The Beautiful Kind

Here’s a guy who hasn’t had sex since he got in a car accident that turned his life upside down…

Name: Tiger, 33, Male
Do you want to fuck men, women, or both: women
Last time you got laid: Dec, 2000 [probably plain missionary]
Where do you live? Wood River, IL
Your living arrangement: apartment, live alone
Job situation: unemployed
Fashion sense: break away athletic pants, t-shirts, hoodies, baseball hat, house shoes
Grooming habits: bathe daily, cologne in summer
Do you floss regularly? yes
Do you drink? occasionally
Do you have pets? 2 cats
Hobbies: drawing, writing
Do you exercise regularly? yes-lifting weights is all I can do, people stretch my legs for me
Places you hang out: home or tattoo parlor [when it’s warm]
Do you have many close friends of your own gender? 1
Do you have many close friends of the opposite gender? 1
How many people (of your target gender) do you currently know that you would like to fuck? What are the obstacles with each one (why aren’t you fucking them?) [the last girl I fucked] she is living with a guy, plus I am paralyzed from the waist down which makes me less confident in myself.
How’s your eye contact? eye contact is important to me
What do you like to eat? fruits, vegetables, chicken, fish
What kind of porn do you like? haven’t seen porn in 10 years
What’s your fetish? What turns you on? no fetish, giving oral sex turns me on
Are you dom or sub (do you like taking charge or following orders? If rope was involved in sex, would you be tied up or do the tying?) I can be both, doesn’t matter to me, I would be tied up or do the tying
On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate yourself when it comes to physical appearance (1 is hideous, 10 is model)? 7-8
Using that same scale, what’s the minimum number you expect your partner to be? 6
One word to describe your voice: deep
Car you drive or means of transportation: unable to drive
Financial situation (broke, paying the bills, flush, loaded): paying the bills, a little extra
Your thoughts on breeding (have kids, wants kids, would you date someone who had kids?) I have a 14 year old son, would date someone with kids
Religion: agnostic
Charity you would give money to: stem cell research, cancer kids, or humane society
Music you listen to: rock, rap, reggae, blues, oldies
Movies you have loved: Silence of the lambs, Pulp fiction, Misery, Legends of the fall
How often do you watch television? everyday
Favorite holiday: Independence day, Halloween
Person you respect/admire: I respect my mother
Past relationship history (how many serious relationships have you had, are you divorced, how many times have you been in love): 1 serious relationship, not divorced, been in love once
Any physical issues: paralyzed from the waist down

The Beautiful Kind’s verdict: OK, so we know WHY you’re not getting laid - life threw you a curve ball and you’ve found your options limited. You don’t drive or work, and you use a wheelchair, all factors that affect your social life. How are the transportation services where you live? You’re near St. Louis, right? Have you been to Paraquad? I hear it’s full of hot therapy chicks who date sexy dudes in wheelchairs. You might want to join a quad rugby team, like St. Louis Rolling Rams - STUDS ON WHEELS!! And yes you need to try and get out more and work on the confidence issue. IF you can pull off the confidence, women will hang all over you and ask you about your tattoos. A wheelchair can be just as much a chick magnet as a dog or baby. You are a sexy badass, after all. How’s the online world treating you? Have you tried reaching out that way? myspace, okcupid, a tattoo networking site? Be upfront about your disability, but woo the ladies with your brilliant mind, thoughts, ideas. Hook them and then let them ask you all the questions one has about people with disabilities and sexuality. Cuz you have answers!! So cool that the documentary Murderball addressed some of those burning questions, you know, like, do you get horny, can you get hard, how do you fuck? Finally, have you thought about volunteering somewhere, like the information desk at a hospital or the humane society? A great way to meet tons of people and engage with them. Finally, why haven’t you watched porn in 10 years??? I’m just wondering.