Snickers Gone Wild
Filed under: Vexed - March 17, 2008 @ 1:00 pmOK, what the fuck is this? I’ll tell you. It’s SNICKERS CHARGED.
Why does a candy bar need caffeine and taurine added to it? Why does a candy bar have to be fucked with to the point that it’s “not suitable for children, pregnant women, or people sensitive to caffeine”?
What the hell is taurine anyway? (”Bull semen,” my friend told me.) I looked it up:
Taurine is a nonessential sulfur-containing amino acid that functions with glycine and gamma-aminobutyric acid as a neuroinhibitory transmitter. At times of extreme physical exertion, the body no longer produces the required amounts of taurine, and a deficiency results.
Who are all these people who are exerting themselves so much that they need extra taurine?
Of course I bought one and tried it. It tasted slightly less comforting, and I didn’t feel like a superhero afterwards. I think I’ll just stick with people semen from now on.
March 17th, 2008 at 2:26 pm
Heh.
The answer is: The Man. It’s always the The Man. The Man wants all your money, and is willing to jack up your children to get it. He is a Changling who will insinuate himself into all the latest trends then turn on a dime to rake in that last buck.
The Man is supported by an army of Advertisers and Marketers who have sold their ideals to move product for the privilege of a casual dress code and office beer on Fridays.
The Man does other things too but mostly works hardest at keeping me down. You go ahead and gobble up that man seed! Don’t let him change your tastes like he did to far too many people with Diet Coke (who can drink that shit?). Don’t let the Man tell you what’s right and what’s cool! The best way to Fuck The Man is keeping on with your lifestyle. Your bisexual…swinging…BDSM…corset piercing…dildo wearing…um…lifestyle? Yeah! Lifestyle…Fuck The Man!
March 17th, 2008 at 3:07 pm
Do a little research on aspartame and you’ll find that a Mr. Donald Rumsfeld helped bring that wonderful shit to the mass market. I wont touch it with a 10 inch dick, not that I have one to try! Check out this link
http://www.newswithviews.com/NWVexclusive/exclusive15.htm
March 17th, 2008 at 3:25 pm
bull semen? yuck
March 17th, 2008 at 5:39 pm
You based on the label I think there might also be powdered rhino horn in it too.
March 17th, 2008 at 6:47 pm
i am more than mildly disturbed with the increasing number of ingestible products that contain some form of a “pick-me-up”…why must the pendulum always swing between extremes…
cg
March 18th, 2008 at 12:48 am
Aspartame gives me migraine headaches. I KNEW Rumsfeld was behind that.
March 18th, 2008 at 11:40 am
70% of all the complaints received by the FDA are pertaining to aspartame. It is a Neuro-toxin when ingested in an imbalanced form, IE-in a fucking candy bar, or soda.
Many people that believe they have MS actually are experiencing aspartame toxicity. Its such a problem because most doctors don’t even know this fact.
Pay attention.
I OFTEN see people at the supermarket, who clearly have muscle diminishing disease, they are usually sitting in a wheel chair…..AND THEY HAVE A FULL CART OF DIET SODA ! ! ! ! !AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
and i just don’t have the balls or the heart to go up to them and tell them, of this possibility.
we live in a fucked-ass country.
March 18th, 2008 at 6:51 pm
I’m confused. TBK said the candy bar had TAURINE, not aspartame.
Anyway, agreed- aspartame is evil. Monsanto is evil. Aspartame was rejected by the FDA for years, but now it’s in everything. Read “Skinny Bitch” for more on this and other horrors.