The Beautiful Kind

Dear Slut,
I’m a self-described nice guy with a job that (literally) takes me all over the planet. Since I’m not content to stay in my hotel room on these trips I’m constantly out meeting new women in different cities around the globe. Inevitably some of these end up in longer-term relationships and sex.

But here’s the problem: I’m not monogamous nor do I have any plans to be so in the immediate future. When I meet these women I don’t want to lead them on or lie to them but it’s very difficult to steer the conversation to this topic and even more difficult to be completely honest if the subject does come up. How does one tactfully address this in a new relationship?

As an aside, if I met the right person I would absolutely be willing to be monogamous with her. For right now though, I’m just not there yet. I have a girlfriend in <foreign city> and in <foreign city> and when I’m in the states I sleep with other women and even some couples! How do you bring this up with someone you haven’t known for very long?

Actually, now that I think about it, I would even extend this into a two-parter: how and when (if ever) should you bring this up with your friends? That question is a whole column in itself. In what situations should you and which are the ones where you shouldn’t?
- Nice Guy

Dear World Traveling Cad - I mean, Nice Guy,
I’ve dated multiple people at once and have made it clear to them that they weren’t the only one, and that worked out fine for me. But I’m a woman and I guess guys will fuck a chick even if she’s not long-term relationship material. I’m guessing that if you were to tell the women you date what was up in the same manner I did, you probably wouldn’t get laid as much, since your date might be turned off at the thought of you doing it with some other woman in Paris next week.

How about asking them what their current status is first? See if they are looking for something long term, or if they are just keeping it casual for now until the meet the Right One? More women today are not settling on the first guy that comes along and are empowered to do exactly what you are doing.

This will give you more information about where they are coming from and open it up to have a turn yourself in describing your situation. You can say in a sensitive way that you are not committed to anyone at the moment, so you are free to date, and that you will be happy to settle down when you meet the right person. That’s being honest and sounds pretty harmless. There’s nothing wrong with friends with benefits. The key word here is RESPECT.

As for who to tell in your social circle, I’d be open and honest with what you have going on. You never know - your disclosure may open new doors and break down barriers. You might find out your friend is also non-monogamous and has had a crush on you for a while. Or you might find out that your friend is monogamous-minded and accepting of other people’s differences. If your friend freaks out and feels threatened, well, I just don’t see how you sleeping with that girl in Paris changes the way you both agree on politics, movies, and wine. Fuck ‘em. You deserve friends who accept you for who you are.

Send your tricky questions to love [at] thebeautifulkind . com