The Beautiful Kind

Preface from Professor X: I’m happily married, but really would like to explore my sexuality more fully, with other women. My wife and I have considered swinging, open marriage, other alternatives to try to help me, but she isn’t entirely comfortable so we haven’t tried anything of the sort. So I’m not actually trying to get laid. I’m a college professor, decent looking, I’m a seriously awesome human being, really, and I am sure I have student crushes, but not one has ever tried to seduce me. I’m not saying I would be vulnerable to the seduction, (maybe so, maybe not) but I’m a little insulted that nobody has tried. What happened to all of those girls in college who had crushes on their professors? So this isn’t the normal, “why can’t I get laid” because I know it’s because I’m married and not trying, but it’s more “why don’t I feel like I could get laid if I wanted to?”

Name: Professor X, 35, Male
Do you want to fuck men, women, or both: Women
Last time you got laid: Last week, with my wife.
Where do you live? Seattle
Your living arrangement: With my wife and 4 children
Fashion sense: Slacks and button up casual shirt, with hiking boots (I know, but they are sooo comfortable…)
Grooming habits: Shower daily. No cologne but I mix my own after shave.
Do you floss regularly? No
Addicted to anything? Um… Sex?
Hobbies: Holy cow, do I have hobbies. I love to draw, paint, sculpt, play guitar, write, travel, hike, bicycle, and really above all other things READ.
Do you exercise regularly? I’m a bicycle commuter so ride my bike daily.
Places you hang out: The library, the park and a few coffee houses.
Do you have many close friends of the opposite gender? I used to. I married one of them, and that relationship doesn’t really allow room for any others. I miss having female friends.
How many people (of your target gender) do you currently know that you would like to fuck? What are the obstacles with each one (why aren’t you fucking them?) Seriously too many. I’m a college professor after all. I am surrounded by young nubile women. Of course, I’m not allowed to do any of them. The wife and administration both frown upon it.
What do you like to eat? Vegetarian food.
What kind of porn do you like? Hmm. Anything that seems like the people are authentically enjoying themselves.
What’s your fetish? What turns you on? I have a serious voyeuristic fetish.
On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate yourself when it comes to physical appearance (1 is hideous, 10 is model)? 7
Using that same scale, what’s the minimum number you expect your partner to be? 6
Last place you went on vacation: Italy and Switzerland
Financial situation: Paying the bills with some savings.
Your thoughts on breeding: I love kids. I have amazing kids. I have amazing sperm that breeds amazing kids. What can I say?
Charity you would give money to: Seattle Symphony, Union of Concerned Scientists
Political affiliation: Green Party best suits me, but I am going to have to vote democrat in the next election (I can’t believe they’ve brought me to this course!). My true feeling is that we need a pluralistic society similar to places like the Netherlands, where there are dozens of parties represented in parliament. Don’t even get me started on politics…
Music you listen to: Classical and Folk, mostly. I like variety so listen to the radio, but prefer to play my guitar or fiddle to listening to recorded music. Whatever happened to the days when people whipped out their fiddles on the porch in the evening rather than sitting in a corner clicking text messages while listening to their iPod?
Movies you have loved: Life is Beautiful, Queen Margot, Mullholland Drive, The Big Lebowski
Do you like to read? If so, what? Mostly try for lit, (mostly semi-modern stuff like Borges, Eco, Calvino) but really enjoy classical literature and philosophy as well. I have ~3000 books in my library and really wish I had time to read them all…
How often do you watch television? Never!
Restaurant you like: India palace
Person you respect/admire: Historical: Thomas Young Contemporary: Amy Goodman
Past relationship history: Been in love once, sex with 5 women but only two of them recurring partners. Really only one serious relationship with my first and only wife.

The Beautiful Kind’s verdict: Oh my GAWD you are SUCH a professor! I’m surprised that you didn’t mention that you wear a corduroy jacket with elbow patches and a scarf and glasses. Since you sent me a pic of yourself, I do have to tell you - if you want your young nubile students crushing on you, you should get a haircut. Donate it to Locks of Love. An Owen Wilson style would look good on you.

I think you might come off as snooty and wimpy - you should try being more down-to-earth (OK, I suppose playing a fiddle on the front porch is pretty down-to-earth, but I’m not sure if that is surefire chick magnet behavior.) I dunno, I’ve dated my share of professors and they tend to get hit on every semester. Universities are regular pervert factories. Maybe you’re teaching the wrong classes.

Too bad you don’t live in France - having a young lover along with a wife and family is accepted over there, but I’ll bet most readers will think you’re a creep. As for me, I hear you. I think everyone should have erotic passion in their life. (I also think it is every man’s god given right to have two women suck his cock at once and for every woman to have an mfm threesome where she is QUEEN, but I digress.)

Oh and you should floss - food will sit between your teeth and rot in your mouth unless you get it out of there. Seriously, people who don’t floss are more prone to diseases, it’s not just about fresh breath. But at least you don’t eat corpses, yay veggie professor! And for godsake, keep that amazing sperm of yours away from the college kids.

“Happy MILF Day!!!”

I got an email today that said just that, and it made me think of my latest challenge as a mother.

My daughter is 7 now, and I’ve always had a policy that I wouldn’t talk about sex with her unless she asks. I’m too worried I’ll spout off about rim jobs and orgies and the pitfalls of stripping, when all she wants to know is why it hurts to kick a guy in the nuts.

The other day she cornered me in my bedroom, flipped the lid of the sex toy box, and whipped out the glorious iRabbit. She waved it in my face and said, “OK. Now tell me what this is REALLY for.”

A while back when she was younger I talked my way out of it, since she had accidentally encountered the vibrator. I was tempted to do it again, but took a deep breath and decided she was old enough to know the truth.

“Well, that is a toy for grown up women. You put it in your vagina and it massages you on the inside and outside. It feels good.”

Her eyes lit up. “Really!? Can I try that?”

“No, it’s only for grown ups. You’re not ready for that, but maybe when you’re a teenager.”

She seemed very pleased that we were talking frankly, so she pushed on. “What about these?” She started pulling my glass dildos out one by one and laid them on the bed in a rainbow.

“Those also go in the vagina, they’re pretty, aren’t they?” {{THANK GOD I WASH MY TOYS BEFORE PUTTING THEM AWAY}}

She said, “I guess you can put all kinds of things in your vagina, right? I mean, even I was in your vagina when I was born, ha ha!” I told her you had to be careful and not get an infection or put anything dangerous up there, but that she didn’t need to think about that for a long, long time.

She grabbed the purple glass plug and said with a little smirk, “This goes up your butt, doesn’t it?”

“Yes,” I admitted. GEEZ!

I let her sample the flavored massage oil on her arm, dusted her with honeydust, and squirmed uncomfortably when she looked at Jackhammer Jesus in wonder. (”THAT is funny!”)

I sighed with relief when the interrogation was finally over - she pulled out every damn toy in that box and quizzed me. I felt awkward, but she felt great.

When her curiosity was satisfied, she beamed and gave me a huge hug and said all glowing and happy, “I’m so glad you are telling me the truth about all this! I can handle it, you know. You’re the best mommy ever.” Afterwards she kept saying, “Wow. Wow! I learned so much today!”

You can check out more mommy madness over at the Kiddo page.

There’s a hideous 198-foot-tall cross that sits right on Highway 70 on the way to Indianapolis near Effingham, Illinois. It’s so creepy to be driving along and all of a sudden you hit this bend and BAM it’s inyourface. I think the town is called “Effingham” for all the times people are unexpectedly confronted with the cross and exclaim, “HOLY FUCK!”

Whenever I see it, I think of this site. Click on the thumbnails to see just how much Jesus is enjoying himself!

And this site of hot chicks crucified, where “our hot cross obsession movies are made to please you, and not to please them!”

Amen, brother! :: Rolling my eyes. ::

Since I was bitching about hairless porn last week, I looked for something with a little fur - viva la France!

1. Check out those sheets.
2. Uncut!
3. Nice hairy thigh.
4. All that French muttering….
5. The white bra and sportswatch are not doing it for me. But I like the thick white socks.
6. Wow, his body reminds me a lot of one of my ex-boyfriend’s. I used to be into that skinny-boy-with-glasses thing.
7. Look! She’s a bowling ball!
8. Ha! He’s wearing an ankh!
9. Aw man they didn’t show the part when the cock first goes in the pussy. Disappointing.
10. The fucking part is hot for me.
11. Why isn’t she moving? Is she on drugs?
12. Check out that hairy ass crack!
13. I love when French people say “oui.”
14. What’s this other guy hovering around for - is he the spotter??

Final verdict: I could make way better porn.

I like playing the “Who Would You Fuck” game with my partners. Right before we go into a restaurant or store, I’ll say under my breath, “OK you have to pick someone to fuck here.” Then we all discuss our choice. Sometimes we’ll try to guess who the other person picked.

He’ll say: “I’ll take that cute girl by the kitchen.”
Then she’ll say: “I’ll take her cute boyfriend.”

That’s how it usually goes - he always picks a cute young female, and she almost always picks a guy. I straddle the fence and am the wild card - sometimes I’ll even pick a cute old man.

It’s a fun challenge to play the “Who Would You Fuck” game at a hip bar, and agonizing to play it at the Old Country Buffet. Trust me, try it sometime.

So on that fetish checklist I put together, there is a checkbox for “jail commands.” I didn’t even know what jail commands ARE, so I interviewed a female corrections officer and got the lowdown on that and much, much more. Good stuff to supplement my past post on how great prison life would be!

Where do you work?
Bonne Terre prison. It’s a high level prison, and is where the executions for Missouri are carried out. So I work with the peeps that are involved with carrying out executions. I really love my job.

What do you call the prisoners?
We call the prisoners “offenders” as that is what their ID badges has printed on it. They must wear the badge at all times, and it must be on the left collar of the outer most piece of clothing. This is all per policy. Policy is what ultimately governs all actions in the system. It describes how the Corrections Officer is to respond, and it mandates what the offenders are required to do.

What are jail commands?
These are things that I say at work on a regular basis:
kick rocks= get out of here
widen your stance= I’m going to search you, spread your legs
you’re beat=you’re not getting anything from me.

That last one I prolly say at least 15-20 a day. It’s when the offenders want something from me that they can’t have. And they always want things they can’t have. I mean that in both a sexual and non-sexual way. lol

How old are you?
I am 25. I’ve been a Corrections Officer (CO) for about 3 yrs now. I love the job because it is an important puzzle piece to our culture. Without prisons, laws would have no meaning, and the bad people would still be on the streets. It is a VERY serious job, one that is difficult to explain. A good “shock” into the world of the CO is here in a letter.

http://www.ri-brotherhood.com/pdfs/TheForgottonCop.pdf

I’m proud to be a CO. Its kinda like a Marine is proud to be a Marine. Not everyone has what it takes.

Do you act differently on the job?
I am a completely different person when I’m inside or “on the hill” as we call it. It is essential that you conduct yourself with professionalism and authority. The common motto of the CO is: Firm, Fair, and Consistent. It might sound simple to do, but it’s not. There are those of us that abuse their authority. Some are over critical of the rules, or some seem to provoke offenders by over enforcing their positions too harshly.

For the most part I’m a comedian on the outside. I like to laugh and I like others to laugh with me. On the inside I have a good sense of humor, but I have to be tough. It’s not easy to switch off one personality for another.

Have you heard of the Stanford Experiment?
I read about the Stanford Experiment, and I understand it completely.. Both sides actually. The COs force the rules on to the offenders because they must follow the rules. If the offenders follow the rules they get into this zombie mode which is all scheduled:

6 am: stand up. it’s time to be counted.
630 : get in line. it’s time to eat.
7 am: go back to your cell. wait for recreation.
11 : stand up it’s time to be counted.
12 pm: get in line. it’s time to eat.
1230 : go back to your cell. wait for evening recreation.

This is an example of what happens every day. The times are pre-scheduled for everything. It can be mindless.

So what do you think about the executions?
The execution thing is not a big deal in my mind. Its just part of the job. There is a special unit of CO’s who are trained specifically for the executions. It’s sad for the family of the offender, but I’m pro-capital punishment. More of them deserve it than those that get it. We have offenders that have been waiting for almost 20 years to die. I think that’s cruel.

Right now executions are being held till a court can determine new procedures. There is an article to explain the old procedure and the prob with it:

http://lethal-injection-florida.blogspot.com/2007/01/behind-mask-of-mo-execution-doctor.html

If you like to read, there is a book based in STL. Its called “A RIP IN HEAVEN” its a story about some murders on the chain of rocks bridge. I later met the guy just before he was executed. Marlin Gray..I’ll never forget his name. It was strange meeting him eye to eye, knowing his story. And then ordering this ‘monster’ around.

So is your job sexy or what?
The job itself is not very sexy. It’s kinda gross really. Too many bodies crammed into small spaces where they don’t want to be. But there is no denying the fact that there are some toned bodies in prison. Some of them spend everyday just working out!! I’m talking twelve packs, not just the six!! I’ve heard some do 300 push ups…EVERYDAY!!

I don’t allow myself to think about them as sexy. I can’t. It would be against all that I work toward. Its not easy being a female in a man’s prison. I think about 25-30% of the COs are female. It’s actually a high percentage for a work force. Unfortunately, we have to work twice as hard as males just to be treated equally.

Yes, the offenders flirt with me..but I put a stop to it. I demand respect from them. And they know it..I also give respect in return. There are days that I get 15 marriage proposals. I usually just laugh it off. If you have good people skills, it’s easy enough to manage a balance of good cop/bad cop.

Do you like the uniform?
I LOVE the uniform, and yes I have been turned on at work. Some COs just fill it out in ALL the right places! Those utility belts make all asses look good. The female COs wear the same uniform as the males, they look the same as comparing a guy cop to a gal cop..Our uniforms are light blue with black pants. If you don’t know what colors the local PD wear, I could be mistaken for a cop.

Do you play with the handcuffs?
I do like to play with the handcuffs. It’s amazing how different it is to be in a set that you can’t trip the safety lock. it feels much better! Because you’re not just pretending to be caught…YOU REALLY ARE.

Are you sub or dom?
I prefer to be the sub, but sometimes, the dom in me just breaks out unexpectedly. One time, while I was rough housing around with my bf, which turned on both of us, he made some comment about me being a wimp (which is a pet peeve of mine) and the next thing we knew, he was facedown on the floor in an arm-bar with me on top. It was reflex for me. Thats part of the CO training. We both laugh about it. He got beat up by a girl.

I’m a strong person mind and body. If they ‘ask’ for anything. I usually deny them. If they just go for it, I’m ripe for the picking. My ‘tough guy’ persona weeds out the wimps fast. I don’t have time for them. If they’re strong enough to break down the ‘walls’ I put up, I turn into a very willing and pliable subject. I smile to myself just thinking about it. I haven’t met many that can get through my test.

I like the idea of being spanked and hit, but the reality is: it brings out a fight or flight in me. I usually go ‘amazon’ if it hurts. I can take a lot of pain, but only the light slaps turn me on. I’ve never been tied up. I’ve seen the intricate knots you’ve been done up with, and I’m totally jealous! I’ve had a scarf held over my eyes, and holding me down to the bed at the same time. But it was a one time deal. I wish it wasn’t. I liked it a lot.

A reader asked me if I have ever used The Accommodator.

I find this strap-on goatee device so godawful goofy looking, there’s no way I could use it. Definitely not sexy. Plus I don’t like latex sex toys, I’m spoiled with glass.

How about you - would you use it? (I could see it coming in handy for someone with a disability who has limited use of their limbs.)

TBK stands for “The Bitch Kind” right now - I am PMS-ing and sick as fuck godammit. This post is allowing me to sleep in an extra hour tomorrow.

Stay tuned for upcoming posts on prison life, an interview with an STD expert, a new twist on WAINGL, pussy gardens, what I did to deserve 20 licks, and beer swapping. BEER swapping??

Here’s a challenge for you, dear readers: come up with something ridiculously kinky for my dom man and woman to do to me.

Rules are: You can be as outrageous as you want with your suggestions, but we all have to be down with it.

Ideas can include bondage, toys, role playing, props, just about anything. And NO WAY am I going to fuck to Kenny G, so don’t even go there.

The winning perverted act will be documented and posted here later as a Kink Factor Follow-up.

Ready, set, GO!

Alias: dragonflysister
Age: 38
Relationship status: blissfully married
Sexual orientation: bisexual
Favorite physical feature on yourself: My torso. It’s curvy in the right spots.
Beauty tip: Be real, be yourself, and most importantly, love yourself. I believe the love of who you are is at the center of one’s being, and with that comes confidence, and from confidence comes beauty and sexual power.
Charity you support: Habitat for Humanity, Leave No Trace Outdoor Ethics, Sierra Club
If you could take a class for fun right now, what would you take? I really want to learn how to play stand-up bass. Such a sexy instrument to play.
What do you want to learn/add to what you already know? Patience
Did you have an imaginary friend growing up? They weren’t really imaginary, but I would pretend to have play dates with the Sweathogs (Welcome Back Kotter). I thought Juan Epstein was pretty damn cute, but they were all there… visiting me in my hospital room after a terrible imaginary accident or showing up after school to give me a ride home. Go figure.
What is one of the bravest things you have ever done? Sifted through societal layers in an attempt of self discovery.
Special skill/talent, what are you really good at? (non-sexual): Being a smart ass.
Special skill/talent, what are you really good at? (sexual): Bringing out the sexual beast in others.
How old were you when you lost your virginity? 15
The last time you had sex, and with who: Last night with my husband.
Tattoos/piercings: Ear piercings, one tattoo. I never considered myself a tattoo kind of gal, but after spending some time digging to the core of who I am, I wanted something to symbolize that moment in my life. The symbol I chose represents the spiritual, mental, and physical worlds in balance. A beautiful older woman named Calamity Jane did it for me high up in the mountains.
What type of person are you into? I’m into smart, funny, brave, compassionate, creative, fearless people.
What do you fantasize about? What turns you on? Raw, primal sex. Watching my husband fuck a sexy woman. I’m also turned on by simple things like a lingering look, a soft touch, long slow love making.
Pubic hairstyle: Shaved labia, trimmed bush. I much prefer a natural or trimmed bush on my partner.
What do your nipples look like? Interestingly enough, this is the one question I can’t seem to answer. When I’m aroused, they’re tight and hard. In the middle of an August afternoon outside, they’re flat and sweaty. Sexy, huh?
What was one of the hottest moments of your life? The first time I had sex with my now husband comes to mind. He was the first man I’d been with in a while and I vividly remember being completely shocked that a man could touch those sweet spots better than a woman.
Any regrets? Absolutely, but I’m a firm believer that who we are at this exact moment is based on every decision or indecision we’ve ever made. I love my life.
Why do you think I chose you for YATBK? Because you love me.

The Belle and me…

So the other day we were having our usual threesome fun when Belle decided to take a page from my fetish checklist and try out a little roleplaying.

She was up there kissing him and I was sucking his cock, when all of a sudden she looked down at me and announced matter-of-factly:

“If you suck Daddy, then you can go to bed.”

OMIFUCKINGGOD

I stopped mid-suck, completely astonished at her boldness. I was embarrassed that I felt elated and excited at her words. It felt sooo wrong and dirty!! And omigod what would Beau think of it??

He laughed uncomfortably, and I resumed my sucking, my chest prickling with shame and arousal. I mean, that’s the shit I think in my head all the time. To have someone else acknowledge it and say it OUT LOUD??? Damn.

It wasn’t long before he cut in, saying, “Can we make her the babysitter instead? That would work better for me.”

That was fine with everyone, babysitter was on my checklist too, so we went down that path.

We had fun with the dialog back and forth, mostly Belle and I - Beau was more of a prop.

I said shit like, “Am I doing a good job?” “How long do I have to do this?” “But it’s so big!”

And she would reply back in this mature Mommy voice, “Yes, you’re doing a very nice job, you’re making him very happy. I can tell he likes it.” “You have to do it until he cums.” “You can handle it, that’s a good girl.”

I was a good little babysitter and worked hard. I asked, “What will happen when he cums?”

And she said, “A little bit of stuff will come out, but don’t worry it tastes like ice cream.”

“Just a little bit?” I asked, muffled.

“Yes, just a little,” she assured me, “and you need to swallow every bit of it.”

Well he finally came and it was fucking hardcore - there was so much it flooded my mouth and went up my nose. She LIED!

This morning I ran an errand and when I came home, The Belle and The Beau had just finished fucking. They were all smiling and happy and out of breath.

I crawled in between them and sucked his dirty cock clean.

I love how his cock tastes coated in her cunt juices - I didn’t rinse my mouth and went to work and got to taste my lovers all morning…

Here is another virgin, this time a guy in his 30’s who wears funny shoes and has excellent taste in music.

Name: Joseph, 33, Male
Do you want to fuck men, women, or both: Women only
Last time you got laid: Virgin
Where do you live? Tuscaloosa, Alabama, USA
Your living arrangement: Family
Job situation: Full time work
Fashion sense: Regular clothing. Sometimes I wear odd shoes.
Grooming habits: I bathe once or twice a day.
Hobbies: Collecting music
Places you hang out: Bars, coffee shops, libraries
How many people (of your target gender) do you currently know that you would like to fuck? What are the obstacles with each one (why aren’t you fucking them?) 5 women. Let’s see mmmmmm.
1. Lady one: She is too far away and taken, and…
2. Lady two: She is not sexually social.
3. Lady three: I have never asked.
4. Lady Four: Married
5. Lady Five: I see her ever once in a while. I don’t really know how to get in contact with this women.
What kind of porn do you like? Not really a porn watching guy. However, the little porn I have watched suggests Milfs and older women are what I like. I am not attracted to the “just turned 18” girls.
What’s your fetish? What turns you on? hahaha big lips, legs, raspy voice. Nice Ass (it’s the shape that matters not the size.)
Are you dom or sub? Relationshipwise, I only take charge when I have to.
On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate yourself when it comes to physical appearance (1 is hideous, 10 is model)? 5
Using that same scale, what’s the minimum number you expect your partner to be? 8
Your thoughts on breeding (have kids, wants kids, would you date someone who had kids?) Want kids. I would date someone who had kids.
Religion: Protestant
Charity you would give money to: American Diabetes Association
Political affiliation: Liberal/democrat
Music you listen to: The Roots, Sting, Bjork, Dinah Washington, The Police, The Fall, Joy Division, Nellie Mckay, Bruce Hornsby, Pat Metheny, Miles Davis, John Coltrane, Christian McBride, Jaco Pastorius, The Temptations, Level 42, Seal, U2, Doves, Coldplay, Soulive, Outkast, Medeski Martin & Wood, Charlie Hunter, B.B. king, Albert King, Albert Collins, John Lee Hooker, Fiona Apple, Steely Dan, Jimi Hendrix, Harry Connick Jr., Jeff Healey, Stevie Ray Vaughan, The White Stripes, Charlie Mingus, Mahalia Jackson, Opera (Luciano Pavarotti), Red Hot Chili Peppers, Wynonna Judd, Diana Krall, Swing Out Sister, Michael Mcdonald, Talib Kweli, ELO, Prince, Led Zeppelin, The Clash, The Beatles, Barry White, Joe Satriani, Sara Gazarek, Stevie Wonder, James Brown, Queen, John Lennon, Frank Sinatra, David Bowie, Feist, Santana, Broken Social Scene, Al Green, Tears For Fears, Sade, Jamiroquai, Brad Mehldau, John Scofield, Brand New Heavies, Harry Connick Jr., Rage Against The Machine, Van Halen
Movies you have loved: Gladiator, High Fidelity, Highlander, Superman, Lord of The Rings Trilogy, Most of the Star Trek Films, The Star Wars Saga, The Matrix Trilogy, Heavy Metal, Ghost in the Shell 1&; 2, Akira, Bounty Dog, Stripes, Runaway Bride, Blazing Saddles, Pulp Fiction, Kill Bill vol. 1- 2, Jackie Brown, Xanadu, Porco Rosso, The Unbelievable Truth, Eulogy, Grease, , Garden State, Roxanne, All I Want, The Women in Red, Meatballs, National Lampoon’s European vacation, The Neverending Story, Joe Vs. the Volcano, The Fountain, Happy Feet, The Royal Tenenbaums, Rushmore, Girl Interrupted, Gia, Superman, The Usual Suspects, Juno, The Adventures of Baron Munchausen
How often do you watch television? Not much at all. I prefer talking to people
Restaurants you like: Coffee shops, Chinese, the stereotypical sandwich shops
Person you respect/admire: God mother, Stephen Hawkings
Past relationship history: I have only had one relationship. That was also the only time I was “ in love.” We broke up because her parents wasn’t down with her dating a black guy. As in, super racist. That was a huge train wreck and really hurt.
Weird habit: I pace a lot

The Beautiful Kind’s verdict: Dear Joseph, you sound young at heart and you probably hang out with a young crowd. I think an ideal woman for you would be older, like a cougar (an older woman in her 40s-60s who sexually pursues younger men in their 20s or early 30s.) Someone with experience, and more likely to have a big ass and raspy voice. I’m sure you’re keeping your options open as far as race goes.

Also, your numbers are skewed. You’re a 5 but you expect your partner to be an 8? Then again it seems like your idea of attractiveness is not the typical ideal. You’re a social person, you make friends fast and easily, but you need to make the first move early on. Getting your own place near school will be a good move.

Do you go to church? Any interesting prospects there? Why don’t you put an ad up on a dating site saying you’re looking for an older woman to attend concerts with you? Or someone who likes watching fun films? Include a lot of the details you put in this questionnaire and I think you’ll do well. It sounds like you have a lot to offer when it comes to music, make that work for you. Also when you’re on a date, ask questions and listen, don’t do all the talking.

I don’t think you’ve had a chance to heal from your one doomed relationship. You need to push yourself a little harder into the dating scene, break past that “friends” barrier. I can already picture you with an older outgoing sassy woman who smokes and twitches her ass when she walks but has a heart full of love and God. You’ll be going to brunch after church, and she’ll feel so proud to have you as her arm candy.

Excerpt from this article:

Greece has become the most sexually active country in the world, according to a global internet survey.

The poll of 317,000 people by condom manufacturer Durex found that Greece topped the list of 41 countries. Greeks claimed on average that they have sex 138 times a year — well above the world average of 103.

Greece moved up from its second-seed last year to France, who topped the rankings. Last year, Greeks said they copulated 133 times annually.

The 2005 survey found the Japanese to be the least frisky with just 45 romps each year. But Greeks did not rank very high when it came to fidelity. Only 12 percent of respondents admitted to having only one sexual partner.

This calls for a toga party.

It’s been months since I posted my superhero lust review, and people keep telling me I need to see that movie with Hugh Jackman as Wolverine in it.

I think this is a secret message. I think what they are really telling me is that I need to FUCK HIM ALREADY.

(Just to be clear, fisting is off the table.)

Speaking of, if you could have any superpower, what would it be? My friend came up with the best one I’ve heard yet: the ability to sterilize people by pointing at them.

Who knew I wanted to fuck Billy Ray Cyrus??

But only if I can call him Daddy.

Check out this incesty photo in Vanity Fair of Billy and the product of his loins, who is now once again nestled in them.

Can you imagine posing with your dad like this? Even better, she’s 15. I love that mainstream is as perverted as I am. That Annie Leibovitz, she gets away with SO much.

In honor of breast week at TBK, here is a porn clip featuring a woman with amazing breasts (real or fake?? I’m going to guess real but man they look like beach balls - but they jiggle and squish! I’m so on the fence - help me out here!)

If you can manage to tear your eyes away from them for a moment, you will notice the following:

1. Is this porn set furnished by Limited Too? Cloud and fish wallpaper? Inflatable chair? This screams 12-yr-old in Florida to me.
2. Her earrings are so 80’s.
3. Blonde ponytail dude is not doing it for me.
4. Neither is the fact that they look like oiled mannequins. I’m craving some porn with some nice hairy people, forget these Vienna sausages.
5. Speaking of sausage, bigfatbananadick.
6. And um, what’s with his balls? They are crawling up in him - they FRAME his cock instead of hang down. They look like Mickey Mouse ears.
7. Mmm, I like how he fucks her face.
8. His moany dude “yeahs” are getting on my nerves.
9. Eww ropey slobber ha ha ha.
10. OK this is too vanilla for me, I’m wandering off - didn’t even make it to the titty fuck scene. But wow 16 minutes long, that’s generous. OK I skipped to the end and saw him cum in her face, I can get on with my day now.

PS: Seriously, where can I find porn with sexy hairy men? As in hairy chest. I did a search on redtube for “hairy chest” and it said zero results. :(  Then I did a google search and waded knee-deep into bear country, which is fine, but wasn’t what I had in mind…

Did you know you can stimulate a woman to lactate even if she’s not pregnant? Women adopting babies can prep ahead of time by pumping daily and getting things going (true, they still may need to supplement with formula).

It shouldn’t be too surprising to hear that - surely you’ve heard of a female dog who spontaneously starts lactating at the introduction of abandoned kittens. Such sweet mother instinct.

Anyway, the other night I was getting my usual breast worship from my two favorite sex partners. One ate me while the other sucked on my breast. Yummy.

Afterwards I went downstairs to go to the bathroom, and I looked down at my glowing happy breasts and on a whim, gave the left one a squeeze.

WHITE MILK DRIPPED OUT.

Holy shit. I tried the right one and clear liquid came out - it didn’t get as much attention (it was probably crying).

I ran upstairs and flipped on the light, eliciting groans from my lovers tangled in the sheets.

“Oh my god you guys, check this out!” I exclaimed. I knelt in front of them and milked my breast.

“WHOAH!” they both breathed in wonder. Instinctively, Belle leaned in and tasted it. I made some more, and Beau tasted it. Then I squeezed again and gave my nipply a lick.

“It tastes pretty good!” Belle said.

So freakin’ cool. I Am Woman HUH! Not sure if this happened easy for me because I’ve had my pump primed before (I breastfed for one year several years ago), but I want to test it out on Belle, who hasn’t yet given birth.

Get ready for some serious suckin’, my dear!

You know, I thought it was bad before, how much The Beau would suck on my titties, but holy shit they BOTH do. It’s like they are starving piglets.

I used to HATE having my breasts played with - an unfortunate side effect from stripping. The men were forever illegally copping a feel. It got to the point that if my tit was touched, it felt like it was being burned. I used to rub them in men’s crotches, so they were all swollen and sensitive from that. I used to HATE when my nipple caught on their jeans fly. Ugh I’m getting the willies just thinking about it.

Luckily I worked past that. I’ve been getting so much stimulation these days that my breasts have gotten a little bigger - not a cup size or anything, just a slight blushing swell. I can get my nipple in my mouth; normally my boobs are too small to pull that off. A few times here lately I’ve almost felt orgasmic just from having my breasts sucked - I guess I’m exercising the direct nerves that leads from b to c (breasts to cunt). Orgasm through breast play alone is definitely one of my 2008 goals.

One of my favorite things to do is get off using the Hitachi wand, with The Beau and The Belle both latched on to a nipple, sucking hungrily in tandem. I don’t know what all I think about when I’m in that situation, but I know part of it has something to do with alien abduction and being pinned down and having my life force sucked out by freakish little critters from another planet as I squirm feebly in a helpless daze.

See, I know how to make science fiction work for me.