Occasionally when fucking myself or being fucked, I have a sort of out of body experience. I feel as though I am shrinking down a tunnel, yet at the same time, all sensations feel larger than life. It feels sort of like my clit is a mountain, and my hand is a giant’s hand, stroking away. This used to bother me, so I would open my eyes and snap back into sensory reality. However I have learned to embrace it. This occurred while using the We-Vibe.

As I neared orgasm, I squirted – I felt the warm liquid roll down my perineum and tickle my anus. The orgasm deserves a 6 out of 10.

Ironically, when I went to sniff the wet spot, I smelled urine. Sometimes I urinate as well as squirt (I think), and I definitely wet the bed. So the We-Vibe… made me wee.

Overall, I like it. For people who aren’t too picky about speed or pulsations, it will make a great toy. I like that it’s small enough to put in your pocket, and comes with a smartly designed case for chucking it in your bag. It would make a great travel toy. I read that you and just stick it in and turn it on, but I am a complicated girl, so I don’t think using it that way would work so well for me.

This week I’ll be featuring pics of me taken at an abandoned slaughterhouse in East St. Louis.

Flesh: the physical or animal nature of humankind as distinguished from its moral or spiritual nature
Debris: the remains of anything broken down or destroyed; ruins; rubble

All pics taken by the amazing Belle.

Another nod to over-the-top sex blogger Lucyboots.

Sex motivational posters. One example is below. More can be found here.

Oh god. I’m almost embarrassed to show you this clip, because it is so brutal. And it totally turns me on.

This is a video put together by my new sex blogger friend Lucyboots. It stars badass Rocco Siffredi, horrible actor, hardcore performer. DAMN. So come on, be brave. Put on your seatbelt, grab a banana, and hit play.

1.  oh my god, what is he doing with that banana?
2. HOLY SHIT there is some crazy shit going down in that sun room.
3. OK now they’re spitting on each other. DAMN the look in her eyes…
4. The blond assistant is cracking me up, she’s just smiling away back there. She looks like a nude travel agent.
5. Time for smackdown, cue the music!
6. Ha, sluts in a log cabin.
7. OH MY GOD it’s the Accommodator in action!!!
8. The scene where the blond is being force deep throated - where are they? The zoo? What’s with the guys standing around in the background watching??
9. WOW there is some serious orchestrating going on in that scene. I’m not even going to attempt to describe it, just go to 3.00 minutes in and you’ll see what I mean.
10. I like the music, but not the leopard print couch.
11. Um, I kindof like the spitting in the mouth thing. And that screaming, jesus.
12. I wonder what he’s thinking when he’s in the middle of tearing a woman in half - he’s not even an animal, he’s a machine.
13. I’m just like, holy shit.

I chased a firetruck twice to this clip.

Beau and I went out last night to see B-Diddle’s band play at a bar (it’s official - the vibraphone makes me wet.)

During a break B-Diddle was hanging out with me and we were grooving on each other. He grabbed me by my hair (another thing that makes me wet) and then I don’t know whose idea it was, his or mine, or maybe he just read my mind, but I wanted to see what that hot move looked like, so he said, “Watch this,” and strode over to the bar and seized his beautiful blond friend by the hair.

BAM you should have seen it - the way her jawline looked, her neck exposed, how her eyes flashed. It was so primal. It kinda looked like this pic. The hot thing is I’m used to that kind of thing, but I think it completely took her by surprise. I wonder if it ever occurred to her before that she might like being manhandled at a bar by a big sexy dom…

So yeah, that really made me wet. I’ll bet it made her wet, too. Naturally I asked her if she would be a future YATBK and she said yes. Guess who’s going to take her pic for it? I’ll give you a hint: starts with a B, ends with a Diddle…

I’ve mentioned that I would still date Beau and Belle if they were cool with that. Well holy crap if Beau didn’t go and shave his goatee into a mustache.

He has a mustache.

I am sorry but a mustache is a hard limit for me (but not for Belle - she fucked him last night! They had an especially hot time, they felt like they were doing something wrong. Mmm forbidden lust…)

So yeah, I won’t kiss or fuck someone with a mustache. I told Beau this, and he said, amused, “Oh come on, really?”

“I am serious,” I insisted. “I mean, I don’t think I could even pretend you were my white trash uncle. It’s so creepy cop. I’d rather you have 2nd degree burns on your face than a mustache. Or maybe one of your eyeballs dangling out of its socket.”

Here are some of my other hard limits:
- crocs
- fucking an eel
- hawaiian shirts
- fucking someone dressed as a clown
- anal fisting
- scat

So what are yours? What’s on your no-fucking-way list?

I’ve linked to the site Babe With Books for a long time, but I feel the need to point out Hardley Surton’s complete list of Beauty Addict photoblogs.

Because not only does he have a blog featuring readers or tea drinkers, but he even has blogs featuring women with their arms raised or posed like kitty cats! Now that’s quirky.

WARNING: The Cleavage Blog will bring a tear to your eye.

Now I’m going to go have some tea and do the dishes.

The other day I was sitting in a Starbucks with my friend P. He was telling me all about his BDSM/polyamorous adventures. He is married but has a sub girlfriend. He told me about all these crazy things he has done with her, then casually mentioned, “She really likes the Cobra Stinger.”

“Excuse me?”

“It’s this little electrical toy that can produce some pretty cool sensations.”

“LIKE WHAT?”

I’ve always thought that electrical stimulation was so silly. I was at a party one time where a person was running around with a TENS unit, applying it to people’s nipple rings and stuff. I absolutely avoided that person. I mean, how hard do you have to try? How to be a hit at parties: Electrocute people!

“Well, I can show you if you want. I have it with me.”

“No way! Where?”

He motioned to his waist. It was clipped on his jeans like a cell phone.

“Let me see!” I demanded.

He whipped it out.

It takes 2 AA batteries, and can give off a pulsing and continuous current similar to a bee sting or an encounter with someone you have amazing chemistry with.

He turned it on and touched one of the prongs. “Now you touch the other prong,” he instructed.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I did. WOW. That felt fun. I liked the pulse setting.

Then he said with a devious smile, “Now touch your tongue with your other hand.”

Giddily, I looked him in the eye and did as he suggested, AND I FELT MY TONGUE TINGLE. The current ran right through me, so subtle and sexy. Just imagine all the possibilities!

I’m telling you this in order to let you know that it’s more fun being electrocuted in Starbucks than it is to pay $5 for a cup of coffee. And to tell you my friend P. is a playa who turned me on cheater-style BAM.

I want one!!!

Note: Sorry dears, but there is no YATBK today. I’m waiting to hear back from a few sexy mamas, as well as my first dude to be featured as The Sexy Bohunk Kind! (thanks for paving the way, Rev Lion) Stay tuned…

Dear Slut,
I am 24 and divorced. My marriage was a bad decision followed by many more bad decisions. While in that relationship I did a lot of things sexually that I did not want to do/was not comfortable with in order to keep my partner happy and sexually satisfied and overall “approving” of me. (I do not intend this to be a blame situation at all, I am a grown woman and take responsibility for my decisions.)

These things ranged from anal sex to group sex and encouraging me to try and convince girlfriends to have sex with us/him while also encouraging me to go out and have sex with other men then come home and tell him about it. I had very low self esteem at the time (and in all honesty it still isn’t very high) and so I was feeling pressure to do this in order to obtain approval and simultaneously filled with jealousy, self loathing, and resentment because I did not want to do it and saw it as proof that I was not sexually satisfying or attractive.

At this point I would like to note that I don’t see any of those things as bad, in fact it leads me to my specific question: I am currently in a “new” relationship with a man I trust and I am starting to find an interest in sex or exploration of a woman, threesomes (both MMF and FFM), and having him watch as I have sex with another man (I would want him involved and present for any/all of these situations).

We currently talk about these things during sex and engage in some mild Dom/Sub and bondage–I think he would be prepared to try anything for me so it isn’t actually convincing him that I want to try these things that is the problem.

The problem is that I don’t know when I will really be ready to expose myself to these situations again without going back to those negative feelings from before. He is fully aware of my past and very respectful about making sure I am comfortable with anything before we try it. Do you have any advice for me on how to ease into these things? What is the best way to come in to contact with potential like-minded partners in a non-pressure, no expectations atmosphere?
Ready to spread my wings

Dear Wings,
Your ex-partner is an inconsiderate, manipulative, selfish, mentally abusive asshole. But you knew that, that’s why you divorced him. Hopefully he will learn his lesson and treat his next partner with more respect and consideration.

Anyway, sounds like you learned something from the experience and would like another crack at owning your sexuality, doing it ON YOUR TERMS. Luckily you have a kind, understanding willing partner now who can support you in this endeavor.

Know that if you do overstep in some way and things get yucky (like oops it wasn’t such a good idea for you to pick up that guy at the bar and fuck him after all), it doesn’t mean that oh god everything is ruined. It means you made a mistake, and you’ll talk about it, process it, and move on.

I just learned about a cool free site that is like facebook for perverts called Fetlife. It’s for people who are into BDSM and/or fetishes. I joined and have found some great quality folks on there. (I heard it’s a better version of CollarMe, just like Lifestyle Lounge is a better swing site than Swappernet.)

If you’re in St. Louis, check out a nightclub called Dante’s on Monday nights from 10pm - your bedtime. Lots of beautiful, interesting people there who like dressing up in fun costumes.

.

Yo, perv, ask already. love [at] thebeautifulkind . com

We knew what we were getting ourselves into. We knew we were taking a risk. We were brave. Pretty much all of the comments on this post say it all, thank you, collective sweet voice.

I gathered up all the triad posts and put them under one category. I am in NO way suggesting you go back and read them all, but if you click on that link and skim down, you capture all the good and the bad. (Psst, remember this suggestive pic?)

I’m going to try and quickly summarize what went down from my perspective so I don’t put you to sleep droning on and on. I might be off base with some of this; more reflection is definitely in order. Also, Beau and Belle are welcome to post their own points of view, either in a comment or blog post.

The reason why the triad didn’t work is because both Belle and I wanted to be Queen Bee. We both wanted the lion’s share of Beau. We’re both high needs, emotionally and physically. Beau encouraged us to go to each other for any unmet needs, but it didn’t work. I wanted to try and add to the relationship to spread things out and give us breathing room, but Beau wasn’t comfortable with anything beyond cuddling. So that left me feeling frustrated and not knowing my place.

Belle is dom and I am sub, but I was there first and am older. This made it very confusing for me. Usually I’m very confident and secure, but I was definitely out of my element sharing my man 24/7 with someone else (I’m very good at sharing part time). And things HAD to be equal, there was no way any of us could play second fiddle. Belle pointed out in an earlier comment that she loved spending time with me, and she loved spending time with Beau, but the three of us together felt… odd. I totally agree.

So we spent countless hours discussing the dynamic and trying to come up with a solution that would work. We spent so much time discussing the triad that we didn’t have time to ENJOY ourselves. We didn’t tie each other up or talk about philosophy any more. Instead of cooking a nice meal together, we would spend an evening beating a dead horse and ordering a pizza. We were exhausted.

Finally, I decided that since I was more polyamorous in nature than they were, I would remove myself from the relationship and give them a go at being happy as a couple. Beau and I were very happy and solid as a couple before. I knew how awesome it could be.

Then Beau dropped a bombshell on us that if the triad broke up, he wanted both of us to leave so he could clear his head and start over. I think at some point he started to see us more as a unit and less as two individuals. I also think he couldn’t bear for it to seem like he chose one of us over the other. Oh, and all this went down on his 40th birthday. SUCK!

Again, I could go on and on and might to add to this in the comments section or in another post, but that’s it in a nutshell. Things are raw right now and dust is still settling, but we all love each other very much and intend to maintain relationships with one another.

Beau did do one annoying thing - the day after he dumped me, he mopped the kitchen floor, something I had been asking him to do for three months. As we all know, it is a huge turn on when a man cleans. So there I was, all shell shocked and smelling that fresh clean floor smell and getting aroused. Dammit.

From The Huffington Post:

Vicky Cristina Barcelona, out August 29, tells the story of a typical male fantasy, a romantic threesome with two women.

Woody Allen was asked if he would ever entertain the notion himself. He replied, “You know, it’s hard enough to get one person. In trying to figure out solutions in life, two actually tends to make it more complicated than one. The characters in this movie are able, the chemistry was right, and they’re able to handle the situation.

But in real life, most of us petty people could never handle anything like that. It’s hard enough to get a relationship that can work out with one person, but with two, it becomes geometrically more fatal.”

Tomorrow: Details on the TBK triad implosion.

It’s so convenient that just a couple of weeks after my cat ate my vibrator, the Sex Toy Fairy came along and gifted me with a bunch of goodies.

The Silver Bullet is the toy that most closely resembles the one my cat mistook for a hamburger, so I decided to test it out first.

From Wikipedia:

The metaphor of the silver bullet applies to any straightforward solution perceived to have extreme effectiveness. The term originates from folklore. Traditionally, the silver bullet is the only kind of bullet that is effective against a witch, werewolf, monster, or a person living a charmed life.

Seems promising, ey?

The Bullet is a very portable toy, suitable for travel. It’s also lightweight and basic, nothing fancy. It takes 2 AA batteries. The little heart-shaped switch allows you to find the right speed gradually, so instead of just “hi” and “low” you can take your pick from the lowest setting, which with fresh batteries is pretty intense, to something in the middle (good for when you’re in a hurry), to the maximum setting (which numbs your hand if you’re holding it), or anywhere in between.

The buzz it gives off is pretty typical, sounds like an electric razor. I started off with setting it on low and going with my usual bullet placement, putting it right on the clit, but I’m on a mission to expand my repertoire and go beyond my usual routine, so I set it on medium and stuck the Bullet inside my pussy (that’s why it has a cord, right?) It felt niiice, strong and steady. I enjoyed the sensation on my labia, then pushed my clit down on it to get a better connection to my hotspot.

All systems in check, so I let my imagination take over. I thought about beasts and all things forbidden, gave myself over to the new sensations, went from relaxing to tensing in turns, and it was about 10 minutes into this zone that I had an orgasm that felt like I was being turned inside out. I did it! Yessssss. I felt the Bullet rock with the waves of my orgasm; it felt good to have a lil’ something inside me.

The only bad thing about this toy is that you can’t use it with werewolves. But it charmed this witch quite nicely.

An excerpt from an essay on jealousy by Richard Dawkins:

Even sticking to the higher plane of love, is it so very obvious that you can’t love more than one person? We seem to manage it with parental love, love of books, of food, of wine, love of composers, poets, holiday beaches, friends . . . why is erotic love the one exception that everybody instantly acknowledges without even thinking about it?

Why can a woman not love two men at the same time, in their different ways? And why should the two – or their wives — begrudge her this? If we are being Darwinian, it might be easier to make the case the other way, for a man sincerely and deeply loving more than one woman. But I don’t want to pursue the details here.

I’m not denying the power of sexual jealousy. It is ubiquitous if not universal. I’m just wondering aloud why we all accept it so readily, without even thinking about it. And why don’t we all admire – as I increasingly do — those rare free spirits confident enough to rise above jealousy, stop fretting about who is “cheating on” whom, and tell the green-eyed monster to go jump in the lake?

This clip has SUCH bad acting, it’s endearing:

1. Seriously, we roleplayed better than this the other night, right down to the slap in the face.
2. HA she looked at the camera.
3. WHOAH suddenly he’s tied to a chair wearing a bra and makeup? HAHAHHA! Say, what’s she writing on his back?
4. HA one of the film crew is in the picture.
5. Yolanda is face fucking him WAY too gently with that gold dildo.
6. YESSS it’s ping pong time!
7. C’MON Yolanda, don’t be such a softie. GIVE IT TO HIM.
8. OK, she broke the table, NOW we’re getting somewhere (and tie nicely into our “It’s Broken” theme week, hee.)
9. Ah yeah, she’s getting her groove…
10. And right then it cuts off! Dammit! What DID she write on his back, anyway? SISSY TOY?

Lame, lame, lame. But still funny.

I’m moving out.

Today is World Population Day.

Do you remember my abortion last year? I would be giving birth right about now had I let nature run its course. I was annoyed at how aggressively the nurses at Planned Parenthood pushed hormone contraceptives on me and the other women. I know they thought it would be the most effective thing to prevent us from getting pregnant again, but it’s not natural and it messes with the body. That’s why I went off the pill in the first place - to give my body a break from all the artificial hormones.

I recently discovered this very curious e-book called How to Avoid Unplanned Pregnancy Every Time You Have Sex - WITHOUT Using Contraceptive Drugs by Pett Corby. You can buy it online for about $15. Corby says:

I’m the author of a deliberately short book of practical, natural methods - knowledge about avoiding unplanned pregnancy at no cost or toxic side-effects. This is knowledge that doctors, even though well aware of it, are NOT WILLING to talk about it. The greedy drug industries want to continue to capitalize on artificial hormones. My mission, however, is to inform people (around the world) about the CHOICES they have in the matter.

Corby calls it “the wash-n-go” method, because all it requires is promptness and… tap water. Really?? She says she found the method in a medical booklet 24 years ago.

I have used the techniques in my book throughout my adult life. I have never experienced an unplanned pregnancy and have never used conventional contraceptives. I have always enjoyed a healthy, active and daily sex life, carefully planning my one and only pregnancy and conceiving within just two months of trying.

Is she just lucky, or is she on to something here? In the book she stresses the importance of using a condom for one-night stands in order to prevent STDs, but for a long-term relationship, she swears by her “wash-n-go” birth control technique described in the book. As in, as soon as a guy cums inside you, get up and use water and your fingers to remove the insidious goo.

I also like her list of possible places semen can go besides inside a woman’s pussy. And she also points out that a woman only has about 5 days of fertility each month, so you should pay attention to your cycle. An ovulation calendar can be found here.

I dunno, it sounds easy, but how the heck do you test it? And wouldn’t even withdrawal be a little safer? I’ve heard of anal babies conceived via anal sex - the guy cums in the woman’s ass and then some dribbles out and gets in her vagina. And think about how many times people FWI - fuck while intoxicated. Like they’re going to jump up and wash. Yikes.

What do YOU use for birth control?

PS: On the opposite end of the spectrum, check out the new remote controlled vasectomy.

Here’s an interview with a guy who suffered from priapism -a “painful medical condition in which the erect penis does not return to its flaccid state, despite the absence of both physical and psychological stimulation, within four hours.” Priapism is considered a medical emergency. Ouch.

What the hell happened?
Suffering from insomnia, I tried several medications hoping to find one that worked. Why I wasn’t prescribed an actual sleeping pill is beyond me. Of the pills that I tried, Risperdal was most effective at turning off my lights.

How did it happen?
Along with causing drowsiness, Risperdal also caused prolonged erections – an hour or two at first, but it got (ahem) longer and longer.

Did your erection occur spontaneously or did you get aroused and then it wouldn’t go away? What is priapism?
I’m not really sure what, if anything, triggered the erections, especially since I was fairly prone to them anyway – no impotence issues here. As I said in the last answer, the duration of my erections increased, causing a great deal of discomfort, and this essentially defines priapism: prolonged and possibly painful erections.

What did it feel like?
Hard (pun intended) to explain. I recall driving into work, still sporting my morning wood, and it was so uncomfortable that I called my boss from the road and told him that I needed a sick day. To maybe get an idea of how it feels, I guess you could clench your jaw or flex your bicep and maintain that muscle tension and rigidity for several hours, and you might get some idea.

Did you try to have an orgasm to make it go down?
Yes, of course.

Did you finally call your doctor or go to ER or what? Did they act like it was a common thing or did they seem surprised?
After spending close to 24 hours with an erection, I called my doctor’s office and was told to go to an emergency room. By that time it was sooooo painful. I don’t recall any looks of surprise or horror from the ER staffers – I guess they’ve seen it all.

What happened then?
I went to one hospital ER and was told that I’d have to go to another one across town, because they would be better able to perform the required procedure.

What did they have to do to fix the problem? Surgery? How did you feel about that?
I required surgery. The procedure involved cutting an incision into the head of my penis to drain the blood, and then a stent was added to make sure that blood could continue to flow. I wasn’t nervous or scared about going under the knife; at the point I was told surgery was required, all I really cared about was relief and nothing more.

Did you have stitches? Was it swollen? Did it look like Frankenweenie?
I ended up with a few stitches in the crown of my penis. There was some swelling, lasting for a few days. So yeah, it looked a bit freakish – though it was still very identifiable as a penis. Once I was able to get up and move about, it felt as though there was a leaden weight tied to my cock and it hurt to stand and walk. I was quite grateful for the bottle of pain killers that I was prescribed.

How long before you could get hard again?
At least a month or two. I remember being very worried that I’d never be able to get it up again. I discussed that concern with my doctor who confirmed my fears that it was quite possible that I’d never again pitch a tent. I think he gave it a 50/50 chance, and even then it was likely that I wouldn’t be able to get fully hard ever again.

What kind of therapy did you have to do in order to fully recover? How long, etc. Did you order a penis pump, was one given to you by your doctor?
I was prescribed a penile pump and instructed in its use, which included (when it was the right time) slipping a big, rubber cock ring off the device and onto me, so that I’d be able to sustain myself. I was instructed to pump myself up three or four times a day. The routine involved inflating, then deflating for 15 to 20 minute stretches. Oh yeah, and to play with myself. One of the resident urologists was making rounds after my surgery and came in to visit me. We discussed the recovery process and what I would have to do. I joked that this was the first time I was ever really encouraged to play with myself.

I was told that I would have to stay off my third leg for at least a month. By the end of that month I was so longing for an orgasm that I had to pleasure myself as soon as the quarantine was lifted. I could not get it up that time, but it still felt wonderful, and after a little effort I got the desired result. It reminded me a bit of those first teenage orgasms that felt so new and wonderful. Gradually I was able to regain turgidity; at first having to maintain pressure with one hand while massaging with the other. I think it took around a year to discover, joyfully, that I once again had full use of my better half.

What did you learn from the incident?
Don’t continue to use medicine that causes priapism – quit while you’re (ahem) ahead.

So Beau just got back from his big boy road trip with B-Diddle (I heard a couple good stories about what went on at the Grand Canyon…) He’s been a bit out of touch with the blog, so he just spent an hour reading the posts from the past few days, and more importantly, all the comments.

It’s like walking down short-term memory lane hearing him laugh his ass off as he sits there, naked, discovering the misunderstanding between Rev. Lion and Manj, the medical issues presented in the childbirth post, the endearing sweetness of chiavata, the fervor of the Body Bouncer, the liberal use of exclamation points, the heated debate over which county Dave & Busters is located, the insanity, the passion…

Y’all are something else, not to mention funny and smart. I’m always amazed to see where the comments go. I feel like this is the seedy corner bar where the cranky yet lovable regulars drink whiskey and beer and shoot the shit. Since we already have a great cast of characters doing killer improv, this blog should be a sitcom, and each post an episode.

Love,
TBK xoxo

Here are a few of my favorite quotes from the trip:

“Yeah Baby I like it RAAAAAWWWW!!”-Me, frequently. (And annoyingly.) (Parenthetical statements are added by Beau.)

“Did you know that the Grand Canyon was created as part of the New Deal in 1933.”-Beau, as we walk up to the Grand Canyon for the first time on the trip.

“Holy Fucking Shit Bro!!!! That lady just wiped out right in front of you while you were on the phone and you didn’t even notice!!!!!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA”- Me

“Let’s see who’s down with some DP!!” -Beau, as we leave the Hotel to walk the strip.

“I can cut this bread with my laser eyes…..my laser eyes…..my laser eyes…”-Me, when I couldn’t find a knife, in reference to one of the most ridiculous sounds that I have ever heard come out of the radio. Most Unfortunate Link

“I can walk up these stairs without my feet….without my feet….without my feet…”-Beau, referring to the same stupid song.

“I’ll kick your ass in two weeks.”- Beau, to me while he was dreaming evidently.

“I would like to see her “O” face.”- Me, in my head about every woman I saw.

“I would definitely show her my “O” face.”- Me, in my head, about every hot chick I saw.

“Show me your “O” face.” - Beau, to me when he was taking my picture.

“Hey, wanna be a finger puppet?”-Beau, about how we should attain some topics for the blog.

“Ahhh…sure”-Penn Gillette, (annoyed) after I asked him to take a picture of Beau and Myself. (The crowd around him laughed.)

“I hate to say it, but I’m starting to CARE about your finger puppets.  I want to protect them.” Beau - (to which he responded with excessive laughter.)

I do have a couple for more verses for the book of head that I need to get to. In fact, wait…..I am hearing something…..what’s that?…..A NEW chapter may be written this evening………..Praise Monster!!!!!…..Someone must be looking down on me…….or is that UP at me?