Mock Apple Pie Humiliation
Filed under: Eros - May 22, 2008 @ 6:00 am
The other day Beau said he was going to make a mock apple pie. I said, “What the hell is that?”
He said, “It’s a pie that tastes just like an apple pie, only you use crackers instead of apples.”
“WHY?”
“It’s what I grew up with. It’s my mom’s recipe.”
“So your mom made you cracker pie when you were a kid??”
“It’s really good, you can’t tell the difference,” he assured me.
“This I gotta see.” Then I opened my big mouth. “I’ll bet you something humiliating in the bedroom that it will taste fucked up.”
“You’re on!”
He got out his frilly apron (just kidding, Dor) and baked the pie. The recipe called for:
16 saltine crackers
1 1/2 cup sugar
1 1/2 tsp cream of tartar
1 Tbsp margarine
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1 1/2 cup warm water
unbaked pie shell
There it was, cooling on the stove. I dug in and tried it. Holy shit - it really looked and tasted like apple pie! Some sort of crazy chemistry goes on during the baking process.
And once again, I lost another bet. I have to do something humiliating in the bedroom. Trouble is, they’ve been sitting around racking their brains trying to come up with a suitably humiliating task for me to perform and they’re drawing a blank. Eat cum? Get spanked? Tied up? Kiss their feet? pffffffft
Do you have any ideas? (By the way, we need to make that fuck TBK out in the country thing happen, stay tuned for that.)
May 22nd, 2008 at 6:16 am
Good grief what a simple carb BOMB! I wouldn’t eat that too often, thats a diabetics nightmare!
May 22nd, 2008 at 9:46 am
You three should open up a cracker-themed restaurant, in which every dish is made from saltines. You could serve Saltines Rockefeller, Saltines Benedict, and for dessert, a warm slice of that hideously disgusting-sounding pie.
Seriously, why the fuck wouldn’t you just use apples to make apple pie? Who the fuck is Beau trying to impress? Yuck.
As far as something humiliating: how about they tie you to the bed, put a Kenny G disc on endless repeat, and leave the room for the rest of the afternoon?
May 22nd, 2008 at 9:53 am
BTW, apron or not, he’s still baking! Yep, its just a matter of time before the Belle takes her rightful place as the real boss/dom of that house!
May 22nd, 2008 at 2:28 pm
My grandma used zucchini once to make an “apple pie”. It was yummy and tasted JUST like apples… YUMMY
May 22nd, 2008 at 3:16 pm
You know guys, there really isn’t much if any flavor from the apples used in the pie. They are filler, I suppose they have a certain texture but most of the flavor comes from the combo of cinnamon and sugar.
May 22nd, 2008 at 4:56 pm
You’d get a lot more “apple” flavor with some apple sage thrown in there. Apple sage is SO YUM
May 22nd, 2008 at 5:01 pm
Even better, apple brandy! Never thought of using an herb in apple pie, how bout the people who melt cheddar cheese on it! Yuck!!
May 29th, 2008 at 4:12 pm
People melt cheese on Apple Pie??? Can I say ewwww, gross! Well, unless it’s one of those sweet cheese like in a blintz! YUM!
June 1st, 2008 at 9:41 am
Los Suerte - spoken like a true S&M fiend - Marquis de Sade would be proud of you.