What Are Your Hard Limits?
Filed under: Heebie Jeebies - July 18, 2008 @ 6:00 am
I’ve mentioned that I would still date Beau and Belle if they were cool with that. Well holy crap if Beau didn’t go and shave his goatee into a mustache.
He has a mustache.
I am sorry but a mustache is a hard limit for me (but not for Belle - she fucked him last night! They had an especially hot time, they felt like they were doing something wrong. Mmm forbidden lust…)
So yeah, I won’t kiss or fuck someone with a mustache. I told Beau this, and he said, amused, “Oh come on, really?”
“I am serious,” I insisted. “I mean, I don’t think I could even pretend you were my white trash uncle. It’s so creepy cop. I’d rather you have 2nd degree burns on your face than a mustache. Or maybe one of your eyeballs dangling out of its socket.”
Here are some of my other hard limits:
- crocs
- fucking an eel
- hawaiian shirts
- fucking someone dressed as a clown
- anal fisting
- scat
So what are yours? What’s on your no-fucking-way list?
July 18th, 2008 at 6:17 am
I just watched Reno 911 last night, yes I should be ashamed! Yeah, TBK, I remember you saying that I looked like a cop a long time ago, when you first met me. I totally agree about the mustache, I’ll chalk the one I had up to being young and not knowing any better. I mean shit, if you’re going to grow a stache, you might as well grow some more. I don’t know what the hell I was thinking when I had mine, if you’re going for the 80’s Ron Jeremy look, go for it.
July 18th, 2008 at 6:37 am
Oops, forgot my hard limit list.
obviously fake boob’s
skeletal body (especially if there are fake boob’s attached)
crocs
eats at mcdonalds regularly
thinks nickelback is a great band!
July 18th, 2008 at 7:31 am
Assuming they’re 18+, female, and conscious:
scat
Uggs
hijabs/burqas
July 18th, 2008 at 8:00 am
I have 2 lists, guys & girls.
Guys:
fingers that are more feminine than mine
polos
chew in the back pocket
roof over the tool shed(especially if they can’t see the tool!)
ribcage skinny (I don’t want think I can break them!)
Girls:
leggings
fake tits
bleach blonde
tits that could be mistaken for flotation devices or airbags
leathery skin from tanning too much
July 18th, 2008 at 8:36 am
My No-No List:
Long Fingernails on a Guy
Scat
Girls over 250lbs (Bigger Guys dont bother me)
Girls under 100lbs
Overwhelming Acne on the Face
Combovers (I like Bald Guys, but a combover, cummon?)
People who love those freaking ugly dogs that look like they are dead or want to die, I love animals, but they make me cringe!
July 18th, 2008 at 10:26 am
No-Way :
Lot lizards…….
Scat…..god have mercy…
Overwhelming Nasty body odor……..
Preppy, upper-class, bourgeois, or boojy people….I CAN’T STAND THE UPPER-MIDDLE/UPPER-CLASS people that don’t have a clue, i only consider raping them, or throwing feces at them.
I really can’t stand people who are scared of everything…..
wah-wah, cry baby rich girls don’t get to taste my dick…..
Mustaches….(unless they have a full beard, then its acceptable, ital and all that)
People that don’t like big guys………
People that believe that marijuana is bad . . . . . . .
i like people that can think for themselves….
July 18th, 2008 at 10:41 am
Ha, throw feces at them! The wife and I made the mistake of checking out the new Whole Foods in Town and Country a couple of weeks ago, I wanted to urinate on just about everyone in the store. I’ll never go back, that store attracts enough pucker butts as it is but that one took the cake!
July 18th, 2008 at 10:56 am
-excessive body hair (i understand having some, but when i can’t see much of your skin from your nasty long sweaty chest hair, we have a problem).
-men and women that are too skinny
-men who tweeze their eyebrows in a “femme” way. i understand wanting to look good, but i generally think you’re gay when you overdo it. plus, your eyebrows should NOT look thinner or more shapely than mine under any circumstances if we are to be together. (i wonder if i’m the only one…)
-soul patches.
July 18th, 2008 at 10:57 am
My no no’s:
*Men who think they are god’s gift to women! I LOVE to play with them and get them all riled up then crush them like ants. (sometimes I think I’m evil)
*Hipsters who think their opinions are right and argue instead of discuss.
*Trixies who are complete label whores.
*Chads who are complete label whores.
*ANYONE who is not open minded enough to see past the tip of their nose.(for some reason I come across a lot of these. It makes me sad)
*And of course, the men who think after one date with me they can tell me what to do and treat me like a 40’s housewife. Man I need to re-evaluate my dating choices.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:00 am
dirty fingernails, guys with skinny calves, zac efron type hair (what on earth do you call that?)
July 18th, 2008 at 11:07 am
:[)>
Honestly, I don’t care the least about what my facial hair looks like. I do like variety and if you saw pictures of me taken one year apart for my entire adult life, you wouldn’t believe that half of them were me
I’ll gladly shave off the mustache, but she might have to EARN that favor. hmmm…? Any suggestions?
July 18th, 2008 at 11:16 am
1. scat (not to be confused w/ anal sex)
2. obesity
3. fake tits
4. deceit
5. phony animal rights advocates
6. tobbaco
7. alcoholics when they’re drinking
8. people with half my IQ who think that they’re better than me
9. engine idlers
10. war on anything green/concrete coverers
And just so that you know; I am handome either clean shaven, with a shadow, full beard or goatee. I tried a moustache years ago for a couple weeks but it did not look good at all! I only kept it for that long to see if I might warm up to it; yuk!
As far as Hawaiian shirts, I have several and they are all COOL; so you are one sick fuck, TBK.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:17 am
Beau,
Shave the stache and then make me suck your dick. Sounds like a win-win situation to me.
Bo,
Pa’a ka waha. Mahalo.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:22 am
Bo,
If you’re going to try and woo TBK, you’d better learn to spell–it’s one of her quickest indicators of intelligence.
Good luck Dick Dick,
Beau
July 18th, 2008 at 11:27 am
Thanks for pointing out the typos; learn how to spell your own name next and then make the bitch suck your dick with your mustache.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:39 am
Bo,
Thanks for reminding me.
I also really don’t like assholes. (Not to be confused with anal sex, of course).
July 18th, 2008 at 11:55 am
@lena: What happened to your “Lena Filter?”
July 18th, 2008 at 2:19 pm
If I were in Beau’s place right now, I would not shave that stache for shit! Just for the sake of principal, and to be contrary. The only scat Im interested in is Bigfoot scat!
July 18th, 2008 at 2:30 pm
Dor, I know. Beau is sooo sweet and accommodating, not reactionary and pissy. He knows to choose his battles. If he wants to fuck me, he’ll shave it. If he doesn’t, well, he’s always got Belle and whoever else is down with it!
July 18th, 2008 at 2:40 pm
My limits include:
Beards and moustaches (I have my reasons).
Excessive body hair - especially in the pubic region.
Men’s briefs - especially white ones.
Men’s hands that are small and girlish.
Obesity.
Scat.
July 18th, 2008 at 3:23 pm
My no-fucking way list -
* that sour, sickly smell of massive quantities of alcohol on someone’s breath. You are NOT kissing me or even breathing in the same room.
* rubbing your semi-hard (which really means you’re still flaccid, don’t kid yourself) cock on my thigh. That’s not a turn on, it’s pathetic. Stick it in my mouth, yank on it yourself, something. Teenagers do that shit, and since I’ve got three (male) teens of my own, this is not going to get me wet
* fake tits
* bones. I don’t want to feel your ribs, your elbows, your clavicle or your hips when I’m cuddling you. Get a little padding, huh?
* right-wing fundamentalist nutjobs like Fred Phelps, James Dobson, and those who follow them.
* men/women who don’t shave the good bits. I’m sorry, I don’t want to chew on your pubic hair - there are so many wonders there to devour. Don’t distract me by making me floss on your pubes.
* stubble. If I want a sandpaper facial, I’ll let you know. Assume I do not.
* anyone who knocks on my door trying to sell me something. Fuller brushes, Amway or their version of god - they’re equally unwelcome on my stoop.
* The requisite scat - I see a theme here. ROFL
There’s more, but I’d be writing all day.
Oddly enough, very few of my limits actually involve sexual activities. That’s a bit scary. LOL
July 18th, 2008 at 3:29 pm
Scat / water-sports / blood (an ex of mine had a big Mina Harker complex)
Anal
Unhealthy body types
Armpit hair
Singing or humming (some people are musical when happy, but… time and place)
July 18th, 2008 at 3:37 pm
His Little Slut, brings up a great one. Any single guys out there who are still wearing those goddamn, fruit of loom, white briefs, get rid of them! Get dark colored boxer briefs or boxers, those others are for 12 year olds.
July 18th, 2008 at 3:43 pm
Why wear any underpants at all? It’s not like we have a leaky pussy.
A new topic for the vanilla blog, TBK!
July 18th, 2008 at 3:44 pm
TBK, Im pretty accommodating myself but I do love a battle of wills.
July 18th, 2008 at 4:23 pm
-Excessive body hair
-Boobs that could kill me, real or fake [don't like fake ones in general]
-Too much make-up
-Unhealthy body types
-Smokers
-Bitchy women/Know-it-all guys
-Scat
There are probably others that I’m missing
July 18th, 2008 at 4:46 pm
I don’t know what’s wrong with all of you. Shit is very tasty. Try it, you’ll like it.
July 18th, 2008 at 4:48 pm
i saw 2 girls 1 cup. that was enough. i threw up. no thank you.
you can eat some for all of us.
July 18th, 2008 at 6:20 pm
–Scat is just a given isn’t it??
–Dumb bitches…I can’t have sex with one of those shallow bimbo types. No mental stimulation, no ejaculation…it doesn’t matter how fucking hot the woman may be.
–Ashtray mouth and/or cigarette smelly clothing
–Hooter’s girls
–Cause whores….those people who always have to jump on the wagon for whatever cause is popular at the moment.
–Hypocrites and Jesus Freaks
–Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton. I see either of them on television and my horny is gone for the day.
–Oyster lips and bad kissers. Trying to swallow my lips when we kiss is not a turn on at all.
July 19th, 2008 at 12:34 am
1. Make-up (excessive)
2. Fake Tits
3. People who can’t develop and original thought or idea of their own.
4. Irrational Thought
July 19th, 2008 at 2:34 am
I’m actually with Dor on this one. I was going to ride out the “battle of the wills.” I was looking forward to FORCING her to kiss/fuck me with the mustache before shaving it off–I think she would have secretly liked it (and she definitely would have thought of the “creepy uncle.”
Name that movie: “Anyone want a mustache ride…?”
Unfortunately, I needed to shave it off today for an important gig. It’ll grow back, though.
July 19th, 2008 at 2:36 am
I am not, however, with Dor on being ashamed to watch Reno 911! I LOVE that show.
July 19th, 2008 at 6:28 am
Beau, yeah I was going to suggest you make her do at least something with the stache, then shave it. Im not really ashamed of watching RENO 911, I figured somebody would probably give me shit for it, its some of the best mindless raunch since Married with Children.
July 19th, 2008 at 9:38 am
I stumbled across this today, and thought of this post immediately.
http://www.theunticket.com/how-the-mustache-was-invented/
July 19th, 2008 at 9:04 pm
Beau– Super Troopers
I can only hope you’ve seen Club Dread? If not…go, now! And make sure it’s the director’s cut…there is this shitty subplot involving two bumbling detectives in the uncut version. Totally takes away from the flick.
July 20th, 2008 at 1:36 am
@ Lokey: I actually suggested a Super Troopers photo for this post the evening before it went up
I think I liked the photo she chose better. Loved Super Troopers, Liked Club Dread and Beerfest.
July 21st, 2008 at 1:20 am
a lot of my hard limits were mentioned:
-inability to spell or construct grammatically correct sentences.
-guys who are totally arrogant turn me off big time. if they were such hot shit then they wouldn’t have to tell me!!
-meat-eaters are a big turnoff. NO kissing after they eat meat.
-not really into smelly drinkers either.
-not really into overweight guys either.
-whistling is annoying.
-although i doubt i’d ever date or even kiss a guy with a mustache, i am a HUGE fan of RENO 911 and I actually find Robert Ben Garant mildly sexy.
July 22nd, 2008 at 9:43 am
~scat play, not to be confused with anal sex
~fake breasts, unless you needed reconstructive surgery
~bad personal hygiene, brush your teeth, shower, it’s not that difficult! You can work up a CLEAN sweat as easy as a SMELLY one!
~shallow people
July 22nd, 2008 at 10:40 am
you wouldn’t fuck Junior? Oh, now I don’t believe that.
July 28th, 2008 at 3:45 pm
1. Shaved pussy…I like a nice full bush, but trimmed.
2. Fake boobs…tiny or big is fine, just not fake.
3. Dirty bottom of feet…I like to suck toes a bit.
4. No scat!
5. I little piss play is fun, but alot of water before…dark yellow eek!!
6. Dirty ass….ugh, I like to explore there orally too!
7. Ball caps on a girl…just don’t care for that look.
8. For some odd reason armpit hair doesn’t bother me…or peachfuzz on the legs….peachfuzz
9. How’s that?
July 28th, 2008 at 3:51 pm
I’m with you on all of these, Tom of Cleveland! You get an 8 out of 8.
I just want to point out that scat is the #1 hard limit, and fake tits is the #2 hard limit on this poll!!