A Shot of Everclear…In the Leg
Filed under: Heebie Jeebies - March 7, 2008 @ 6:00 am
I saw a documentary a few months ago called Whole. It’s about people who have BIID - Body Integrity Identity Disorder. What is BIID? A person who has BIID is someone who is transabled.
From the website transabled.com:
In a nutshell, someone who is transabled “wants” to be disabled. But it is not so much a “want” as much as a “need.”
Our “desire” is more a reflection of the fact that our self-image is that of a paraplegic (or amputee, or blind, or any number of other disabilities) than that of an able bodied man or woman.
In Whole, pretty much all the people featured wanted one of their legs amputated. But with BIID, a person can yearn for paralysis, deafness, a certain disease such as multiple sclerosis. Most people with BIID hide it from their friends and family like a shameful secret, since most react negatively. Some are “wannabes” and pretend to have a disability, while others take measures to actually achieve the disability.
To me it’s comparable to being transgendered, feeling the need to become another gender. BIID is extreme body modification - going way beyond a tattoo or lip piercing. Just think - that person you see at the mall in a wheelchair - he or she may be able-bodied, but feels more comfortable getting around in a chair.
I told a friend of mine about the documentary, and she got really excited that I had seen it. She asked what I thought. I said, “Well sure I get it - I mean it’s strange to think of a person who doesn’t feel complete until they remove one of their legs, but hey. Of course, I don’t know anyone personally with BIID.”
“Yes you do,” she said.
It turns out a friend of ours has BIID.
His desire is to have his right leg paralyzed from the knee down. He planned on paralyzing it himself at home, and he let me watch him do it.
Here is what he needed in order to pull it off: a syringe, saline and Everclear. Injecting the Everclear straight could cause tissue death, so it needed to be diluted.
I watched as his mixed the alcohol with saline (do I need to tell you not to try this at home?) and filled up the syringe with the solution. He injected it into an area right below his knee.
“If he misses and hits a vein, he’ll just get a buzz!” my friend explained as we watched, eating chips and dip.
The first dose didn’t do anything, so he tried a second shot. This time his leg went numb, and gave him the effect he was after. His foot went floppy.
Happy, he stumbled out of the room to put on his leg brace. Five days later, and he reports that the leg is still without sensation. He’s hoping the treatment lasts at least six months (the nerves eventually repair themselves.) Oh, and he’s going to do the other leg, too.
March 7th, 2008 at 3:49 pm
Hey TBK,
I’m going to risk your wrath here and say that I disapprove of your neutral stance on this issue. Even if you objected to the procedure but then sat and watched it.
Your friend’s friend is risking serious disability and death even if they desire this outcome. I’m not exactly sure where the line between throwing up one’s hands towards self-destructive behavior and actively intervening lies but this, I think, is beyond that point.
People are frequently self-destructive for a variety of reasons generally related to self-esteem issues and I think it is up to friends to do all they can to prevent such behavior. It’s not always possible to stop it, and frankly, not worth the effort usually, but I would say sitting calmly by as a witness rather than refusing to be part of such an activity makes you at least passively enabling.
Tom
March 7th, 2008 at 5:58 pm
@Tom, the idea is indeed to get a “serious disability”. You call this self-destructive behaviour. I see it as a way to finally align our bodies with what our psyche tells us we’re like. It is very much like Gender Identity Disorder. Take the “typical” story of the transsexual and you get the “typical” story of someone who has BIID. The only way to “cure” GID is to transition (with or without surgery, but generally Gender Reassignment Surgery (GRS) is required).
The medical community is unable to assist those of us with BIID. Medication doesn’t help. Psychology or psychiatry doesn’t help. Don’t take my word for it, read the research on http://biid-info.org or talk to specialists such as Dr. Michael First, a psychiatrist who is the chief editor of the DSM. The *only* thing that really knocks it on the head is to get the desired body image. Everyone we know of who has BIID and subsequently became an amputee report that their only regret is to not have done it sooner.
Yes, there is a risk of death involved. I don’t want to die. But frankly, I don’t want to continue living in this body. I’ll gladly risk death for it.
As for the author of the post (sorry, I don’t know your name), thank you for raising the issue of BIID. I personally would not have been quite as specific as you were on the method used, because of the legal liability, but heck, it’s your blog
March 8th, 2008 at 5:26 pm
It’s been 2 days since I did my other leg and I’m doing great! I’m now officially an incomplete paraplegic. I now need my leg braces to walk normally. Hell, no one I work with has even noticed that there’s anything different!
I’ve also noticed that I’ve been able to focus my thoughts better, which other people have noticed too. Instead of obsessing over wanting to be paralyzed, my mind is now free to think about what’s happening in the world around me.
March 9th, 2008 at 1:47 am
“Self-obsessed, pampered shits who need to get a life” is a phrase that comes to mind when I think about these people. I mean, seriously? Way to insult all the human beings who have gone through the horrible experience of losing a limb through no choice of their own. I don’t equate it with being transgendered, I equate it with being a fucking psycho.
My ex lost a leg through a motorcycle accident and I can’t begin to imagine the outrage he would feel if he found out there are people who are living such luxurious lives that they are able to yearn to be permanently crippled for no reason other then cos they feel like it.
Sorry to be all intolerant on your blog, BTK, but, opinions… I have ‘em, and this is one of the stronger ones.
March 10th, 2008 at 9:02 am
http://abcnews.go.com/Primetime/Health/Story?id=1806125&page=1
March 10th, 2008 at 3:28 pm
I know that acquiring a disability is a horrible thing for most people, and so imagining why someone would want such a thing invites such responses as believing people want a disability because they want attention, or because they are “pampered” and living “luxurious” lives.
But to people with BIID, the physical impairments are far less a handicap than the mental impairment. It’s not like wanting a new car. It’s more like feeling that the only way you can escape from the obsessive thoughts of being an amputee is to take your own limb off. It’s not an act of fanciful desire but an act of despair.
I think that by reducing BIID down to nothing more than self-obsession, you are ignoring the mental anguish these people face.
March 10th, 2008 at 4:25 pm
Put it this way: I would seriously doubt that people who have grown up in countries less pampered than the extremely wealthy places these people come from would have this condition.
Read that article posted by Unbelievable, and read it right to the end - the guy regrets doing it, can’t believe he was so stupid, wonders what the fuck he was thinking. Clearly he’s gotten over his obsession. Also, the wiki on it points out that it’s often possible that it’s a neurological problem similar to somatophrenia, and that means the whole thing could be fixed in many cases by simply squirting water in the ear - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Apotemnophilia.
Much, much less horrendous than cutting off limbs. Another article I got to by following a couple of links there also mentions that anti-depressants have helped many people to completely shed the crazed yearning to be a cripple.
I think that agreeing with and supporting people who say the only way out of their despair is to cut their limbs off is a little too indulgent - sure they face mental anguish; they’re mentally ill. You don’t agree with suicidal people that they should kill themselves just because they tell you it’s the only way they’ll feel better.
March 10th, 2008 at 6:03 pm
Manj,
I happen to be a close friend of the main person in the link you gave to the ABC News site. She was extremely angry at the MISREPRESENTATION from the press on that. Also, the author focused on one case of a person who regrets it, but conveniently does not mention the dozens (yes, dozens) of people who are completely happy post impairment.
As for the Wikipedia entry, yes, there is possible evidence that it might be neurological. No, the VCS treatment does NOT actually resolve it (the same neurologist who are finding emerging evidence about neurological aspect are also finding that VCS isn’t working).
As for the article on anti-depressants, I’m not sure where you found that, but the only couple references I’ve seen to it are also innacurate and unsupported. There is much more evidence that anti-depressant medication, as well as OCD medication has no effect on BIID. None.
What aspects of impairments/disabilities affects you so much, is so negative, that you react that way?
March 11th, 2008 at 1:46 am
Sean et al, do you really think all those people who do regret deliberately cutting entire body parts off are going to get vocal about regretting it? That would just make them look even more stupid.
I agree that my initial “psycho” comment was a bit over the top, but yeah, my outrage gets pretty intense when I think about people encouraging a desire to amputate for no physical reason. I mean, get a fucking hobby, for christ’s sake.
I actually have many friends who are genuinely and unwillingly disabled, including a boyfriend, an aunt, and a girlfriend who, last year, had a nurse accidentally inject a vaccine into her nerve instead of her vein, and lost complete use of her right arm. She is just slowly gaining movement now, but for someone who’s a drummer, a calligrapher and a painter, it was horrific. She had an electrode thingy implanted into her spine and arm, connected to a box she wore strapped to her back, to make sure the nerves and muscles didn’t atrophy.
I don’t see this type of mental health disorder as something to be coddled and encouraged. I see it as something that needs more research as soon as possible so we can find out a way to stop physically well people becoming handicapped burdens for no reason, none at all.
March 11th, 2008 at 7:40 am
@Sean,
I appreciate the time you took to respond to me and I’ve looked at the research and articles and it seems very simple to me.
A friend wants to behave in self-destructive behavior. Our choices are:
1) Pat them on the back and say it’s ok.
2) Try to help them and prevent them from behaving this way.
Would you encourage a woman to date a man who abuses her because “she loves him”?
Would you encourage an alcoholic to keep drinking because he wants to forget his misery?
It is very, very obvious to me what is right and what is wrong.
Now, can a person prevent another from destroying themselves? Generally not. People bent on self destruction are usually committed to their actions.
What you completely fail to understand is that I’m talking about my behavior, not yours. I couldn’t live with myself if I let a friend do this without trying to prevent it. So, wreck your life, cut your balls off, jump off a freaking bridge, I’ve made my attempt. You are sick and nothing will ever convince me otherwise.
Tom
March 11th, 2008 at 4:15 pm
Completely agree with Tom. Sorry, BTK. But watching with chips and dip? Would you watch a teenage girl slicing up her arms with a razorblade in the same way? They are just as disturbed and I don’t draw much of a line between the two, except that adults can be more persuasive.
And, Sean, your point that it’s like being transgendered is waaay off the mark, matey. Genders and sexual orientations flow across a spectrum that is naturally varied. Limbedness is not fluid in the same way; people are born whole except in cases of horrifying deformities, which are rarely only physical. To equate transgendered people with amputee wannabes - attention-seekers in the extreme - is as wrong to me as equating them with actual non-choice amputees.
March 11th, 2008 at 7:38 pm
Pampered? Extremely wealthy? What gives you that idea Manj? My family’s no where near “wealthy”. I work 40 hours a week washing cars at a dealership even though I’m now “disabled”. My supervisor actually said I’ve improved in the past couple weeks! How could you say I’m a “handicapped burden”? I take care of myself.
I’d take a physical impairment over a mental impairment any day; which is what I did.
March 11th, 2008 at 9:15 pm
@ Manj, You’re not the first person to tell me I’m sick and I need to seek help. The problem is that there is no (*(@#&&^##$($& help available. Psychotherapy doesn’t help. Psychiatry doesn’t help. Various talk therapies, and even cognitive-behaviour therapy doesn’t help. Medication does not help. Heck, you’re lucky if you encounter a shrink that even KNOWS what BIID is. Don’t tell me to go get help, “matey”. There IS no help.
As for the comparison to GID, I’m not the only one to make it. Don’t take my word for it. Even Dr. First, the principal editor of the DSM says so. Surely he has a clue? If you think he’s clueless, that basically means you think the entire DSM is incorrect, aye?
As for your family and friends who have impairments that they did not want, I am sorry to hear that. I happen to have many friends with disabilities that were either born that way or acquired impairment through trauma or illness. It is not something I would wish on people who don’t need it. But it is also not the end of the world.
@ Tom, your point is well taken. But your comparison to someone staying with an abuser, or an alcoholic is somewhat off the mark. I could go on about disabilities not being a negative in and of itself, something that most disability rights activist seem to agree on (see Social Model of Disability on Wikipedia), but I won’t here.
While the comment of “chips & dips” may appear a bit flippant, I think that the “spectators” showed extreme kindness. I believe A was going to do it no matter what. To have been there was a safety net in case something went seriously wrong.
My 2 cents. I don’t think I’ll bother continuing arguing about this. Sometimes we have to agree to disagree, and it is obvious that Manj and I will never see eye to eye.
March 12th, 2008 at 6:44 pm
As close friend of A, I have this to say. If it makes someone happy to do something, as long as it doesn’t effect others, who are we to hinder them? I don’t think I have ever seen A smile as much in the 6+ years that I have known him than he has in the last few days. I may not exactly understand his reasoning, or the urge he has to be paralyzed. But I do see how happy he is now because of it.
I think the drunk/ abusive analogy is flawed. Both of those scenarios are ones that destroy the person’s quality of life, where the self-impairing of BIID sufferers is improving theirs. A isn’t hurting anyone by doing it. He isn’t needing any kind of special attention from others now. Heck, I didn’t even know about it till he told me (about 2 or 3 days afterwards) and we had hung out at least a few of those nights.
I am sure there are those out there who do claim to have BIID just to get attention from others, but they are the types that will do just about anything to get attention. This is just one extreme way of doing it. You can’t lump everyone who claims to have BIID into the attention getters category.
Manj, I am sorry to hear that quite a few people in your life have been impaired at no fault of their own, but please understand that to some people it isn’t a bad thing. Just because you think it is bad, does not make it so.
Let me just reiterate, I am an able bodied person and I love being that way. I cringe at the thought of losing the use of even a finger. I don’t even want to think about losing limbs. But I am not the end all say all of things. So if someone else out there wants to, who am I to tell them no? To me, someone removing one of their limbs to feel better is like getting a tattoo. You better make damn well sure its what you want before you do it, cause once its done - its done. You gotta live with it after that, for better or worse. I have no right to tell you no or to stop.
One thing watching Sesame Street taught me is this, “You do it your way, I’ll do it mine. Get the funky rhythm and we’ll both do fine.” Either love someone for who they are, or leave them where they are at.
March 13th, 2008 at 9:32 pm
Hi Clowny and the rest,
Does it ever, ever strike you that people are absolutely entitled to an opinion on things, whether you like the opinion or not? I may not like the idea of unnecessary amputation, and I may be vocal about my anger that this society produces such ridiculous illnesses - and that is my greatest gripe about it - but I’m not saying people should be forbidden from doing it. On the contrary, chop off anything you like, folks! It’s none of my business.
What I DO think should be restricted is the idea that it is something perfectly normal on the spectrum of normal human health. I think that, like suicidal impulses, it is something that should be discouraged as much as possible, lest it turns out to be just a short-term obsession. How tragic to have a mental illness that makes you cripple yourself, and then get better one day! We don’t know enough about it to be saying amputating or paralysing is the only avenue. I don’t think anybody should be ostracised for their crazy desires, but don’t coddle and encourage them, for heaven’s sake.
And that’s really all I have to say on it. Kay? Kay.
March 14th, 2008 at 7:10 pm
You bring up a valid point manj, but i ask you.. what is normal these days? Everyone has some kind of disease or condition now (Which i understand you have a problem with). So how is this any different than any other disease or condition? I can’t say I have ever heard of someone with chronic suicidal tendencies. I have to agree with you on the point that I believe that counseling and any kind of help available should be offered to those who are just discovering their biid, so that they can make sure they do suffer from it and not just a passing fad. In the case of A though, it hasn’t been a short term thing, so I feel what he has done is ok (you do know the whole everclear in the leg thing causes only temporary paralysis right?)
As for the opinion comment, it does occur to me that everyone has one. I was simply giving you my opinion of your opinion.
Thank you for reading.
March 29th, 2008 at 10:46 am
Well alcohol to peripher nerves will cause pain. This kind of neurolysis is only a treatment due of cancer pain. You can use alcohol to the spinal courd. I know some people who become paralysed because of an injection of alcohol and they feel well. Many people with BIID are not true suffers. Only people who take the risk for a self treatment are the true suffers.
April 5th, 2008 at 8:23 pm
Sansibar, your statement that only the people who take the risk are true BIID sufferers is simply ludicrous.