Why Am I Not Getting Laid? Summer
Filed under: Why Am I Not Getting Laid? - December 19, 2007 @ 8:03 amThis week we feature a woman from Memphis, Tennessee. Let’s take a look at the info she supplied.
Name: Summer, Female, 34
Do you want to fuck men, women, or both: Either, but for the moment leaning more toward men
Last time you got laid: Friday, January 26, 2007 - sad, but true
Your living arrangement: I live alone.
Job situation: Office job at a non-profit doing everything from database management to creating e-newsletters and lots, lots more. It’s a good place to work, but the job itself is starting to lose its appeal. Also, it’s becoming even more high-profile and politically influenced than what I originally signed on for. I’m a work-quietly-alone-behind-the-scenes kind of girl.
Fashion sense: Skirts or dresses - usually long but sometimes very short; I hate buttons, zippers, and other such detailing. I like simple, well-made clothes and bright colors paired with black. I like soft, knit fabrics with a nice drape. Shoes are either high (4-inch heels) or completely flat; rarely anything in between. For overall style, think subtle sexy librarian. I also get a lot of people who tell me that I look like I’m an artsy person, which I guess I am.
Grooming habits: Bubble bath or at least shower every day except on the odd weekend or off day when I do absolutely nothing and go nowhere. I don’t like cologne or perfume, but my soap and body lotion are both lightly scented. I occasionally spritz on some natural, light body spray.
Do you floss regularly? Every night
Do you drink? No
Do you smoke? No
Do you have pets? One dog
Hobbies: Reading, writing, bellydancing, drawing, crafty stuff, cooking, eating, lounging, researching various occult topics, just being.
Do you exercise regularly? Semi-regularly; I dance most days, but not always what you would call a strenuous workout.
Places you hang out: Home; although I attend various entertainment events or go to places for a specific purpose, I don’t really hang out anywhere.
Do you have many close friends of your own gender? One close friend; several close acquaintances (for lack of a better term)
Do you have many close friends of the opposite gender? No
How many people (of your target gender) do you currently know that you would like to fuck? What are the obstacles with each one (why aren’t you fucking them?)? There’s no one around right now who really interests me except possibly one older gentleman that I sort of know through work - he’s very attractive and intelligent, and I’d totally hit it if he indicated any interest (and if he is unattached - no wife or serious girlfriend/boyfriend), but, of course, he is one of the business acquaintances who *hasn’t* propositioned me.
What do you like to eat? I love all Asian food, particularly Chinese. I also eat a lot of pasta.
What kind of porn do you like? Man-on-man action, preferably threesomes, gangbangs, or orgies
Are you dom or sub (do you like taking charge or following orders? If rope was involved in sex, would you be tied up or do the tying?) Sexually, sub
On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate yourself when it comes to physical appearance (1 is hideous, 10 is model)? 7 or 8
Using that same scale, what’s the minimum number you expect your partner to be? 7 or 8
One word to describe your voice: Pleasant
Last place you went on vacation: Vermont & Montreal
Financial situation: Currently just paying the bills, will soon be flush once I knock out my car loan (early)
Your thoughts on breeding: I have never had any desire whatsoever to have children. I’d prefer someone who is also child-free, but wouldn’t necessarily mind if the person had kids.
Religion: None; I believe in everything (I’ve studied a lot of different religions and spiritual beliefs; there are more similarities than differences) but think organized religion does more harm than good.
Charity you would give money to: I donate to my local humane society, library, and food bank. I occasionally give to national animal organizations - especially if they promote veganism - and also make one-time donations to organizations like UNICEF or the Red Cross for natural disaster relief.
Music you listen to: Mostly bellydance music these days; I love 70s disco, but I can honestly say that I like something in all music categories
Books: I’ll read damned near anything, but my favorite authors (the ones whose every work I buy and read) are Margaret Atwood, Anne Rice, Joan Hess, Sue Grafton, Simon Brett, Victoria Moran, and Judith Martin (Miss Manners). I have eclectic reading tastes, but I especially like mystery novels, sci-fi/fantasy novels, and anything to do with the occult or mythology.
Restaurant you like: Local, family-owned Asian place that has a variety of vegan dishes and will make anything on the menu vegetarian
Favorite holiday: My birthday; also Halloween
Person you respect/admire: All of the women in my family
Past relationship history: Only two relationships that I would consider serious, neither very long-lived; never been married; not sure that I’ve ever made it to the in love stage
Weird habit: To hear most people tell it, everything I do is weird
The Beautiful Kind’s verdict: Fuck if I know! Summer, you have a wide variety of interests, you’re gorgeous, you have awesome taste in porn, all your ducks are in a row…To be honest with you, I have a huge crush on you (you cook creative vegan food, you belly dance, you read a lot, and you’re dazzlingly quirky). Too bad I’m not a handsome, sexy older man in town to court you, but if you ever want to meet up in Memphis and eat some good veg food, ROAD TRIP!
Have you tried online dating sites? You live in a big city. It doesn’t sound like you get out much or have many close friends, but you do belong to some groups and are socially active. Have you considered joining a group that would have more men? Have you looked in to Memphis Meetups? I just joined an international group - lots of bilingual hotties there. A book group would be HOT, if you could find one that has men. Does your dance troupe perform out and about? Any man who sees you dancing will be instantly smitten. Oh and you read up on the occult - why don’t you put a voodoo spell on that business acquaintance you mentioned? 
Good luck and I hope you keep in touch. And keep in mind that if you don’t get laid by Jan 26, 2008, you get your virgin status back.
Why aren’t you getting laid? Request a questionnaire and I’ll tell you. love [at] thebeautifulkind . com
December 19th, 2007 at 9:41 am
I think that she needs to losen up
Seems to me that she’ll reject almost every guy who approaches her because she’s self-centric and doesn’t like people invading into her territory. She’s high demanding and will rarely go with an adventure unless she’s pushed into it.
My advice to her is to be more open-minded about meeting new people. It’s not a rule that men should approach women first, especially in these days. She shouldn’t be so scared of intimacy and should be ready to compromise. She should leave the books alone for awhile and get more in touch with the community flow - movies, people of the day, tv shows if you like. Everything that can be a good conversation point just for the chit-chat.
Ofcourse, I could be completely wrong…
December 19th, 2007 at 10:08 am
Having recently lost my revirgin status, I came to the realization that the reason I wasn’t getting laid was because I waiting for the sex to come to me and wasn’t really trying to get laid.
People tend to find me incredibly odd due to my interests and I’ve always been a bit of a loner so I value my personal space, but I never have trouble getting sex when I actually try and put the effort into it myself. Apparently I never realized that my weird interests, my bookworming habits and my space issues make it incredibly difficult for people to approach me. A lot of women have told me they really didn’t think I’d be the kind of slut that I am and are always surprised when I throw the kink on them.
I think Summer has a similar problem. If people find everything she does weird…perhaps they also find her very unapproachable? Maybe her interests are so incredibly different from the interests of the typical Tennessee “GO VOLS!!” male that most of them just don’t know where to even start when attempting to chat her up.
And that 7-8 stuff is a no-no. If you want to date the guy…you don’t settle for anything less than what you want. But if you want to get fucked…lower those standards a bit. A guy with 5-6 looks could just as easily rock your world as a Brad Pitt type. That’s not to say you have to jump in bed with someone you’re not attracted to at all, but I’ve learned that someone who is a tad below your looks standards is usually capable of making up for it in other areas so that you are still incredibly turned on by them.
December 19th, 2007 at 12:24 pm
Floyd, Can you continue by elaborating on exactly what you do when you “actually try and put the effort into it?” How do you make others see that you ARE approachable? How long does it take to get a nibble?
December 19th, 2007 at 12:25 pm
You menfolk came to the rescue! I dropped the ball by not addressing the “too high of standards” or “limiting options too much” attitude that can interfere with good opportunity. For instance, years ago when I was house shopping I had all these requirements for the house I wanted to buy - it had to have a double garage, an arched front doorway, large bedrooms, and a fireplace… and then I met the cute little house I ended up buying, and the only thing it had out of that list was the fireplace. AND it had great stuff that wasn’t even on the list like hardwood floors and a cute old lady next door neighbor who baked cookies.
December 19th, 2007 at 1:40 pm
It’s time for Summer to take the tao approach and stop looking to get laid and just be happy as to her re-virgin status. Accept life as it is right now; accept it with open arms.
Once she’s done that, she’ll get all the cock and pussy she can handle. But, if she keeps looking and thinking about it and harping on it, she’ll never get laid again…
December 19th, 2007 at 4:59 pm
There’s a world of difference between fucking and making love, perhaps you are wanting loving fucking and not just fucking? In that case you are looking for more elements than ‘is he stiff’ - you are looking for relationship signals and all you are getting is fuck signals.
December 20th, 2007 at 6:52 am
Strahil: I had to laugh while reading your response because so much of it was dead on. First, let me say that I am much more open and willing to give people a chance than I might seem from my questionnaire responses. Also, I am not afraid of adventure. I generally surprise people by what I am willing to do or try. However, I have to admit that the charges of being “self-centric” and of not liking people invading my territory are probably right. I don’t think that I’m demanding, though. At least, it doesn’t feel that way to me. Also, I do have a lot (probably too much) of that general popular knowledge for chit chat purposes. The problem is that I don’t like to chit chat.
Floyd: Yes, do please elaborate on what you do when you actually put effort into trying to get laid. As you all have guessed, I am introverted by nature and it is too easy for me to stay in my own little world, apparently. I don’t really know what to do about the being unapproachable thing, since (in my own mind, at least) I think that I’m pretty approachable. I will generally talk to anyone and I am never mean to anyone, even if I’m not interested. I hear what you’re saying about lowering my looks standards, but I think that’s going to be the toughest suggestion for me to take. I’m such a visual person, and I admit that I’m not turned on by too many people. Also, I am definitely turned *off* by people who are not reasonably intelligent, no matter how they look. Memphis may be a big city, but many of the people here have small minds (although, I have to say, they are bascially good people).
Simon Winky: I think my problem right now may be that I am *too* happy with my current status. Lol!
bomber: I’m not sure that I want a relationship per se, but maybe those are the signals that I’m giving out?
December 23rd, 2007 at 9:32 am
TBeauK and Summer: I have never dated men so I’m not so sure my strategies would necessarily work the same way, but here are some examples of things I’ve when attempting to find someone for a “play” date. They’re kinda similar in ways, but different in others. They work for me, but that doesn’t necessarily mean I have any idea what the hell I’m talking about or that these methods will work for you:
*Chit Chat: I fucking loathe chit chat, but it is a necessary evil. You just gotta know how to steer the conversation in a way that leads to talk about sex. They talk about movies or books, you ask their opinion of some of the more erotic mainstream films or books out there. Big bonus if they’re unfamiliar with the film or book because you get to summarize it and talk about how it may or may not arouse you. Or better yet…you get to invite them over for a viewing in which they might get incredibly aroused themselves. The film Secretary has gotten me laid more than once and a recent loan of my Sleeping Beauty Trilogy (Anne Rice) to a female led to conversations that aroused her interests in me and now I have a new fuck buddy. If you pay attention you can turn almost any conversation into one of a sexual nature.
*C Your Way In: A while back at a bar Girl A was having a conversation with Girl B about how like her Ipod went like kaput and she would like have to buy another soon because like she soooo couldn’t live without it. I kinda interrupted and asked “Have either of you ladies ever heard of the Idildo?” I got an odd look, but eventually a reply of “The what???” followed and led to my explaining the Idildo and a discussion of different types of music that would blow one’s mind with an Idildo. If these were the type of women that weren’t into sex toys…I would have looked like a fool, but you have to take those chances. Interrupting is only rude if you have nothing interesting to say.
*Mmmm, that smell: I’m always amazed how easily people will allow you to invade their personal space to get a whiff of their perfume or cologne. DKNY “Be Delicious” and Victoria’s Secret “Secret Garden” are two scents I know by heart because both arouse the fuck out of me. If a woman is wearing one of those I’ll ask “Is that *blank* you’re wearing?” and go on to tell them how much I love that scent. Adjectives such as delicious, arousing, yummy, enticing, stimulating and any others that give that person the impression you’re turned on by the way they smell are a big help. If you’ve got the scrote to do so you can avoid beating around the bush by simply saying something like “If I wore that stuff I wouldn’t be able to keep my hands off myself.” or “You smell so good I could lick you from head to toe!” About as frat boy cliche as it gets, but you’ve let them know you’re aroused by the way they smell. I’ve had female coworkers, who were not interested in me in the least, go out and buy expensive perfume simply because I went on to another female coworker about how arousing it was on them and they hoped to get similar results from males that they were interested in. From a guy viewpoint, I find it incredibly sexy and an incredible turn on when a woman asks about my cologne and goes in close to my neck area for a smell.
*Closer To Home, Closer To The Bone: I’m not a moron, but I’m not as computer savvy as I’d like to be. A few times I’ve invited people over to take a look at my laptop when it was fucked beyond my own scope of knowledge. A couple times these people were female and before the day was over…we were in bed. You’re home is your castle and you are King/Queen. You get someone on your turf and they are a bit at your mercy. If they are there to do something you are unable to do…not only have you complimented them by trusting their knowledge in the matter, but you have given them a bit of power over you and power can be a huge turn on. Not to mention you are in your comfort zone and that comfort could give you the confidence you need to flirt with that cute guy from work whereas you are a bit too shy to do so at work. A leaky pipe, new surround sound system or other electronics, computer problems, blown fuse, heavy furniture that needs moving…all of these are perfect excuses to get the opposite sex into your home so that you can make your move.
I’m sure I could think of a few more, but I seem to have gotten myself a bit worked up thinking about this stuff and my other brain needs some attention. Hope these are of some help to you.
December 24th, 2007 at 9:03 am
Holy crap Floyd, why don’t YOU have a blog?! At the least, this comment needs to be featured as a guest post. At the most, you should write a book and have a cool version of the Playboy mansion.
December 24th, 2007 at 9:58 am
Holy Crap is right! Great suggestions.
December 25th, 2007 at 2:17 pm
Floyd: You really do need to write a book! Thanks for the awesome tips; these are the kinds of things that I could actually do. I’ll let ya know how they work out.