The Beautiful Kind

Heh, I ratted him out.

Beau was talking to this plump middle aged woman about how men don’t like the skinny model type. He said most men prefer curves, which elicited an approving gleam in the woman’s eye.

I blurted, “YOU like skinny girls.” I proceeded to tell her about the time he hugged a thin, sparrow-like woman - you know, the kind who smokes and looks like she could be folded at the waist and knees and stored under a bed? He told me he liked the way his arms held so little, and feeling her rib cage. Her expression slowly transformed into a scowl.

This forced him to admit that his preferences have changed since meeting me, that now he appreciates curves and ass. Do you think this means he has matured? Before me, did he not think about the pleasure of grabbing a woman by the waist, or holding on to her “fuck handles” as he eloquently describes the pleasantly padded hip bones in one of his blog posts?

In a comment a while back, I suggested that maybe dom men prefer skinny girls because they get off on the frailness, and that sub men prefer bigger women because they want to be crushed. What do you think? Personally, when it comes to women, I like all body types. When it comes to men, I used to like skinny boys and grabbing on to THEIR hip bones as they thrust on top of me, but that has changed in the past year. Now I get excited at the thought of a big dude pinning me down, someone two or three times my size lording their strength and power over me. What size partner do you prefer - small, medium, or large?

From Emily Post Etiquette book, 1950:

To the modern generation it must seem fantastic that not so very long ago all make-up was considered wicked.

Remember that a mask can never take the place of a face. The face of a clown is grotesque — it is meant to be. If cosmetics are to add to beauty, they must be the allies, not the enemies, of nature.

For those whose eyebrows are too heavy or straggling, plucking is to be commended, because neat edges tidy the face just as clipped borders tidy garden paths.

Alias: Rockabilly Girl
Age: 38
Relationship status: Married, looking for a girlfriend…or two
Sexual orientation: Have been bisexual and polyamorous since I was 25.
Favorite physical feature on yourself: Clothed, my turned up button nose. Unclothed, my breasts.
Beauty tip: always wear a lip color, especially to protect them and keep them kissably soft, but whether the choice is a pale pink or peach or a bright red, always keep them fabulous.
Charity you support: Local recycling program which employs adults with disabilities, nature conservation programs, my local community theatre and arts programs and the humane society.
If you could take a class for fun right now, what would you take? Dancing, Latin style, I would love to learn how to be sexy doing the tango. For the bedroom, The “S” Factor, I want to have a pole installed to give my own private dances.
What do you want to learn/add to what you already know? I want to learn to be a pilot and fly a small plane. I also would love to get enough guts to learn how to race a motorcycle whether it’s on the drag strip or a road race.
Did you have an imaginary friend growing up? No, I was always too busy working on my imaginary house in my grandma’s yard. Actually, my aunt, my sisters and I had a whole imaginary town set up on her farm.
What is one of the bravest things you have ever done? To tear down the wall surrounding my heart to let my last girlfriend inside. I had told myself that I would never do that again after my first girlfriend left.
Special skill/talent, what are you really good at? (non-sexual) Knowing about tools and being mechanically inclined to assist Rockabilly Boy in building a motorcycle from the frame up. Not every girl knows her wrenches from her ratchet.
Special skill/talent, what are you really good at? (sexual) Deep throating cocks and making guys cum who swear they can’t by blowjob (I love proving them wrong!) and making girls gush, especially multiple times.
How old were you when you lost your virginity? 16 yrs old to a 23 yr old guy I barely knew and I was so drunk, I passed out in the middle of it.
The last time you had sex, and with whom: This last Saturday night, a threesome with a girlfriend and her boyfriend, it was their first threesome together.
Tattoos/piercings: No tattoos yet, and yes I know that’s sacrilegious for being rockabilly. Other than my ears, I have my belly button pierced.
What type of person are you into? A girl who is slightly submissive, but strong when she needs to be, I am so into the little pixie innocent look, but sex slut at heart. Someone who can love more than one person at a time and not be afraid of it and someone who can love Rockabilly Boy and I forever or at least until we’re chasing the nurses at the old folks home.
What do you fantasize about? I have a few. First one is being blindfolded and having someone use my honey dust with feather duster and make me have an orgasm just by touching and kissing my body. Second one is learning about light bondage and maybe even learning a little Dom. I finally admitted to Rockabilly Boy recently about having this fantasy, it’s one I have kept hidden.
What turns you on? Watching another girl get pleasured, I love the sounds, the expressions, and the resulting explosion of orgasm. I love to give pleasure as much as receive it, and I love the connection between two girls when it happens.
Pubic hairstyle: Clean shaven, the only way to go. Let’s save trees, not our bushes!
What do your nipples look like? Small, rosy pink and they rise at the slightest touch, I’ve also been known to have an orgasm just from them being pinched and bitten.
What was one of the hottest moments of your life? There have been many, but I will say that almost getting my whole fist up my last girlfriend’s pussy was pretty damn hot!
Any regrets? Not taking the time out my schedule to visit my great grandma before she passed away, she was hot stuff when she was young, and a little rebellious to boot, she was the best!
Why do you think I chose you for YATBK? Because I am open about who I am and I hope that I am the kind of girl you would like to get to know better.

Remember this?

A couple TBK fans had a fun photo shoot and sent me some of their own bedroom shots. Yay booby bonus!!

Dear Slut,
Some time ago, in my porn hunting travels, I came across the whole CFNM (Clothed Female Nude Male) thing. Recently, I have been thinking about it again. Because, you see, I find it quite hot.

This doesn’t make me straight. I’m still a lesbian. I’m not hot for the guys or the penises that are attached, nor do I want them. I am so turned on by the women, though. Is this weird?

So who is the target for this kind of porn? Do guys like it? Given how homophobic most men are, I can’t imagine guys would get into seeing naked guys. And straight women, sure, maybe, but then to see women enjoying this…that might be odd. Or does it just appeal to those of use with more unusual tastes in porn?

Maybe I should clarify. I’m not into the humiliation kind of stuff, I really lose the women at a strip club or with a stripper sucking the guy off, maybe even getting fucked, in the more risque stuff. but the sight of a normal, real woman (which I vastly prefer in porn anyway) sucking a stripper’s cock is pretty damn hot to me, and I have pet the bunny to it a few times. Even the thought of it, in the shower, can get me going. So what gives? I am curious to know your thoughts on this. Am I just totally screwed up sexually?
Porn Surfing Lesbian

Dear PornChick,
Ahh, porn - it can be a double edged sword - it brings you pleasure, but then the guilt, shame, and disgust sinks in. My friend Dylan over at 365 Observations had to break up with it, but I fear they’ll have to pry the laptop and vibrator from my cold, dead fingers (and then they can use my body for necro porn!)

PornChick, you are not screwed up. You are COMPLEX. In your fantasies you can think whatever you want. You can’t control what turns you on, it just IS, so go with it. I think the people who are into CFNM porn are the kind who like submissive men and dominant women. You probably like a strong, confident woman and enjoy seeing her take pleasure from (and oh sure, maybe humiliate) a dude. I’ll bet sub guys eat this shit up.

And I hardly think this is weird porn. For that, go back up to Dylan’s link and click around. Just don’t forget to have a barf bucket handy. Oh MAN I just clicked on the SourMath one and am seriously regretting it. I never knew porn could get you seasick!!!

.

Send kinky queries to love [at] thebeautifulkind . com

Me = super excited. Why? One of my sheroes is coming to town! Tristan Taormino, author of The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women will be discussing and signing her new book about open relationships! Her sites are
www.puckerup.com
www.openingup.net

June 19, 7:00 pm
Bestselling author and Village Voice columnist Tristan Taormino will read from her new book, Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships and share what she learned from all the people she interviewed in open relationships around the country. Plus, she’ll take questions and facilitate a discussion on the benefits and challenges of venturing beyond monogamy.
Location: Left Bank Books, 399 North Euclid @ McPherson (in the Central West End), St. Louis, MO 63108
Admission: Free
Info: 314-367-6731

My daughter just turned two years old. One day she told me she was hungry while we were driving. I told her I was sorry I didn’t have anything for her to eat right now and that she would have to wait until we got home. “It won’t be long, and since you have taken your shoes off again, why don’t you eat your toes for now?” She tried it and laughed hysterically. Thus began the game of us telling each other to “Eat your toes”. It is a fun game although she is the only one who actually can get her toes into her mouth.

I was changing her diaper the other day and told her I was going to eat her toes. “No Daddy,” she said with an inviting smile and a grasp of her feet. I grabbed another diaper and placed it under her bare bum. I said, “Okay…..then I will eat your tummy.” I did and she laughed. “Eat My Toes,” she said. I did, more laughter. “Eat My Tummy,” I did and more laughter. “Eat My ‘Jina.” Game Over.

So Belle and Beau got their tattoos the other day, and they look great. That’s because we had Ed Rook of Hidden Ace Tattoo do them, and he is an artist. Not a drawer, not an illustrator, but an ARTIST, dammit.

While he inked my loved ones (Belle = tough, Beau = wimp), I chatted him up, and he told me that some women have orgasms while they get tattooed.

“Really?!” I exclaimed, eagerly leaning forward. NOW he had my interest.

“Oh sure,” he said. “It doesn’t really get talked about much, but it happens, especially when I’m working on the bikini line.”

That’s when I went into interview mode.

Do you ever notice men getting hard while you ink them?
No, I’ve never had a guy get wood.

How do you know the woman is getting off?
Oh, you can tell. She gets all flushed and giggly and sighs. She tries to be discreet about it, and I’ll ask if she’s OK, and she’ll say, “Um yeah, it just tickles.”

So why do you think the women get off on it?
Well I don’t think it has anything to do with ME, other than I’m a strange man in close proximity to their crotch. And I’ve got a tattoo gun and arm, which is like a big vibrator. I guess there’s the pain, the psychology of the very intimate and taboo ritual. She’s in a vulnerable position, a little scared.

Is it just the bikini area that gets women off?
Pretty much. Well, I had this one woman who used to come in all the time, and I think she was into the pain. I’d be working on her neck and she would sit there and mutter, “SHIT that hurts, fuck yeah!” and shudder.

Would you please do me a favor and refuse to do tramp stamps?
Actually, those are not so popular these days. I haven’t been doing nearly as many of those.

THANK GOODNESS. So are you the only tattoo artist on earth who is married to a woman with ZERO tattoos?
(laughs) Yeah, tattoos aren’t her thing, which is fine with me, but I know a lot of people who refuse to date someone without tattoos. It’s becoming such a culture, a way of life.

And guess who Ed will be working on next in my family? My mom and dad. They are both getting their first tattoos, at age 62 and 68. YESSSS! My dad wants a dog memorial portrait, and my mom wants QUEEN right above her boob. I am serious.

(Imagine my mom’s boob here.)

I have been losing a lot of bets lately. True, I won the bet about whether cows grow horns, and the one about whether hens need a rooster present in order to lay eggs, but I was recently humiliated when Belle won the bet on the difference between annual and perennial plants.

You’d think I’d have learned my lesson, but nooo, I got reckless with another bet with Beau about Watership Down.

He said, “I think Richard Adams was a British author.”

I said, “I think he was American.”

With a gleam in his eye, he said, “Wanna bet?”

Me, being the rash Book Slut, said sure.

He said, “What do you wanna bet?”

I thought for a second. “How about a rim job?”

He said, “Boy am I going to like having my ass licked.”

Sure enough we did a wiki search and Adams was British.

“DAMMIT!” I shrieked.

.

(Speaking of wiki, have you seen dickipedia?)

I went to that Renaissance Faire last weekend, thinking it would be like a dorky Star Trek convention full of unfuckable geeks, but instead I was charmed.

And I ran into a couple I had a threesome with one time, so that was fun (she was the first woman I ever saw squirt! hit her ankle, nice!)

Anyway, the point of this post is to tell you that I found out I have a thing for armored men on horseback. The helmets are definitely sexy. (And next Sat I’ll be reviewing horse porn.) Of course I pretended I was Queen as I watched them joust.

So how many fetishes are you allowed to have? I think I have exceeded the limit at this point. My fetish checklist is turning into an epic treatise.

Man it’s been a long time since I’ve watched porn. Beau sent this one to me along with a note that said, “I don’t know WHAT that is, but TBK will like it.” Cuz he know I’m down with the gender bending.

And WOW am I impressed. Check it out.

1. OK, so is this a person who was once a man but is post-op female? I mean the wig and boobs are strap-ons.
2. Check out those THIGHS! They are MIGHTY.
3. The music is awful.
4. The artwork in the background is that hideous shit you see in doctor office waiting rooms.
5. She’s making an awful lot of grunting noises for not really getting fucked. She’s hardly even wiggling on his cock!
6. Now that she has turned around, we can see some interesting scars.
7. The scar on her back - is that really a zipper? Is she a dude wearing a female body-builder suit?
8. I like the booty bouncing, but I’m worried one of her brick tits will hit him in the eye.
9. Is this gay porn?
10. The white guy’s tongue is kindof disturbing.
11. Holy crap, now we have white guy #2 on the scene - reverse oreo!
12. The looks on their faces - ha ha eek.
13. She’s having a hard time sucking cock while getting fucked - I suppose that would be challenging. I’ve never had a chance to try that (tho I have eaten pussy while getting fucked, and that mainly comes down to the force of the guy thrusting into you smashing your face into the woman’s pussy, which is fun and dirty in the same kind of way as a guy slapping your face with his cock.)
14. I’m sorry but I take issue with her clear acrylic stiletto shoes and the leopard print throw.
15. “Take me baby, c’mon!” I like her little dirty talks.
16. Finally got a close up of her pussy, looks like a pussy to me! But her face is so dude! And then she squeals like a girl.
17. DP, BITCHES!!! The dude on the bottom is just a placeholder…
18. For the grand finale as she is kneeling between them about to receive their double load on her face, she looks like a lizard and it is just freaky.

Have you ever fucked a girl on the rag? How about TWO girls on the rag? That’s what Beau had to contend with the other night - Belle and my menstrual cycles sync up. We start our periods within a day of each other. I’m glad to say it doesn’t slow us down much. We had a red river threesome, and then…

After he fucked her, he motioned to his cock and said to me, “Why don’t you clean this blood off my cock?”

Of course I knew what he meant. With my tongue.

I wasn’t sure - I like the taste of blood, but…

EH Kink Factor, right? I licked at it, then got braver and started sucking on it. And lo and behold, I was surprised to find that the tangy metallic taste wasn’t bad. It wasn’t bad at all.

I’m not just a good little cumslut - I’m a good little bloodslut, too.

I am 17 riding in the back of a Ford Aerostar Van. The trip will take approximately two hours. She is 17, redhead, small tits, dayglow bush and a virgin. We are sitting in the back seat of two bench seats. It is dark and the occasional headlights doppler by offering brief spits of illumination. She lays down with her head in my lap. The driver and I are talking about my schooling, his job and I am bullshitting with him about sports. He likes sports and I don’t care much for them aside from soccer. The three of us had just been to a college basketball game. She rubs my dick as the conversation continues. It is a shark swimming just under the surface. I feel the heat of her breath through my shorts as I am starting to reach concrete status. She lifts my shorts up and makes love to my cock with her mouth. She has gotten so good at sucking dick. When I met her she had nothing going on. Her pussy had only been touched once, and not very well. She was really eager to please and learn, so I gave her constant feedback when I could. She didn’t need that feedback anymore. Her saliva was extremely slick and thick. It reminded me of the slime that results when Okra is not prepared properly. The driver asks if she is asleep and I say yes. He begins speaking of his time in Vietnam and I relate to him by explaining my Grandfather’s status as a World War II veteran. I look down occasionally when the cars are rushing past to catch glimpses of her working me over. God she loves my cock. Here I go.. how am I going to deal with this???? I turn my head to the side and cough into my fist a few times while I explode down her throat. I pardon myself to the driver as he was in mid sentence when I erupted. He and I continue the conversation for a few more minutes and then it trails off. My cock is wet..

Our chauffeur that evening was her father.

Yours in Sweet Reverie,

B Diddle

Music to my ears…

when i see your face it is a sweet lullabye

like a shimmer of a moonbeam

i hear a bell in my head

then the beautiful tremble flows through my werewolf body…

and like water in a river

my blood flows burgundy red through my head…

The other day my man was kissing on me as I masturbated, and all of a sudden he growled in my ear:

“Have you ever thought how it would feel to have your throat ripped out?”

and then he bit my neck. Of course I came immediately. As I caught my breath, I exclaimed, “You are one sick fucker!”

He shrugged. “YOU’RE the one who got off on it.”

Whatever.

I’m a hospice volunteer, and one of my patients is an 80-yr-old woman who weighs 72 pounds and doesn’t like swear words (man o man if she knew about this blog !!) I visit with Clara (not her real name) weekly and read out loud to her since she is legally blind.

The other day I paid her a visit. The moment I saw her I could tell something was terribly wrong.

“What’s the matter, Clara?” I asked.

“Blondie is dying,” she said mournfully. Blondie (not her real name) was her guinea pig, and suddenly, also on hospice.

I checked on poor declining Blondie, and we talked about death and dying for a bit, and then I asked, “Would you like me to read to you? Take your mind off things a bit?”

She thought that was a good idea, and handed me a new collection of short stories. It was by Bentley Little. I thought they were going to be mystery stories, since that is the genre we had read before. Oh, but no. It was horror. Really fucked up horror.

The first story I read was about a family plagued by zombies and the only way to revoke the curse was for the sister to go deep into the woods and fuck her zombie brother and have his evil spawn baby so they could throw it on the ground and smash its head open. The next story I read was about a mother who crucified her 7-yr-old daughter and drank her blood. The last story I read was about this maniac father who was so obsessed with recycling that he made his children drink their own urine and fucked his daughter so his sperm wouldn’t go to waste.

Holy shit, I was so embarrassed to be reading this trash out loud to this frail little old lady with a dying guinea pig. Seriously, I was squirming in my seat, it was mortifying. It felt like a bad dream. I felt like I was reading her my blog. It certainly did take her mind off the present situation.

An hour after I left, Blondie died.

I masturbated with my little egg vibe, had my happy little orgasm, then left it on the bed and went to shower.

Ten minutes later I came back to clean it and put it away, and it looked like this:

The cat chewed right through the wire!!!

Pussy sabotage!!!

Alias: Valentine
Age: 18
Relationship status: In a semi-open relationship. He’s allowed to mess around with guys and I’m allowed to mess around with girls. I don’t exercise that privilege.
Sexual orientation: Straight
Favorite physical feature on yourself: My face. My eyes are big and I have really long eye lashes. And I have the kind of lips that people inject collagen to get.
Beauty tip: Don’t wear a lot of makeup. Just be yourself. Nothing looks worse than a girl completely coated in makeup. Personally, I don’t wear any at all. I think I look best that way.
Charity you support: Love146. They’re fighting child abuse, sex trafficking, and exploitation. I’m also a huge feminist so I’ll support anything in the favor of women’s’ rights.
If you could take a class for fun right now, what would you take? I’ve been trying to get into Japanese for a while.
What do you want to learn/add to what you already know? There’s Japanese for one. Also, I haven’t picked up my bass guitar since I left for school in August and I’m so out of practice.
Did you have an imaginary friend growing up? I had two imaginary Dobermans named Dingo and Gulliver. I didn’t actually imagine they were there; I wrote stories about them. I still have the notebook at home. I’ll be damned if I can actually read my handwriting though.
What is one of the bravest things you have ever done? Going to RPI even though I knew my parents wouldn’t help me pay for it.
Special skill/talent, what are you really good at? (Non-sexual): I’m excellent at hula-hooping and I can make a mean cup of coffee. I ‘m also really good at memorizing. I memorize lists and numbers and monologues and song lyrics. I can sing hundreds of songs in foreign languages: Japanese, German, Latin, Hebrew, Spanish, French, etc…
Special skill/talent, what are you really good at? (Sexual): Hand jobs. My friend told me I have the perfect hands for it.
How old were you when you lost your virginity? 18.3333
The last time you had sex, and with who: (the proper grammar would be whom) Last week. This week has been way too stressful.
Tattoos/piercings: I have 4 piercings on my left ear and 6 on my right. I’m getting my first tattoo this summer. It’s going to be a scorpion and it will be on my right shoulder.
What type of person are you into? I like people with open minds that aren’t just like everybody else. They must be even-tempered (because I’m the exact opposite), and able to tolerate a crazy bitch like me. Having nice hair doesn’t hurt either.
What do you fantasize about? What turns you on? Guy-on-guy. Femmy guys though. Not really masculine, that wouldn’t be as cute. And I think sex toys are hot. I’d take a nice vibrator over a penis any day. Nothing is sexier than getting yourself off, and when I’m in class I usually daydream about which of my vibrators I’m going to use when I get back to my dorm.
Pubic hairstyle: Closely trimmed, but still present.
What do your nipples look like? Pale pink; almost purple because I can see my veins underneath.
What was one of the hottest moments of your life? Over spring break I took some pictures for my boyfriend. It was about one in the morning and I just got out of the shower. I took pictures of myself in the mirror. It was really fun.
Any regrets? I regret alienating myself in high school. In the long run, it only made me more alone than I already felt.
Why do you think I chose you for YATBK? Because everybody loves a sex newbie.

The last night of our trip, one of our traveling companions came up to us and asked, “Did you take photos with a digital camera?”

“Yes,” we answered with a smile.

“Can I download them on my computer?”

Immediately we thought of the pic of Beau’s cock n’ balls hanging out on the tour bus

and the pics of me showering

and the one of the stretch marks on my ass ripped up from a thorough spanking

and the one of me tied down and blindfolded in the hotel room

and the one of me flashing my tits in a Chinese garden…

and unanimously said, “NO.”

But hey, we shared it all with YOU.

We were flying back home. We had already spent six hours in the airport, and were in the middle of a 13 hour flight in an enormous double-decker airplane.

The lights were dim in the plane, the window shades were down, and most folks were dozing in their seats. That was Beau’s cue to bring up Belle’s Mile High Club request.

For some reason I thought this was a fanciful idea, and not to be taken seriously. Personally, I hate going into those tiny airplane lavatories and avoid it if at all possible. In fact, I tend to avoid most cramped, germy places thousands of feet in the air. So I decided to take a pass.

But Beau would not be deterred. He told me he was going to go stretch, and that I needed to go into one of the bathrooms and not lock the door, and that he would slip in after me. I was definitely nervous someone would see us. “What’s the worse that can happen?” he asked me. “A flight attendant knocks on the door? We get kicked off the plane?”

Fine, I had nothing better to do. I got up and nervously did as he instructed. I stood in the tiny loo and he stepped inside. Wow, we both fit. We locked the door and started making out. Then he pulled up my shirt and sucked on my tits. I sat on the toilet and he yanked down his pants and I sucked his cock, which was already rock hard with excitement. Then he switched places with me and sat down and I lowered myself on his cock, facing away from him. Success!

I rode him for a few minutes like that until my thighs quivered, then we called it quits. Shaky and out of breath (not to mention GIDDY) we pulled up our pants. He took his leave, then I followed suit. We met back at our seats, all grinning and glowing. I’m so glad I did it. Even without orgasms it felt great, and really did break up the long journey, way better than The Bucket List movie. And I guess we can cross that off our list, ey?