The Beautiful Kind

Here is something that I wrote on New Year’s Eve of last year:

I have read some great writing by way of blogs this year. I am by no means suggesting that this one will come close or be in the least bit interesting to you. But here goes…

September- Suspicions Arise, Truth Surfaces, Disappointment, Disrespected, Betrayal, How can I recover from this???, The story doesn’t make sense, My children, Commitment

October- Counseling, Guilt, Revelation?, Self Blame, My Children, Self Loathing, Depression, Happiness, Hope, My Children, How can I fix this?, Disrespected, Offense, Lawyer

November- Moving Forward, Looking Ahead, My Children, Dealing with lack of rational thought presented as an argument to stated facts. The situation makes no sense.

December- Holding her accountable. Realization has fully set in that this is not my fault. I have done nothing to deserve this. I have been and currently am a good person, friend, man, musician, confidant, son, brother, uncle and most of all a great father.

Happy New Year…….. I am looking forward to positive change and a new sense of direction.

If hind sight is 20/20, I feel like I can see into the future!!!! So many things have become clear to me now. I certainly don’t want to bore you with all of the ins and outs of this process, but there are a few things that I share with people that seem to paint the picture pretty well.

1. I filed in mid-October. I had struggled with when to serve her for a number of reasons. At the time her mother was in town for three weeks (which was another totally fucked up situation) and her dad was coming for the last week of that (which certainly added to the fucked-up-ed-ness), so I wasn’t sure if it would be best to serve her after her support group left or before. I was still worrying about how to be the “nice” guy I guess.

So one evening, she wanted to go out and discuss some stuff. We put the kids to bed and headed out to a local sit. Right after we sat down, she pulls out a large yellow note pad and begins to tell me what we need to get figured out. She starts telling me what our options are, how this divorce thing works, what needs to be done right away, etc. She says that she has seen a lawyer and it is clear that she aims to edify me. So about ten minutes in to her speech, when she is in all of her glory, I interrupt her, “Well that’s not how it’s written.” She says all knowingly, “Written where?”…………..”In the divorce papers [bitch], I filed two weeks ago.” Silence, followed by the sound of sails falling to the deck as the wind has been taken from them.

The only response she made that I thought was a little out of the ordinary and warrants a mention here…”I wish you would have told me you were filing for divorce”.

2. Here is a transcription of a conversation that occurred about two weeks into the splitting-up-of-ten-years-of-shit process:

SW- Are you going to keep the ceiling fan?

BD- I haven’t really thought about that.

SW- Well we spent a lot of money on it.

BD- It is bolted to the house. It is the light in the bedroom that happens to have a fan on it.

SW- Well, we spent a lot of money on it.

BD- Are you saying you want to take the ceiling fan?

SW- Well, if you’re gonna keep the ceiling fan; then I’ll take the laundry basket.

3. One morning in January, after she had gone out dancing again, I woke up at about three o’CLOCK to her tugging on my COCK.

4. I got this text about three weeks before she was set to move out: Still want to go through with this? There are so many things wrong with a question like this coming to you in a text message!!!! If you mean a question like this, truly mean it and ask me while looking at me. My response…Yes.

5. We had sex every night for that last week and a half she was in the house. She came every time but only cried twice. I was proud of her.

Wow this has gotten long and holy fuck I could write a lot more. I am calling it quits for now, after all I am only a guest Blogger here (They are doing fine in China by the way) and I don’t want to over stay my welcome.

I am in a much better place in my life now. I feel liberated. Of course the change has been stressful but the most important thing is that the kids are adjusting well. We have such a great time when they are with me!!! Thanks for reading and I look forward to any thoughts you have!!

OH SHIT I ALMOST FORGOT!!!!! I was at a wedding recenlty. A woman, whom I hadn’t seen in years, came up to me and gave me a hug. She inquired about my family. I told her the kids were great but, I didn’t have a wife anymore. She said Oh what happened?!?! “She died.” I let her gasp, cover her mouth and apologize profusely for a few seconds and then told her that I was kidding. When I relayed this story to someone the next day, they said “Oh My God you killed her!!!!!!!”

I am Axel Rose.

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