The Beautiful Kind

This week we feature a computer/comic book geek in North Carolina.

Name: Bill, Male, 32
Do you want to fuck men, women, or both: Women
Last time you got laid: September of 2006. The time before that was June of 2005, which was my first time. (Yes, at age 30… *sigh*.)
Where do you live? Morrisville, NC (A suburb of Raleigh/Durham)
Your living arrangement: I live alone in an apartment.
Job situation: I work full time at a university doing computer support. Most days I don’t hate it, but I don’t love it. I would feel the same about most any job, though, because I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. I also just started working part time in a computer store at a local mall, 12-ish hours a week.
Fashion sense: Most often cargo pants or jeans with a solid color button-down shirt with the tail out and the sleeves rolled up to just below my elbows. I have a goatee that I keep trimmed well. I’m a pretty clean cut guy.
Do you floss regularly? No, but I chew sugar-free gum after most meals and brush my teeth daily.
Do you drink? Rarely. And these days I have a prescription that says not to (Effexor, which is its own story). I’ve been drunk twice in my whole life, both times were last year. I don’t like beer and I’m not too interested in acquiring the taste. So no, I’m pretty much not a drinker.
Addicted to anything? No, but if I miss my Effexor for more than about 4 days I don’t feel too hot.
Hobbies: Photography, blogging, going out to the movies, watching TV, web surfing, reading, reading comic books. (Yeah, I’m fairly geeky, but I’m OK with it. However, you’d never catch me in a costume on any day but Halloween.)
Do you exercise regularly? Not these days. Fell off the wagon. I’m a bigger guy. Think Drew Carey or Kevin James.
Places you hang out: I don’t really. If I’m with friends we usually eat out or catch a movie, or hang out at one another’s house. If I’m hanging out alone, I usually do it at home. I know that’s a big problem right there, but I
don’t know where I’d go to meet the kind of women I’d want to meet. I’m not into bars or clubs.
Do you have many close friends of your own gender? A few (5 or 6). Most of them are getting married and all that kind of stuff these days.
How many people (of your target gender) do you currently know that you would like to fuck? What are the obstacles with each one (why aren’t you fucking them?) “Emily” - married, lives 1000 miles away, out of my league but she said she’d do me. “CY” - just out of a 10-year bad marriage, dislikes the idea of sex or marriage or dating, also not very pretty. “JH” - best friend’s wife. “HM” - coworker; married and pregnant. “CD” - coworker: she knows I’m interested, and I think I’d have a shot except that she’s sticking with her current boyfriend despite the fact that their relationship is going nowhere
What do you like to eat? Meat and potatoes, but I’m flexible. Chinese, Mexican, Italian, whatever.
What kind of porn do you like? Amateur or “real” porn. I like to see couples fucking who are really in a relationship, or when you know the woman is really enjoying it, and not faking for the camera. I like to see the woman’s face. I like intensity, when everybody is really into it. Also, blowjobs.
What’s your fetish? What turns you on? I like flirting, stimulating a woman’s mind (and mine in return). I like women who I could take home to mom but then are “freaks in bed.” Getting a woman to drop her inhibitions. Erotic photography. Knowing that my partner is turned on and having a great time. Also, blowjobs.
Are you dom or sub (do you like taking charge or following orders? If rope was involved in sex, would you be tied up or do the tying?) I’m a bit shy at first, but once I get warmed up I like to take charge. I’d do the tying.
On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate yourself when it comes to physical appearance (1 is hideous, 10 is model)? 6. I’m overweight, but I think I’m fairly handsome. I’d go to 7-7.5 if I lost some weight.
Using that same scale, what’s the minimum number you expect your partner to be? 5-6.
One word to describe your voice: Friendly.
Last place you went on vacation: I went on a weekend beach trip last year. My last “true” vacation was to Orlando, Florida when I graduated from college in 1998. We picked that because my roommate had never been to Disney World.
Financial situation (broke, paying the bills, flush, loaded): Paying the bills. I was a victim of the dotcom crash a few years back and was unemployed for a stretch, so I’ve got more debt than I’d like.
Your thoughts on breeding: I’d like kids someday. I think one boy and one girl would be ideal. I would date someone who had kids only if I worked into it or fell into it somehow. I generally disqualify single moms if they’re “sight unseen,” like on a dating website.
Religion: Vanilla Christian. Not a big fan of organized religion because I think they’re too intolerant, but I do believe in God. I don’t go to church, though.
Charity you would give money to: Whatever was least annoying and nagged me the least. Something local.
Political affiliation: I vote Republican, but since I’m pro-choice, not a Bible-thumper, and have no problem with gay marriage, most Republicans would spit on me (but probably so would most Democrats, too). I’d call myself a moderate in most respects. I’m a big “let’s agree to disagree, live and let live” kinda guy.
Movies you have loved: Ghostbusters, Gladiator, Love Actually (what?), Gross Pointe Blank, Groundhog Day, Contact, Dark City, Serenity, Toys, Fletch, The Usual Suspects, American Beauty, Snatch, Lost In Translation, Fight Club.
Person you respect/admire: Mike Rowe, the host of Dirty Jobs on The Discovery Channel.
Past relationship history (how many serious relationships have you had, are you divorced, how many times have you been in love): Maybe two serious relationships. My latest was dating a woman for about 5 months at the beginning of this year, but we drifted about due to mutual lack of interest. I’ve been in love once, with the woman from my first serious relationship at age 18.
Any physical issues: As I mentioned earlier, I’m overweight. And a bit “fuzzy.”
Weird habit: I’m mildly OCD. So I guess counting strokes when I brush my teeth, cleaning my glasses all the time, keeping lists of things, etc.

The Beautiful Kind’s verdict: Bill, it’s good that you got that virginity thing out of the way. It’s obvious you are a “fixer” - you see a problem and you do something about it. There are soo many people out there who feel like something is “broken” in their life and they can’t make the move towards seeking therapy, and you have - major points for you. (You get 10 points off for not flossing though. )

One appearance suggestion: in the pic you sent me you have a flat top hairstyle. Since you have such a square jaw/strong face, I would grow your hair out just a little on top to soften your look up. You have great hair and if it’s a little longer, women will feel the urge to touch it. Also, black is a good color for you, but make sure you add some extra color to your wardrobe - royal jewel tones would be good - blue, burgundy, purple. Good for you for not tucking your shirt in.

If Effexor has slowed down your libido, that may be slowing you down on the dating front, though it may also be taking the horny edge off of things, making it easier for you to focus on other things. Effexor may be a good thing for you to have when you are in a relationship, since it puts you at about the average woman’s sex drive (you’re getting off every few days as opposed to 2-3 times a day.) If it seems to be interfering, you might want to talk to your doctors about switching meds or adding something else that will counter Effexor’s side effects.

But I’m getting ahead of myself here. You’re also a romantic and a nice guy, two things that don’t need to change. Practice your interpersonal skills on your co-worker - I don’t think you’re necessarily going to end up with her, but she’s nice and available and safe. Try things like complimenting her, eye contact, asking her questions, subtle flirting, but never make a pass at her, that will cross the line. Who knows, though, if you treat her the way most women like to be treated (most dudes take women for granted) she might jump you in the stock room.

Pick a dating site you like and put an ad back up. It doesn’t hurt to have it sitting there, and when you’re in the mood, contact some women, even if you think they’re too pretty for you. Keep your message to them brief, and add something personal that you noticed on their profile (such as, “Hi Sandra, I noticed that you liked the movie Love Actually - I do too, would you believe I’ve seen it three times?”) Finally, for your health, take walks around the mall on your breaks - exercise is a mood elevator in itself. And keep your eyes open - you never know who you might see next. You deserve a real life romantic comedy, my friend.

Hey, it’s not funny - why aren’t you getting laid? Request a questionnaire and I’ll tell you. love [at] thebeautifulkind . com