The Triad
Filed under: Triad - March 25, 2008 @ 6:00 am
For years I’ve dreamed of having a real triad - I wanted a husband and a wife. That way I could fully actualize my bisexuality, which is hugely important to me. I usually only get to be with women sporadically (in fact, that was one of the best parts of swinging - it afforded a steady diet of pussy.) Even better, I could regularly have sex with more than one person I loved at once.
I brought the triad concept up to The Beau when we first started dating last year, and he seemed open to it, despite a solid career of monogamy. Late last year, as we got to know The Belle better, he had an epiphany and suggested that she might be the right person for us to pursue this dream. We all got along so well, and connected on so many levels. At first I wasn’t sold on the idea, but as we kept spending time with her, I fell for her, and by then the thought of the three of us being together seemed too good to be true.
We formally broached the idea with her last month, so she’s had less time than any of us to mull it over. She took a courageous leap and made the decision to leave behind the comfortable life she had in exchange for a life with us. She’s so brave. We’re all brave. If we can make it work, it will be amazing.
The funny thing is, I’m the one who is most used to the idea, but I think I’m having the hardest time adjusting. I was hoping we could start out slow, but circumstances have forced a sudden culmination. (She’s moving in with us one month after she started dating me and the same weekend she started dating him.) In fantasy, a triad sounds like “ohFUN!” In reality, it translates more into “ohFUCK!”
There are SO many intricate issues to consider: What do we call each other? What is our ranking? Who will sleep in the middle? If I want to call my partners to tell them something, who should I call first? If The Beau gets invited to a faculty dinner, which one of us will go with him? What will my daughter think? What will our families think? How do we ensure that everyone’s needs are met?
I’ll answer these questions and more as we figure them out.
March 25th, 2008 at 8:01 am
Hope you guys don’t get too much backlash from your families over your arrangement. When my wife and I decided that I would be a stay at home husband both my mom and her mom were pretty freaked out. Oddly women seemed to take issue with it more than men. If this is what you guys want and know its right for you don’t let anyone tell you its wrong. Anytime any of us do something that is outside the strict guidelines that society has set for us we get judged. Do not let these people get to you, they are like frightened children who are afraid to go against the grain even if its what’s right for them or what they want deep inside.
March 25th, 2008 at 9:01 am
Beau can always apply the “Tripper Defense” and pretend he is gay when the Mr. Roper is snooping around ;)*
This is just a thought (from no experience) about not making the Triad a source of your collective identity. You are who you are, it is what it is…moving on.
*Come on knock on our doorrrrr,
We’ve been waiting for youuuuuu,
Where the kissess are hers and hers and his
Three is Company Tooooooo
Rumor has it also that 3 is a Magic Number.
March 25th, 2008 at 9:25 am
How bout this one,
Come and knock up my whore she’s been waiting for you!
March 25th, 2008 at 10:41 am
We’ve actually been reflecting on Three’s Company around the house lately. Keep your eye out for a commenter named B-Diddle. He’s Larry (Jack’s friend from upstairs). We’ve been trying to figure out who Mr. Roper is??? Maybe Dor is our “virtual” Mr. Roper?
March 25th, 2008 at 10:50 am
That might be appropriate, even though Im only 35, I think Im already turning into a bit of a curmudgeon!
March 25th, 2008 at 11:30 am
Lovely coming out photo.
March 25th, 2008 at 11:53 am
That is awesome that you all have what you want. I would only state the obvious that it might take a bit more to work out everything. But if this is what you all truly want then make it happen. Congrats
March 25th, 2008 at 5:51 pm
(points to Dor, comment one) Actually, it makes perfect sense why those women took issue to it. In our ancestral programming, the male was the provider essential for survival. Of course that’s different in the modern age now, but the past hundred years isn’t nearly enough to change what’s handed down over millions of years. Therefor even the most liberated woman might feel a primal nature of disapproval in a role swapping situation because it’s against what humans have been hardwired with.
March 25th, 2008 at 5:53 pm
Hmm…Beau, Beautiful, Belle.
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BBB.org
March 25th, 2008 at 5:58 pm
I guess I get that Virgin but that doesn’t explain why men haven’t had the same reaction. Haven’t men had the same millions of years of programming to be the provider?
March 25th, 2008 at 6:16 pm
You don’t think that other men snigger when they hear about a “Mr. Mom?”
March 25th, 2008 at 6:24 pm
Im not a mom, we don’t have children. Im sure that my situation isn’t right for all men but most I’ve come across have expressed that they would love to do what Im doing. I’ve heard the terms, “I wish I could find a woman like that” and “Does your wife have a sister?” many times.
March 25th, 2008 at 6:39 pm
Nah, I’m not talking about you specifically, moreso the opinion of other men talking behind backs about “Mr. Moms,” etc. Not all humans have to adopt primal norms, there are always, ALWAYS exceptions to the rule. Such as your trio up there. Consider it a triumph over your genes if you will
Back on subject, as nice as it sounds, I’m not sure most men could take staying at home. It’s like how happy you think people will be when they win the lottery and can quit their jobs, but often times you hear they keep their jobs. Old habits die hard.
March 25th, 2008 at 6:48 pm
Your absolutely right Virgin, alternative lifestyles are not for everyone. For some of us however, living a traditional life would be a nightmare. We do what we do because it works for us and our situation and would not necessarily recommend it to others.
March 25th, 2008 at 7:23 pm
Dor congrats to you in living a life many would not. my man would LOVE to be a house husband. alas, we do not have the financial freedom at this time for that. and where i work we have two “house husbands/fathers” and it works. for a long time i made more than my man. didn’t bother him. and then he got a new job and made more. he made the comment once that as long as we trade off every few years as to who makes more we are both moving ahead.
i say bravo for “non-traditional” relationships and families. it can work.
i’m not sure i could be a triad but i am very eager to hear from TBK, Beau and Belle on how things go and what we can all learn.
March 25th, 2008 at 10:07 pm
I am so excited about how many people are reading this blog!! Imagine all the readers who don’t leave comments. To those people…c’mon c’mon make up a name and post!!!! You have to admit this shit is getting very interesting.
I don’t know a lot about Three’s Company, but I do know that somebody needs to call the landlord to fix all the “leaks” that have been occurring around the “Triple B-Dome” lately!!!