Happy MILF Day!
Filed under: Eros - May 11, 2008 @ 1:50 pm
“Happy MILF Day!!!”
I got an email today that said just that, and it made me think of my latest challenge as a mother.
My daughter is 7 now, and I’ve always had a policy that I wouldn’t talk about sex with her unless she asks. I’m too worried I’ll spout off about rim jobs and orgies and the pitfalls of stripping, when all she wants to know is why it hurts to kick a guy in the nuts.
The other day she cornered me in my bedroom, flipped the lid of the sex toy box, and whipped out the glorious iRabbit. She waved it in my face and said, “OK. Now tell me what this is REALLY for.”
A while back when she was younger I talked my way out of it, since she had accidentally encountered the vibrator. I was tempted to do it again, but took a deep breath and decided she was old enough to know the truth.
“Well, that is a toy for grown up women. You put it in your vagina and it massages you on the inside and outside. It feels good.”
Her eyes lit up. “Really!? Can I try that?”
“No, it’s only for grown ups. You’re not ready for that, but maybe when you’re a teenager.”
She seemed very pleased that we were talking frankly, so she pushed on. “What about these?” She started pulling my glass dildos out one by one and laid them on the bed in a rainbow.
“Those also go in the vagina, they’re pretty, aren’t they?” {{THANK GOD I WASH MY TOYS BEFORE PUTTING THEM AWAY}}
She said, “I guess you can put all kinds of things in your vagina, right? I mean, even I was in your vagina when I was born, ha ha!” I told her you had to be careful and not get an infection or put anything dangerous up there, but that she didn’t need to think about that for a long, long time.
She grabbed the purple glass plug and said with a little smirk, “This goes up your butt, doesn’t it?”
“Yes,” I admitted. GEEZ!
I let her sample the flavored massage oil on her arm, dusted her with honeydust, and squirmed uncomfortably when she looked at Jackhammer Jesus in wonder. (”THAT is funny!”)
I sighed with relief when the interrogation was finally over - she pulled out every damn toy in that box and quizzed me. I felt awkward, but she felt great.
When her curiosity was satisfied, she beamed and gave me a huge hug and said all glowing and happy, “I’m so glad you are telling me the truth about all this! I can handle it, you know. You’re the best mommy ever.” Afterwards she kept saying, “Wow. Wow! I learned so much today!”
You can check out more mommy madness over at the Kiddo page.
May 11th, 2008 at 2:15 pm
Way to tell your kid about that stuff! Awesome!
May 11th, 2008 at 3:48 pm
happy mother’s day, TBK!
May 11th, 2008 at 3:53 pm
Oh, my goodness! It is amazing that you are honest with her. I live with repressed grandparents who truly believe sex is something terribly awkward and painful that you have to do in order to have a baby. I learned everything I know from my boyfriend at at 15 or 16 as we were doing it. You don’t want her to be in that position, not all teenage boys are like my darling was. It might feel embarrassing to you now, but she’ll thank you later.
May 11th, 2008 at 4:13 pm
I hope it’s a REALLY, REALLY long time before my daughter finds my toy drawer. . . a REALLY long time. Well handled. And, Happy Mother’s Day.
May 11th, 2008 at 5:39 pm
TBK,
I bow to your truthful-mommy-awesomeness! I am working very hard to get there with my oldest daughter and it’s hard! She’s stumbled across some of my “special” toys in the past and I’ve managed to avoid the toy talk you had by employing tactics like your “Do you want chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast?” distraction.
I want to be open and honest with my daughters but it feels weird to me because that’s not how I was raised. But I think a willingness to want to be open is the first step to getting there.
Happy MILF Day to you!
May 11th, 2008 at 6:18 pm
happy milf day TBK ! ! !
you are an awesome mommy…..
honesty is a touchy balance, its always the best policy, but only at the right moment….you followed the signs she put off and did the right thing. most moms would just lie lie lie, until one day the kid asks the mom, “whats wrong with you, why have you been lying to me all these years” then they hate you and they do bad things because they think you are trying to regulate. i am a painfully honest parent. no santa, no tooth fairy, no easter bunny, just truths…
good job tbk…..
May 11th, 2008 at 6:22 pm
by the way, WHAT THE FUCK IS JACKHAMMER JESUS….
that thing scares me, but damn that would look funny poking out between your legs….
i guess it can provide “miracle orgasms”
May 11th, 2008 at 6:32 pm
Jackhammer Jesus is a hit at parties. I’ll have to show you pics.
http://www.divine-interventions.com/jackhammer.html
May 11th, 2008 at 11:31 pm
My Gawd, woman. You are an inspiration. If I’d grown up surrounded by such honest adults it would have been a way less painful process to work my kinks out. Kudos.
May 12th, 2008 at 12:26 am
my mother was not forthcoming when we were growing up…but now, i have great laughs as i tease her about her bf…things are heating up and she gets so flustered when i question her about sex…we are very open with our mother about sex, much to her chagrin, but she blushes and just laughs good naturedly…i told her she needs to get some toys and she just says “oh, cg, you are terrible!” lmao…i love it…
kudos to you, TBK…that openness in parent-child relationships has to start so early…you make me smile!
cg
May 12th, 2008 at 1:24 pm
ha, my parent’s never explained anything to me. I learned all I knew from the romance section of the library and experience.
The weird part was that after totally sheltering me from it, my mom assumed I was having sex YEARS before I ever was. I tried to get her to believe me and she never did.
But my mom is crazy, so whatevs.
May 13th, 2008 at 7:05 am
Brava, TBK, for the way you handled the truth with the Kiddo. I can only imagine how unbelievably awkward it must have been for you but the way you handled it all was absolutely wonderful!