Confession: I’m a Shameful Shitter
Filed under: Heebie Jeebies - July 22, 2008 @ 5:41 am
If I had to list the three things I hate most in life, poop would be #1 or #2 (crocs would be in the top 5, Ann Coulter, top 10). From the sounds of people’s comments on this post from last week, poop is on their, um, shit list, too.
I’m reading this really informative book called Poop Culture. Not only does it discuss the history of the toilet, where poop goes, and the dangers of constipation, but I’ve discovered that there’s a term for my irrational condition: I am a shameful shitter. From the book:
Why should such an egalitarian act be so revolting? All people poop, so shouldn’t we view pooping as neutral, a shared human experience, unremarkable because universal? While it’s unnatural to feel like a social aberration because you poop, it is natural to find poop disgusting. Fecal aversion is the belief that poop is malodorous, gross and untouchable.
That’s right, I am mortified that I have to shit. I’ve been this way all my life. I hate going in public bathrooms. I’ve read Everyone Poops and have giggled at the appropriate times. I’ve played the “Everyone Poops” game, where I imagine all kinds of people taking a dump one at a time - the person I have a crush on, hot chicks, Martha Stewart, Madonna…
I used to date a guy who had a little one bedroom apartment, and I’d make him vacate the place when I needed “alone time.” I HATE staying in a hotel room with someone. I’ll run the water and make them turn on the TV for sound barriers, and even then I’ll sometimes have to abort the mission.
Beau has tried to help me overcome my aversion; he has suggested I come up with a “shit list” - a 10 step program with the eventual outcome being me taking a shit in front of him. Um, I don’t think so. He’s offered to shit in front of me, to show me it’s no big deal, and he loves describing his “baby leg” bowel movements, which give me the heebie jeebies. I appreciate his efforts, but I’m still going to keep the bathroom door locked.
Nothing has really worked to help me get over it, but I am getting better. I’ve made some strides by reading this book. Also, I have to say I deeply admire any woman who freely admits she shits, like Jenny McCarthy or my friend Jen, who cheerfully stopped up the toilet her first week at a new job, to the cheers of all her dude! co-workers. She also lets her friends wipe her ass when she’s too drunk to wipe it herself. Cuz after all, friends don’t let friends pass out with a dirty ass.
Yeah, I’m surprised I’m able to look past the whole poop chute thing and see the anus for having great sexual potential. But man I have to be in the right mood. Like, super SHIT FACED. Ha, just kidding.
So. What are you? A shameless or shameful shitter?
July 22nd, 2008 at 6:11 am
Yep, heres one more thing to add to the list of things that make me as much woman as man. In almost 12 years with my wife, I bet I haven’t even farted in her presence more than a half dozen times and those times were simply out of my control. I fucking hate shitting, oddly I do believe that frequent shitting is very healthy and I eat lots of fiber to make sure that happens. I really wish one could be healthy, shitting once per month but thats not the case. Shitting makes me feel dirty, I’ve often thought about showering after each time but figured that would be too obsessive.
July 22nd, 2008 at 6:59 am
I cant say that shitting ever bothered me until we had a bunch of guy friends over after going out for chinese food, dear lord! 1 out of the 2 stopped up our system(I say one out of 2 bc the other one only shits at his house, he rearanges vacations around his poop) so bad that it came up out of the basement pipes and we had to snake the drain, just knowing that it was his shit on my floor and on my gloves grossed me out!
My husband on the other hand cant stand vomit, the poor guy had to tough out 8 mths of preggo morning sickness that the doctors couldnt help me with. Anyone want to know the worst combos for morning sickness? Garlic Chips and Green Mint Ice Cream, and the most colorful, Lays Potato Chips and Icee Pops. Ha ha, TMI for the morning.
July 22nd, 2008 at 7:13 am
I used to be a shameful shitter, then I met my husband. He lived in a very unique place with an odd bathroom layout. There was one bathroom (toilet/sink) on either side of a third room which housed a shared tub/shower.
I think it started with us keeping the doors open while we got ready for work - combing hair, doing makeup, etc. - and it progressed from there over a few months. I know that by the time we moved out of there (10 months after we started dating) and into a house we bought together, we were both shameless shitters.
After almost a decade together, not to mention fun things like kidney stones, gallbladder removals and assorted other surgeries, it would be very difficult for either of us to maintain the ick-factor, and damn inconvenient too. I’d have been really fucked if I was still a shameful shitter after my gallbladder was removed. You can’t eat ANYTHING for the first few months without immediately having to poop, and trust me when I tell you it’s not something that can wait until you get home. You will have to use a public one or just not eat out AT ALL until you body gets back under control (which it sometimes never does). It really happens that fast.
I don’t know, I think after you’ve lived with someone for a long time, being a shamful shitter starts to be too much effort. I’d rather spend my time having fun instead of having to cook up all kinds of work-arounds for being able to do my business in secret. I’m just too damn lazy. ROFL
July 22nd, 2008 at 8:35 am
I used to be VERY shameful. but my mom said something to me like 6 or 7 years ago that helped me. She said ” everyone has bad bathroom experiences” . simple, yet it helped me a lot. I feel it is very important to think of pooping as a meditative energy release. As the poop leaves the body, so does negative energy. It’s a very important process for any animals. I feel pooping is very sacred. BUT i still do those things you do also, TBK, like turn on the shower so others don’t have to hear it. But really thats just etiquette. No need to feel shameful because you don’t want others to have to hear your shit explode out of your ass.
Life is a team effort here on earth….
and poop is the most important thing we do.
I really love wen i am in the woods and i have to shit in a hole, it is annoying in its own way, but its SOOOO right to poop in a hole and cover it up. Talk about “green”, or “bio-dynamic”, or “eco-balanced” .
Pooping should be held up high on our shoulders, it is our responsibility to help the future generations not be so embarrassed about it. Since it is our parents fault that we have fear now. My dad never once farted or cryed in front of me, even after my mom died. Isn’t that fucked up. I mean, COME ON, i like the dads that just fart and laugh about it.
My daughter is only 2 1/2 and she has heard me fart and poop like 10,000 times. its only natural.
FREE THE POOP ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
July 22nd, 2008 at 9:25 am
Rev Lion, you always make my day!!!
As for me, I don’t even think about it, I just go when I have to. Everyone does it so what’s the big deal? I don’t need to WATCH anyone and I have to have the door shut myself, but that what the bathroom is for isn’t it????? You can run the shower all you want but everyone knows what you’re doing in there!!! And no one should care because they do it, too!! Our culture makes everyone so uptight about bodily functions. It’s not just stupid, it’s unhealthy.
As for the woods, I pee in there all the time. When ya gotta go, ya gotta go. I’m an expert at peeing wherever I have to. I usually wake up in the vicinity of a toilet and i just poop right away. I’m sure I could dig a hole if I had to, though!
July 22nd, 2008 at 9:50 am
I definitely got over any heebie jeebies about poop while being a backpacking guide. If the girls I had out in the woods didn’t poop regularly while we were out there, it could become a serious medical and group issue. So, we devised all manner of ratings for our poops and made it become everyday, regular old conversation just so we (the leaders) could keep track of who was eating, drinking and pooping enough.
And, once I had a kid and changed all of those diapers, any left over aversion to dealing with it went away. Sure, I’m not interested in any sort of scat play, but I’ll wipe an ass without flinching.
July 22nd, 2008 at 9:57 am
Tori, good point. Yeah I’ve wiped TONS of ass, I worked in nursing homes and hospitals for 5 years, given enemas, digitally removed impactions, etc.
I’ve also done my share of cleanup volunteering for dog and cat rescue shelters.
And I had no problem changing my daughter’s diapers and never made her feel bad about it. She is a shameless shitter, just for the record.
And I love stimulating prostates, that is an orgasm gold mine!
The few times I’ve had anal sex, I’ve been extremely relieved to see the cock come out clean, as in thank you GOD.
July 22nd, 2008 at 9:59 am
God wants anything that goes into our asses to come out clean, he works in mysterious ways!
July 22nd, 2008 at 10:00 am
This is SO funny that you wrote about this today! I usually don’t give a “shit”. hehehehe But last week I went out of town and since then, I’ve been constipated. It’s SO uncomfortable! I’ve never been in this situation before so I called Mom to ask her advice. hahahaha That’s why I think it’s so funny that you write about this today.
Among my friends and family, I have one sister who is shameful and a male friend who is shameful in public but has NO qualms with telling me about how he needs to “drop the kids off” at my “pool”. Plus, he has an unnatural obsession with poop, mostly animal poop. Never fails to make me laugh!
July 22nd, 2008 at 10:13 am
Yeah, I have Crohn’s disease, so there’s almost no possible way I could be a shameful shitter. Plus, my mother has the disease too, so I grew up very open about it. Poop is dinner conversation at my house, and my b/f and I keep the door open in our home. I’m just now realizing that this is not the norm. Oops
July 22nd, 2008 at 10:20 am
Express your hate here, lol. http://www.crocslovehate.com
July 22nd, 2008 at 10:33 am
Great, those fuckers at Crocs have figured out a way to channel Crocs hate into advertising. All of us Crocs haters need to shut our traps about them, don’t give these scum any more material!
July 22nd, 2008 at 10:41 am
Well, “let” a friend wipe my ass is a bit of a stretch. I was more or less blacked out drunk at the time.
July 22nd, 2008 at 10:42 am
i go back and forth on shameless and shameful. my best friend is very open and tells me about being irregular, etc. so with her, it’s almost normal to just, you know, talk about it.
with anyone else… i just pretend it doesn’t happen. or hold it. for however long it takes.
July 22nd, 2008 at 11:03 am
I am totally shameLESS about pooping. I’ll poop with the door open and have conversations with folks (with those who can handle it). I find it to be a pleasurable release, almost as good as sneezing but that is pretty much on its own fantastic level. It’s not like I sit around excited about the next time I get to take a dump but when I do, it’s just… nice.
I likely lack disgust because I know how important it is for the the body to release it as well as the dangers of holding it in. Did you know if you are a perfectly running machine, you’ll shit at least 3 times a day?
Anyway, some humor for you:
http://www.cakefarts.com (no worries, it’s not a Two Girls, One Cup type clip)
http://www.doodie.com (silly poopy cartoons)
July 22nd, 2008 at 12:00 pm
Given the fact I have so much man(cub) energy around me, poop is always topic de jour. I have no problem doing the deed while talking to them or anyone that can handle. Mainly females though.
Funny enough though, when with my previous lover, I would muffle any bathroom noises with the water running or not pass gas in his presence. He, on the other hand, would let it rip as needed. Thankfully he’d wait until I was out of the room if he needed to fart but never so much as a second thought to do what he had to do.
It really took me off guard when we had been sleeping together for a couple of weeks, he walks into the bathroom mid-conversation and starts peeing. I wasn’t ready for that. But laughed at myself because I was fine with him sticking his dick in my mouth, pussy, whatever… but using it to urinate freaked me out.
Fortunately I got to the point with him that after sex, during clean up (especially during my moon time and he had cummed inside of me) that I would go to the bathroom, sit on the toilet, peeing or whatever and he’d be in the room with me, cleaning himself up. No uncomfortableness between us. Just lots of grins from two happy, satisfied lovers.
TBK - I sooooooo totally agree with you about thanking my lucky stars after anal. I don’t know what I would do if faced with that crappy situation.
July 22nd, 2008 at 12:26 pm
It probably won’t help Beautiful, but I NEVER realize when you are going to the loo for your “personal time.” We’ve spent lots of time in hotels or in our house in the morning together and I’ve never noticed that you were going to take a shit unless you expressly tell me about it. It just doesn’t register with me that you’re even in the bathroom unless I need to get in there and the door is shit…I almost erased that typo, but I think I’ll leave it.
Interesting fact: I wake up every morning and need to piss, then I get on my computer for a while. At some point about 20 minutes into my work, I NEED to take a shit–so I do. This happens to me every morning and I wonder if anyone else has the same experience.
July 22nd, 2008 at 12:34 pm
Yep, have to take one about 30-45 min after waking, EVERY morning.
July 22nd, 2008 at 12:39 pm
Yup. Usually like clockwork. But it doesn’t happen until I get to work. Right about 9:45am I have sat down at my desk, checked all my daily sites, then as the clock creeps towards 10am, I have that uncomforatble feeling where I squirm in my seat for a few minutes….then I have to call someone to cover the phones for me. But this last week… I miss my 9:45am shits. I yearn for that feeling that A spoke about….
I thought it was going to happen today, and I got really excited. I settled into the seat and all that was there when I got up was a sad little floaty. It sure didn’t feel like that on the way out. =(
July 22nd, 2008 at 4:07 pm
Baby leg = exciting.
golf ball = boring.
July 22nd, 2008 at 4:38 pm
I think there are “time to shit” waves that come through our computers. As someone who also makes their living over the computer (from home), I can attest to the existence of the “time to shit” waves.
I’m generally a bit screwed (literally and figuratively) on my days off.
When I’m working, I get up, grab a big mug of tea, pop a squat in front of my computer and start my day. Twenty minutes later, the “time to shit” waves hit and off I go to pop my squat in the loo.
When I’m off, I get up, grab a big mug of tea, pop a squat back on my bed, or on hubby’s face, or whatever other comfy place I spy, and I wait. And wait. And wait.
But sure ’nuff, as soon as I go log on to check my email, see if my company has gone crashing down while I was sitting on hubby’s face, etc. - the “time to shit” waves hit and off I go.
I think it is a plot by aliens.
July 22nd, 2008 at 4:38 pm
I don’t understand this place at ALL. A post about poo gets 20 comments, while a post just below wherein BOTH Beautiful and Belle describe in delicious detail how they get themselves off with a new sex toy gets only one?
WTF?
*boggle* You people are hopeless.
July 22nd, 2008 at 4:42 pm
Beau, when you say, “baby leg=exciting,” are you saying its exciting to have something large in your ass? Do you get turned on by these anaconda sized logs?
July 22nd, 2008 at 4:43 pm
Duh, people like talking about themselves.
Case in point: I started this blog up just so I could BRAG, but then it evolved into something helpful and informative. Who knew?? Hee.
July 22nd, 2008 at 4:54 pm
JustSomeDude, I realize Im a freak in this way but the posts about TBK or Belle or any other chick for that matter trying out a new vibrator does nothing for me. I read this blog because I think its frequently very funny and I can write any fucked up thing I want here.
July 22nd, 2008 at 5:45 pm
Like Dor, I eat lots of fiber too, so the visit are more frequent, but shorter in length throughout the day. Although I don’t consider myself shameless or shameful about shit, I do shut the door. Bathroom fan comes on if I’ve eaten something like meat (gasp!) and then have gas at a friend’s house. Courtesy. How weird that colons weren’t mentioned?
July 22nd, 2008 at 5:51 pm
Right with you Dor(not on the big things in my ass, you can keep that one)as I love this site also. Not only because I have been intimately involved with most of the happenings discussed, but it also allows me to change my mind about all kinds of stuff.
July 22nd, 2008 at 6:01 pm
Cavewoman, you’re right, it is odd no one mentioned colons. I know a guys who’s colon just ruptured, he’s in pretty bad shape. Like I said, I wish I didn’t shit so much but its very healthy. I now eat far more vegetarian food than I used to, this results in far more frequent poopin.
July 22nd, 2008 at 7:26 pm
I am shameless! Everybody does it, so who cares? I’m not interested in leaving the door open or talking while I unload, but I take great satisfaction in my twice-daily dumps and I’ll happily crap in public toilets too. That’s what they’re for, right? People have a very matter-of-fact attitude to pooing here in Japan - at a work drinking party the other night my boss said “Dang I’m constipated at the moment,” and another colleague was like “Wanna swap? I had horrible diarrhoea this morning.” When you go to the doctor you have to circle on the form how often you shit and whether you have already done so that day. It’s great!
Poos: sooooo much better out than in.
July 22nd, 2008 at 9:27 pm
“Duh, people like talking about themselves.”
You should install an open-source forum like SMF on the site TBK - we could have all kinds of fun corrupting…uh, I mean “educating”… the masses with it.
LMAO
July 23rd, 2008 at 10:06 am
Now, see, I understand that people like to talk about themselves, but I think that talking about pooping is kind of taboo in normal circles. TBK has offered us a way to be open and honest without anyone giving us that “face”. It’s not just with poop, but everything. Kudos! So, in summary, everyone here just wants to talk about poop!
July 25th, 2008 at 11:06 pm
[...] this introduction on a recent post: If I had to list the three things I hate most in life, poop would be #1 or #2 (crocs would be in [...]