The Beautiful Kind

Dear Slut,
The other day one of my co-workers and I were discussing sex toys (we obviously haven’t had to watch any sensitivity training videos yet) and she asked naively, “What is the big deal with glass dildos?”

I’m by no means the world’s expert on such devices, but thanks to TBK, I feel adequately educated on such matters. I proceeded to explain that they can be chilled or heated to satisfy the desires of the user, AND they’re dishwasher safe! Why WOULDN’T a woman want one?

She further asked if those were the only advantages, and I knew that she should ask someone with more knowledge on the subject. I showed her your web site and suggested she send the question to TBK, the expert. I explained she would get a great answer and may even get to see a picture of a useful glassware assortment. My coworker was nervous to send her question, however, so I offered to ask on her behalf. In your opinion, what are the advantages and disadvantages to glass dildos or other glass devices for masturbation?
- Glass Messenger

Dear Glass,
Oh my dear, you’ve brought up a topic that is near and dear to my heart (er, cunt) and I am absolutely delighted to fill you in. This is one of those instances where I wish I wrote poetry in order to properly pay tribute to beautiful glass sex toys. Alas, my humble and simple words will have to do. As part of my research in answering this question, I lovingly assembled my own perfect 10 for a group photo (it’s my new desktop pic):

It’s hard to tell in these pics, but some have flowers embedded in their bowled end, or a butterfly etching, or subtle swirls of color and all the mystery and allure of a crystal ball.

Glass dildos can easily cost $329, but don’t let that freak you out. You can get perfectly good ones for $30 if you shop around (I pointed out a good store on my sex toy box post, but here it is again, along with a few other good shops - Glass Fantasy, Spicy Gear, XXX Glass, Blowfish.) I swear browsing these sites make me DROOL, they are so breathtakingly gorgeous.

And holding one in your hand is like holding a magician’s staff - the heft and smooth coolness is so impressive. And you know how a hard man is good to find? Well, you can’t get any harder than these beauties. And the ridges, bumps, contours on them are pronounced enough that even pussies who can’t read braille will appreciate. Of course, they aren’t much use for women who don’t like penetration. They should just stick to vibrators.

Blowfish has a nice page on caring for your lifelong friend (they don’t degrade like rubber toys):

You want to be extra-careful with glass toys, especially when they’re all lubed up — the smoothness and slickness is part of the point, but these suckers are slippery, and they’re triple-slippery when they’re wet. So keep them well away from hard surfaces — if you’re going to have that passionate scene in the back alley behind your apartment or on the cement floor of your office warehouse, use a different dildo. With glass toys, stick to the bed, or at least a well-carpeted floor. And when you’re storing your glass dildo, it’s a very good idea to wrap it in a soft cloth or bag, to avoid bumps and bruises in the bedside drawer.

I use socks for the ones that didn’t come with a padded pouch. SIGH, now I want to call in sick and stay in bed and shove glass in my pussy all day.

Want me to stick it to you? Send questions to love [at] thebeautifulkind . com