Triad FAQ
Filed under: Triad - March 25, 2008 @ 1:00 pm
So here’s the deal. We’re already getting a ton of questions about the triad thing, so I’m creating this FAQ that will be a work in progress. If you have a question, leave it as a comment, and I’ll add it to the list. We’re learning as we go!
What the hell are you talking about?
A triad is three people dating each other and in a relationship. See this post.
So you’re polyamorous then?
Yes. Right now we’re in a closed triad. We regard ourselves as a family.
Are you swingers?
Not really, though we will tie up a cute sub girl if she begs.
What are your sexual orientations?
He is straight, she is bi, I am bi-furious.
What do you call each other?
We’re going with partners for now.
What is your ranking?
We are all equals.
Aw come on, who is the focal point?
We all play a key part - I think The Beau is critical - if either one of the women weren’t in the picture, I could easily imagine a happy couple, but if The Beau weren’t in the picture, I’m not sure The Belle and I would be a couple on our own. Great friends, sure, but I think we both like having a man in our life.
I was the catalyst for the whole thing - The Beau never would have considered someone who already had a boyfriend, but I was able to see past that. I also encouraged their friendship, and I am the sexual energy source in our dynamic.
And of course without The Belle, we wouldn’t be a triad!
All three of us share an amazing connection - yeah the whole thing is titillating and new, but in some ways it already feels natural and right.
So what about her boyfriend? I’ve kind of always wondered about him. Did he know about what was going on at your house while she was there? Is he nice? A jerk? Does he know what’s going on now?
The Belle broke up with her boyfriend. (See her comment under this post for more details.) He knew what was going on the whole time - they had boundaries in place that were respected and she was open and honest with him. It was OK with him for her to date and be sexual with me while she was still with him, and it was only after she broke up with him that she began dating The Beau. Her ex is a nice guy. He knows about this blog and plans to read it.
How does it work with two doms and a sub?
I always imagined my fantasy triad as being with a younger sub woman who joined my established couple (yep, she’s 25, I’m 35, he’s 40). He is definitely dom, I am definitely sub, and she is a switch - the dom stuff comes naturally for her, and she’s enjoying exploring her inner sub. Makes for lots of great fantasy combinations, and hey we’re always learning and expanding our fetish checklist.
Who sleeps in the middle?
The Belle and I take turns sleeping in the middle - it’s too hot for The Beau. So he just cuddles in the middle.
What size bed do you have?
Queen. Yes it’s a little crowded.
What about alone time? Do you ever get the house to yourself?
I like my alone time, and can have as much of it as I want, I just need to ask. I have the house to myself right now as I type. They, on the other hand, like constant company, which works out great for me, because I can pass on an event and know that I’m not making my partner go solo.
What will your daughter think?
She’s thrilled with the situation. She adores The Belle - not to mention her two kittens and dog.
What will your families think?
My family is fine with it. Not sure how his and her families are going to take it, and which aspect of it will bother them the most - the carpet munching? imagining us doing it? the non-monogamy?
How do we ensure that everyone’s needs are met?
By talking about any feeling that comes up, even if it is awkward or embarrassing.
Will you get married and have rings?
If all goes well we would like to have a commitment ceremony/celebration a year or so from now, with matching rings. One of us will marry The Beau legally for practicality purposes, and we’ll see a lawyer about making the three-way union as legit as possible.
What about kids?
I have my 7-yr-old daughter, but we’d like to have another kid if things work out, sure - The Baby Kind. 
March 25th, 2008 at 1:41 pm
So, I’m not so sure how I feel about this — and I think it mainly has to do with the fact it’s so foreign and I don’t like to share.
After having a little time to process, I guess it’s more the merrier, if you can actually make it work — how beautiful, how lovely! It’s great!
However, a relationship with one is hard enough, adding another person to the mix sounds like trouble — but maybe that’s simply because we all haven’t evolved there yet. Maybe three makes it better.
In any event, I applaud the risk and the love you all share and wish you the best of luck.
March 25th, 2008 at 2:05 pm
So what about her boyfriend? I guess he’s out of the pic? I’ve kind of always wondered about him. Did he know about what was going on at your house while she was there? Is he nice? A jerk? Does he know what’s going on now?
March 25th, 2008 at 2:35 pm
I assume you meant bi-curious? Unless you’re furiously bi, I guess that’s also possible . . .
March 25th, 2008 at 2:39 pm
Yep, bi-furious.
grrrr hee
March 25th, 2008 at 2:45 pm
Sounds like a happy little family to me.
March 25th, 2008 at 3:55 pm
If I was one of your family members I would HATE it. You’re tripling their holiday/birthday gift duties instead of just doubling them like most people. How annoying.
I also wonder if part of the allure is that you can avoid being pregnant again.
This concept doesn’t seem attractive to me at all, though, for one because I like my alone time. I barely get much with one other person, and I would be supremely annoyed with two….do you ever get the house to yourself?
March 25th, 2008 at 3:59 pm
You guys are starting to put ideas in my head. Ideas like, hmmm two sugar mamas would be much better than one!!
March 25th, 2008 at 8:28 pm
this FAQ was a really great idea…
March 25th, 2008 at 10:18 pm
The Beau is an absolute stud… I am so proud!!!
March 25th, 2008 at 10:20 pm
and a bit envious at this point… Okay maybe a lot envious but don’t tell anyone. It would ruin my image.. His wardrobe does need a bit of tweaking though.
March 25th, 2008 at 10:31 pm
Jesus Tap-Dancing Christ, you guys have balls. Well, the Beau does at least. I tip my hat to you all, and wish you the best of luck.
March 26th, 2008 at 6:27 am
B-Diddle, when you say the Beau’s wardrobe needs tweaking, are you thinking shirts unbuttoned half way down, large gold chain/rings etc? Cause thats what Im thinking, you know, Big Pimpin!!!
March 26th, 2008 at 8:45 am
The Baby Kind…that’s gold!
March 26th, 2008 at 10:04 am
Today he went to teach class wearing cargo pants and a white t-shirt with cartoons on it underneath a suit jacket. He almost wore his House M.D. sneakers but decided on black shoes instead.
Stylin’
March 26th, 2008 at 1:09 pm
Clearly it’s The Beau’s sexy wit and naive charm that is winning us over, not his lackluster wardrobe. His clothes have more holes in them than his bitches. We seriously need to take him shopping.
March 26th, 2008 at 1:38 pm
Maybe you could pick him up some fine duds at
http://www.pimpcostumes.com/
March 26th, 2008 at 3:48 pm
You do need to TAKE him shopping….
March 26th, 2008 at 4:51 pm
Hey congrats on the triad! Or as my partner and I like to call them… THRUPLES.
heh.
Strangely, living in SF, you would think that I would know more thruples but I don’t! Most of our friends are standard issue straight couples (with the occasional monogamous gay couple thrown in).
I keep hearing about triads though from friends of friends though. I knew a couple that was trying to expand and was dating thirds, but no one stuck around. I think coming into an already established relationship as a third person has to be difficult. Sounds like you guys have good communication though.
If you guys do have a commitment ceremony - you better invite us!
March 26th, 2008 at 4:53 pm
Also.
I can’t believe you guys have a queen size bed! We’re on a California King and sometimes I wish it were bigger!
March 26th, 2008 at 10:05 pm
HA! “His clothes have more holes in them than his bitches.”
Beau, revel in this moment and let the ladies dress you. You apparently need HELP with your wardrobe and I’m so envious of you. Be patient. Let Belle and TBK play dress up — you know, make you presentable.
BEAU IS MY HERO!
March 26th, 2008 at 11:18 pm
TBK sez:
“I always imagined my fantasy triad as being with a younger sub woman who joined my established couple (yep, she’s 25, I’m 35, he’s 40).”
I laughed out loud at your proud declaration of recognizing your inner cougar, and this makes me smile again. You can’t possibly believe that it’s an accident that you’re getting what you always imagined, right?
March 27th, 2008 at 12:05 am
I think both gals are just as studly as The Beau Kind. Why do they men always get all the glory? He didn’t even suggest it, per the FAQ… HONESTLY what is wrong with this world?
How exciting! Thruple is my fav too. The House of Thruple…
March 28th, 2008 at 1:32 pm
I don’t know if I’d use the word “studly,” but these gals ARE incredible!
In my defense (on the wardrobe issue), I consider myself a blank canvas for my partner’s (now partners’) fashion sense. The problem at the moment is that I’ve been left to buying my own clothes for a while and the TB’sK haven’t had a chance yet to go shopping together. I’m sure we’ll be updating my wardrobe soon. …Regarding Dor’s comment, I do retain veto authority over pimp costumes!…
March 30th, 2008 at 1:24 pm
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