The Beautiful Kind

Alias: Artistically Inclined
Age: 26
Relationship status: In a monogamous relationship.
Sexual orientation: Straight, with the occasional “socially-bi” moment.
Favorite physical feature on yourself: My hands and feet.
Beauty tip: Plain old table salt mixed with your shower gel makes a perfectly adequate exfoliating scrub.
Charity you support: Free Software Foundation, Dress for Success
If you could take a class for fun right now, what would you take? Latin
What do you want to learn/add to what you already know? I’m a painter, and I really want to push myself this year and learn more about making art. I also want to to read more.
Did you have an imaginary friend growing up? Yes, but not one specific imaginary person. It changed based on what pretend game I was into at the time, but I was always imagining characters and playmates, and pretending I had a best friend who never had to go home but could hang out with me all the time and have sleep overs every night.
What is one of the bravest things you have ever done? I quit a job I hated without a plan (I used to be a total workaholic, and very much a control freak, so it was a huge deal.)
Special skill/talent, what are you really good at? (non-sexual): I’ve been told I’m pretty good at painting, and business, but frankly, I think my true skill is making my secret recipe apple pie that puts your grandma’s to shame.
Special skill/talent, what are you really good at? (sexual): I think I somehow make my partner feel comfortable being themselves in bed, and thus confident, but men tend to say that I’m a great cocksucker.
How old were you when you lost your virginity? 16
The last time you had sex, and with who: Yesterday evening, minutes before dinner guests arrived, with my guy.
Tattoos/piercings: Only my ears are pieced, and I have no tattoos. I’m considering one, but it’s a big decision, because if I do, I want to go all the way and get a large design wrapping around my body.
What type of person are you into? Intelligent, creative, sarcastic people who can make me laugh and make me think but haven’t given up being kind and loving.
What do you fantasize about? What turns you on? Being spanked, being tied up, getting sexually teased, kissing, flirting, being touched gently, exploring my partner’s body, having sex in interesting locations.
Pubic hairstyle: When I make time, a neatly trimmed and shaved “landing strip.”
What do your nipples look like? My nipples are small and very pink.
What was one of the hottest moments of your life? Can I have 2? My first threesome was really hot. So was the first time my current partner tied me up and spanked me.
Any regrets? Very few. I try to learn and move forward.
Why do you think I chose you for YATBK? Hmm, maybe because I can rock the BDSM checklist?

I met a guy last week from OkCupid who already has the doctoral degree I’ll be getting in a year or so. We decided to meet in person for lunch the other day.

We had a pretty typical date, and I was really amused by the way he kept saying, “What else?” whenever he wanted to know more about me, which left the conversation open to go in whatever direction I wanted to take it. I wanted to ask him really dirty and embarrassing things – Has he ever tried anal? What kind of porn does he love, yet is embarrassed to watch? What is his creepiest sexual fantasy? Has he ever been tied up? But I refrained – he and I are loosely connected on a professional level. Not to mention this was our first face-to-face. He probably wondered why I kept trying to wipe away a sly smile.

A few days later, I watched a video of him interacting with an client. He spoke to the client in the same way he spoke to me. His voice was velvety yet precise – the kind of voice you might hear on NPR.

I couldn’t help imagining him coming over for a home health visit (we’re both in occupational therapy) to give me a sponge bath, tenderly commanding me to take my shirt off as a cool spring breeze flows through the open living room window… Then he could help me put my socks on and give me some tips for dressing.

Sex, incidentally, is an occupation.

-Belle

That’s right, they’re gone for two weeks of unfettered access to each other while I have two weeks of… a house full of cats.

Normally, I’m not the jealous type. Most people probably experience having their partner go out of town without them. I am experiencing both of my partners going to the other side of the world.

They get to enjoy coupledom and I get to enjoy solitude. The house is kind of creepy with no one else here. It’s a good thing I have plenty of things to do to occupy my time. Here’s what I did the first two days of their vacation:

Day 1:
*dropped Beau and Beautiful off at the airport before the sun came up.
*Went to work my weekend job offering therapy for kids with autism.
*Spent 9 hours in the ER with a friend of mine who developed a sudden neurological disorder.

Day 2:
*Went to the first day of my internship and worked for 8 hours.
*Got a call from my mother, telling me she does not want to loan me her truck to pick up a king-sized bed, because she doesn’t approve of my current lifestyle choice.
*Helped a friend move a bunch of furniture for the rest of the night.

Thanks for keeping me company, guys.

-Belle

A couple months ago I was reading The Virgin’s blog and he talked about getting headaches when he had an orgasm. I thought, “wtf, that’s weird!” and went about my business, which included my own carefree painless masturbation, stimulating movie nights, and eating artichokes dipped in lemon garlic butter sauce.

Well this past week, I’ve been getting headaches when I cum. It SUCKS! A sharp pain enters the right side of my head and pokes me in the eye like an ice pick, and lingers for a couple hours afterwards. Which more than cancels out the pleasure I got from my orgasm.

So now I’m afraid to cum. I’m afraid I’ll stroke out. I’m going to take his Dr. Google advice and lay off chasing firetrucks for a couple days (I can’t bring myself to say “a few days”). These coital headaches occur 4x more in men than in women. Maybe my perverted fantasies are finally causing me brain damage. Belle says I should try a different technique when building up for an orgasm - I tense up my whole body. She says I should relax. What can I say - I’m a Type A masturbator.

Beau and I experienced our first round of lifestyle discrimination when we attempted to book a bed and breakfast in the southern part of our state. We were planning on treating TBK to a hot weekend of sex, three-person baths and… well, sex. I did a quick search for bed-and-breakfasts within a reasonable drive and came across one boasting queen sized beds and garden tubs in every suite – excellent. So I called.

Me: “Hi, I’d like to book a room.”
Her: “Okay, the blue suite is available.”
Me: “Great. Two things though: One is that we’ll be coming in at about three in the morning, is that a problem?”
Her: “No, no problem”
Me: “Cool. So the other thing is that there are three of us.”
Her: “Two adults and a small child?”
Me: “No, three adults.”

A long silence followed.

Her: “Well, we have an adjacent room you can rent…”
Me: “No thanks, we all can share a queen bed.”

Another long silence.

Her: “Umm… well I just don’t know about that.”
Me: “Really, we already share a queen bed at home.”

This time, the woman was silent for so long, I thought she may have hung up the phone.

Me: “Are you still there?”
Her: “Yes.. umm… ahh… well I could see a king sized but a queen… no… erm…. Well I just don’t know…”

I wait.

Her: “I don’t think I am comfortable with that.”

I thanked her, and hung up.

-Belle

Here is what he did to my ass:

Doesn’t it look like I sat in a briar patch?

We hadn’t had proper sex in days, just fleeting cuddling, so as soon as we had a lazy Sunday afternoon, we grabbed it. It turned into an especially hardcore session that lasted three hours.

At one point he ordered me to suck his cock 50 more strokes and then he would let me have an orgasm. The first thing that popped in my mind was the recipe on the back of brownie mixes: (Combine ingredients in large bowl; stir 50 strokes with spoon…)

The whole time I was working his cock with my mouth, he was up there kissing Belle gently.

…47, 48, 49, 50…

I popped up for air and gasped, “Done.”

He looked down at me, eyes narrow. “That was only 48.”

“No it wasn’t!” I protested.

He spanked me.

I have to tell you, I don’t usually get wet. By that I mean lube is my best friend. Yes I’m the horniest bitch on the block, but my cunt doesn’t get soggy. I read erotica with the woman “dripping juices down her leg,” and I think, “Must be nice!”

But during this spank session, I could feel my cunt getting wet. It felt like the spanking was helping my garden grow.

At one point, I grabbed his bathrobe and stuck it under my ass. “I’m going to gush,” I explained.

“Fine, but if you use my robe, it’s going to cost you 10 licks when you’re done,” he announced.

Worked for me.

I worked my g-spot, and thought I was turned on enough to let loose, but I held back, and it took me a bit. Finally I let loose some liquid.

Uh oh.

“Um, I peed on your robe.”

“You pissed on my robe?!” he exclaimed. “That’s it, 20 licks for you, and I want you to count right this time.”

ARRRGGGHH. Through gritted teeth I counted as he whaled into me. “17…OUCH…18 GODAMMIT! … 19 GASP STOP IT…. 20!” I hated every moment of it, but that’s a lie. I fucking LOVED IT. That motherfucker! Plus I got to pee on his robe. HA HA!

Come back later today to check out his handiwork.

That’s right, fellow readers: The Belle Kind will entertain you here for the next two weeks while Beautiful is off hanging out with millions of cute Asians.

For my first trick, I will share with you my new favorite word:

callipygian

It means “Having a well-shaped buttocks” as in, “The calliphygian young librarian stretched to re-shelve a book on the highest shelf”. Use it fearlessly to express your appreciation for human anatomy.

-Belle

See this drum?

I want to fuck it in the worst way. I’m not usually sexually attracted to drums, but this one is different. It’s a bad ass bruiser, sparkling, golden and deep.

When I’m standing near it - him - when he’s hit, I can feel the power from the big-headed mallet travel through the drum and into the air and floor, and he vibrates my body, running right up my legs, hitting my cunt. He booms and the air shivers with his energy. This big bass drum is like a large, powerful sexy daddy dom man who will hit you hard and make you beg for more.

I love this sexy drum. I want to marry him.

So I’m going to be in China for two weeks. How the fuck this happened is as good as anyone’s guess. I can’t wait to be a goddess over there - I hear they’ll dig my long blond hair. (Guess I’ll shave it when I get back? I haven’t decided.)

You mustn’t fear, dear readers, I have posts lined up (I’m going sans laptop !!!), and I have our beloved BELLE as my backup - she’s going to guest post while I’m away!

Not only that, but Bossman Beau will have my beloved B-Diddle guest posting for him over on the flipside. (Can you believe he hasn’t posted since April 24? SHAMEFUL!) We’ll let you vote on whether we should keep them on when we get back, or if we should get kicked off the site (blog coup!) and rename it The Belle B-Diddle Kind…

Someone asked me if we’ll get a pic of Biggie on the Great Wall of China, but we’ve decided not to take him. We have to pack light.

I will return in all my glory June 1. And then Beau and Belle are getting tattooed! (Not matching, for fuck’s sake.)

Stay tuned for posts on Pussy Gardens, the sexiest drum ever, Crib Play, a sex addict who puts me to shame, and love, baby. Love.

xoxo

Ooh I’m excited about this one!!

1. I love that she’s wearing a blindfold and ear phones.
2. Love her tensing thighs.
3. Love her gasps and sighs.
4. Love her body.
5. God that collar around her neck!! She’s so trussed but so lovingly and comfortably.
6. She sounds like an animal, like a horse whinnying.
7. Quiverthighs…
8. Such hard nipples…
9. Ha ha watching the iRabbit spaz on the table.
10. This is a great start, but if this were me, I’d like to be surrounded by a bunch of men, kissing my mouth, worshiping my breasts, putting their cock in my mouth, lining up to fuck my pussy, ass, lube dispenser on hand…

So the other day Belle rode Beau until she gushed all over him.

Then I had a turn, and surprised myself by gushing all over him, too!

Talk about a soggy crotch.

We TOTALLY rode him hard and put him away wet.

Here is what The Beau had to deal with the other day:

- We were all fooling around when he had to extract himself from the girl pile and go off to a gig. Then the gig turned out to be canceled but we didn’t get a chance to resume that night.
- The next day we took a road trip and finally got to a hotel room. He had us all positioned in bed and was about to go down on us when The Belle suddenly piped up that she wasn’t “feeling connected.”
So he stopped what he was doing and we all sat around for long enough to talk to her and help her feel better. By then it was late and we decided to go to sleep. I resolved myself to no sex, and rolled over, then all of a sudden he had her on top of him and was tapping me on the shoulder to get with the program.
- In frustration, I flipped out and told them I just spent the last hour powering down my sex drive and now they wanted to boot me up again. I also accused him of always going to her when he was feeling sexual.
“How come every time I get a hard on, one of you freaks out?” he asked plaintively.
- We went to sleep. In the morning he got on me and got me off, fucked the hell out of me, then we tried getting her off, but by the time we got to his turn, it was time to check out of the hotel and he had a headache.

FUCK BALLS!

But hey, the stars finally lined up and we had a lazy Sunday afternoon session, we all got off, and everyone lived happily ever after.

The end.

A guy on myspace sent me a pic of himself. I glanced at it and liked the t-shirt. “Oh that’s cute, I like cuppycakes,” I thought.

Then I noticed the bottom half of the pic. “Oh that’s cute, I like big raging hard ons.”

A while back I posted my own snarky take on STDs. I recently met up with an expert here in St. Louis for a follow-up interview to that post, since, you know, I’m not an expert. Frank Lydon is an Epidemiology Specialist with the Missouri Department of Health and Senior Services, Bureau of STD/HIV and Hepatitis. I chatted him up over bubble tea and here are the interesting bits. OH and he gave me free condoms, a glossy full-color laminated flashcard showing yummy examples of primary and secondary syphilis, and a glow-in-the-dark SYPHILIS awareness bracelet. YESSS.

What did you think of my post about STDS?
(He answers this question in an overly diplomatic way, saying there’s a lot of misinformation out there, he’s such a nice guy.)

How long have you been out on the field tracking down STDs?
15 years.

Do you travel around?
All over eastern district of Missouri - St Louis and outlying rural areas.

Where are the STD hot spots?
South Broadway area bordered by Grand and Meramec in South City, Dutchtown. Washington Blvd. has more male prostitution, closer to Jefferson. North Florissant by O’Fallon Park neighborhood.

Rural prostitution will often go down for diapers, laundry money. Prostitution like this happens often around Laundromats.

Are there busy times of year for diseases?
In university towns, a couple weeks after spring break more people report illnesses.

Tell me about gay bars.
St. Louis is fortunate with the ownership and management of our gay bars. They are in tune with the needs of the community and customers. There’s an altruistic aspect to it, it’s not just for keeping customers and making money.

Are there bathhouses gay men frequent in town?
There’s actually a nationwide bathhouse chain. St Louis city has one, do a search. Management there is very STD awareness-friendly.

What do you know about glory holes?
You can find them in sex bookstores and video arcades. A couple years ago a person advertised online a glory hole at their house. It was part of a lifestyle thing.

What kind of outreach do you do?
Pridefest, St Louis Effort for AIDS. We provide urine testing for gonorrhea, blood test for HIV and syphilis. Hep B vaccinations.

Do you give out condoms?
Oh sure, sometimes I go door to door on a hot street offering condoms and free testing.

So who really uses dental dams?
The lesbian community.

How do you get drug dealers and pimps to cooperate with stopping disease?
I tell them a sick customer won’t be coming back, and if your girl is sick she won’t be able to make you money.

Do you turn in the drug dealers or people you see using illegal drugs?
No, because if I do word will get around and I won’t be able to do my job anymore. Trust is what disease prevention is all about.

What’s the difference between Hepatitis A and B?
Hep A is from bad hand washing and eating foods contaminated by the virus. Hep B is the more sexual one, spread through blood. You can even get Hep B from sharing razors or toothbrushes with an infected person. It can also spread through other bodily fluids.

What’s your favorite STD? What’s the latest trend in St Louis?
We’re experiencing a syphilis spike, as well as a syphilis w/HIV combo. You can track STDs at this site.

What’s the deal with syphilis?
Syphilis starts out as a painless lesion, it can look like a zipper snag. You are infectious when you have the open lesion, but once your sore goes away after three weeks you are not spreading it when it’s in your blood stream.

Don’t you get burnt out running around town seeing people doing some pretty wretched shit? I mean like HIV+ drug dealers with 14 pit bulls and kids going hungry and a guy fucking all the women in a neighborhood and spreading disease?
No, I love my job. Most people are good people. The people I deal with are authentic and real. I tell my clients, “I’m not here to judge, you can tell me anything.”

Are you grossed out by these gruesome syph pics or what?
Nah, I could eat in front of them.

Do you have an interesting work story you can share?
Years ago I was working with a guy who had syphilis, He lived in the country. I asked about his sexual partners.

He asked, “Could I have caught this from one of my cows?”

I said, “No, well what exactly have you been doing with your cows?”

“Helping them give birth.” Here he was reaching up their vaginas to pull out stuck calves and my mind immediately filled in entirely different blanks. Heh.

——
Note: Since this conversation occurred the number of new cases of syphilis in the greater St. Louis area continues to rise. If you see a painless lesion or unexplained rash (on the hands and feet or torso) on yourself or partners, please seek testing immediately. For testing and treatment information, or if you have cootie questions of your own, contact Frank Lydon at 314-877-1229.

And to steal a page from The Beau’s book, here is your bonus link.

Alias: Librarianette
Age: 29
Relationship status: Single
Sexual orientation: Straight
Favorite physical feature on yourself: My curves and my brain.
Beauty tip: Get waxed everywhere you can and always have fresh breath.
Charity you support: Anything having to do with literacy or animals.
If you could take a class for fun right now, what would you take? Lots! Cooking, writing, sign language, collage, sewing, lit classes, web design, graphic design, music history, CPR, piano. I’d love to play the upright bass again.
What do you want to learn/add to what you already know? I am a veritable sponge when it comes to knowledge. Whether it sticks with me, I don’t know, but goddamn I try to sop it up.
Did you have an imaginary friend growing up? No, but I pretended I did to fit in once (honestly!). So is that like having an imaginary imaginary friend?
What is one of the bravest things you have ever done? Moved across the country by myself.
Special skill/talent, what are you really good at? (non-sexual): I can blow bubbles off the end of my tongue, find out anything you want to know, write an okay poem in 3 minutes or less.
Special skill/talent, what are you really good at? (sexual): Coming.
How old were you when you lost your virginity? 15.
The last time you had sex, and with who: 3 weeks ago, with DF.
Tattoos/piercings: My ears are pierced, but no tattoos! Too fickle. But for years I lied to my little brother and sister about my dad having a lion tattoo on his ass.
What type of person are you into? Tallish, nerdy, smart, attentive, romantic, sincere, someone with quirks, who has their own interests and life and who respects that I do, too.
What do you fantasize about? What turns you on? Whenever I masturbate, I think about girl on girl, but never tried it. I think it’s just that women’s bodies are so much sexier than men’s. As for what turns me on: I like it rough and hard, with a mix of sweet and slow. I love the anticipation before a kiss, when someone grabs the back of my neck, and looks at me with such longing…
Pubic hairstyle: Short and to the point.
What do your nipples look like? Small, pink, hard.
What was one of the hottest moments of your life? Just one? Okay. I told him I didn’t want to, but I couldn’t help it. He ate me until I couldn’t stand it anymore and I jumped on and got off in 2.5 seconds. Then I did it again. I think he was surprised…
Any regrets? Anyone who says no is a big fat liar. I have tons. I try not to dwell on the old ones and try to accumulate new ones everyday.
Why do you think I chose you for YATBK? You chose me because of my wild independence and determination, for working a job I love, and for telling it like it is.

Quick, what’s a sexy occupation? Teacher? Cellist? Archaeologist? What are decidedly non-sexy jobs? Accountant? Used car sales? Funeral director?

Check out Asylum’s Top 10 List of Occupations Inaccurately Associated with Sexiness.

They do have a point… ah well, fantasy is almost always better than reality. Almost.

.

.

PS: Tomorrow’s YATBK is a librarian!

I can honestly say this is the first time I’ve ever done this…

The other day the three of us were fucking around, and Beau came in Belle’s hand. What do you do with a handful of cum? I was curious to see what her solution was.

She looked around, then got this weird look in her eye and shoved the cum in her mouth and LUNGED AT ME and french kissed me.

cum swapping, holy shit, who me??? !!!!!!!

Completely unexpected, even for around here. Man o man, I’m officially a porn star.

The other day Beau was out of town and Belle and I were at sexy B’s (as in Beast!) house partying, and we asked if we could use his shmancy spa jacuzzi tub. He said sure, so we brought our robes with us, and after a while excused ourselves to get hot and wet.

We lit candles and I was drinking a beer. (Belle said, “Maybe we should say it was champagne instead of beer for the blog.” Ha!) Even though Belle doesn’t drink, I asked if she would take a swig and then pass it to me via her purty little mouth. She was game, and beer swapping was fun.

Then I suggested she spit the beer in my mouth, and she was happy to oblige. I opened my mouth wide, and she knelt over me and spit like a champ, and it dribbled all down my chin. It was Belladonna dirty hot! Then she poured some on my tits (fizzy cold!) and down my belly, where it ran in rivulets down into my thatch of pubic hair and foamed and dripped. I lifted my hips so she could taste it on my pussy.

Afterwards we rinsed off and put on our robes and went out and sat on the couch. By then the party had died down, and B was the lone wolf; he was sitting in the dark listening to music. I coyly beckoned him to sit between us on the couch, and he indulged us (later he told me it was like entering Hell’s Kitchen).

We snuggled up on either side of him and grooved on the music with the lights down low. I stroked his massive, hairy arm and breathed in his delicious manscent. Belle removed his glasses and played with his big mop of soft curls, grabbing handfuls. She asked him, “Have you ever been with a dom girl?” But alas, Beau had told him to keep an eye on us while he was away, not his hands, so finally he couldn’t take any more and he kicked us out.

ANYWAY, back to the beer swapping. Little did I know, but she was practicing with beer in preparation for the real thing.

GULP.

Come back later today for the dirty details.

A friend of mine told me (this is the only way I get my news, from gossipy friends) that Jenna Bush got married and he thinks the guy, Henry Hager, is gay. Do you think he’s gay? I looove the name Henry.

This doesn’t look gay to me. It looks kindof “Girls Gone Wild in the White House.”

This pic just pisses me off - there’s another cross looming. But I cropped the pic so it’s slightly less annoying. Ha ha!