The Beautiful Kind

Dear Slut,
Sorry to say that I’m a long-time lurker. My wife and I have been in a sexual black hole recently. We have a six month old baby who has effectively eliminated every bit of spontaneity from our lives.

My wife wishes she were more sexual, and has agreed to make more of an effort. She suggested getting some porn, but neither one of us care much for traditional porn (fake boobs and high heels not working for us). I know there are some great websites out there with amateurs, but we haven’t been able to find DVDs that we can watch in our bedroom. Is there any good, commercially available porn out there?

In a tangential related question, how is it possible that every Okkervil River album is better than their last when each album seems so perfect? I still can’t decide if I like “Unless it Kicks” or “John Allyn Smith Sails” better. “No Key, No Plan” is still probably my favorite, though.
Dad With Great Musical Taste

Dear Hip Dad,
You had me at Okkervil River.

Just so you know, your black hole is temporary. I was horny during my pregnancy, but then things took a drastic turn as soon as she was born. For a year or two I was exhausted, in pain, physically fucked up. We’re talking cunt rippage/stitches. I had to heal from my war wounds, and having a baby around did NOT facilitate the process. Breastfeeding also killed my sex drive.

I was sad - I thought that was the way it was going to be from now on. It took a while, but I finally got out of that stage and am now fully recovered and hornier than ever. You can expect to put your sex life on hold for up to three years total when you add a kid to your life. (Yes, there was that swinger couple I knew that would put their 8 month old to bed and then have another couple over for some grown up fun, and yes the wife was in awesome shape, but they are mutant freaks and that is not the norm.)

Those stupid parenting magazines will tell you to set aside an evening a week to go out on a date, and while that is nice, it’s not enough. A weekend in some romantic setting would be a good start, but inevitably the time away is tainted by you missing the kid and feeling guilty for enjoying yourself. Do it anyway.

Until your black hole period ends, you need to figure out ways to cope. So the porn idea is great (props to your wife for being cool!), and I think my readers will be able to point you in the right direction. I know what you mean about gross porn with all the fake boobs and stuff. How about this site?

And I’m sure you’ve heard this before but it really does turn a woman on to find that a mess she was about to clean up at the end of the day has already been done, like a sink full of dishes or a basket of laundry.

Don’t be such a baby. Send your kinky queries to love [at] thebeautifulkind . com