My Dad’s New Penis
Filed under: Eros - February 18, 2008 @ 6:00 amLast week my dad had an operation. At first he told people it was a hernia operation, but then he decided to come out and tell the true story: he was getting a penile implant. Yep, he was open and honest, just like my tagline. I am so proud of him.
He has had ED (erectile dysfunction, or impotence) for several years now. He tried a pump, viagra, injecting his dick with drugs, all to no avail. Doctors ran tests and ruled out psychological cause. They determined it was physical. What’s more, they discovered he basically had a stroke in his groin.
His doctors offered him three options for correcting the problem: a semi-rigid implant, a two-piece implant, and a three-piece implant. My dad went with the most popular choice these days, the Cadillac of penile implants: the three-piece, shown here.
Here’s how it works: all the spongy erectile tissue in the penis is replaced with two inflatable cylinders. A small pump is positioned in the balls and a reservoir is placed above in the abdomen. The reservoir is filled with saline solution. When the guy wants an erection, he pumps the thing in his balls about 10 times, releasing the saline from the reservoir and filling the cylinders. When he wants it to go down again, he pushes a release button.
I watched the little video he got that explains the whole thing, and was amused to see all the phallic symbols at play as they showed happy men going about their lives with their implants: fishing poles, wood beams, boat oars, erect sails…
I asked how much something like this costs, and my dad told me it’s about $10,000, but Medicare pays 80%. Yep, MEDICARE IS PAYING FOR MOST OF THIS. They consider it more than elective surgery, I guess. Apparently, ED is a medical condition that warrants correcting.
My dad is super excited about his new dick and can’t wait to test it out in about six weeks. He thinks it will be even bigger and better than what he had before the stroke - a Robocock. Right now, though, he’s taking pain meds and heavy duty antibiotics (this is critical - if he gets an infection the whole thing has to be yanked out and he has to go through it all over again) and shielding his tender and swollen crotch from his dogs who keep jumping up on his lap.
OK fellas, let me ask you: if you couldn’t get an erection, would you get a penile implant? Mind you, if you have ED you can still orgasm, you just can’t get it up. Is my dad being vain here? Is it every man’s right to have a woody?
February 18th, 2008 at 7:00 am
Wow, I never knew this type of thing existed! I think it’s great, if my man suffered the same condition, I’d definitely encourage him to get this done. Good luck to your Dad, will he tell you how he gets on with it, or is that ‘too’ much info?
February 18th, 2008 at 7:40 am
Oh he’ll keep me posted, I’m really curious. I don’t understand why so many people are creeped out at the thought of their parent’s sexuality. Or any older people, for that matter. My dad is 68.
February 18th, 2008 at 8:51 am
That’s really cool! Good for your dad. I hope everything works out ok. As for your dad being vain…hell no, the psychological implications of ED would, I imagine, be terrible.
February 18th, 2008 at 9:02 am
Cant speak for others but I sooo hope I die before I get old and my dick stops working and I start pissing and shitting myself!
February 18th, 2008 at 10:01 am
“Doctors ran tests and ruled out psychological cause. They determined it was physical.”
“OK, Mr. TBK is it? My cute nurse is now going to take off all her clothes and get on her knees to beg for your cock to get hard. If your cock stays flaccid, then we’ll have eliminated most of the potential psychological causes of your ED. Please put down the Newsweek and pay attention to this test Mr. TBK, I don’t have all day.”
February 18th, 2008 at 11:24 am
Medicare covers penile implants - yet they don’t cover:
Any wheelchair unless it is strictly for use in the home: If you’re disabled and you want to use it specifically to go to work or to the grocery store, then you pay for it yourself.
Batteries for power wheelchairs: So if you can convince them you need a powerchair in your home so you can get to the bathroom, you have to pay for your own batteries so the chair can move.
Seat cushions: Yes, you might get a decubitus ulcer (that’s a pressure sore that can kill you if not treated), but Medicare’s got to cut corners somewhere, right?
Your first 3 pints of blood if you need a blood transfusion: They’ll pay for the 4th and beyond though.
Hearing aids, most prescription drugs needed outside the hospital, and Insulin injections.
February 18th, 2008 at 12:40 pm
Medicare pays for stuff like this? NICE. A real shocker since old guys write all these bills in congress right? Also, to all the ladies who have recieved numerous cock shots while online dating…yea i guess us guys really value our cocks. I guess I’d get the surgery if I needed it!
February 18th, 2008 at 1:40 pm
I don’t think it’s any different from women who’ve have mastectomies getting implants.
I WILL say, if you men want to prevent this from happening to YOU, go VEGETARIAN. High cholesterol diets lead to blocked arteries, the main cause of impotence (i.e. lack of blood flow to the “main vein”). Funny that some men think it’s unmanly to be vegetarian…but I dunno, bad breath, obesity, and early onset impotence don’t sound very appealing to the average woman
February 18th, 2008 at 5:15 pm
Does Medicare cover birth control?
February 18th, 2008 at 6:17 pm
If you purchase the prescription drug plan you are entitled to birth control coverage as you would with any other prescription medication. No Medicare plan covers the morning after pill, though.
Since penile implants cost $10,000 and a low-end power wheelchair costs about the same, Medicare is basically choosing to give some guy the ability to fuck while denying someone else the ability to get out of the house.
February 18th, 2008 at 6:23 pm
I see both of those things as quality of life issues and think both should be covered by Medicare, but if I had to pick which one would get priority, guess which one I would pick?
Now I’m thinking of my friend who had spina bifida and was paralyzed from the waist down since birth and was in a wheelchair and could not get an erection. I guess Medicare would cover a penile implant for him, but not his wheelchair.
February 18th, 2008 at 10:14 pm
I wonder what the official rationale is for the wheelchair decision, cuz that’s seriously fucked up. I do agree that ed is a quality of life issue, but I have to confess to not being able to muster up much sympathy about it. I have no problem with anyone taking steps to alleviate the problem, but it interests me that Medicare pays for such a big chunk of it.
February 19th, 2008 at 12:57 am
my only question is: does he feel everything - or is this like ladies with breast implants and no feeling in their tits and nipples?
February 19th, 2008 at 4:56 pm
That is cool except for the fact that the pump is in your balls. Pumping your balls just sounds painful. Why don’t they make wireless remote or something????
February 20th, 2008 at 12:17 pm
Then you’d have to have something electronic in your abdomen. Plus what if you lost your remote and the kids found it?
February 20th, 2008 at 11:35 pm
Jesus Tap-Dancing CHRIST. You’ve got to be kidding me. I’d rather watch “Pearl Harbor” on endless loop than have this surgery.
August 23rd, 2008 at 1:26 pm
I would do the same as your dad did also. But I also understand you have have it enlarged to 12″ also, I would have that done also. I’m 10″ now, but a couple more inches never hurts to have