Micropenis Shock
Filed under: Eros - June 23, 2008 @ 6:00 amFrom Augusten Burroughs book, Magical Thinking:
I am in bed with Raoul, and it turns out he has a condition known as micropenis. This means his penis is less than three inches long, fully erect.
I am dizzy. I am literally dizzy. I am so shocked to encounter this micropenis. I grip it in my hand, and it’s lost, so I use my thumb and index finger to jerk it.
“Yeah,” he says. “Yeah, man, stroke that long, hard cock. Work it.”
I am now engaged in what I consider volunteer work. I am jerking him off purely out of pity. This is really no different from donating five percent of my paycheck to the United Way every month, and it occurs to me that maybe now I don’t need to give to the United Way and instead can keep the cash for myself for dating, which I am obviously going to have to do quite a bit more of.
This happened to me one time. I was in bed (OK, it was the floor) with an average-looking guy, and discovered he had a micropenis. I felt the same shock and horror Augusten did. It’s so weird to handle a wisp of a cock. I checked my impulse to freak out and call him on it (”WHY didn’t you tell me your dick was miniature ahead of time!”) and went through the motions, avoiding eye contact. He draped a condom over it and prodded at me a couple times and came, which only redoubled my disgust - he was a premature ejaculator, too!
I don’t know how I would handle it these days, but I was very young then and ended up avoiding him after that. How would you handle it? Have you ever avoided someone after an awkward sexual encounter? Details, please.
June 23rd, 2008 at 6:15 am
The captain of our football team in high school literally had pubes longer than his dick. But apparently he was oblivious to the fact cause he would walk around the locker room like it was perfectly normal.
June 23rd, 2008 at 6:27 am
My wife had this happen to her once, she said its something a guy REALLY needs to bring up before hand. I’ve often thought this has got to be one of the worst things a guy could be afflicted with, I would rather have ears the size of pie plates than have a micropenis!
June 23rd, 2008 at 6:38 am
Its not discussed nearly as much but pussies can vary quite a lot too. I was once with a girl who was both loose AND shallow! I suppose she needed a guy with a really short and really thick dick. Anyway, us guys can have some pretty bad pussy experiences, it was no fun getting my dick 3/4 of the way in and hitting rock bottom!
June 23rd, 2008 at 6:55 am
ok, this has nothing to do with micropenises but I’m pretty sure I would not be able to handle that situation with tact.
I totally had a dream that I was like, the addition to a triad on a trip to the grocery store. But it would be a…quad, I guess? And I’m nearly positive the dream triad was you guys. We went to the store and you wanted kashi bars and a LOT of jelly bellys. Belle ran around and bought a pair of odd pants that the check out girl made fun of and Beau just sort of stood back and watched the havoc with satisfaction.
weird
June 23rd, 2008 at 7:06 am
I like cotton candy, pear, watermelon, and peach jelly bellys best. I do NOT like my penises to be the same size as a jelly belly.
June 23rd, 2008 at 8:27 am
I have a feeling I’m on the fast-track to becoming the champion of minorities on this blog, but…here goes.
DUDE, the guy has gotta feel so insecure about it, right? Even if he’s not acting like it? And if he’s figured out how to be proud, all the better for him. You’re born with the body you’re born with. And maybe it’s because I’m bisexual, but I’m of the opinion that no one body part is essential to sex. I’m not saying people need to learn to be satisfied by a tiny penis - if it doesn’t satisfy you, it doesn’t satisfy you. However, it’s not like there’s no recourse. Go buy a strap-on. Ask the guy to use it on you. Keep doing what he wants you to do for him, and if he’s a reasonable person, he’ll do for you what you want, too. Think outside the box.
I dunno, I just feel really bad for the guys reading this who already feel humiliated about their penises. There’s not much they can do about it, and creativity goes a long way, you know?
June 23rd, 2008 at 8:53 am
L, I think the main point is that if a guy has a tiny penis he should learn to accept it and most importantly TELL people before he takes his pants off. Lets say that your going to meet someone for a blind date and they only have one arm but don’t tell you prior to meeting. Its not that you would even care but its the fact that they neglected to tell you something about themselves that could really freak you out. Part of excepting yourself is learning to laugh at yourself, I do think that comes with getting older though. Im not sure but would guess your fairly young, under 25 perhaps? Your empathy is admirable but if one takes themselves too seriously, life will SUCK, if you’ve got a tiny dick, laugh about it, its not going to go away. Your absolutely right about there being many ways to please, a guy with a tiny dick should become an expert in all of them and be OPEN AND HONEST up front about his little smokey.
June 23rd, 2008 at 9:20 am
I’ve never had this experience but I’m with L, there’s almost always a way to figure it out. Either you like the guy enough to work on it or you don’t. If the girl’s pussy’s loose she needs to tighten those muscles, if the guy still isn’t able to hit the right spot, then so be it. Having a bigger one doesn’t always mean you know what to do with it. And when exactly is a good to time to out yourself for having a small penis anyway???
June 23rd, 2008 at 9:56 am
Chiavata, your first sentence says it all, you’ve never had this experience. My wife is an incredibly sensitive person, much more so than I. She said she wished the guy she was with had just said SOMETHING, I suppose its possible a guy might not realize just how different he was. Im also sure that a younger guy will be much less likely to say anything.
June 23rd, 2008 at 10:18 am
I’ve dealt with a micropenis 2 times. I think if either had been someone that had the potential of becoming a partner or spouse or something, I would have bucked up and learned to deal with the mini wee wee and talked about it. However, since both were just casual sex. . . um, it really sucked (though, now that I think about it, neither of them did. . . just worked that little worm in and out to no avail!). Worse is that they were both people that were friends of mine, so there was no avoiding them completely after the roll in the hay. Out of concern for my friendship, I slept with one of them a few more times until I could gracefully exit the situation.
I can’t imagine if either of them had said, “Now Tori, before we fuck, you gotta know that my dick is pencil thin.” I’m not sure how we could have worked it out better than we did.
I am NOT someone who would dare to make generalizations, but I have to add that both of these men were of Asian descent. Talk about stereotypes.
June 23rd, 2008 at 10:37 am
Pear jelly bellies are the sex.
June 23rd, 2008 at 10:44 am
Tori, Asian men generally having smaller penises than whitey or the brothas, is not a stereotype, just fact. Ask any woman whos slutty enough to have been with all three more than a few times. A chick I used to work with confirmed what is generally thought that chocolate dicks are the biggest, vanilla dicks are in the middle and sushi dicks are the smallest, in general!
June 23rd, 2008 at 11:01 am
Dor, I hear ya. I’ve had guys joke about their penis size and I know it’s their way of laughing off their insecurity. Mostly I think they just watch so much porn they assume every woman wants a monstrous dick she can’t even fit in her mouth. I just never came across a guy that really did have a the little worm or needle dick he thought he did. I’m sure I wouldn’t know quite how to respond if i did! Geez, I just hate to hurt anyone’s feelings especially regarding such a sensitive issue! I’m old enough to have had enough experience; younger guys are just learning and probably less likely to be comfortable enough with their bodies….
June 23rd, 2008 at 11:15 am
I would respond the same way you did, TBK.
June 23rd, 2008 at 11:42 am
I haven’t ever been with anyone but my current lover, but I imagine that if I was really into a guy who happened to have a tiny penis I’d stick to oral sex and focus on how much I liked the rest of his mind and body.
June 23rd, 2008 at 12:04 pm
I do think that some men may not be aware of their condition. Either through ignorance or denial. The can be a HUGE difference between a person’s flaccid cock and his erect one (as you all must know), so I can imagine how the jock mentioned above might not be worried about his locker room display.
Most guys don’t see erect dicks outside of porn, so they could easily not know where they fit in the Bell curve. (Especially if they assume that the porn stars are on the large side.)
If these guys are aware of their condition, they should make every effort to be a pro at everything other than insertion. At oral, manual, toys, etc. they should be the fucking expert.
One last comment, if ever confronted with someone with this condition that you care about, I would recommend against the recommendation above for a strap-on. It seems to me that that would be pretty humiliating for the guy–instead maybe she could be REALLY into glass dildos (or the Magic Wand)!
June 23rd, 2008 at 12:35 pm
Beau, ditto on the strap-on, strap-ons are for chicks period!
June 23rd, 2008 at 1:23 pm
this is such an important post that i wanna inform everybody of some info. Micro-penis is a syndrome that is becoming VERY common. The major cause of non-genetic micro penis is a chemical group known as Phthalates…….these are chemicals used to soften plastic, as in water bottles, those crappy bottles we ALL drink out of. water soda all that shit. so we all think we are being healthy by drinking lots of water, but all the new ager healthy types are causing a horrific epidemic known as micro penis. its so horrible because the little baby is innocent and is absorbing the bad karma of the parent.
and we wonder why 1 in 3 americans gets cancer……
hmmmmmmmmm, pretty obvious. on any given day most of us will ingest at least 100 different toxic chemicals willingly in our food.
i knew a girl once who had a transgender boyfriend, and his clit/dick thing was like 3/4 of an inch…..they definately used a strap-on…………..
sorry, i think if you have a micro-penis, you better suck it up and put a strap-on on…………..
June 23rd, 2008 at 2:40 pm
If what Rev-Lion is saying is true, this is the most pressing issue of our time! Fuck global warming, the energy crises, the middle east, etc. We can NOT allow our future boys to be born with micro-penises! The brightest minds need to be gathered to solve this monumental penis problem, or should I say micromental penis problem.
June 23rd, 2008 at 3:34 pm
My first partner was only about 4 inches. Maybe not micro - but small enough. I never said a word about it until he - very cruelly - dumped me for a friend of mine. I informed her of his “condition.” After some time I asked her - spitefully - if she found that I was speaking the truth. She just made a face and wouldn’t say another word. HE, on the other hand, called me up and cussed me out for telling her. Like she wasn’t going to find out on her own… I just laughed at him that time.
June 23rd, 2008 at 4:29 pm
ROFL @ Dor!
I’ve only had one experience with a micropenis. I was 18, he was 27. Luckily (for me) he was only using me for sex and got rid of me (haha!) after just a few encounters. I think at the time I was pissed when I realized what was going on but upon having further encounters with more well-endowed and NICER guys, I was happy to have dodged that tiny bullet. Oh, he was also a premature ejaculator too. With not much finger or mouth talent.
I’m not sure if I agree with the full-disclosure before sex thing. I understand the shock when you see you’re not getting what you expected but how/when exactly is a guy supposed to slip into the conversation that he has a tiny penis? During dinner? As you’re undressing? What’s the micropenis etiquette?
June 23rd, 2008 at 5:48 pm
Okay, granted, the strap-on could be a sensitive issue. Dildo, sure.
Also, yeah, I have to say that I can’t imagine a guy wanting to confess (or me as a gal, wanting to hear) about his penis size BEFORE getting to see it. I’m not sure what I’d do with that information, anyway. If I heard such a confession, I wouldn’t be too inclined to say, “Ack, okay, let’s just have a cup of tea instead.” And if I heard about it any earlier than the point of taking off clothes, I’d probably just find it creepy.
For the record, yes, I’m under 25. But I’m not ashamed of my empathy. I don’t even consider it simply empathy — it’s practicality. Bodies can be used in a lot of interesting ways, and while I like penises, they’re hardly the only thing that gets me going. If I’m into someone enough to be getting naked with them, I’m down with figuring out whatever ways are necessary to please us both.
June 23rd, 2008 at 6:07 pm
Ok I have a happy micro-penis story…er…if thats what we want to call it…
I really really liked this guy, and we met when I was still a virgin, so when we first got naked, it was fine because I wasn’t going to be using it for anything where size would matter. Actually after my black boyfriend it was nice to have a penis I could really work orally. No need to gag on a cock to get it all the way in your mouth!
Later, when we had sex, I was surprised to notice that it was GOOD. Sure, just pumping wasn’t going to do it. But because he knew he was lacking in that area, he paid SO much more attention to me than the guy with the 9 incher who blamed me when I couldn’t get off. And yes, the smallest penis I’ve had is also the first one to give me an orgasm… However, I am a big believer in the psychology of sex. For me, if I have feelings or there has been some sort of build up, the sex is MUCH better. So the fact I had a huge crush on him probably helped him out considerably.
June 23rd, 2008 at 7:06 pm
Oh the topic of full disclosure:
Before sleeping with a guy I ask if he’s circumcised. Been with a guy who wasn’t and I don’t care for foreskins. Nothing personal mind you. I’ve never had a guy who wasn’t willing to answer the question (haven’t run across an uncircumcised male since that one - so I haven’t had to reject any based on that). So why not asked about penis size if that’s something that’s important to me? Actually, I don’t like really large penises. Anything over about 7 or 8 is too big for me and I’ll reject a guy for having a penis that is too large.
BUT! Before having sex with a guy we’re usually engaged in foreplay. I check him out through his clothes. If I can’t find it… so there really isn’t a need to ask about penis size. But I can’t really tell - through clothes - about the circumcision so I have to ask about that.
June 23rd, 2008 at 9:47 pm
so if a guy is supposed to bring up his micro penis before the clothes come off should a lady bring up her loose or shallow, pussy?
seriously, if its that big a deal, and if your insensitive enough to expect that from a guy, stand up get dressed and walk out on him. or bite the bullet and see what he can do. maybe you will be surprised, maybe not and that can be that.
either way don’t expect HIM to bring it up. if size is all that matters to you, do what Tara does and YOU bring it up.
I understand how it can be a let down. but there are always other options. show a little sensitivity.
June 24th, 2008 at 3:56 am
I have found the Asian-dicks-are-small stereotype to be VERY untrue. I’ve fucked a lot of guys, and a LOT of those have been “Asian” (specifically Japanese) guys in the last three years. The Japanese guys - all except one - have been of average or above average size. In fact, one of the biggest penises I’ve ever SEEN was on a J-guy. It was an awesome and beautiful thing to behold; thick, heavy, hard, and silky.
Ironically, the smallest and most pathetic penis I ever saw - so small it disappeared into itself in the morning - belonged to a Scot. Seriously, it was like an inverted walnut. When he took his pants off I must have looked shocked, because he said “It’s alright, I know what to do with it,” but unfortunately he didn’t. Man, that was an awkward night.
I’m with a guy now who only very rarely achieves erections, and the sex is great. So, never fear, micro-penis men - there are ways around the limitations of your loins.
June 24th, 2008 at 3:51 pm
Oh, the hotness of the guy can definitely overcome the micro-ness of the penis. ‘Course, I was stone IN LOVE with the guy by the time we finally got a chance to strip. He never would have told me ahead of time; he’s a proud and very handsome guy, who I know has slept with many a pretty girl. And I would not have enjoyed knowing about what he perceived as his deficiency. I was surprised by the smallness, given his large physique, but loved every minute. I got off every time without fail. Comparing it to an amputated limb misses the point. We love some things about people that aren’t viewed as classically attractive traits. Amputees don’t get to be sexy? Ouch.
July 22nd, 2008 at 12:31 pm
All I can think about now is how I was cleaning up the store one night after it closed and I found a half-empty can of vienna sausages. I almost barfed.