Ask The Slut: Why Are Female Nipples Scary?
Filed under: Ask The Slut - April 29, 2008 @ 6:00 am
Dear Slut,
Why are Americans so freaked out about breastfeeding? I mean we all like breasts, so why get upset over women exposing their boobs in public to feed their kid? And why do you freak out over nipples and girls being topless? Boobs are GOOD things, why cover ‘em up?
Superior European
Dear Snooty European,
Take my breasts, please. Wait a minute, you don’t need them - Europe is brimming over with boobage! My ex-pat friend who lives in Spain tells me that there are magazines on every newsstand showing bare breasts, and that it’s common to see women wearing nothing but a scrap of a thong on the beach. His apartment balcony overlooks the community pool, and all he has to do is sit out there and drink his beer and watch his neighbors frolic around topless.
One time he was at the Prado Museum in Madrid and a mother sat on a marble bench in the middle of one of the galleries and pretty much lowered her entire top to nurse her child. Friend reports that 90% of the patrons didn’t blink, the rest glanced for a second and then moved on, and a couple American tourists gawked a little (I’m assuming he wasn’t one of them).
We’ve got assholes like John Ashcroft covering a statue’s breast, and check out this obscenity charge against Abercrombie & Fitch. A woman writing for this student newspaper posed the same question back when Janet Jackson’s orthodontic-style nipple was shown to the world.
Meanwhile, my guy can walk around topless and flaunt his lame, flat nipples, and he has bigger breasts than The Belle and I put together! AND hair on his chest, which is way more titillating to me than nipples (on a guy anyway).
New York is one of the only places in the U.S. where it is legal for a woman to be topless in public. Check out this fun article about how a woman there scored almost $30,000 for being wrongfully arrested.
There’s the theory that Americans came over as Puritans and that mentality has persisted, but I don’t buy it. I mean, we got over the whole persecuting people for being witches thing, didn’t we? And America is such a huge melting pot now. And we LOOOVE cow nipples; we clamor to drink the milk we rape out of them in bucketfuls.
So…fuck if I know. I can only chalk it up to sexist possessive bullshit. Men think they own women and are jealous of babies. Let’s take this conversation into comments - what do you think?
PS: Here is my nipple. Suck on that!
April 29th, 2008 at 6:56 am
Just another example of how ass backward this country is. Every summer I go through this same rant. I’ll be driving my car down the street and see some old disgusting dude jogging on the sidewalk with his shirt off, looking like an escapee from the ape house! Not far from him will be a gorgeous woman in her late teens or early twenties jogging with her shirt ON, WTF! If I was making the laws, it would be illegal for him to be shirtless and illegal for her to be clothed!
April 29th, 2008 at 7:02 am
It’s not just that we came from Puritans, it’s that the majority of Americans are proud of their “piety” (and thrive on their own double standard and blatant hypocracy). “Oh! Oh! We’re the ‘Land of the Free’” Bullshit!
In a land “Free Speech”, people call you Unpatriotic if you say you hate the place. I often hate many aspects of American Culture, this being one of them. Another that you see violence, violence, violence on network television, but no female breasts at all. I call bullshit on Patriarchy. Sorry…”!”
And as for babies…Fuck them too! Little eating, crapping, crying plague reservoir, money pits. The only good baby is sleeping baby, or a baby in a costume (maybe with a fez or dressed as a bee)…awww they’re so cute…I mean fuck’em.
April 29th, 2008 at 8:25 am
I will toss a little fuel on the fire and mention what I used to see in movies. Not so far back it you saw a girl fully nude that was R rated. But if the guy was fully nude that was porn.
I mean yes lets make more money by having naked women in our crappy movie. But no, no men, they only do that in porn and we are so much better than that!!!
April 29th, 2008 at 9:00 am
I think it is ridiculous. Meanwhile, we can show women nude in movies but showing a penis is XXX. Pick a position America.
I used to work at a hospital and for lack of a place to breastfeed (because everyone is apparently disgusted by the though of naturally feeding your baby–ew, nature) a woman was attempting to breast feed in the bathroom where she had to put things down and had no where to sit, etc… I caught her by chance before she actually got underway and took her back to my office so she could at the very least be comfortable and away from gawkers but I was very disturbed by the entire situation.
I mean seriously, America? Our biggest problem boobs? For goodness sakes.
April 29th, 2008 at 11:28 am
my guess is your first photo would offend most americans not only by showing bare breasts, but because that god awful woman didn’t shave her pits!
i personally love me some women who don’t shave… mmmm… sexy.
April 29th, 2008 at 11:36 am
Oh, Oh! I once dated a German girl who didn’t shave her pits, and her hair was not curly and wiry, but smooth and silky!
-nipple
April 29th, 2008 at 2:11 pm
don’t make me turn viking on your ass capnmarrrk, i beat down baby haters…..
)
i am a giant monster baby-hater hater……
we were all babies once, don’t make me get medieval.(all anger is meant in fun
Nipples, nips, tits…..
America is the place where nudity was hidden from us, so that the man can sell it back to us…..
as a kid i would jerk off to victoria secret, like many guys did. This is proof of how fucking repressed we are. i am a proud advocate of doing whatever the fuck you wanna do, and pulling a shot-gun out if anyone tries to stop you.(as long as you are following the Golden Rule - Treat others the way you would like to be treated) or in other words breastfeed that baby wherever and however you want to, and let everyone else get used to it. it is our fear that reciprocates the whole repression. instead of talkig about how fucked up america is about nudity, just go outside and get naked, push the limits. not only NYC is down with breasts but i’ve heard that the state of vermont is cool with FULL NUDITY in public ! ! ! i just watched a movie last night that i got from blockbuster that contained FULL FRONTAL MALE NUDITY, movie-WALK HARD.
this just shows we ARE loosening up as a society. whew, thank god.
FREE YOUR TITTIES ! ! ! ! !
April 29th, 2008 at 2:30 pm
I would be jealous of babies, if I wasn’t one myself! I certainly don’t want to own women, I want them to own me!
April 29th, 2008 at 3:58 pm
My personal opinion is that breasts have been turned into sexual organs by society instead of what they really are…milk factories. Yes, they are sexually attractive and we all love to see a good pair, but their initial purpose for being there is to one day feed our babies.
So, media and angry old white men have decided that they are too much of a sexual power, who knows what crazy things men would do if women were allowed to just show them off!! (men, i would be offended) Therefore, seeing a baby suck on one makes people awkward because all they see is a baby sucking on something sexual, or dirty, something that should be covered in PASTIES. Its the old Madonna-Whore thing. In America we are only allowed to be the modest, loving, shining ray of perfect woman-hood who would be downright embarrassed to breast feed in public, or a sex object who takes off their clothes on a 50 foot screen for men (and women) to gawk at.
When I have babies, I for one plan on breastfeeding in public constantly. I’m supposed to let my baby starve until I can find a “private” place? Screw you.
April 30th, 2008 at 3:39 pm
There are so many ways to sound off on this topic. Being a female with nipples, a mother who breastfed and someone who has worked in the mother/baby field for the past 10 years, I am still consistantly disgusted with the ignorant fuckers who try to sexualize (and thus make it prohibitive) everything about the female form.
Bottom line I think we should return to a goddess worshipping ways.
April 30th, 2008 at 4:39 pm
as an aside, some of the most beautiful pictures I have ever seen are of a mother breastfeeding her child while the baby looks up at her adoringly.
May 1st, 2008 at 7:26 am
Yeah fuck breastfeeding in a public bathroom! Would you want to take your lunch and eat in there?
I so want to go somewhere where I can be naked outdoors this summer. Forty acre, bitches! http://www.fortyacreclub.com/
May 1st, 2008 at 4:04 pm
As someone who lived in Germany for 3 years and spent a few evenings naked at the Sauna, I’ll say Americans are fucked up about nudity. I always dreamed of being in the girl’s locker room (ala Porky’s) and when I got to the local Sauna I realized there was only one locker room for both sexes. Wow!
A gorgeous young frau at the locker next to me stripped, grabbed her towel (over the shoulder) and went off to relax and sweat. I was worried about erections but nothing ever “came up”.
The American nipple problem has to do with trying to repress female sexual satisfaction. Male nipples (in general) aren’t that sensitive. I mean it feels nice when my wife sucks mine, but nothing compared to what she gets when I worship her wonderful titties!!! Since the radical right makes the most noise about things, and they don’t want women enjoying sex (why else would Alabama ban vibrators) the female nipple is verboten.
As for me, I’ve never met a (natural) boobie I didn’t like!!!