Abortion Humor
Filed under: Heebie Jeebies - December 11, 2007 @ 6:31 amNaturally I have my boo-hoo moments when it comes to terminating my pregnancy, as I’ve got the raging hormones and all, but for the most part after the initial shock weekend, my guy and I have been dealing with it the way we often deal with serious life issues (such as the death of his wife) - we joke about it - the darker, the better. We find the outrageousness therapeutic.
In the comments section last week, Bobbo the Clown suggested that we keep the fetus and make it do barrel rolls and use it as an anal dildo. That might have come off as wildly inappropriate to you, but I for one saw the humor in his way of thinking and found it fitting, given the absurdity of the situation.
“Fetuses” are kind of funny the way “penises” are funny (not sure of the plurals on these). Here is a knit fetus coin purse:
And here are fetus pins:
I thought it would be nice to make a little fetus necklace. I hear it’s about the size of a kidney bean right now. Ask the doctor to save it and I could shellac it and put it on a chain. That way it could always be close to my heart. Furthermore, it would be fun to mass produce them, and give them each a name and story. I could always use fetal models from a pro-life store:
but geez they’re expensive. It’d be WAY too much work to keep producing them with real sperm and egg, though we could set up a lab I suppose. I guess I can make my own out of clay (”oh fetus fetus fetus, I made it out of clay“).
Anyway, I keep thinking of fetuses named Joanie and Stan and so on. Here are a couple examples:
Tiffany was conceived during “break up” sex. Her father left for college to major in chemistry and her mother will stay in town and attend a community college. That is, unless she drops out!
Barney was the product of a drunken act of indiscretion on a pool table after closing time at the bar. His father is the bar owner and his mother is already two states away in Indiana. Go, Hoosier baby!
Proceeds from the sale of the necklaces could go towards opening up another clinic here in Missouri.
So yeah, that’s what I’ve been sitting around thinking. Some of my friends think I’m nuts.
December 11th, 2007 at 10:52 am
Sweetheart,
You fuckin ROCK!
December 11th, 2007 at 3:18 pm
Only some of them, huh? You might be nuts, but you are also funny. LOL
And being “normal” - or whatever the opposite of nuts is nowadays - is way overrated anyway. And black humor is the best sort in any case.
December 11th, 2007 at 4:32 pm
They vacuum it out, don’t they? So perhaps you could spread the mush into a locket and press a dried beetle onto it before varnishing over it to keep it classy.
December 12th, 2007 at 12:25 pm
how about: ‘tammy’s mom didn’t want to take the chance that the father was her brother and she sure didn’t want a retard.’
December 12th, 2007 at 11:58 pm
Cindy-the-fetus’ Mommy couldn’t handle the confusion of having HER father be THE father. Cindy would have been her Mommy’s Brother. Cindy’s children wouldn’t have know whether Cindy’s Mommy was their Grandmother or their Aunt–and both answers would have been correct. Easier to Abort.
P.S. “Hoosier Babies Rock!”
December 14th, 2007 at 8:28 am
I believe that the plural of penis is penes or penises. I like “penes” for the plural. “Penes from heaven”. No idea what the pronounciation would be, but I’m obviously thinking it’s pennies. As for bronzed abortions…well, considering there’s a pretty big niche market for those gothy dead children dolls, I think bronzed abortions would be a big hit. If you don’t copyright it quick, you’ll be kicking yourself. It could be the dark twin to the cabbage patch dolls for the new millenium. Especially if not only does everyone of them come with a back story, but adoption papers, and to adopt them, you can’t just buy them outright, but pay a fee each year, that increases every year for 18 years. And no refunds or returns.